Circumcision

Jmedeiros24

Let's  hear the good, the bad, and the ugly. I'm on the fence about circumcision but my hubby said it's a must do. I just feel bad about hurting the little guy. Thoughts?

KatieEl

I haven't circumcised any of my sons and we won't be doing it this time either.

tdevlindrye

We won't be circumcising our boy. I did some research and here's the main information I found on the subject:

Circumcision was popularized in America in the late 1800's in order to discourage men from masturbating. It makes sexual pleasure less intense and so therefore makes the urge to masturbate less. It's a similar procedure anatomically to removing the tip of a female's clitoris. Here's a link for more info on that:

https://www.whale.to/a/circumcision1.html

Also, the medical benefits are generally not supported scientifically. Here's some information about that:

https://www.intactamerica.org/learnmore

Personally, I was already leaning towards not circumcising, but decided to primarily leave it up to my husband. He felt strongly about not circumcising so it worked out for us and wasn't much of a conversation. Had he wanted to circumcise, I would have done more research and tried to convince him to not do it. 

I've had 10 sexual partners and have known what it meant to be circumcised since I learned about sex. But I was with my husband for a year before I EVEN KNEW he was not circumcised. One day I said something about how he was circumcised and he responded that he wasn't circumcised. I was like "Ummm...yes you are, dude." He had to convince me that he was in fact not circumcised. Point is, even knowing the difference I wasn't able to tell. Also, nowadays only about half of babies are getting circumcised and it's becoming normalized not to do it. For both reasons, it shouldn't be a problem for any girls he's with later on in life. 

The last and final aspect that I took into consideration was that if I had him circumcised as a baby, it's a procedure that can never be reversed. If I decided to not get him circumcised he could at least get it done later in life if he ended up hating the fact he wasn't circumcised. I've heard it's more painful as an adult, but it's tolerable and at least it would be his decision. My father had the procedure done later on in life and was fine. 

Ultimately, it's up to you guys and what you feel comfortable with. Just make sure you do all the research and then make the decision you feel is right. 

egirl1025

My DS is not circumsised and I have zero regrets.  The new little guy will not be either.  Even if I was on the fence prior to going to the birthing classes where they covered what the procedure entailed the after pictures were more than enough to solidify.  From everything I have read, there is no definitive proof that one is better than the other, so my thought is why even go there.  Plus it is one less thing to worry about when you are extremely sleep deprived.  

tdevlindrye

@Jmedeiros24 Curious - why does your husband feel you should circumcise?

libbberty

My DH is not circumcised but has mentioned at various points that he wish he was, or at least wondered what it would be like. I told him that if we have a boy, it's his call. He's still deciding. That said, I'd lean towards not circumcising for the reasons @caeilievalor noted, if I chose. I have to say, I also didn't know he wasn't circumcised until well into our relationship. It completely changed how I feel about circumcision, realizing that it wasn't so obvious to potential sexual partners.

Also interesting. my pediatrician BFF says that looking back, she wished she hadn't circumcised her sons and wouldn't if she had another. She said that although it's a very standard procedure, it is painful and she can't help but draw comparisons to female circumcision since there is really no medical rationale for it. To each their own, but I found it interesting and worth sharing!

caseyw8784

So far I'm the odd man out/unpopular opinion, but we will be circumcising our boy twin. We are Jewish and we both (mainly DH) feel strongly about continuing the tradition. I had previously done a lot of research a few years ago (before meeting DH, when I was curious as to the pros/cons/etc about it) and I understand both sides of the debate, but like PP said, there isn't much proof that one is better than the other. I've had previous partners who were both cut and uncut, and yes, it was different, but honestly didn't matter to me. There are always accidents/infections that can happen, but that also can be said for almost everything in life. 

It's such a personal decision. Do the research, determine what, if anything, about it you feel strongly about that would sway your opinion either way, and trust your gut and what you feel is right. 

burnsmommy27

Personally I'm happy that I don't have to make this decision. I would be doing Uber amounts of research if I was having a boy this time. 

Good luck @Jmedeiros24. Do your homework and make the decision that is right for you and your family.

tdevlindrye

@caseyw8784 Religious reasons are just about the only reason I would consider doing it now that I've done the research. Neither DH or I have religious beliefs that cover the subject of circumcision, but I feel strongly about respecting religious beliefs in general and would definitely be considering it if my religion had something to say about it. 

