New Here — The Bump
Infertility

New Here

Hi everyone,

My name is Brittany, my husband and I have been TTC since October 2013. We tried fertility treatments in 2015, but only with meditated timed intercourse. We stopped treatments after a few months, because my husband had to  work out of state for a few months. We tried naturally again for a couple of years. I found a new RE in April of this year and we are on our 3rd medicated IUI. Our last IUI was yesterday (July 30th).
All of our testing comes back completely normal, so we have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. The RE didn't seem hopeful that the IUI would work, but our health insurance requires 3 IUIs before moving on to IVF. We are grateful to have health insurance coverage, so we have been making the best of it.

Our next step is IVF. We will be taking a couple of months off after this IUI and will begin again in October.

I just found out my cousin, who is like a sister to me, is pregnant (not planned). A family member accidentally let it slip, so she has no idea that I know. She has been avoiding me, because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Now, it just feels awkward. Of course I'm sad that it's not me. I'm also very excited for her and her new husband. I'm also extremely hurt that she has avoided telling me. (so many emotions!) I hate that people feel like they have to tip toe around me to save me from getting hurt. I've dealt with lots of pregnancy announcements over the past 4 years, but never with anyone really close to me. Has anyone else had this happen and how did you deal with it?

Also does anyone have any tips for preparing for IVF?

I'm looking forward to connecting with women that understand what I am going through!
Me: 31 DH: 32
Married: 2012
TTC since: October 2013
May 2017-IUI #1 Femara, Ovidrel
June 2017-IUI #2 Femara, Ovidrel
July 2017-IUI #3 Femara, Ovidrel

Re: New Here

  • Hi Brittany, I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances. I am not new to the ivf world, but recently came back onto TB because we're getting ready to do another frozen transfer, hopefully late this year. 

    Tw- children and loss mentioned


    We did our first transfer in November of 2014. It unfortunately ended in a mc. Our family and close friends were fully aware of all of it. They didn't know how to ask or tell us certain things and seemed to tip toe around so much. That was one of the harder parts of that part of our journey.  And it didn't really change no matter how many times I would say "ask the questions you want to ask!" We were so open with them about every stage and it was confusing to us and I can't imagine how confusing it was for them.
    That spring, my body was working on resetting so we could do our frozen transfer. We were fairly close with my brother and his wife. They were one of the first ones we called about our pregnancy. Then one day I got a mass text announcing their 3rd pregnancy and gender of their child to be. I was devastated and hurt. I couldn't believe with our history and our history together with them didn't even deserve a personal text. We ended up getting everyone else's "congrats" texts. They were painful to read and my DH eventually took my phone away. I didn't respond. I couldn't respond. I just needed time to process. I dealt with it very poorly and it caused a riff between us for awhile. We eventually talked it through and they let me in on their side of things. They had never had to announce a pregnancy with a family member struggling with fertility and had gone back and forth on how to tell us. We both admitted it could have gone down differently.

    I am sure your cousin would love to tell you about her pregnancy, but doesn't know how and doesn't want to hurt you. And I get that while trying not to hurt you, she is kind of hurting you. I think if it were me, I would sit down and write her an email or something, but not send it right away. You can tell her you know about the pregnancy and that you're happy for her and if you'd like her to talk to you about it or not and what you would feel comfortable with. I am sure she is struggling with what she could talk to you about and what not to talk about with you. Let it sit for a day or 2 and reread it. If you feel it's right, then send it off.

    As for your ivf journey, my biggest suggestions are to take full advantage of anyone you know in real life who has gone through ivf and pick their brains. Use this site for support and to give support. And to take a step back and take see breaths when you feel overwhelmed. It's a lot to process all at once, but if you break it down into steps, it's a lot more manageable. 
    BusinessWifetinjp78
  • Thank you for the reply. That must have been so difficult to get a text like that. I hope her announcement to me is at least a phone call. I probably could handle that better than in person. 

