TTCAL 9/13

holly321

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be?

holly321

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
MMC in 2/12 MMC 8/17, possible molar pregnancy.

Status:
Benched, and now who knows for how long

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
The doctor told me this morning they suspect I had a molar pregnancy and are waiting for more pathology, but we won't know until next week, so I am not doing too well.  But, it good news, the state wine festival is this weekend so I plan to drink a lot of wine.
Any testing coming up/any recent results?
I am getting HCG today and will again in a week.
GTKY: If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be?
probably Bohemian Rhapsody.  There are so many moods, it is like it is more than one song.

MrsBunz

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. MC March 2017

Status: WTO CD 3

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? AF was short and I think it was because I didn't have a  thick endometrial lining. I had an US done to check for an ovarian cyst and my endometrial stripe was only 7 mm (it should normally be 8-16 mm). I guess I'd rather not be PG a cycle then get PG and MC because of a thin endometrial lining. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Recheck of 3 cm hemorrhagic cyst on left ovary in 5 weeks 

GTKY: If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be? I don't have one? Maybe "Hard to Concentrate" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers because it was our wedding song and always makes me smile. 

@holly321 I'm sorry for your loss, waiting for hcg to fall was not my favorite, it sucked. Sorry

holly321

@MrsBunz, I love that song!
Have you had issues in the past with your lining?

MrsBunz

@holly321 not anything officially diagnosed. After my MC I only bled for 3 days and my OB told me at my follow up, she wouldn't be surprised if I had a thin lining that contributed to the MC. I have had several US for cysts in the last 6 months, and my lining has always been around 10mm (so normal). I think this may have been a fluke, and I O'd early last month. 

catlady1215

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
loss sept 2016 and dec 2016

Status: tww 6dpo

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
at the beginning of this cycle I had all this hope for this cycle. I don't know why.. and I have no reason to believe I'm out.. but I don't feel positive. I guess that's probably a good way to feel so I don't have a bit let down? I'm just getting anxious. we've been at this for so long now that I'm over it and ready for good news.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?
i'll be trying super hard not to test this weekend. I've turned into an early tester.. I guess I like to torture myself.

GTKY: If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be?
wow, I really have no idea? that's a good question though!

@holly321 I'm so sorry to hear that. fingers crossed the rest of the testing comes back negative. I had a similar scare with my 2nd loss. a week after the d&c my dr called that she had concerns about a molar cause of something with the placenta? and she'd know more when the pathology results come back. and then she went out of the country for 2 weeks! so I had to wait awhole month to know for sure.
drink so much wine this weekend!!

@mrsbunz glad you could kind of find a positive with a new cycle starting (regarding lining). although I really hate even saying that cause.. obviously, it sucks.

kindbytealikat

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
MC 8/29/17 (no dx but based of what US tech said and my reasearch sounds like blighted ovum)

Status: Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
I'm doing pretty well this week. My fall morning activities have started up again this week and I've made a conscious effort to make play dates the other mornings. Being back into normal routine is helping immensely as is seeing friends I haven't seen since before everything happened. Physically my body is screwy with things not related to the Mc(or at least I don't think) and I'm kinda getting tired of it. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results?
Nothing until the 27th. Found out over the weekend that appointment timing sucks because DHs Atlanta trip this week got moved to that week so he won't be around for moral support

kindbytealikat

The bump ate the bottom of my post.

@holly321 Enjoy the wine festival and hopefully your HCG will soon be down so you don't have to keep testing/waiting 
@MrsBunz hopefully you'll get clarity from your appointment 
@catlady1215 sorry this cycle doesn't feel great

What's the timing on HCG decreasing with early MC? My follow up will be one month post procedure, since the sac was empty they can't say when it stopped progressing but I was 7.3 when the dx the MC, will it be expected to be at zero yet?

catlady1215

@kindbytealikat I can't remember my numbers exactly. But my first loss was early and my numbers dropped fast. I think I was negative at about 1.5 weeks afterwards. hopefully yours do also!

