FTM questions for STM+ 8/21

Marley629

@blueskies17 with DS1, I took 4 weeks before my due date off (NJ pays you through short term disability for this and also I had a really long commute so was just done) With this one, I plan on working right up until the day or two before my scheduled c-section.  I was bored out of my mind and driving myself insane being home 4 weeks beforehand.  I may choose to work some of that time from home since my company allows that. 

MJDsquared

I've got a baby shower question. FTMs could totally chime in on this too, this just seemed like a better thread to post this in than symptoms/questions.

So, one of my mom's best friends has a daughter who was invited to and attended our wedding. She babysat my brothers and I when we were little, and she's my hairdresser. Mom's friend is invited to the baby shower. Mom said I should invite the daughter...but I'm hesitant because she does hair so there's a huge chance she'll be working (not working to go to a wedding is a bit different than not working to go to a baby shower).

Anyway, since it's likely she wouldn't be able to go, I feel like sending her an invite would be gift-grabby and I don't want her to feel like she has to get me anything. She's also in her 40s with no kids, and from conversations during my hair appointments I know she is not a kid person, so it's not like she's a mom and loves buying baby stuff or anything.

So--is it more rude to not send her an invite, or to invite her knowing that she may not be able to come and might feel obligated to buy us a gift?

ETA: She didn't attend my bridal shower.

mdcd44127

@MJDsquared That's a good question, I've been wondering the same thing about people who I'd like to invite but who I don't want to feel obligated to get me a gift if they can't make it. (If I even have one--my mom has been flaking a lot lately--it'll be more family-BBQ-style than formal-shower-style, so I'd love for people to stop by if they can.) Like is that something I can specify on the invitation ("if you can't make it, please don't feel obligated to get me a gift")? Or would it be naive to think they wouldn't still feel obligated?

katiegeminimoon

@MJDsquared I would invite her and let her decide if she wants to come rather than assuming she won't want to/can't and potentially hurting her feelings.

YodaIsGreen

@MJDsquared I threw a baby shower for a friend a few years ago and she had a similar dilema. We decided to send an invite to people without putting a link to the registry and the wording of the invite focused on a gathering of friends. People who really wanted to get something would contact her to get a link to the registry. 

failuretofly

@MJDsquared as someone who lives far away from old friends and family, I often get 'left out' of events because people assume I wont want to or cant come. It makes me sad. Send her an invite and let her decide. 

MJDsquared

Thanks ladies! I think what I'm going to do is send one invite to her mom's house, but put both of their names on it. I think that way she won't feel obligated to buy anything, because I'm sure my mom's friend will come and buy a gift and even if both of them came, one gift from both would cover it!

beaandthebabes

I have a question for the experienced and wise mamas of the bump! This pregnancy has been very rough on me. I have been sick the whole time (nausea, vomiting, heartburn, constant indigestion, light headedness, overheating, constipation. I'm like a walking talking pepto commercial), I have dealt with massive bleeds from SCH and mild several day bleeds from placenta previa (which appears to be moving on up to the safe zone slowly but surely. Yay less chance of mandatory c-section!) I feel like death warmed over all the time and it sucks. Any other mamas who have been taken down by the more brutal pregnancy symptoms and lived to tell the tale, what was your next pregnancy like? Are some bodies just really terrible at being pregnant and it is like this every time? Or is there a glimmer of hope that all pregnancies are different and your other pregnancies were less sucky? DH and I talk often about whether or not Victor will have a younger sibling some day and while that is absolutely what I want, I just keep telling him I can't commit to second baby until I've survived first pregnancy. Give me hope beautiful mamas! 

Marley629

@brittabatwhite I'm sorry you are feeling so sick! You described how I'm feeling and still feeling most of the time to a T.  I will say that every pregnancy is different. I did not feel this way with my son. This pregnancy I gained 1.5 pounds total so far. With my son, I gained 60 total so that gives perspective on how crappy I've been feeling this time compared to my first when I was happily eating everything in sight (which I don't recommend haha).  I can't say for certainty your next will be easier or harder, etc but I don't believe just because this one is bad that the next will be too. With that said, I hope you feel better soon! 

beaandthebabes

@Marley629 I'm sorry you're having a tough go of it too. A friend and fellow ftm who had her babe at the beginning of the summer held my hand and told me that it is ok not to be loving pregnancy like I thought I would and that it would take nothing away from the excitement and love I would feel meeting my little boy. That being able to enjoy being pregnant 100% of the time isn't the same as not appreciating the miracle of growing this little angel and being excited to be a mother. I keep hold of that thought.

