PGAL 8/30

justsuzie

Okay ladies....let's get together and help quell any fears or anxieties we have about prior loss and get excited about future rainbow babies!

1.  Loss History (if you feel comfortable)

2. How far along are you?  EDD?

3.  Symptoms?

4.  How are you feeling PGAL?

5.  GTKY:  What is your best cooking/baking dish?

yesthisiskim0401

1.  Loss History (if you feel comfortable)
DD1 was a twin pregnancy. I lost her twin at about 9-10w gestation, but didn't discover the loss until 12 weeks. The most painful thing I've ever experienced. I was considered high risk and had monthly u/s just to track the disenegration of the other baby, which was complete h*ll.
I had a m/c on Thanksgiving day 2012. 
Also had a m/c while DH sand I were just dating, back in 2007.

2. How far along are you?  EDD?
5w 1d EDD 5/1 - pleeeeease stick baby

3.  Symptoms?
Sore boobs and I keep waking up every two hours at night. RLP is pretty annoying, as well. 
I've had some disappearing symptoms, that has me on alarm. But my tests are staying dark. 

4.  How are you feeling PGAL?
I'm jaded. I will say, since it's been so long since my last pregnancy, I am able to have more joy than nerves for this pregnancy. As weird as this sounds, I have a good feeling about this pregnancy. With my last m/c I had a gut feeling that it wasn't meant to be. 

5.  GTKY:  What is your best cooking/baking dish?
i suck at cooking, so nothing there. I love baking. Cinnamon roll French toast is a Christmas morning fave my entire extended family looks forward to. And for Thanksgiving I send DH to work with mini apple pies that his coworkers always look forward to. 

rachelg777

@yesthisiskim0401 yay for more joy than nerves! I don't think that it sounds weird that you have a good feeling. Momma's intuition is a real thing.

1.  Loss History (if you feel comfortable)
MMC at 11 weeks in June. It was or was most likely a Partial Molar Pregnancy.

2. How far along are you?  EDD?  4w6d, EDD 5/3/18

3.  Symptoms? Nothing too bad! Fatigue, tender boobs, I've also been having a stomach ache every afternoon? Also, I think I might have a corpus luteum cyst.

4.  How are you feeling PGAL? I'm so hopeful and excited but still super cautious, just taking it day by day. I can't wait for my first US. Although I won't really be confident for a while. 

5.  GTKY:  What is your best cooking/baking dish? Best? hmmmm. Buffalo chicken dip or brie dip if sides count. I used to make cream cheese cookie bars all the time. 

3littles3angels

1.  Loss History (if you feel comfortable):
Missed miscarriage at 7 weeks 1.26.17...D&C 2.3.17.
Early loss at 4.5 weeks 4.19.17
Early loss at 5 weeks 7.25.17

2. How far along are you?  EDD?
5w1d and due May 1st

3.  Symptoms?
Really bad nausea and horrible fatigue. Heartburn sucks even with my meds.

4.  How are you feeling PGAL?
Mostly nervous but also feeling guilty cause we havent told the kids I'm pregnant.

5.  GTKY:  What is your best cooking/baking dish?
Chicken enchiladas. Omg I need to make some....sounds so good right now even with my morning sickness lol.

mileswithmyles

1.  Loss History (if you feel comfortable)
Miscarriage at 5w2d in 2013

2. How far along are you?  
EDD? 5w1d, 5/1/2017

3.  Symptoms?
Sore boobs, bloating, fatigue in the evening

4.  How are you feeling PGAL?
I feel nervous.  I wish my appointment was sooner than 9/18 so I could get some reassurance.  In the mean time, I keep looking at my odds of not having a loss and POAS to ease my mind. 

5.  GTKY:  What is your best cooking/baking dish?
Cooking-Zuppa Toscana, Baking- sea salt chocolate chip cookies

rosemaryandthyme

Thank you for starting this thread, @justsuzie !

1.  Loss History (if you feel comfortable)

We lost our son at 18 weeks in early June.  He was diagnosed with Trisomy 18 after his birth.

2. How far along are you?  EDD?

4+2, EDD 5/7....ugh, it feels like such a long way to go!

3.  Symptoms?

Fatigue is pretty much it.  Nausea, etc usually kicks in for me about week 6, so we'll have to wait and see what I'm in for this go round!