ChloandCoco

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. First mc June 2017 (dx blighted ovum) and second mc August 2017 (dx chemical pregnancy)

Status: tww

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Things are going ok this week. DH keeps trying to make plans for what we should do during my mat leave (I'm in Canada), and I ended up getting really mad at him because there's no guarantee we won't lose the next one either.  I think he's finally at the point where he really wants a baby, but I've lost that excitement and am now terrified. I guess today is a bad ttcal day.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? HPTs

GTKY: If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be? The main song from Swan Lake.

@holly321 I'm sorry for your loss and the news you got today. I really hope your doctor is wrong.
@mrsbunz When I started bleeding before my cp, I had an ultrasound and the technician said that my lining was mild, which I think caused my cp.
@catlady1215 I've turned into an early tester too, and if you can, you should wait. It's not worth feeling this way.
@kindbytealikat It's great that you are back in a routine and it's helping your mood. Keeping busy is always good. I put all my beta numbers from my losses in the spoiler, but just remember that it's different for everyone. 

Blighted Ovum (dx at 6.5 weeks)

June 5 - 54,000

June 19 - 193

June 26 - 34

July 4 - 8 (close enough to 5, so this was my last draw)

CP (dx at 4.5 weeks)

August 15 - 132

August 17 - 124

August 24 - 0

dpjennifer

Status: Benched. WTO. CD 8.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Despite feeling better the last few months and still doing ok, I feel bitchy as shyte lately. I'm so sick of being on the bench. I'm so sick of being on this path. And I mostly just hate people. I just keep reminding myself that I'll be on vacation in a few weeks, and hopefully that will help me relax. Plus when I'm back I'm just going to insist on the test and trying again.

GTKY: If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be? John Williams soundtrack score. Probably to Jurassic Park.

holly321 Sorry. FX for pathology reports saying it was a MMC and not molar. I lived with the fear my first was some sort of molar for a week and it was an awful and scary feeling!

catlady1215 Sorry it’s taking you a while, but hopefully your next PG will be successful. The wait is awful!

kindbytealikat  I’ve never seen an HCG number in the triple digits, as all of my MCs I had betas for were early. But, they all dropped very quickly. So it depends on how high your numbers were to start with, how far along you were, and how quickly your body gets rid of the PG.

ChloandCoco Sorry for the bad TTCAL day. 

zamoraspin

@holly321 I'm sorry about the possible molar. I hope that the path report shows it wasn't a molar and your hCG goes down quickly. I'm glad you have some things to look forward to. 
@MrsBunz I hope the cyst goes away soon. I'm sorry your lining wasn't quite thick enough this month,I hope it was a fluke. 
@catlady1215  I'm sorry you've been at this so long and that you are feeling out this cycle. Sometimes I test earlier than I should as kind of a "practice" and that way I let myself down gently, like, oh, it's negative, but it's too soon to be positive.
@kindbytealikat It's good you've found some things to distract you. I hope you feel physically better soon. On hCG my first loss was similar timing to yours and I had a follow-up about 2.5 weeks after I took cytotec. They just did a urine test but it was negative. I think it goes down pretty fast in most cases but it does depend on how high it was to start. It's hard having all of those hormones flooding out, take care of yourself. 
@ChloandCoco I'm sorry for the bad ttcal day. I know for me after two I am pessimistic about the next one working out. I think sometimes our partners try to make us feel better but end up making us feel more lonely by accident. 

Introduce yourself: Trying for first, mmc mid-June, CP in August. 

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Things are going ok. We had our first consult with the RE yesterday afternoon. I really liked our dr, she was very thorough. She ordered a whole slew of tests right off the bat (we've had no testing yet) including karyotype for me and MH and a bunch of hormonal tests. I liked that the RE gave me a plan for what to do next time a I get ku -- she told me to start baby aspirin right away and progesterone suppositories if I get ku, and then when/if I do I will go in for frequent monitoring. She is optimistic because I have been getting ku, but also was realistic and said sometimes there is no detectable reason for RPL and that some women just "need more chances," i.e., I may have more mc's if they don't find something fixable. That is sad to hear but not unexpected, and also helps me to manage my expectations. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I had 17 vials of blood drawn yesterday and have an appt to go in for more bw next week/around CD3, the following week will be saline sonogram, and then we will reconvene in a couple of weeks to go over the test results. Idk when my initial results will be ready, but they do have a patient portal. 