cait5413

@brittabatwhite I have not had it as rough as you with either of my pregnancies, but I can tell you both pregnancies have been different in terms of symptoms. I had more nausea with DD, more dizziness, round ligament pain, and hip/pelvic pain this time. So far, both of my pregnancies have been relatively easy compared to some people, and I still don't love every minute! Our bodies are amazing, but it doesn't mean every moment of growing a human is fun! So, I'd say next time may be different, but if you decide you just don't want to do it again, that's ok too. I'll also add that a friend who was hospitalized with HG with her first was not as sick with her 2nd. 

GraysonsMama

@brittabatwhite My first pregnancy was bad (hg that last the whole pregnancy), 2nd pregnancy was even worst (I could barely move without throwing up and severe nausea the whole time), but my 3rd pregnancy is so much better. When I found out I was pregnant this time I cried for a week because I just didn't know how I was going to be able to do it physically or emotionally. I'm still on medication to control nausea and vomiting but I can actually go do things like go to dinner and church and I can do my hair which I could not do with my second. Every pregnancy is different. Sometimes it's better and sometimes it's worse. 

YodaIsGreen

When do you start introducing other foods to baby? To make baby food do you just put the food you made for yourself in a blender and purée it for baby? 

cait5413

@yodalsgreen The recommendation is to wait til 6 months old. It used to be that you could start cereal as early as 4 months, but the research now indicates waiting til 6 months is best. At first, you want to start with purees of one food at a time so that you can keep an eye out for allergies (so, just sweet potatoes, just applesauce, etc.). You can definitely make your own in a blender or cuisinart and freeze extra in ice cube trays so you can defrost small amounts. The other approach is baby-led weaning, which doesn't really use purees at all, but you have to prepare yourself for some choking/coughing as they figure out how much food is too much. We started with purees. 

holzie-2

How do you convert weeks to months pregnant?  What are you ladies using to determine how many months you are?  Everything I Google is different!  

elev2017

@holzie-2 I just count 4 weeks as being a month.

mdcd44127

 @holzie-2 I roughly go by this one...

Marley629

@yodalsgreen @cait5413 pretty much said all I would have said. They say that you will know your baby is ready for solids (whether that be BLW or purees) when they are able to sit up mostly unassisted on their own.  You will see some start solids as early as 4 months. I believe DS was a week shy of 6 months when we started him with purees. I am really wanting to do BLW with this LO so we may wait longer before attempting - maybe 7-7.5 months. 

Eta: spelling 

flowerpower5838

I did BLW with DS. It's messy AF but we'll do it again. We started right at 6 months, but only because he met all of the ready requirements. 

Tennis11785

I want to do more research but I really like the idea of BLW. I know a lot of people who have done it and had a great experience. 

GraysonsMama

My second refused baby food so we were kind of forced into blw. She was exclusive breastfed for the first 10 months because she had no interest in food at all. It was a pain. 

tmk0325

I would prefer to do BLW with this one.  We did purees with my boys and just followed their cues when they were ready to advance. We started them at 7 months actual/5 adjusted on purees.  They love food in general and I think would of done really well with BLW had we waited another month or so to meet their adjusted age. They were in this weird stage of being ready for purees, but not quite ready with their pincher grasp for BLW.  

katiegeminimoon

What is the best price per diaper you can usually score?

I wanted to cloth diaper, but it looks like we may not be doing that. I want to start stocking up now to help reduce the cost later and to get the best deals possible! I made a spreadsheet of normal prices per diaper but I am not sure what price per diaper is possible with sales/coupons.

Marley629

@ktcakes87 my suggestion would be to get gift cards instead to use towards diapers when LO is here. Only because your LO may react badly to 1 diaper over another etc.  my son broke out in bad diaper rashes when we tried switching from pampers to huggies so we had to switch back to pampers. We tried huggies again a few weeks later thinking it was a fluke but same thing happened.   And I have heard vice Versa from others.  I'm not saying don't get any diapers etc but to stock pile might not work in your favor.  

katiegeminimoon

@marley629 Don't most store let you exchange unopened packages of diapers?

failuretofly

@ktcakes87 I think only for sizing within the same brand usually?
I try not to buy any that are more than 21-22 cents per diaper... In Canada.

ab920

We did BLW and had a different experience than most moms. Our LO sat up on her own around 6 months, realized how much fun it was to look out at everything, then never wanted to lie down again to eat--that includes taking a bottle and nursing. So, we stopped nursing around then. 