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gilsam1

I've seen circumcisions performed in the hospital (on infants), and they didn't cry, so I'm assuming it didn't bother them too much (if you assume no crying = no discomfort, but there's no way to know for sure), but you need to make sure it's done correctly to prevent pain. The ones i saw they gave the baby a sugar pop and/or some local lidocaine, which blocks pain response.   Of course there can be complications with any medical procedure, but there can also be medical emergencies for uncircumcised men as well which could require circumcision as an adult which I've heard is very painful. So i guess you could consider it preventative in that respect. Both DH and i agree we'll do the circumcision if baby is a boy, but I can understand both sides of the argument. I think it helps with my decision that I've actually seen circumcisions performed, otherwise I might feel differently. I'm pretty sure it's a thing Catholics are supposed to do too.

907_baby

We chose circumcision for DS (he is now 7 y.o.). I told my husband that he had final say. He is circumcised too, but had a close friend who was not. Guys talk, DH never had the bacterial concerns, or funky smells that his friend had. He also is very sensitive to sexual pleasure. It worked for us, and DS has no memory of any pain, or any difference. 

Like most parenting decisions, everyone has an opinion about this. In the end, you have to do what is right for your son. It's good to look at the pros/cons, and get other insight. But ultimately, other people's opinions shouldn't matter (in ANY parenting choice).

mashuga5775

My husband and I also are circumcising our son. Typically at the hospital they apply local pain relief and there are not pain issues. Since we are having ours preformed at home a pediatrician advised to apply lidocaine 45 minutes before the mohel comes. On my non Jewish side, I've had two relatives that have had to have a circumcision later in life. One as a preteen, one in his 40s. One of them nearly lost part of his pens because the skin lost its ability to stretch and the blood could not circulate. Complications from keeping your forskin are common, but aren't as rare as you'd think. Having seen what it was like for them I could never not circumcise. But you really need to do research on your own. Talk to family members, talk to a pediatrician, maybe even talk to the hospital if you want it done there. Don't make your choice based of strangers on the internet.

mashuga5775

*aren't common 

Jmedeiros24

@caeilievalor he says because he is circumcised he wants the baby to be too. Most people we know in our area choose circumcision and I think he is afraid of when he grows up being embarrassed in the locker room or bedroom for being different. I personally am only worried about cleanliness but it seems a little barbaric. I've had partners who were not cut and didn't have a problem with it. I won't even pierce my daughter's ears unless she asks for it because I don't want to cause unnecessary pain so it seems contradictory ..

williams-jen

I'm in the circumcision boat. DH and I had one conversation about it - he was pro-circumcision and so am I because of cleanliness and tradition. 

missblaze

If I were having a boy, we would not be circumcising him. I just don't see any reason (outside of religion). I think the sensitivity issue is variable; I have known men who have been very upset about being circumcised (including my cousin) because he has much less sensitivity around the scar tissue. My nephew was circumcised and had complications from the procedure, so there's that too. There is no actual medical reason to circumcise, it is more aesthetic (or religious-based). I've never run into cleanliness/odor issues with a partner (I've dated a few uncircumcised men), and they have said that they just keep it clean (makes sense to me).

PhillymommaX2

We are circumcising. DH is, and literally every male in both of our families is as well. It's also the norm in our area. I never thought to not circumcise. I've actually never even seen a non circumcised penis. 

sbishop426

DS is circumcised as will this baby boy. My husband is as well. I hadn't given it much thought other than my husband is, I think most men are, why not. I didn't realize so many were opting out of this procedure lately.

I volunteer in my church's nursery occasionally and there's one mom in particular who wants to be texted during the service if her son's diaper needs to be changed since he's uncircumcised and she prefers to change him. I guess she's afraid we won't clean him up correctly 

missblaze

@sbishop426 I think more and more people are going the uncircumcised route for the reasons explained in prior posts. While it's extremely common in the US, it's much less common in other countries.

babymakes9

Both of my ds's were circumsized at home by mohels. I watched the procedure,  it is very quick. 1 cried the other did not. I was way more upset then either of them were.  The crying was akin to a cry after getting shots.   This lo will be circumsized in the hospital.  Anyone know what the main differences are between a hospital procedure and an at home one?

auntieraindrop

DH was a preemie, and his circumcision was not done well. He has a big (visible) ring of scar tissue, decreased sensitivity, and sometimes pain. We think his circumcision issues are part of why we had infertility problems (he's not having complete orgasms because of pain.) 