GTKY: If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be? Ah! That is really hard. I would be really sad to be stuck with one song, I keep thinking of HIMYM, that episode where Marshall has that car that only plays "I'm Gonna Be" over and over. Maybe something from Phantom of the Opera? Then again I might want something more upbeat... Hmm...

zamoraspin

@dpjennifer I'm sorry you are so frustrated, having to wait and wait would be my nightmare. Sounds like it's the right decision for you to push to do the test when you get back from your vacay and move forward. I hope you get some good relaxing and fun in on your vacation. 

ChloandCoco

@dpjennifer I'm sorry you are so frustrated with being benched. Anyone dealing with what you have gone through would feel the exact same way. It's a good idea to have a plan set up for when you come back from your vacation. Where are you going?
@zamora_spin It sounds like you had a great appointment with your RE and she is on the ball! My OB told me the same thing that sometimes the tests come back and there's nothing wrong, it's just sh*tty luck. 

dpjennifer

zamora_spin Thanks. Yeah... we have a plan. I just am ready to try again. We know that if we have another loss or two, we'll probably decide to be childless-not-by-choice. So, I really just want to know what my future holds and close this chapter of my life, one way or another.

ChloandCoco We're going to the Food and Wine Festival in Disney World.  So, I'm going to eat tons of great food and drink lots of wine. Super excited! And we definitely have a plan set... I just can't deal with waiting any longer for this weight loss thing...

courtyowl427

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. One loss, 9/13, technically still losing. Went for first ultrasound on monday at 9w3d, no fetus just a sak/yolk. Have been going for hcg all week and confirmed loss yesterday. Also starting bleeding last night. 

Status:

How are things going? 
Im ok considering the shittyness of the situation. Took the rest of the week off from work to grieve and deal with things. I feel like my bleeding and cramping is lighter then expected. But I guess considering it never developed past 5-6 weeks there is not much there? Bummed to see some names from the April BMB here with me...

Any testing coming up/any recent results? 
Seeing ob today to talk about what's next. Hoping everything goes natuarally and can ttc again after next period

GTKY: If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be? 
Tough question as I change my taste in music so frequently. How about Warren G "Regulators"

ChloandCoco

@courtyowl427 I'm so sorry you find yourself here, I was in the April BMB too. I hope you get the green light from your OB today to try again next cycle. And it's good you are taking the rest of the week off to grieve.

holly321

@catlady1215, I feel like I always feel the way your feel this cycle on the ones I am actually pregnant, so FX it is the same thing for you.

@ChloandCoco, I am sorry about how you are feeling with your DH planning maternity leave stuff.  But I totally get it.  I correct anyone when they say "when" statements, they are "if's."

@dpjennifer , how long are you benched?

@courtyowl427  I am sorry for your loss.



AFM, I had to see my OB today, because I am bleeding a ridiculous amount still  Yesterday was his partner, and he had no idea about the possible molar.
He is super hopeful it is not molar, since a fetal pole had formed. He said that doesn't make it impossible, just really unlikely.  But I had another HCG draw, and will get another Monday.  I had an ultrasound, which showed a ridiculous amount of clots, so apparently the bleeding is here to stay awhile, but fortunately no retained tissue.

dpjennifer

holly321  le sigh. For Life. No, not really, it just feels that way. Well, I was supposed to lose like 21 lbs before the last test they want to do. I've lost 10 of it. I've been benched since March (when I had my 4th MC). So 6 months so far. And before that 4th MC, I was benched between the 3rd and 4th MCs for 3 months. I just feel like I'm wasting my life away. So after vacation, despite what my weight may or may not be, I'm going to try to demand the test. I just need to get off the bench, try again, and see what my life ends up being. I can't do this shyte indefinitely. 