4.  How are you feeling PGAL?

I was feeling really good until last night.  Since getting my BFP I've had to wake up once a night to my-bladder-is-about-to-burst pee (I normally don't at all non-pregnant).  I woke up briefly last night around 4am and recognized that I had no need whatsover to pee, and I just all of a sudden had this overwhelming moment of,  "something's wrong, I'm not pregnant anymore".  I'm determined not to read much into it, but that feeling has just stuck with me like a dark cloud all day...kind of like the lingering feeling you get after having a disturbing dream.  So, while up until today I've been peaceful, positive, and hopeful, today I'm just grumpy, pessimistic, and on edge.  "Hi, PGAL brain, how (not) nice to meet you"...

5.  GTKY:  What is your best cooking/baking dish? 

I make really good chili!  Looking forward to Fall so I can make it again!

rachelg777

@3littles3angels chicken enchiladas always sound delicious to me too lol.

@mileswithmyles I hear you, I'm hoping for a quick first few weeks for all of us to put our minds at ease a little.

@rosemaryandthyme I go back and forth between good days and "something's wrong" days too. It's such a bummer. My hubby can't keep up. I'm sure the pee thing was nothing and you will be back to your normal tonight, and hopefully your peacefulness returns!

cups4

Happy to have all the support here. Not ready to type it all out yet, but love tits to everyone and fx for an amazing 9 months!!

trauen812

1.  Loss History (if you feel comfortable)
MMC this past June, found at 9 weeks had to take  
Cytotec a week later. 

2. How far along are you?  EDD?
5 weeks today! EDD 5/2/18! 
Sticky baby please! 

3.  Symptoms?
Some night sweats (so gross and weird) some bloating but that's it so far. Can't wait for more so I can be more reassured! 

4.  How are you feeling PGAL?
Doing my best to stay positive and not dwell on what could happen. Will definitely keep the news quiet for the first 12 weeks, as we told people last time. 

5.  GTKY:  What is your best cooking/baking dish?
my go to dish for parties is usually maple  bacon wrapped Brussel sprouts... fav baking dish is German chocolate cake! Ok now I'm hungry! 

rosemaryandthyme

@rachelg777 Thank you for the encouragement!

@trauen812 Holy moly...those brussells sprouts?  Recipe, please!!

rachelg777

@trauen812 I also had an MMC in June. It's interesting to hear your perspective on telling people. We didn't tell many and retrospectively ended up telling people after. I feel like I want to do the opposite this time. I hadn't told my mom and dad or siblings and close friends yet and I was so sad they weren't able to celebrate with me, just grieve. Unfortunately I had to tell lots of people at work due to the job (as a fellow RN I'm sure you understand!), which was hard. Seeing new people each shift that I had to tell, felt like I was reliving it every day. Anyway yes! Fx crossed for sticky babies!

justsuzie

So happy we have each other....

@yesthisiskim0401 I am drooling at the thought of anything cinnamony sweet.

@rachelg777 I'm in a similar mindset, day by day.  I want to be happy that at this moment right now I AM PREGNANT! You never know what tomorrow will bring.

@3littles3angels How long will you wait before you tell them.  That must be a tough situation. I feel for ya.

@mileswithmyles  I'm sorry your apt is so far off but try to enjoy each day.  I know how hard it is to wonder about what is going on.  I do a lot of pregnancy meditation where you visualize the pregnancy progressing and it does a world of good for me.

@rosemaryandthyme   Hey old friend.  Well, you've been through a whole heck of a lot so it's completely understandable to feel those crazy ridiculous scary thoughts. I hope you are able to have a less intense night tonight.  I too wake up and pee every night and am always on blood alert.  Now it's permeated into my dreams. the worst. 
 
trauen812 we don't plan on telling anyone until the anatomy scan.  (We might tell close family and friends at 12 weeks.) 

1.  Loss History (if you feel comfortable)
CP (uncomfirmed by doctor only by wondfo) 8/16
ectopic @ 6 weeks 9/16 (5 shots of lovely methotrexate)
CP 2/17
MMC 4/17 D&C @ 8-9 weeks

2. How far along are you?  EDD?
5 weeks 2 days

3.  Symptoms?
Not really, sore nipples and a little tired.

4.  How are you feeling PGAL?
Well I went into a panic today because I got a phone call from my DR last night saying that she wanted to do an early US on me just in case....so of course I convince myself I am having another ectopic.  They squeezed me in today at 2:30 for the US.  (I'm a teacher so I had to fake it all day.)  No baby yet but a gestational sac and a tiny yolk sac in the uterus.  First small victory won.  I won't go in again until 8 weeks and I am going to try my hardest not to think the worst. I am on progesterone for some brown spotting but I'm also trying to convince myself that it's not a bad thing.  Maybe baby just implanted really deep and safe!

