Anxious-how does everyone cope?

lovelylisa26

Hi Everyone-
New here but I have been lurking for a while. 
I am 32 and my hubby is 36. We are starting our first IVF Cycle with 1 ovary and fallopian tube, low amh level, baf morphology and low count. I am so anxious about the cycle. We have to pay 100% out of pocket and will only be able to afford one cycle. We are hoping we get enough to freeze but have heard that doesn't always happen. How does everyone handle the anxiety and stress? TIA

J1006

Honestly coming on here helps a lot. There are a lot of ladies on here who have been through testing, medications, etc and can give great advice.  

I'm not sure how open you are with family/friends about your journey, but having someone other than your husband to talk to is great. About 5 months ago we started the IUI process and I confided in a close work friend and I am so glad I did. Her sister dealt with infertility as well and she has been a great cheerleader and listening ear along the way. We are now moving onto IVF and she has helped keep my spirits high.

We are also paying 100% OOP so I do feel like the pressure is on.  I have found that the more down time I have the more stressed I get. I guess just because I have more time to think about everything.

meredithj123

I totally agree with the above! Also check around different fertility centers for pricing- In California they tend to be about 10000 dollars more per cycle than clinics in a few other states that I have looked at. So depending on your job situations traveling to another state might be an option. Find a good friend to will let you cry, be crazy and still love you. I have found my husband only has so much compassion and understanding before he's done talking about it. Girls just understand these things better I think! Good luck we will all be cheering you on here!

funkykey

@lovelylisa26 - welcome! I'm sorry for your struggles but glad you found us! I agree with pp- these boards and some of the women on here have helped me so much.

My advice is pretty standard. I try to take good care of myself, to be patient with myself, and to put myself first. This journey is awful- there are days where I want to cry, days I don't want to get out of bed, and days I'm so angry and tired. I try to forgive myself and be kind to myself on my worst days, and to forgive my H too. I try to take it one day at a time.

When we first signed up for IVF, my H and I had a conversation about bravery. You can't be brave if you have nothing to fear! IVF is scary- and you are brave to move forward.

Good luck to you!

[Deleted User]

@lovelylisa26 Welcome!!!  It's not easy.  We were OOP too for all our testing and there was a lot on me before we finally got our *MFI/ Azoo diagnosis.  I ended up finding a job with amazing ivf coverage so we could make it work. I try to take it a day at a time, and not think about it too much on days when there's nothing ttc-related going on... keep some normalcy in our lives. I agree tho, there are so many amazing women on here who have been through so much, and that gives me a lot of courage because I know we are not alone. ❤ (((hugs))) one day at a time... one step at a time... one answered question at a time... you'll get through.

suchaglencoco

I agree that being open with family and friends helped us a lot. It also helped to keep it from feeling like a "dirty little secret" because it wasn't, it was just the path we needed to take to become parents. They didn't always fully understand what we were talking about or the full extent of it all, but their encouraging words and prayers helped us.

Our first go around was very stressful and I actually quit working after the first transfer. It helped immensely because I didn't feel the weight of my job and leaving for every appointment and then needing to make up time. I know that isn't doable for most people, but it was a big step for my sanity at the time. 

As a couple, the 2nd time around for our first fet, we started to see a couples therapist to help us refocus on our marriage and each other instead of always focusing on our infertility. That helped a lot of our home stress. We then stopped talking about our infertility at home unless there was a purpose- an appointment that week or shots that needed to be done. We stopped making our entire lives revolve around the process and instead, had the process revolve around our lives.

lovelylisa26

Thanks everyone for your kind words and great advice. I am very open on our plan and read a lot on this board. Those 2 things really help. 

sammymommy89

Hello, Lisa

Our way to becoming parents is hard. But look at all these

women here! We are all together, with the same problems, and we can get support, advice, help. Every time you're feeling sad, think how good it is we have a way to still have children.Every morning I thank God the medicine developed so far and now and we have the way to fight for justice and have babies just like other people. I read success stories of new moms and think 'Why can't I be one of them?' There are so many miracles in this world, you just gotta believe. And it will happen to us too. If you have close people to support you, that's so precious, and if you don't, you have us here, thousands of women ready to help! Remember about the white line after the black line? This rule is universal! And your white line is so close! You just have to be strong and cope with anxiety and depression. Think of all the good you have, of all the opportunities to make things better. Of all the people who support you. Everything will be fine, and thinking of the good makes the good happen At least we deserve it