Weekday Randoms 8/21-25

izza2

It's Monday.


How are you guys doing this fine morning?

izza2

Started having a sore throat yesterday, and woke up almost without a voice, so work will be fun.
I'm supposed to train the office's new guy, for some reason.
If he was cute it'd almost be worth it.
But he's not.

marcus7676

Am I the only one who isn't freaking out about this eclipse? Everyone is going crazy. My husband tore my house apart trying to find "my" eclipse glasses this morning.  There's another total eclipse in 2024 so its not like its going to never happen again. What am I missing?!

lurvleybunchococonuts

@izza2 sorry about you sore voice & laryngitis!  FX new trainee is a hottie to make your day better

@marcus7676 I dunno, I'm not flipping out, but then again i'm not in the total eclipse area *shrug*

pebbledam

@marcus7676 - I live about 1.5 hours away from totality and people are flipping out. Usually, a total eclipse doesn't cross this much of the mainland and that's why people are going crazy. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_solar_eclipses_visible_from_the_United_States 

marcus7676

Maybe it's because I'm not in the totality. People keep posting on FB to keep pets and kids inside. It's almost hysteria. 

SkilledSailor

@marcus7676 I'm kinda excited about the eclipse. I mean, I didn't buy any glasses for it but I think it'll be cool to experience even if I don't look directly at it. 

@izza2 Sorry you have to train someone while you're not feeling well. 

canucklehead123

@marcus7676 I wasn't excited until it started happening.  I'm regretting not getting glasses now because I've been trying to sneak glances out of my office window (and keeping FX that my eyes don't burn off).

@izza2 that sounds like no fun, sorry.  Although a good opportunity to mess with the new guy (office culture permitting)

Our internal servers have been down all morning - have literally been twiddling my thumbs, not a great start to the week!  Didn't get a chance to watch GOT last night, so looking forward to this evening!!!!

nitnat007

@marcus7676 Haven't even looked at what time the eclipse is happening lol. I know I will be at work, so not really able to enjoy it. 

@izza2 Boo on training the new guy! Especially when you aren't feeling well. 

AFM - It looks like I am going to have to "eat crow" and apologize to the MIL, otherwise this family feud that I seemed to have created by indirectly and jokingly, calling her a prude (FYI she is a prude) is never going to end. I need to learn that I am not allowed to voice my opinions, no matter how right they are, and specifically when they are in conflict with hers. SMH

lurvleybunchococonuts

@nitnat007 Ugh... *hugs* Maybe just a, "MIL, I didn't mean any offense by calling you a 'prude', I hope it didn't hurt your feelings and that we all can move past this," would work?  That's a stupid thing to have to apologize for especially just for the sake of civility, and I HATE when you have to be the "adult".  Typically with my MIL I ignore her until I don't care anymore and she eventually gets over her butthurt and then moves on with life and we never mention it again LMAO.  But that's not necessarily that easier or "best" way to deal with it.  Plus my MIL is an interesting character love her, but she's a nut sometimes.

ETA: also that fact that you feel like you aren't allowed to voice your opinions when they contradict hers is so hard, I am so sorry for that!  That is so unfair.  Does YH understand at least?  The fact that MH knows how crazy his mom can be and understands how I feel is all that I care about.  Thankfully I know he has my back, although he will definitely point out when I'm the one being "overly sensitive".  He's a good sounding board  Lately I've been trying to "bite my tongue" when she does something to bother me and then vent to DH and then I let him "handle" her.  It's hard af, but has been successful recently, she seems to listen/hear him out better than if I were to say the same exact thing.

nitnat007

@lurvleybunchococonuts You would think that the simple apology would have worked, but I was foolish enough to put the word "if" in my statement, therefore this was not accepted. ie "I apologize if I offended you".
DH didn't help matters by coming to my defense, especially since she seemed the think that I also attacked her character, questioned her generosity etc as well. But hey, she says that she does her best to accept my "lifestyle and views" whatever that implies!!
They are now at odds and it just really isn't sitting well with me at the moment. I honestly do not handle conflict well. It should have been left alone to die a slow death, but its too late for that now. Its been almost 3 weeks and it doesn't seem to be resolving itself. 

lurvleybunchococonuts

@nitnat007 OMG... she sounds like a real peach!  She really didn't accept your apology because you said "if"? Holy buckets, your MIL may officially be wackier than mine.  I am so sorry you have to deal with that.  Ugh... immature adults drive me crazy.  Honestly I'm petty, so I would have hit her back with a "and I will do my best to accept your lifestyle and views as well." I hear ya about conflicts, I've gotten much better about standing up for myself (with the help of DH), but it's still hard.  The best thing I've found is to acknowledge that I'm allowed to be upset/hurt by how my MIL has acted/what she has said.  I do "make the peace" on occasion, but in my mind/DH knows that I'm just doing it to be the adult for the sake of everyone else.  It sucks!