5.  GTKY:  What is your best cooking/baking dish?
I'm vegan and I make a killer vegan chocolate chip cheesecake. 

rachelg777

@justsuzie I'm so glad your US looked good! Yay!

muminoz

1.  Loss History (if you feel comfortable)
CP at 5w2d in may. It was the first month trying for our 2nd, DS1 conceived first cycle feb 15 so until May I hadn't experienced not getting pregnant when I wanted to be. Ridiculous problem to have, but it knocked me about a bit. 

2. How far along are you?  EDD?
EDD 5/1 and 5w2d today (due to Timezone). Yep, same gestation as my loss, so I think I'll feel better once I get through today. 

3.  Symptoms?
Some pretty brutal nausea, tired, sore boobs, thirsty, it's all hit much earlier than with DS. 

4.  How are you feeling PGAL?
very apprehensive, I don't think I'll feel better until the 2nd tri and I've had scans. 

5.  GTKY:  What is your best cooking/baking dish?
i love to bake, so probably espresso tart or caramel slice. I make a pretty mean beef and broccolini stir fry too. 

Its so great that there is a group of us to share the highs and lows of early pregnancy, it's so stressful and definitely not something I would want to go through alone xx

trauen812

@rosemary&thyme it's so easy!
fresh Brussels sprouts
bacon 
salt &pepper to taste
maple syrup 

cut the sprouts in half
cut the bacon in half slices 
brush the maple syrup on the bacon 
wrap bacon around sprouts 
brush more syrup on top 
salt and pepper 
lay on baking sheet, then pop in the oven at 350 for 25-30 minutes 

yesthisiskim0401

Hugs to everyone here. 
You are all warriors in your own right. 

rosemaryandthyme

@justsuzie Thank you, it's comforting to hear that I'm not alone in my uncomfortable PGAL thoughts.  And YAY for good news at your U/S...I hope the next three weeks fly by for you!

@trauen812  Mmmmmmm, thank you!  I can't wait to make these!

justsuzie

...let me just reaffirm that I HATE that "odds of not having a miscarriage" chart. What most people don't realize is that is only true if your baby is developing normally and without having weekly USs you just don't know.  And, being in that tiniest of tiny percent where the odds did not work in my favor makes me hate it even more.  No hate for the people that find comfort in it but I think it's bad juju for me.  I won't even open it.

rachelg777

@justsuzie ugh yes!! And it seems like more than a few of us have been in that "1-2%". So having a "98%" chance that things will be alright just doesn't equate right for me. And yes you're absolutely right about the US thing, not that I want to point that out. 

rosemaryandthyme

@justsuzie  YES!!!  I freaking hate it!  I thought I might be the only one!  No hate at all toward those that post it...I understand why people find comfort in it, but it is something that makes me feel terrible.  I'm gonna *TW* this because I know it could be upsetting to talk about later term losses, but I had an US in my loss pregnancy at 9 weeks due to some spotting and he looked completely healthy, measured right on track, and had a heart rate of 180.  OB said he looked just "perfect" and quoted me the same damn statistic on the chart for my chances at that point of miscarriage.  9 more weeks later, after hearing healthy heart tones on doppler, and even feeling a week of freaking movement, and my baby was gone.  Because he had a chromosomal abnormality that was incompatible with life...my chance of NOT having a miscarriage or stillbirth was essentially 0% from the moment he was conceived. *End TW*  Statistics mean absolute shit to me, and are super triggering to me because they make me feel like a failure that I couldn't beat those odds and also like I was lied to.  

I'll reiterate that I have zero bad feelings toward those who post it or those who find comfort in it!  It's just not for me!

cups4

@justsuzie @rachelg777 @rosemaryandthyme I hate that freaking chart too!! Glad to know twice I should have been 98% fine....

trauen812

Had my first blood draw today FX everything looks good

justsuzie

@rosemaryandthyme  You should burn that chart!  My first ectopic loss was one of the rarest forms of ectopic like .01% . So, of course I think, if that bullshit happened to me then there's no way something else bad can happen.  Then my most recent loss was a "rare chromosomal anomaly" .3%.  So help me, if anything rare happens to me again I am going to go live in a cave.

@trauen812 Keep us posted. GL

rosemaryandthyme

@justsuzie OMG, a chart burning bonfire for you and me both!

justsuzie

@rosemaryandthyme btw buffy is totally my power animal.  When winter comes I am rewatching.  Every other winter I do My So Called Life, Buffy, or Gilmore Girls.  Need some feel good to get through the dreary months.

CraftyG

@justsuzie oh I love Gilmore girls, it just makes you feel so cosy 

mileswithmyles

Gilmore Girls is one of my all time favorites. It's a comfort show for me. 

FrancisD.

