Sleepovers with Grandma(s)

MeridethKimble

Looking for some advice: Recently, both of my children's grandmothers have moved into town. Before this spring, they were plane-flights away. We visited, they visited, always staying in each others' homes. Now that they are here, they are  up the road, in their own places.

Both have started to ask about having kids stay over. I have a 2.5-year-old and a 7-month old. It seems the invitations have only been extended to the older child (for now). I've deferred mostly, saying the kids are not old enough, not ready, etc. But the grandmas keep pressing. I know their requests arise from their love for my kids, and I am so grateful they are here.

Is 2.5 too young? I can say I don't think my oldest is ready, but I am afraid my judgment is clouded by my own, maybe irrational, fear. I trust both grandmas and know they would care for kids. I have fond memories of staying with my grandparents, but not until I was 4 or so.

Am I being overly cautious? When did you/would you start to allow sleep-aways at Grandma's house? What cues did you rely on to determine when a kid was ready?

Mack2342

I have only one DS he's 2 and has slept at my moms since he was 2 months old.   I live 4 hours from my mom and once or twice a year we drop DS off to my mom for the night so we can have a night out.  DS does great and loves being there.  My DHs mom lives in our town so he doesn't spend much time there because it just makes more sense for her to come to our house so he can sleep in his own bed.  I don't think there is necessarily a right age, I just think you do what feels right for you and your children.  I will say that my son is now starting to ask to go to his grandma's house here but mainly because she has been telling him every time she is around him that he should come over because she has a lot of toys. He frequently asks about both grandmas.  We also travel to my moms as a family monthly so I think that has helped DS to feel comfortable being there without us for a night. 

KaLikeAWind

One of my friends had her daughter within a few days after I had my son. And pretty much from the beginning they have had their daughter stay overnight at her in laws house once a week. Our kids are two and a half now and this has been going on since the girl was 6m or even younger (I don't remember exactly). Her and her husband use these nights for date nights, etc. They are now expecting their second child and the arrangement is going to continue, probably once their second child is not waking up multiple times a night. 

I'm super jealous of this arrangement. 

My vote is that unless you think the grandparents in question are incapable of caring for your children at all, you should take advantage of their offer and try it, at least a few times.

mayapple44

I completely understand your hesitation. My DD is 2 and I am just not ready!

iceandsnowflakes29

IMO the 7 month old is too young. Grandparents can sometimes have antiquated opinions on child care that are now deemed not safe (sleeping practices, feeding practices, car seat beliefs, etc) my mother keeps asking when my 2 year old can ride in a booster seat! 

My oldest stayed with my MIL when I was having #2. He was 3 at the time. I was comfortable with that. 

Alternatively, start with a long day and work your way up to over night's. 

alinic916

For us, we let DD stay at my mom's house when she was 1.5.  We went away for 2 nights.  She did great.  Since then, she's stayed over there a handful of times with no issues.  I think your kid would probably be fine, especially if they're comfortable with where they're staying.  Meaning comfortable with the grandparent they're staying with and familiar with the house.  Sleeping through the night was a big deal for us too, there's no way I would've let he sleep over there when she was a baby because she didn't sleep through the night and didn't want someone else comforting her through the night.

ABombard12

So I think this is hard... and all about how you feel about it and what you know about how your child is with the grandparents, sleeping patterns, etc.  For example, my girlfriend felt her son couldn't sleep anywhere else but home and she had ot put him to bed, etc. bc she knew him best and that bedtime was sooo hard for her she didn't want others to do it and deal with it. he didn't stay over until she was going into labor with her second and he was 2. That being said, my son slept over at my MIL when he was 9 months old... he had been babysat by her plenty of times and before he slept over night he had taken plenty of naps in the crib she had for him there so I knew he was semi-comfortable in the space and she agreed to rock him like I do and a bottle (I was still breastfeeding him to sleep at this point too). Honestly, I was more a wreck than he was! At that age he slept a long time at her house for her!! I was so nervous and for nothing   He has also slept at my sisters house - that's a little different she knows I sometimes cosleep and this is the place I prefer because he sees her more often and we are very similar in parenting.  I actually still to this day am a wreck when he sleeps over other places (hasn't as we only do it when necessary i.e. weddings or births etc). He is now 2 and he will be staying at my MIL next weekend and he sleeps through the night ha but I am still nervous! but I know he has fun as per all the pictures... but I do also know he asks for me but he is safe and he isn't crying all night (they have video monitor I can tie into ). Still always hard to leave overnight. I just keep telling myself too...I remember sleeping over at my grandmas and it was the BEST... 

emmaknits

My MIL lived 1 mile from us, and while my husband was deployed at the beginning of the year I would let him stay over once a month. My son was 2 at the time. He usually went closer to dinner time and she brought him back before nap the next day. Our first time away from him over night was just before his second birthday (it was hard to let go of that control!). But he did just fine and even slept longer for her than he did for me usually!

nackie

My parent live half an hour from us and DS slept over for the first time without us when he was 20 months.  We started having sleepovers with both me and him staying over when he was 4 or 5 months old.
My parents didn't want him to stay over on his own until he was sleeping through the night regularly.

Jessie42613

DD is 2y3m, and she has slept over at my mother's house several times.  If you don't want your children to sleep over at their grandparents' houses, then don't let them, but your older child is certainly old enough.  The 7m old.. perhaps not, especially if you're nursing.

You might be surprised at just how awesome it is to have your older child away for one night - and they might LOVE it.