nitnat007

@lurvleybunchococonuts This is my first conflict with her. And I feel like I am threading on thin ice here. But I have always said, she is lovely, until you are on the wrong side of her. She seems to hold a grudge in the worst way. DH definitely has my back and thinks that she owes us the apology now due to her handling of this situation and the fact that it has been completely blown out of proportion. He knows that she loves the drama and that she always needs "something" and if it had not been something that I said on that day, then it would have been someone else. 
On this subject I know that I was 100% correct though and her ideas and beliefs behind it are outlandish. I completely spoke my mind and for that I will not apologize. But in the future, I will be spending very limited amounts of time around her. And at the time, I really, really wanted to be petty and hit back hard. But I knew that I needed to be the bigger person and say my apology. The fact that I have to do it again is really infuriating. 
And to think, all of this started because of a bikini!! 

lurvleybunchococonuts

@nitnat007 Ugh, those type of people are the WORST.  I am soo sorry you have to deal with that mentality/love of drama/everything is blown out of proportion  That totally sucks!  

I'm glad you know that she's being ridiculous.  Only reason I mentioned it was because one of my big issues with conflicts was due to an adults anger management issues when I was growing up.  I was "afraid" of being angry, so I would just go along and try my best not to create any conflicts.  Simply, having a counselor tell me that it's okay to be angry about something was like a light switch.  Silly in hindsight, but that really made a huge difference.     

Hopefully you don't have to see her often?  (my in laws live approx 1 mile from our house so mine are pretty unavoidable lol).  Good for you being the bigger person though!  That's one of the hardest things to do sometimes.  Limited contact is great when you don't see each other often to begin with

jrm_14

@nitnat007. *hugs*  I agree with @lurvleybunchococonuts on the "and I'll do my best to accept your views and lifestyle."  I regularly offend mine.  She is your description of lovely until you are on the wrong side.  I'm sorry you feel so crappy about the conflict.  Having your H on your side is for sure helpful!  Has she been telling other family members about,your terrible views on *gasp* swimwear? Since he thinks she owes the appology, is he supportive of you appologizing nd the conflict?  Hopefully however this particular conflict ends, it ends soon and you can have peace  

@lurvleybunchococonuts. You are right-feelings are NEVER wrong.  It is all how you respond that makes it appropriate or not.  

nitnat007

@lurvleybunchococonuts @jrm_14 Thank you ladies. You guys are awesome! 
And yes, that is exactly her. Lovely, until you do something she doesn't like. DH and I chatted about it and he is fully supportive of me. Feels that she is completely out of line and that there is something greater going on under the surface. We believe it's because she is no longer "Queen Bee" or has the influence over him as she once did. I think I am the first strong and independent women that she has been faced with, and she is not happy that I have opinions. Some of the comments that she flung back at him through this have made it seem more like she is keeping a score card and is under appreciated.
At this point DH does not want me to apologize. I have done that and she chose not to accept it. He feels that if we apologize to her, she will feel like she has won and that it will continue to happen. DH is also extremely stubborn. So I am not sure what to so with this now?!
MIL has however, stepped it up one more notch and has actually deleted us both off of FB. It has become a childish game that she seems to be playing. Why can't adults just act like adults?

Feelings are absolutely never wrong. Right now I am just not at peace with this at all. I think my biggest issues is that I feel that she is completely attacking my my character by even thinking that that was my intention with my comment to begin with.  

Thanks again ladies and really sorry for the TL:DR.

SkilledSailor

@nitnat007 She sounds like she is being extremely manipulative. I understand feeling protective of your character but it really seems like you did nothing wrong! So sorry you're going through this drama. Glad to hear your H is being supportive of you and you can face this as a unit. 