zamoraspin

@dpjennifer I hope you do not get to the place of "childless-not-by-choice," but I totally understand that there is a limit to the suffering you can endure. 
@courtyowl427 I'm so sorry for your loss. It is a gut wrenching process and it is good you are taking some time off to heal. You will probably continue to feel very raw for a while. We say this a lot to each other here, but grief is not linear. You will have times that you feel better, and then worse again, and that is all very normal. TW With my first loss I only bled a little at first and the dr couldn't tell me when it would complete so I ended up taking Cytotec because waiting for it to end was too hard on me. Hopefully your dr will give you a plan when you go in today. end TW.

kindbytealikat

@courtyowl427 I'm sorry you find your yourself here, I was in April as well.

@holly321 I hope your bleeding chills out soon.

@ChloandCoco so many hugs that's so hard

courtyowl427

@holly321 @ChloandCoco @kindbytealikat I recognized your names from April BMB. Thanks for your kind words.

OB recommended d&c based on my blighted ovum and moderate spotting at 10 weeks. I know this isn't for everyone but she knows me and wants me to be able to move on and continue to ttc as quickly as possible and thinks this is my best chance. 

I work in the operating where the practice delivers and does procedures so it complicates things for me. They are using an alias and getting me at 6:30a and out as quickly as possible to preserve privacy. I know everyone will know anyway, but at least they're trying. I feel really supported actually. It's an interesting place be, I guess.

BurlapandLace

I intro'd over on the intro thread earlier today, so I hope it's ok to jump in here 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. Last month/cycle was out first cycle TFAS. When TTC, I test of cheap tests and usually wait until I turn a cheapie before I use the more expensive FRERs and digital tests. Anyways. I tested at 11dpo on a cheapie and it was negative so I thought we were out. My LP is always 12 days long, so I expected my period to start that Wednesday morning. Wednesday morning (13dpo) I woke up to no period, which was very odd for me. But the test has been negative so I thought I would just start in a couple of hours. Then my son woke up from his nap that afternoon and immediately exclaimed "momma! Kiss your belly" out of nowhere. Ok? Super odd. So I tested on a cheapie again- still negative. But my period was officially late, so I tested on a FRER and got a positive. Then a positive on another FRER, but then the digi was negative. Figured that was just because it was afternoon/diluted pee. So the next morning (Thursday - 14dpo) I temped and my temp was still high, so I tested again and turned another FRER positive, as well as a digi - cheapie was still negative. I announced to my husband that evening. My doctor set up an appointment per their protocol for a confirmation of pregnancy on Friday (15dpo) early afternoon. That pee test came back negative. So I pushed for a blood draw. The next morning (Saturday - 16dpo) my temp plummeted and I started bleeding. Monday I got my blood draw results back from Friday and they were 8.8. 

Status: WTO 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I have always had short cycles and ovulate between day 10 and day 12. I am currently on CD9 and have fertile CM and turned an OPK this morning, along with a temp dip, so ovulation is impending. I'm in a weird spot though. We decided that we wanted to try to move forward and try again right away after our loss. I definitely want to try again, but I don't feel like we have completely mentally processed the loss yet - We just got the call from the doctor will the blood test results on Monday (6 days ago) I just stopped bleeding on Wednesday (4 days ago) and now it looks like my body is ready to ovulate tomorrow. So while I am excited to try again, it is a weird spot to be in. I also know that now moving forward, TTC is going to have an added level of stress and anxiety for us, so that is likely part of why this all feels odd right now. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Just waiting for O crosshairs to confirm my suspected ovulation of tomorrow. 

zamoraspin

@BurlapandLace Welcome. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope your stay here is short. Ultimately only you can decide if you're ready to try again right away - if you need to take a break to process, that's understandable, and if you're ready to dive in, that's understandable too. Just do what feels right to you. A lot of us have experienced some weirdness (like false surges) in the first post-loss cycle, so it's good you're temping as well, because it is also possible your body is trying to O but won't succeed right away. Then again, you might have a totally normal cycle. Bodies are weird!