PGAL Check In (07-26 week)

justkeeptrying

This is a safe space for those who are pregnant after a loss. General TW for this thread.

How far along are you?


Any appointments coming up?


How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)


GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy?

justkeeptrying

How far along are you? 5+2

Any appointments coming up? Going for more bloodwork today. Will be going weekly until my first appointment on August 24


How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here): All of these loss posts are really breaking my heart. I just read 3 in a row and now I'm freaking out. I feel so sorry for the women experiencing these and am just so fearful that's going to be me again. 

GTKY: I am really focusing on the 80% success rate rather than 20% of MC. I'm also just trying to breathe and take things one day at a time. August 24 (my first appointment) seems so far away. So I keep telling myself it's less than a month and trying to be positive about how I say that!

hullabalou

How far along are you?
9 weeks

Any appointments coming up?
I have a quick appointment just to check on baby with the handheld ultrasound next week at 10 weeks, we have seen the heartbeat on ultrasound twice already so this is just for my peace of mind really.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I was doing great until last night, I woke up overnight and my boobs weren't sore and I didn't feel nauseous, so I convinced myself my symptoms had disappeared and something was wrong. I ended up falling back asleep after a couple of hours and having an awful nightmare that we lost the baby, but woke up with raging boob pain and puking. So it was a huge waste of energy to worry myself sick last night.

GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy? I've been reading a lot more than usual, it relaxes me more than watching TV because I really focus on what I'm reading and am not able to think about anything else. 

JournoGrl23

Post will be full of TW due to waiting to see if this is a loss.

How far along are you?
I honestly have no idea at this point.

Any appointments coming up?
Repeat u/s on Aug. 7 to either confirm loss or confirm viability and correct due date.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I'm not doing well at all. At my confirmation u/s on Monday, as I'm sure most of you have seen, the baby was measuring 6w2d when I should have been roughly 7w2d along. I expected to be off by a couple days since I don't know when I ovulated, but a week is pretty much impossible since we only dtd once in the month of June. Also, the heartbeat was "on the slow side." The doctor said it looks like it either just started beating since they're slow and erratic at first or it's on its way out and will stop soon. These next two weeks are going to be torturous for me. I just want some closure or peace of mind.

To make matters worse, the MS has kicked in big time. I threw up repetitively in the shower this morning and haven't been able to eat much due to aversions and nausea. It really sucks to have all these pregnancy symptoms and to have it potentially not be viable.

GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy?
Telling myself I've already lost this pregnancy because then there's nothing to lose.

hullabalou

hugs @journogrl23. I hope the next week and half flies by and you see a healthy baby at your next appointment.

justkeeptrying

@JournoGrl23, the wait between ultrasounds is so impossible. Especially given these circumstances. I wish they would have brought you in sooner. 2 weeks feels cruel to me. I'll be thinking and praying for you. 

becausescience

@JournoGrl23 I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I hope that increasing symptoms means things are going well, but understand not wanting to get your hopes up.  Two weeks seems like so long to be in limbo.  Can you Dr order 48 hours betas to check you levels to give you some information until then?

How far along are you?
5w1d

Any appointments coming up?
u/s in two weeks

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
These loss posts are tough to see.  My heart breaks for these women and I just keep thinking I'll be next.  On the flip side seeing great news from ultrasounds posts gives me hope and I'm so excited for them.  I also feel like with a late in the month due date I'm way behind everybody else.

GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy?
Just trying to think positive or keep myself busy with planning DD's bday party.

justkeeptrying

@becausescience, I'm with you on the late due date. With my last two pregnancies I was due the first week of the month and it was awesome to be "ahead of the crowd". Seeing everyone's US's are encouraging but also make me long even more for that first appointment!

eller-2

@JournoGrl23, I'm sorry you're in such an emotional limbo, and feeling sick on top of it.  Hoping for time to pass quickly for you, and for the best news possible from here on out.

How far along are you? 5w5d

Any appointments coming up? First ultrasound at 7 weeks, a week from Friday

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I am doing okay, mostly. I wish I had more/stronger pregnancy symptoms, but it is what it is (and it's still early). Not having any new information for the past almost-2 weeks has been kind of nice - nothing else to google or specifically to obsess over at this point. Like others have mentioned, I struggle a bit with all of the threads on this board that seem to assume a living baby in 8 months - for the most part, I avoid those. And, @justkeeptrying, my heart is also breaking for those losing their babies.  

If we hadn't lost our son, I would have been induced this Friday (and his due date is the date of my first ultrasound with this pregnancy). Trying not to dwell too much on that, and hoping to start layering some happy memories on top of the painful ones associated with August and March.     

GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy? Going on walks, and giving myself permission to crawl in bed in the evenings if I'm tired and just laze watching TV for a few hours before falling asleep early. 

JournoGrl23

@becausescience My doctor won't do betas from here on out because she said the only way that office confirms viability is by u/s at this stage. I asked because I wanted to know how it was looking and was hoping for confirmation either way.