Cricket648

@marcus7676 I'm a day late on this one, but my mom was so freaked out about the eclipse, she thought she couldn't go outside all day yesterday or else she would go blind 

sandbar517

@nitnat007 I'm so sorry you're dealing with that drama.  It sounds like you and YH are dealing with it appropriately, and I hope she starts to realize that she's being childish.  Creepy internet hugs to you. 

lurvleybunchococonuts

@nitnat007 Ugh, on the bright side the FB delete/her childish attitude/distancing yourself from her may actually be for the best.  YH has a point, you apologized, she chose not to accept it.  Apologizing again may not make a difference in her mind.  She may decide to still not accept the apology and continue being a child.  I would try my best to ignore her from this point on.  It's tough when you feel that she's attacking your character, but hopefully the people that matter will know the "real" you and will realize something fishy is going on.  If anyone else brings it up (other family members) or try to guilt you about it, I'd politely inform them that it's not something you wish to discuss with them nor is it their business.  It's between your MIL, YH, and you.  Hopefully if you show her that you don't care/have moved on, whether she's involved in your lives or not, might make her realize that if she truly wants to be part of you and YH's lives she needs to behave like an adult and get over herself.

dukestar5

@nitnat007  Ugh!  So frustrating about the drama with your MIL.  She sounds very immature here.  Glad YH is fully supportive of you.  I hope it blows over quickly.  

jrm_14

@nitnat007 YH has a great point that you already sincerely apologized.  MIL chose not to accept that.  If the opportunity presents, restating the same apology seems appropriate rather than creating a new one.  However, clearly, as you came to the conclusion, something deeper seems to be going on with MIL.  I liked @lurvleybunchococonuts 's response about handing it if/when other people ask you about it.  You are making the right decisions for you & YH.  *hugs* Conflict that doesn't settle well is terribly uncomfortable.  I hope you can find something fun to focus on

nitnat007

@lurvleybunchococonuts @jrm_14 Being off of FB for now is probably best, and you are right, her actions at this point are only a reflection on her, not on me. The people that know me, are well aware of how that entire situation should have been interpreted and that I would never have been blatantly disrespectful like that. 
As for the rest of the family, I had already reached out to BIL, as he was actually the person that I had called a prude, and ensure that he was not offended. He was appreciative of the fact that I reached out, but assured me that he had far thicker skin than that and was not easily offended. He added that MIL is over sensitive. He actually apologized to us because he thought that his wife had been offensive. So I think I am good on the family front. 
Man what a mess I have managed to make! 

Thanks again ladies! I going to do my best to not let this situation affect me anymore. It has already stolen too much precious time. Life is too short and there are far more important things at hand 

jsnakehole

I'm kind of annoyed at DH. He needed to move the car for alternate side parking, so he went to the post office to pick up a TV he had shipped home he was trying to get the insurance claim on. In his haste, he left his phone home.

I have a nail appointment in 15 minutes, and still need to go to the bank and get to the nail salon. I have no way of contacting MH and am kind of at a loss as to what to do. 

nitnat007

@jsnakehole Ugh, that is frustrating! It really bothers me when you cant reach people by cell phone. Why do you even have one? 
Hope he gets home soon and you are still able to make your appointment!

SkilledSailor

@jsnakehole Were you able to make it? Or reschedule your appointment? 

canucklehead123

@jsnakehole  that's so annoying!! Remember the days when we didn't have cell phones at all.... I don't even remember how plans were made!?

doxiemoxie212

DH just gchatted me to tell me he probably won't be home tonight because at 4pm a partner came into his office and said, "can I have you for the rest of the evening as a sort of...shadow?" 



Uh ok cool but like, can I watch Bachelor in Paradise without you...? Still waiting to hear back what level of betrayal he'd find that. 

jsnakehole

I made it! Even made DH get his nails done too. 

I realize, in hindsight, that was the definition of first world problems. But damn, it was annoying. 

zamoraspin

Guys I really like the new Ke$ha album. I have hated every Ke$ha song I have ever heard until now.

darkstar42

@zamora_spin This video is what always comes to mind when I think of Ke$ha. Someone made a video of Tik Tok with original series Star Trek footage. It's kind of awesome.

SkilledSailor

Ladies, I have a question in the spoiler. TW* loss mentioned * TW Please let me know if I should take this question elsewhere!

Ok, one of our dear friends suffered a miscarriage today at 20 weeks. My heart is breaking for them, as this was their miracle baby after giving up on IVF. I know nothing we do will make this better but we would like to send a care package. Do any of you have ideas on what might provide some comfort without being inconsiderate? Maybe provide food so they only need to focus on themselves? H was thinking maybe a spa treatment but I'm not sure about that one. 

adirat

@SkilledSailor I'm so sorry to hear this. It's such an impossible situation and my heart goes out to her. I strongly recommend food. We barely functioned for a long time and we definitely couldn't cook so snacks along with something homemade that can be reheated (casserole, lasagna) would be great. My parents sent us a lasagna and we ate it for days.

At so many weeks along, she may be recovering from surgery and/or childbirth, so something comfy for her to wear could be nice. It might also be nice to send something she could read while she's resting, like books or magazines. Some friends sent me some stuff, like a coloring book and a mad libs book, which were appreciated to help keep my hands busy. 