I have joined PGAL boards too many times now.  I have begun to want to avoid it so as not to think about the worst possible outcome, but each time I lose a baby I regret having no one to talk to who understands - so here I am.

When I was 21, I had an abortion because the baby wasn't viable.  That was my first loss.

More than a decade later, I got married, and got pregnant the first time, with twins.  Doctors at a Catholic clinic didn't tell me that they had died until seven weeks later, when I showed up at their ER.  I bled for two months, and they didn't offer me a D&C because they didn't want to 'kill a baby.'  I stopped bleeding for a month, then started again for two weeks before finally writhing in pain on the floor and passing a huge clot.

We tried to conceive for two years after that.  We finally used a fertility clinic and ovulation triggering, resulting in our 9MODD.

Four months after I gave birth, we weren't using protection because we thought I wouldn't be able to conceive naturally.  I conceived, and lost the baby at 8 weeks.  We were so devastated that we wanted to try again immediately.  I bled for weeks, though, so the first time I ovulated again was last month.

Sorry for the novel; I just figured I'd lay it all out there since I'm going all-in with you ladies.

I'm sorry for your losses.  I hope I can earn the support I may need one day.

Good luck to us all!

rosemaryandthyme

@justsuzie Mine, too!  I rewatched Buffy for the third time last winter, and Gilmore Girls for the second time right before that. It was like reconnecting with old best friends!

rosemaryandthyme

@FrancisD. Welcome, and thank you for sharing your story.  I'm sorry that you have been though so much snd I hope you find lots of support in this thread!

justsuzie

@rosemaryandthyme So like can we be soulmates now?

rosemaryandthyme

@justsuzie  I see no other choice!

justsuzie

@rosemaryandthyme

We will ride or die the next 9 months together.  I'm just hoping to get past this first tri uneventfully. 

rosemaryandthyme

@justsuzie  Word.  And I love that gif because if there's anybody that's more my power animal than Buffy...it's Willow.

rachelg777

@justsuzie @rosemaryandthyme wait can I join in on the chart burning!? .001% chance here.

rosemaryandthyme

@rachelg777 Join us!  The bigger the flames, the better!

justsuzie

@rachelg777

justsuzie

@rosemaryandthyme I named my first dog willow.

rosemaryandthyme

@justsuzie So, I'm at DragonCon right now and I've only seen one Willow...ONE! And no Buffys or Spikes!  That's crazy.  But it has made me realize that I have a new life goal to cosplay Dark Willow someday.  Better hit up Hot Topic?

justsuzie

@rosemaryandthyme I've never been to a cosplay even though I am SUPER scyfi and fantasy nerd. I was a big Buffy and Spike fan.  Angel was too tortured.  You must also watch GOT? Stranger Things?  

I'm on "pelvic rest" so I have been watching a lot of t.v. lately.  And it sucks because I am super active.  With my loss history they want me to take it easy. I kind of feel like what's going to or not going to happen is already determined but I am taking their advice anyhow.  I had a US on Wednesday and the brown spotting returned today. I am hoping it is just because of that because it went away for the past 4 days.  I also had really bad motion sickness/nausea yesterday and today I feel fine.  All these things make my pgal brain crazy.

Also, my best friend of forever had her baby right when I had my miscarriage in May (and my EDD of my first loss) and I haven't seen her or the baby since then because it was just to hard being around her because her baby is as old as my first should have been and the miscarriage just totally caused me to retreat.  Well, we have plans to get together next weekend and I am nervous and excited. I want to get to know the baby but we will have to lead up to that.  I'm kind of a super sensitive girl even though I am covered in tattoos and come off as tough.  

Sorry for the novel ladies.  Just hanging out on the couch resting my pelvis.

rachelg777

@justsuzie I can imagine that pelvic rest when you are used to being so active suckss. I'm no doctor but I imagine you are right that it is kind of a precautionary measure and that they may be covering their bases, especially since the US didn't show a hematoma or anything. But, rest that pelvis girl! Try not to feel guilty and watch as much tv as your heart desires. I hope your nausea comes back tomorrow so you can feel better  . Ive yet to feel pukey and ya know I would really like to. Good luck meeting up with your bff! That's tough, but I hope it goes better than you expected. *TW* two days after my d&c I decided to still go on my planned trip to visit my sisters, who both have babies (I was gonna announce my pregnancy). I was nervous to go and while I was there sometimes it was hard. But ultimately I think it helped me and it was actually nice to have some baby time as weird and as hard as the timing may sound. Anyway, I hope that happens for you. /TW.

AFM I just made a giant chocolate chip cookie skillet so I'm gonna partake in that now...