I wanted to create a space for expectant moms who are experiencing the journey of pregnancy along with the highs and the lows of being in a non-traditional relationship (as typified by cultural norms). For example, those who might not be married at the moment, sexual orientation, etc.
My motivation behind this thread is that I am not currently married to my SO and although we are BEYOND excited about our little bean, my pregnancy was not planned. We planned to have children, but just not at this very moment. Lol. Although a blessing, the pregnancy has put additional pressures on the both of us. For example, I will admit I do feel a bit strange not being married and pregnant. I know there are tons of women who make that choice, and I think that is amazing! I think my slight discomfort comes from the fact that I did not make the choice. It just happened in spite of other plans. I always say, “we make plans and the universe laughs.” Anyways, my SO’s family has already begun to discuss with us the need to get married ASAP **insert eye roll**. I do not want to get married while I am pregnant. I’d rather wait until after the baby is born. That is my personal preference. Yet, his mother is making a case for why we should go to the justice of the peace and get married beforehand.
Wow, I guess that’s my vent right there! Hahahaahaha!
So yea, I just wanted a space for those of us who are not in “traditional” relationships to be able to vent and discuss the pros, the cons, and our experiences being pregnant while being in a non-traditional relationship. I would ask specific questions, but I thought it was best to allow folks to share (or not share) freely as they feel about their experiences.
Re: GTKY – Expectant Moms in “Non-traditional” Relationships
Each person's relationship is different. But if you're uncomfortable or just not ready to get married yet, please don't let society or anybody else shame you into it. I was married before I met my now DH, but the marriage didn't last. I had been having doubts before the wedding but I didn't listen to them because of what people would say if I called it off and I didn't want to hurt him. But I ended up hurting him worse in the end because we weren't ready for marriage and ended up divorcing. Ultimately, only you know what's best for you. I wish you the best of luck!
bookworm40 - More power to you and eff the haters! But I know that is MUCH easier said than done. People can be so cruel and judgmental. Do what feels best for your soul and your heart. We have your back!
meghanjodino - I completely agree with you and I am happy that you and your DH made decisions that were guided by sound judgment and what was/is best for your family opposed to external pressures.
I am also not married, my fiance proposed to me last year *tw* after our unplanned pregnancy was found to be a loss. *end tw*
We decided for ourselves that if this road was going to be difficult we were going to take every chance we got to try for a little one. I had the wedding date set for May about three months before I found out about this pregnancy. So while I am currently unmarried, I will be married two months after the baby comes.
Since I haven't announced yet, I am preparing myself for the inevitable questions, though.
**TW in Spoiler**
BFP 6/30/16, MC 8/21/16
BFP 05/04/17, 5/10/17 Emergency LAP due to ectopic. Right tube removed.
BFP 07/12/17, ECDD 03/25/18 - Silver Orion Born 3/23/18
BFP 09/30/19, EDD 06/11/20
BFP #2 7/11/17 | EDD 3/24/18
BFP #1 5/2/17 | EDD 1/12/18 | MC 5/18/17
maintain your stance and try not to let the comments bug you too much. They may be from a good place, but hey can get under your skin. You know what's right for you.
Thankfully my dad, who is the parent I'm closest to, is already aware and hasn't had any issues beyond pronoun problems. MIL is trying, which is good. We don't speak to FIL (not that we've heard from him since Wife came out). I haven't had the patience reserves to talk to my mother about it yet. She wouldn't flip, but it'd take a few reiterations of the trans101 talk for her get it and I am too tired for that right now.
When I found out I was pregnant and it was unplanned in 2014, I felt the same way. I totally felt like the odd one out on TB lol. I felt like I was surrounded by all these wise women who were older than I was, who were financially stable, who planned their pregnancies, who were married. As pictures of nurseries and monogrammed onesies were posted I totally felt like an outsider. I was 19, living in a really trashy basement apartment working part time at the local movie theater. And I had been knocked up on accident by my boyfriend. Totally felt like the odd one out. So I get it. But sticking around in TB ended up being really beneficial to me, in that I learned a lot about things I otherwise wouldn't have known. My A15 group is still really active on FB and I'm glad I stuck around, even though I felt like the odd one out.
As as far as never feeling like yourself again, to an extent, Id say that's somewhat true. You do lose a lot from your pre-baby life when you become a mom. It can be almost like a total culture shock for anyone, but even more so if you weren't planning or trying to have a pregnancy. Your whole world changes for sure. And it's totally okay to mourn your old life and old self. But, id say you gain more than you lose. You'll grow into a person you never knew you'd be, and it will be amazing. Your outlook on life will change. You'll want to be your best self, for your baby. And you might even learn to listen to your inner voice and put your mental health on priority when you need to. It's crazy. Becoming a parent is crazy. But I wouldn't trade it for my pre-baby life.
BFP #2 7/11/17 | EDD 3/24/18
BFP #1 5/2/17 | EDD 1/12/18 | MC 5/18/17
DS born October 13, 2014
Baby #3 due March 2018