If she's a drinker, send a bottle of wine, or come over to her house some time later with wine and offer to drink and cry together. One of my dear friends and her wife had us over a few weeks later to get drunk together and cry and rage, and it was so incredibly kind of them to take that head-on and give me that space to be super emotional. Another thing you could do in another week or so is offer to come by and do some chores, like dishes or laundry, and spend time with her if she wants. Let her lead that but I would have loved the offer. 

From my experience, I would recommend against anything that requires her to leave the house (after my loss, which was at fewer weeks than hers, I didn't leave the apartment for a week and wouldn't have wanted to get something to go out right away). In the short-term, anyway. In another month or so, things may be different and a spa treatment could be nice. 

You are a good friend to think of this I think the other big thing would be to keep checking in. This is a trauma you don't just get over. I think people often worry that they are dredging up the pain anew by talking about it or asking how people are doing, but in my experience, there still isn't a day that goes by without thinking about the baby I lost so when people acknowledge that it means something to me. 

sandbar517

@SkilledSailor *TW*

I'm so very sorry for you and your friend.  How terrible.  I think some food would be good, but depending on how many people know, they might get overwhelmed with food at first.  Maybe space it out until next week or so.  My sister lost her son at 30 weeks and my sisters and I also wanted to do something nice, but were unsure what to do.  We bought her a wind chime from a memorial website, it has a poem inscribed on it about loss.  I've also heard of pillows/dolls that are weighted to help the "empty arms" feeling, and I know there were some books that helped her.  I'll ask and get back to you.

https://www.mollybears.org/
eta words

olliegolly

@SkilledSailor

Sending something that acknowledges their child will be appreciated. My mom lost my sister at 18 weeks, and nothing hurts her more than when people *ahem - my father* ignore the fact she ever existed. Even a sympathy card, flowers, a small angel necklace etc just says "Your child was real, your loss is real, you are entitled to grieve and I am here for you." 

adirat

@SkilledSailor
I agree with @olliegolly about flowers. My boss sent flowers and it meant a lot to me to get a "traditional" bereavement gift like other people, besides my husband and me, knew about our baby and recognized her. 

Personally, I wouldn't recommend a big physical memento; that feels like something personal that the parents should select for themselves. I would hesitate to do something if I didn't know it would be to their taste, you know? 

edit - typo

zamoraspin

@SkilledSailor TW

That is so sweet of you to be thinking of your friend and trying to help. I am so sad to hear about her loss, that is really hard and I can't even imagine losing a baby at that stage.

When I was going through my first loss my sister sent me dinner and that was really lovely because I could not accomplish even basic tasks. So, if you live close, meals, offering to grocery shop, take dogs for a walk if they have dogs, things to lighten the load would be really nice gestures. Also just letting her know you are there and are sorry - I sometimes wanted to talk about my loss but didnt want to bring it up and be a downer, so just asking her regularly how she is and asking if she wants to talk about it would be really supportive in my mind. Also don't stop asking/giving her that space to talk because she will continue to need that space for a long time. It may feel hard on you to do this because you may feel you are making her sad - but you are not making her sad, you are giving her space to let the sad out.

lurvleybunchococonuts

@skilledsailor I am so sorry for your friends loss. What a devastating thing to go through. I apologize because I really don't have much advise offer. I'd probably do food that's easily stored & reheated or a gift certificate to a take out/delivery restaraunt near them? Maybe once she's feeling up to it going to the spa together would be nice. I would think simply just being there for her will be appreciated. 

@adirat *hugs* I can't imagine going through that and I very selfishly hope I never have first hand experience of it.  I may not be the best experience wise, but I'm always here to listen if you ever need to talk

Eta words

adirat

@lurvleybunchococonuts I wish no one ever did. It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me by so much that I can't even think of a number 2. I wish people didn't have to go through these kinds of traumas.

lurvleybunchococonuts

@adirat there are no words *all the hugs* 

dukestar5

@SkilledSailor. I am so sorry for your sweet friend.  I cannot imagine what they are going through.  I think food is an excellent option, whether fresh, frozen or even a gift certificate to a local restaurant where they can order.  I like @adirat'S idea of reading material (especially magazines or light, fun books that she can enjoy easily without having to think too much). I also think @sandbar517'S idea of a way to remember her baby will be very special.  When my bff (who lives a few hours from me) went through an early loss, we ordered from a local company that delivered cookies and milk.

If you live close by, I would say keep showing up for her. Go by to just visit, sit and listen or hug.  If you don't live close by, maybe just call her each week (even if she doesn't answer, leave a voicemail telling her you love her and are there to listen).  You are a good friend.