Although it was super emotional ("why doesn't she want to nurse?!"), our doctor said sometimes, with curious babies, it happens.   And to this day, she is still curious! 

elcd458

@ktcakes87  Do you have Pinterest?  I know I saved a few pins a while back with charts of what price per diaper/wipe to strive for.  Most of them are within a cent or two of each other for what they recommend.  Since I don't know what might fit LO best or what she may react to, I've been using those Pins as a guide to stockpile smaller packs of random brands and sizes.

elcd458

Guys, I just thought of a super dumb question. 

OK so, we just bought a PnP yesterday on mega sale, but are thinking about keeping it downstairs for during the day use because then all the baby stuff will be in one place instead of strewn all over the house.  We're still registered for the Bassinest (but who knows if anyone will buy it for us).  So my question is: if you cosleep or use a bassinet instead of something big like a PnP in your room when baby is little bitty, where do you change them?!  Where did you put all the diapers/supplies?!  

flowerpower5838

elcd458 I kept a small stash of diapers and wipes in my nightstand and changed on our bed. There were a couple of "accidents" but we had two waterproof mattress pads and an extra set of sheets so not a huge deal for how infrequently it occurred.  

ktcakes87 If you return to places like Walmart or target you can either exchange or return for store credit, but be careful with the store credit thing because there are annual maxes without receipts that are linked to your DL. I really think it's a matter of who you get at the return counter honestly; I've "exchanged" for a different brand/size and just had to pay the difference before but I am not sure if that's proper protocol. I usually try to stock up at Target when they are having a BUY X GET Y deal while also using any deals there may be on cartwheel, manufacturer coupons, my target red card and of course whatever target GCs I have from the previous deal. 

blueskies17

Have any STM's had a good experience (or bad) with starting a newborn in a standard sized crib next to your bed right from the beginning?

We are sharing our bedroom with baby until we move to a bigger place (probably when he is about 9-12 months old). I was originally planning on getting a crib + bassinet but I've realized that there is no space for a bassinet, so I'm thinking of putting the crib next to my side of the bed so that baby is easily accessible. I'm concerned that baby won't feel cozy enough in a crib when he is teeny tiny. 

oldersis

@elcd458 I cleaned off the top of my dresser and got an extra changing pad to throw on there. I had a small basket of diapers and wipes next to it for middle of the night changes.

cait5413

@elcd458 I kept a basket with wipes, diapers and a changing pad and usually changed her on the bed.

@blueskies17 We put DD in her crib in her room at 4 weeks old. I think she napped in there a few times before that. If the crib is in your room anyway, just put her in the crib! The only difficulty I can see would be if you have a c-section, it might be hard to get baby out of the crib at first, depending upon how elevated the mattress is. But your partner should be able to help!

failuretofly

@blueskies17 that's what we are planning in doing. Not what we did with DS but we will see! 

mdcd44127

I apologize if this has been covered before, but another mom just told me that I should get an inclined baby sleep positioner if I'm going to keep the baby in a crib. Do any of you guys have experience with infant sleep positioners or wedges (positive or negative), and if so, is there a specific brand you would recommend?

katiegeminimoon

@djd0404 I'm fairly certain those are technically unsafe and not recommended. I'm curious what the STM's say! 

balletnerd

@djd0404 I've only heard that they are unsafe and should not be used.

acgonzalez22

@djd0404 I wouldn't use that for any reason other than medically necessary. My son needed an incline for his severe reflux and still his pediatrician said no to a wedge but to use a rock n play. What did she say to justify her statement? 

mdcd44127

@ktcakes87 @balletnerd @acgonzalez22 I thought the same thing! Isn't that what they tell parents NOT to use nowadays? So then I got concerned that I had misunderstood some fundamental parenting rule and figured I'd come to the ladies I really trust. All she said was that she used one with her baby and recommends it when you're putting your baby in their crib. I think I'll file that piece of advice under "thanks but no thanks".

flowerpower5838

I put a book under LOs mattress when he had a nasty cold to help with the congestion, but I would totally skip the wedge unless medically necessary like @acgonzalez22 said.