TTC After a Loss
mrsbark711
member
Options
A somber introduction
mrsbark711
member
I pretty much introduced myself on this week's thread, but it was long winded, so I'll repost here:
**TRIGGER WARNING**
My name is Jessica, my husband and I have a 2-year-old son, and I am new here as of last Friday
I got my BFP on Monday 7/31/17 (two Walgreen's digitals to be exact), then a Wal-Mart cheapie and a FRER on Tuesday 8/1/17.
Then I started to fall off of cloud 9
I started cramping Tuesday and didn't fret too much about it, because I cramped with my DS. Cramping amped up on Wednesday and I started to get more concerned. By Thursday I could have sworn AF was coming. I peed in a cup to take a FRER. I noticed what looked like tissue in my urine cup. I wiped. A small spot of brown. I freaked out. The FRER was so faint. I peed again, wiped again. Pink spotting. I called my OB who ordered a STAT Quant and told me to go to the ER if bleeding increased or I started to pass clots. The clots came and I went to the ER.
At the ER they looked at me like I had 3 heads. I was just 5-6 weeks and I hadn't had u/s confirmation yet. I was following my OB's instructions. They told me that they would likely just do a blood draw and go from there. That I likely wouldn't get a scan. I was devastated.
But they did the scan. My mom was with me because my husband stayed home with our toddler. I asked the tech taking me to radiology if my mom could come. She agreed. When we got there, the lady was harsh and said that my mom couldn't come back and that I couldn't watch and she couldn't tell me anything. I understood, but she was so stern, and I was so scared.
We made it back to the ER exam room. I had been there for hours with no answers. The doc came in and asked the same questions I had been asked before. The ultrasound showed no sac and I was told that I was experiencing an early miscarriage. It was at this time that they started treating me with compassion. I was given morphine for the pain and they did a pelvic exam. They sent me home with pain meds and self-care instructions.
I felt crazy. Like it was all a dream. 5 positive HPT and betas of 6 and 5. I felt crazy, and I still do. In those 3 days I imagined a lifetime with this angel baby. I imagined how they would blend into our family. I feel robbed.
We've been told that we can TTC as soon as my cycle returns. This confuses me, because this loss feels similar to AF to me. I was also told that I will be placed on progesterone as soon as I get my next BFP.
People are amazing.
I was so excited when I got my BFP on Monday that I told the world Tuesday. Everything went smoothly when we had our DS. I figured that I would need the support should something go wrong, but I never really thought about the consequences.
Early Friday morning I was announcing our loss. I was embraced by an outpouring of love. So many women in my life told their own stories. My bosses showed up on my doorstep with donuts. My staff sent me flowers. My job has granted me 40 hours of bereavement leave. I am in awe of the support that I have received in this dark time.
I am currently trying to be the best mommy to this crazy amazing toddler and hold it together. We've been having lazy days. I am trying to come to terms with returning to work Thursday. I am so thankful for the time I have had off.
I'm so sorry that this was so long winded. But a somber hello and best wishes to us all.
**TRIGGER WARNING**
My name is Jessica, my husband and I have a 2-year-old son, and I am new here as of last Friday
I got my BFP on Monday 7/31/17 (two Walgreen's digitals to be exact), then a Wal-Mart cheapie and a FRER on Tuesday 8/1/17.
Then I started to fall off of cloud 9
I started cramping Tuesday and didn't fret too much about it, because I cramped with my DS. Cramping amped up on Wednesday and I started to get more concerned. By Thursday I could have sworn AF was coming. I peed in a cup to take a FRER. I noticed what looked like tissue in my urine cup. I wiped. A small spot of brown. I freaked out. The FRER was so faint. I peed again, wiped again. Pink spotting. I called my OB who ordered a STAT Quant and told me to go to the ER if bleeding increased or I started to pass clots. The clots came and I went to the ER.
At the ER they looked at me like I had 3 heads. I was just 5-6 weeks and I hadn't had u/s confirmation yet. I was following my OB's instructions. They told me that they would likely just do a blood draw and go from there. That I likely wouldn't get a scan. I was devastated.
But they did the scan. My mom was with me because my husband stayed home with our toddler. I asked the tech taking me to radiology if my mom could come. She agreed. When we got there, the lady was harsh and said that my mom couldn't come back and that I couldn't watch and she couldn't tell me anything. I understood, but she was so stern, and I was so scared.
We made it back to the ER exam room. I had been there for hours with no answers. The doc came in and asked the same questions I had been asked before. The ultrasound showed no sac and I was told that I was experiencing an early miscarriage. It was at this time that they started treating me with compassion. I was given morphine for the pain and they did a pelvic exam. They sent me home with pain meds and self-care instructions.
I felt crazy. Like it was all a dream. 5 positive HPT and betas of 6 and 5. I felt crazy, and I still do. In those 3 days I imagined a lifetime with this angel baby. I imagined how they would blend into our family. I feel robbed.
We've been told that we can TTC as soon as my cycle returns. This confuses me, because this loss feels similar to AF to me. I was also told that I will be placed on progesterone as soon as I get my next BFP.
People are amazing.
I was so excited when I got my BFP on Monday that I told the world Tuesday. Everything went smoothly when we had our DS. I figured that I would need the support should something go wrong, but I never really thought about the consequences.
Early Friday morning I was announcing our loss. I was embraced by an outpouring of love. So many women in my life told their own stories. My bosses showed up on my doorstep with donuts. My staff sent me flowers. My job has granted me 40 hours of bereavement leave. I am in awe of the support that I have received in this dark time.
I am currently trying to be the best mommy to this crazy amazing toddler and hold it together. We've been having lazy days. I am trying to come to terms with returning to work Thursday. I am so thankful for the time I have had off.
I'm so sorry that this was so long winded. But a somber hello and best wishes to us all.
***Trigger Warning: Living and loss mentioned***
First TTC Journey:
- Failed attempts at clomid with OB
- HSG with OB, nothing found
- Met with RE. Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy done on 08/04/2014. Results: Hymenal stenosis, minimal endometriosis, and PCOS
First TTC Journey:
- Failed attempts at clomid with OB
- HSG with OB, nothing found
- Met with RE. Laparoscopy/Hysteroscopy done on 08/04/2014. Results: Hymenal stenosis, minimal endometriosis, and PCOS
- BFP #1: 11/26/2014, IT'S A BOY!
Re: A somber introduction