A big decision — The Bump
January 2016 Moms

A big decision

Since my daughter started daycare, I have struggled financially. I'm a single mom, and even before I separated from my husband, was footing the bills for everything anyway. Half of my net income goes to daycare and after that and rent, I have around $200 for all other bills, gas, and groceries. I don't qualify for any public assistance. I am literally living in the cheapest apartment I could find that was safe, and it is prorated for my income. 
We love the daycare Birdie attends--she goes in enthusiastically each morning, and comes out happy and exhausted each night. Her vocabulary is off the charts, and she sings tons of songs that I haven't taught her. They've been very understanding when I've had to pay tuition late, but I'm getting to the end of my rope financially--borrowing from Peter to pay Paul.
I received an offer today from one of the moms in my baby wearing group to watch Birdie full time for free. This mom has 7 kids--ranging from 15ish to an infant. She homeschools, and has offered to cover lunch as well, and do preschool homeschool activities with Birdie alongside her son. She is reliable, and while I don't know her well, a very good friend of mine is connected to her through the homeschool circuit, and she said that this person "Is one of the few that I will leave my kids with, and the only one I'll allow in a car with." She also said that the person is more intuitive with children than either of us are, which is high praise. All of her kids love little ones, and she would be treated like a sibling.
I know it's the right move, but my heart is breaking about taking Birdie out of her current daycare. So much turmoil has been happening with my husband's mental illness that I hate to change one more thing, but an extra $700-1000 a month would be huge. Please reassure me that she'll adjust, and that we can stay in contact with our daycare families. I've cried about 20 times this morning over the move, but I know it's going to have to happen now or later--they only serve kids through age 2 at this facility.

Re: A big decision

  • Kids, especially young kids, are so so resilient!  Think of all the positives; you have a friend who knows this person well and trusts her, she home schools so you know that DD will be educated and not just "babysat", that huge financial weight lifted off of your shoulders will make you a much less stressed person and therefore a better mom, DD will make new friends and probably receive more one on one attention, plus its only a few months earlier than the original planned change, and I'm sure there's even more positives!  Stay strong and remember that this change is for the betterment of your family  :)  We mamas tend to over think everything!  
  • I totally get where you're coming from.  We love our daycare even though it's more than our mortgage.  But this new situation sounds good for her and think about how much she'll benefit from having a mom that isn't so stressed about paying the bills and worrying if there's enough money for food.  
    Good luck
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  • I'm so sorry you and your family have been through so much. As much as she loves her daycare, this sounds like just the kind of break you need and deserve, and Birdie will be able to adjust. Please don't be so hard on yourself, this is going to be a great change for all of you guys. You can do it!
  • I'm sorry for all you are going through with a little one... I couldn't imagine having to be that strong myself. I agree with what everyone else said. It isn't like she is just going to be watched by someone, it seems this lady will be teaching her things and she will still be around other children. I wish I could have the same opportunity!! Daycare is so crazy expensive the extra money would be huge to anyone!! Good luck with your decision, I hope it all goes well! 
  • I'm sorry you're going through a rough situation. I totally understand how daycare is financially draining. I didnt put mine in daycare simply for the fact that it didnt make sense for me to. I think toddlers are so flexible that she will 100% adjust. Have you taken her there one day just to see how she enjoys it? I personally would take the lady up on that offer just for the piece of mind that you have some spare money and can relax a bit about finances and enjoy that time you have with her. Don't feel bad! She will be amazing! And you are an amazing mom! The fact that you are stressing about this shows how much you love her, and want her to be happy. 
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