We will NOT be circumcising. 

ryannenikole

We will be circumcising as well. I left the final say to DH because out of the two of us he's the one with firsthand experience, but my sister is a nurse and pointed out to me that if I had ever had to deal with an uncircumcised elderly man who couldn't care for himself and hadn't for a long time, there would be zero question in my mind. 

karacc18

we circumcised DS and didn't think twice about it. DH is circumcised and so is every man in both our families. It is the norm here as well. I did read research and anecdotes when I was pregnant the first time, and this was the best decision for our family. 

Cricket99

First of all can I just give all of you ladies  a round of applause for presenting facts and opinions without going nuts like I've seen many other boards do? 

That being said, DH and I did a lot of research and came to the decision to not circumcise DS. We didn't have a religious reason to do so and didn't see it as a medically necessary procedure. We read through so much information and came to the decision of what was best for our family. We got a lot of weird looks and questions from family, but ultimately have been very happy with our decision. It's very easy to clean and we are going to do our best to teach DS proper hygiene, as well as teaching the little girl currently baking about proper hygiene. No yeast infections for anyone in this house! 

lmmjd

ryannenikole  I literally could have written your post, with the exception that my nurse is my mom.

As with others, I can see both sides of the argument.

whitta1015

My response would be the same as @PhillymommaX2
I am not having a boy, but if I were, we would be circumcising. Honestly, it was never really a question for me. DH is circumcised, as well as everyone else in our families. I guess it's also just the norm around here. I've also never been with anyone that wasn't.
I can definitely see both sides, though!  

supercoolstephy

We circumcised DS, DH didn't have an opinion one way or the other so I decided we would do it. I'll be honest, I didn't do the research though, so I didn't weigh out the pros or cons. That probably makes me a bad mom, but I really went with what I was familiar with, especially since I had to make the decision. He didn't have any problems during or after his circumcision and has been a happy little man and wont know any different.

Dani0329

We have had lots of conversations about this and don't think a firm decision has been reached. DH does not want to, I do. I wasn't sure at first but based on things I've seen in the hospital and stories from MIL at a urology office and the research, I am pretty positive I want to have it done. 

I've had DH read through the research once and he's more willing to consider it but we have agreed to continue to research and reconvene on the issue.

darkrose88

DH and I hadn't actually talked circumcision until last night. Based on what I've read, I'm leaning towards not circumcising (no medical benefits, potential complications, etc). DH is pro-circumcision because he is worried DS will be judged for not circumcising, plus it is standard practice. We agreed this is a topic we need to discuss more as this is an important decision.  

auntieraindrop

My doctor said she will do the procedure but she prefers not to as she considers it medically unnecessary.

ecolton01

I left it up to DH , and he wants to circumcise our twin boys . We never really spoke about it again . I think he wants them to look like him for educational purposes down the road . Luckily I have never personally had a bad experience with it related to nephews etc. there is not a right or wrong choice just what suits your family in my opinion 

[Deleted User]

I am still doing some research, but DH really would like to have it done. He never was and wishes he had been, and his reasons for wanting it for the baby seem legitimate to me.

I do appreciate how respectful everyone is being of everyone else's opinions. Nobody should feel ashamed or guilty of making the decision for or against because whatever you decide, it's what's right for your family. 

cyanope

Oh man, this has been a topic of HOT debate in our household. DH and I have been together for 13 years, and I have always told him that I do not want to circumcise our potential, future sons. My dad WAS circumcised, but my one brother WAS NOT because my parents made the decision not to (for all of the reasons stated before...not medically necessary, etc.). So, I grew up in a household where circumcision was not looked on too fondly. Then, I started dating DH, and he is ADAMANTLY in support of circumcision. We have always kind of avoided the debate, but now we're here, having a son...so a decision has to be made. Here's where we're at:

1. I'm not totally against circumcision, I just don't think it's necessary. I don't want to circumcise, but I'm not super passionate about it. Little boys can be taught how to properly clean their foreskin. But I have heard the "old man" debate (my sister is also a nurse and has told me horror stories). Additionally, my brother has always told my parents that he hates that they didn't circumcise him. He was the only kid growing up with an uncircumcised penis and he has always been embarrassed by it. But I also know that more and more parents aren't circumcising, so my LO probably wouldn't have this issue as much.
2. DH is PASSIONATELY in support of circumcision. He wants our son to look like him (which is such a ridiculous "manly pride" thing), doesn't want our son to be made fun of (DH's best friend is uncircumcised and all of their guy friends made fun of him for it), and quotes the cleanliness issue. 

So, we're at an impasse. I'm kind of leaning towards the, "well you feel more strongly about it than I do, and you're the one with the penis, so I'll let you decide." But, then again...I don't know if I can let the control go when I don't fully support it. 
Ahhh! Such a long novel to say, we can't make a decision!