     I will write the email, it may just help get my feelings out but not send it. I don't want her to get angry with the family member that shared the news. 

    I do have another relative that is pregnant via IVF after a long struggle with infertility. She did reach out to me and told me to call her anytime. I will definitely take her up on that. 

    I wish you the best of luck with your upcoming frozen transfer! 
    Me: 31 DH: 32
    Married: 2012
    TTC since: October 2013
    May 2017-IUI #1 Femara, Ovidrel
    June 2017-IUI #2 Femara, Ovidrel
    July 2017-IUI #3 Femara, Ovidrel
    BusinessWifetinjp78
  • My SIL and one of my college roommates announced pregnancies this year. They are expecting soon. To add insult to injury, we've been TTC longer than they've been married. It hurts, it really does. There is no getting around it. I just to have to face reality sometimes and swallow my pain. It's very difficult to deal, especially when it comes to family and family obligations.

    As for IVF, it's really not that bad to be honest. The stims and injections will fly by, and I set up all my monitoring appointments first thing when the clinic opens so I'm not late to work. I just followed the clinic's instructions step by step. The egg retrieval recovery for me took a few days, but again, everyone it different. Some people are fine the next day. All in all, I didn't think IVF was that bad of a procedure. Just nerve wracking when you are waiting to hear results.
    My TTC journey:
    Me and DH: 30-35
    Unexplained infertility
    TTC #1 since 2015
    11/2015 - BFP!     12/2015 - MC  :'(
    IVF #1 July 2017 freeze all (20 eggs, 15 mature, 10 fert, 6 blasts, 4 PGS normal)
    FET #1 TBD  Surprise BFP 9/2017 while waiting for FET... hoping for the best!

    Pregnancy Ticker


    BusinessWifetinjp78
  • suchaglencocosuchaglencoco
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    edited August 2017
    @brit623, that makes sense you don't want to out her. Do you know how far along she is?

    With my situation, I would had preferred a personal text letting me know they were pregnant to give me some time to process it. Had they called me, I'm not 100% sure I'd have been able to sensor myself, especially being hopped up on FET hormones. 
    tinjp78
  • @suchaglencoco she is a few months along. I think around 3-4months. Under normal circumstances I would have been one of the first that she would call. She would be one of my first. I'm a little better today. I'm actually glad that I have time to process it before the big announcement is made.
    Me: 31 DH: 32
    Married: 2012
    TTC since: October 2013
    May 2017-IUI #1 Femara, Ovidrel
    June 2017-IUI #2 Femara, Ovidrel
    July 2017-IUI #3 Femara, Ovidrel
    suchaglencocotinjp78
  • I am glad you can process, but I know it still stings. There is no "how to" book for family to help understand the fertility journey unfortunately, but I really do think she has the best intentions by not blurting it out to you right away. 
    tinjp78
  • @helloworld9 ; I'm glad to hear that your first IVF round went well. I have been reading a ton about the process, fresh transfers vs frozen transfers. I'm looking forward to my RE's opinion in a few weeks.

    I wish you the best of luck on your upcoming FET!
    Me: 31 DH: 32
    Married: 2012
    TTC since: October 2013
    May 2017-IUI #1 Femara, Ovidrel
    June 2017-IUI #2 Femara, Ovidrel
    July 2017-IUI #3 Femara, Ovidrel
    BusinessWifetinjp78
  • @brit623 - Believe me, I spent countless hours reading about IVF before and during stims, not to mention constant Googling while waiting to hear how the embryos were doing! I hope your RE has a great plan set up for you. I'm sure s/he has helped countless others in your city have a baby. Thank you for your well wishes!
    My TTC journey:
    Me and DH: 30-35
    Unexplained infertility
    TTC #1 since 2015
    11/2015 - BFP!     12/2015 - MC  :'(
    IVF #1 July 2017 freeze all (20 eggs, 15 mature, 10 fert, 6 blasts, 4 PGS normal)
    FET #1 TBD  Surprise BFP 9/2017 while waiting for FET... hoping for the best!

    Pregnancy Ticker


    BusinessWifetinjp78
  • Hello girls, I'm new here too  :)
    I'm Sam, and I've had some hard times just like all of you. I'm bringing up my cousin's baby girl, she's 1 yr and 1mnth old. She's a pure sunshine but her mother left her and moved to London. 2 years ago I found out I can't give birth to my children... They said my eggs are fine but they can't be fertilized inside of me. And that it's risky to carry a baby for me and for the child. I was so broken. This was a hard time for me and Dan, my DH. We could break up because I was on the edge of hysteria and he couldn't do anything. But in a year we found out our niece was left, and we couldn't let her be an orphan. We adopted her and I love her like my own child!

    But Dan is the last one in his family and he wants a biological son. We've been consulting doctors for 4 months and they say the only option is IFV surrogacy. I am worrying as this is new to me and I know nothing about it. Hope to find some help and support here. Thanks for reading my story, and GL to everyone <3
    BusinessWife
  • Hi all, I'm also new here, intro-d earlier this week on the TTGP page.

    Background *TW, mentions loss*. DH and I started TTC a year ago June. I've always been highly irregular (45-60 CDs, occasionally skipping several months at a time), but my MDs always told me that was fine, and not to worry about it. Stopped BC 6/1/16, WFAF for 3 months (MD said they wouldn't jumpstart for 90 days). Then, a surprise BFP in early September! Followed, heartbreakingly, by a MC a month later at 8 weeks. Since then I've only had three cycles. Started working with RE in June. *End TW*

    Biggest frustration of this process has been in coming to realize that the symptoms I've experienced for ~20 years (highly irregular cycle, severe & sharp pains in my left abdomen) are very likely due to an obvious diagnosis (RE feels pretty confident based on HSG that I've got endometriosis in my left tube, and that I may also have PCOS). I've always been quite thin (runs in the family), and I think previous MDs attributed irregularity to my weight, not acknowledging that there might be an underlying issue. 

    I'm very fortunate to have insurance that covers fertility treatments, but they do firmly require 12 months TTC documented with primary care. If underlying issues had been previously diagnosed, I wouldn't have had to wait that year.

    RE put me on letrozole this cycle, and wants to try a few cycles before doing a laparoscopy. OVd a week ago, so I'm in my TWW. 

    I hear you @brit623, @suchaglencoco and @helloworld9 on navigating BFPs for friends and family. In general, most days, I'm thrilled for my friends who are lucky enough to become parents. My happiness for them is separate from my own journey. But some days are harder. *TW* Soon after I MCd in October, DH and I heard announcements from 3 friends, with due dates right around when ours would have been. They've all now been born, and with constant FB/IG posts, I still sometimes feel sad seeing these gorgeous, perfect, wiggly bundles. *End TW* 

    Anyway, under the circumstances, I'm looking forward to getting to know you ladies. 'Glad to be here' isn't quite the sentiment, but glad this is here. 



    Me: 33, DH: 36
    Married and TTC since 6/2016
    BusinessWifetinjp78
  • Hello everyone! I'm new here. I decided to come on this board to find more information about surrogacy.  I'm 32, married, no children. I was born without a uterus.  Surrogacy is the first option that came to my mind. The reason why I turn to this option kind of late is that my first husband didn't want to have children.   I've been always wanted to become a mother. But I thought as I have no uterus this's my destiny to be childless. When I was 24 it turned out that my ex-husband had a mistress who got pregnant and he left me to be with her and his child. I spent 3 years in depression. I didn't want any relationships. When my ex-husband  left me he told me lots of terrible stuff  which made me feel that no one will ever  want me I as wife because I'm infertile. I moved to my parents’ house. I was sitting home 24/7 feeling sorry for myself.  My parents were trying so hard to help me. I was thinking what's the point of my life and I couldn't find it. I'm glad that period of my life is over.  Now I'm a completely different person. When I was 27 I met my dear husband who made me to forget about that horrible experience. Both of us want to have children. We're thinking about surrogacy. As my husband is working hard so we could afford surrogacy, I took all responsibility considering surrogacy on myself. Though  my husband  doesn't do much research because of his work, each evening  I share it with him  all the information which I  find during the day.   We discuss it and dive more and more into the process together. Surrogacy is illegal in our country. We are looking for options abroad. I've been here on this forum for a couple of days now and I found it really helpful. I hope I will find all needed information because I want our journey to start as soon as possible! I wish everyone the best of luck!