Mudge85

We will be doing it.. I remember in HS there was a kid in my class who was not and he was out for a few days to get it done because a lot of people made fun of him. He came back and talked about how horrible it hurt and how much he wished his parents had done it for him as an infant to avoid the embarrassment / pain. That's always stuck with me. Ultimately I have given the decision to my husband and he is for it so.

auntieraindrop

Men are so weird. DH doesn't want to circumcise because of the issues with his own, but he still brought up the "he won't look like me" argument. I told him I think it will be good practice at accepting people who look different than you, and he can start learning early that people (and penises) come in all shapes and sizes and colors and that's ok.  

Editing to add: I didn't have strong feelings about it either way until I started to feel bad about myself when hubby had problems during sex. Even when you know it's not your fault (of COURSE he struggles to keep an erection, it HURTS!) you still feel like you're not good enough when you regularly just aren't getting there. It's a strain in our relationship that's really neither of our faults, and I don't want this baby to ever experience something like that if he doesn't have to. 

Other people's reasons are totally valid, I'm not trying to convince everyone. Mostly I think I'm processing out loud and martialing my arguments as practice for when my parents freak out about this decision.  

EmilyLove25

I am glad to read all of these responses and that this conversation is here. Because I'm ill prepared for life, I just sort of blissfully thought I would never have to think about this (not that I did not want a son, just me being a dumb person overall). However, at my last appointment (23 weeks), I was given the paperwork and had to check if I wanted it done. DH and I had already discussed it and decided we did want it done--really he said he did, and I agreed. Sadly, I think the only driving force for him was that he is and thinks it is normal etc. and doesn't want LO to ever be embarrassed for NOT being circumcised. That's not really a compelling reason! Most men I've been with have been, but one wasn't, and it was NBD. 

So I asked the doctor her opinion. She was very laid back and in no way pushed me one way or the other. However, she did indicate that there are some medical reasons for it and mentioned that they've started the mass circumcision of all ages of men in regions where HIV is more rampant among heterosexuals because studies have shown a significant difference in the contraction rates of HIV and other STDs in circumcised vs. uncircumcised. Now do I expect my son to be having sex with hundreds of women in a country without medical resources and/or his own proper knowledge of how to have safe sex? No... but it did bring up a general issue of "wetness" and moisture in uncircumcised penises that provides bacteria (and apparently viruses like HIV????) a more hospitable place to thrive. 

I don't know. Ugh. All I do know is that when they take him away to do it, I will be a wreck. 

libbberty

cyanope said:

He wants our son to look like him (which is such a ridiculous "manly pride" thing), doesn't want our son to be made fun of (DH's best friend is uncircumcised and all of their guy friends made fun of him for it), and quotes the cleanliness issue. 

Call me crazy, but I actually think there's some benefit to a little boy having equipment that "looks like daddy's". I'm pretty shocked to say that "out loud" because I tend to lean more non-traditional when it comes to sex/gender stuff, but it's definitely an inner voice type of thought that I have. 

As many of you noted, it's nice to know we can all express those types of thoughts in this environment without feeling at risk of being attacked.

If you really start thinking about this, it's a pretty tough choice, when it comes to risks early on vs later. These "you never know for sure" situations sure are a beast.

cyanope

Haha, @libbberty, you sound like DH! But hey, to each their own. I roll my eyes whenever DH cites this reasoning (not that I'm rolling my eyes at you, I promise!), but I guess it's a common thought. I guess I just assumed that it was a "man" thing, but you've proven my assumptions wrong on that front. I've always told DH that DD's "parts" don't look like mine (since I'm not a prepubescent girl), and that DS's won't look like his (since he's not a prepubescent boy). But like I said in my previous post, I'll probably let DH make the ultimate decision since he is so flippin' passionate about it!

libbberty

@cyanope I wouldn't blame you - I'm kind of rolling my eyes at myself. I know it's an antiquated opinion, and also one that totally becomes pointless if you just communicate around it. 

gilsam1

Since @EmilyLove25 brought up the HIV concern with uncircumcised penises, I thought i'd throw out another potential medical complication just in case anyone is doing any research on that. Phimosis (you can research it) is a medical emergency that only occurs in uncircumcised men. The treatment is surgical removal of the foreskin, and can lead to penile amputation if left untreated. According to Medscape, the incidence rate is around 1 in 5 males by the age of 16. That seems pretty high to me, but it's a reputable source so i guess i'll go with it.