  • Me: 35 | DH: 42 ~ Married / TTC since May 2015
    5/16 - Began Creighton Method CM Tracking / Napro Fertility Medicine | Progesterone + various abx cycles - all BFNs
    8/16 - SHG: ute good, at least one tube open | 10/16 - MFI Azoo dx confirmed. No known genetic cause. Vas tubes absent.
    3/17 - DH started Clomid to prepare for MESA/TESE | 4/17 - Initial RE Consult for me. | 7/17 - Successful retrieval for DH!
    9/17 - Two BTB IVFs  | 10/17 - Polypectomy  |  11/17 - 1st FET ended in CP | 12/17 - 2nd FET ... BFP!!! <3 EDD: 09/09/18

    Our little miracle is on the way...


    tinjp78dragonette505adirat
  • somehow, I think this thread has gone to the Biotex darkside



    @brit623 there's a thread created for people starting an ivf cycle in October where you can ask questions chat and cycle with the rest of us (i'm cycling in October too).

    Biotex scammers stay away!!

    adiratBusinessWifetinjp78sarcasticowl
  • @adirat LOL Don't know what it says, but I should probably learn so I can understand my soon to be biotex doctors!! lol

    adiratBusinessWifetinjp78
  • @dragonette505 It's Russian (transliterated since my laptop won't do Cyrillic) for "Ladies from Biotex -- leave us alone, please!" Since they're in Kiev I assumed Russian, but maybe I should have done Ukrainian too to be safe! 

    DH & I: Both 28
    TTC #1 June 2016
    IF Dx: Premature ovarian insufficiency and luteal phase defect associated with genetic condition
    BFP 2/23/17. Said goodbye to our baby girl at 14 weeks.
    IVF+PGD September 2017 -- 9R, 9M, 7F, 5B; 2 healthy embryos, 1 questionable
    FET November 2017 - failed
    FET December 2017 - success! EDD 9/16/18



    BusinessWifetinjp78
  • Дівчата з Біотекс, дайте нам спокій будьте ласкаві :D 
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Me: 34 DH: 42
    I don't produce FSH, so no natural menstrual cycle. DH has reduced morphology.
    Summer 2014 IUI (with first husband): cancelled after almost a month of stims due to too many follicles
    Time off to divorce, get back on my feet, find a new hubby and get married again :)
    March 2017 IVF: ~70 follicles, 13R, 10M, 7F, 3B = 2 PGS Normal (both XY) - no transfer due to ohss
    Sept 2017 FET#1: BFP, Beta#1 - 253, Beta#2 - 528, EDD 06/08/2018
    BusinessWifedragonette505tinjp78
  • BTW, I suspect they might not even be ladies, really.... :#
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Me: 34 DH: 42
    I don't produce FSH, so no natural menstrual cycle. DH has reduced morphology.
    Summer 2014 IUI (with first husband): cancelled after almost a month of stims due to too many follicles
    Time off to divorce, get back on my feet, find a new hubby and get married again :)
    March 2017 IVF: ~70 follicles, 13R, 10M, 7F, 3B = 2 PGS Normal (both XY) - no transfer due to ohss
    Sept 2017 FET#1: BFP, Beta#1 - 253, Beta#2 - 528, EDD 06/08/2018
    BusinessWifeadirattinjp78
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