@eller-2  I'm so sorry your son's induction date is coming up and his due date coincides with your first u/s. I hope things go well for you so you're able to make some happy memories.

chasingroygbiv

This is a safe space for those who are pregnant after a loss. General TW for this thread.

How far along are you?
9-10 weeks 

Any appointments coming up?
8 days. 8 days. Next u/s, appt with MFM and Genetics.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I'm okay. I have noticed cramping if I walk too much and that totally freaks me out. I'm also getting extremely nervous with the loss posts. My heart hurts for everyone, it's a pain I wish no one else had to feel. 

GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy?
Changing my thought process if I start to go down the wrong path. Doppler is also helping, but I know it won't keep it from happening. 

eller-2

@becausescience, @justkeeptrying, I hear you both on the late due dates!  I was also due in the first week of the month last time - and appreciated that as I should have!  Kind of relatedly, I recently had a friend find out she was pregnant at 5+ weeks, and I was jealous - the first few weeks are so scary (even for those of us who haven't had an early loss).

dani103

@JournoGrl23 Hugs! I am so sorry you are going through this. I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

@becausescience @justkeeptrying I feel you about the late due date. Mine is the 31st, so I might even have an April baby, lol. I was due on the 1st of the month with my son.

@eller-2 I found out at 6 weeks with my DS and was on a trip, so I didn't really have time to worry. It is so different this time. I found out before 4 weeks and all I can do is worry.

How far along are you? 4w4d

Any appointments coming up? First ultrasound on Aug 8th. Waiting 2 weeks is going to be so hard.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I am an anxious mess. Last time, I was told at my first ultrasound that there was nothing in the gestational sac and that it was probably not viable. Waiting these 2 weeks until my ultrasound is killing me. I really want to see if anything is there. Also, I had some symptoms a few days ago, but now I am just really really tired and a bit crampy. I know that it is normal for symptoms to come and go, and it is still really early, but it still worries me. Seeing all of these loss posts breaks my heart. No one should have to feel that.

GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy? Keeping busy helps me the most. I am focusing on my 13 month old son, going to lots of play dates, and talking to my friends that were so supportive the last time. 

justkeeptrying

Question...who all have you told about your pregnancy?

DH and I have very different views. He wants to keep things pretty quiet while I want to shout it from the rooftops. With our first loss, only family knew. And I found it so hard to tell people "we were pregnant, but now we aren't". With our second loss I was 15 weeks, so we had just that week announced on Facebook. Then we had to announce that we had lost the baby. While that was hard, we felt an unbelievable sense of support. 

I'm just curious if anyone on here has told anyone. So far we've told my parents and my sister and her husband. No one else. DH wants to wait a few more weeks until we tell his parents and after our 9.5 week appointment to tell my brother and our best friends. 

becausescience

@justkeeptrying We have not told anybody. I'm waiting until after our first u/s to tell family. Then at 12 weeks we'll tell friends, work, and extended family. Social media will be after anatomy scan. 

eller-2

We are being relatively open about our pregnancy this time around.  Last time, we told family immediately (hard not to when you're visiting them - and not drinking wine - around the holidays), close friends mid-to-late first trimester and work after our 13.5 week appointment.  We lost our son just before 22w, and it was very hard that everyone knew and our grief was so public, yet I can't imagine going through that without a lot of support (and patience from work).  We never announced on social media, which I was grateful for, and I suspect this time around I'll hesitate to do so until very late in the game.

Main difference this time around is I've told a handful of close friends already - I would tell them if we had a miscarriage, and I figured I could use the extra, early support.  I'm not planning to tell work until the second trimester, but I'm willing to do so if my job gets too crazy (as it tends to do) or if I'm having anxiety at some point that's affecting my work (which hopefully won't be the case).

mdfarmchick

How far along are you?
8 weeks give or take 

Any appointments coming up?
Finally. Next week. 2 August. It's my first appointment with a new OB so we will see how it goes. He comes very highly recommended. 

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
As PP have mentioned, all of the losses and threatened losses break my heart and are so hard. Overall, I'm having mostly good days. But I think I'm trying to prepare myself for that first appointment and for them to tell me that there's no baby. I still have tons of symptoms and am past the timing of my loss, but I'm a little scared. 

GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy?
I've been keeping busy and I remind myself that today I am pregnant. 

@JournoGrl23 I am thinking of you and praying for good results. I feel like two weeks is waaay too long to make you wait. You have my sympathy for the long wait.  

pettycrocker

7wks with baby #3 (Pg #6 / 3 ectopics) 

U/S on Friday. OB is going to do weekly or biweekly u/s until we get the lv 4 u/s at 12wks to confirm LO is ok (I was on some class D meds for the first couple weeks, so I am so relieved OB is keep a close eye on LO) 

Tired. 

Edit - GTKY: Pokemon. Gotta Catch 'Em All. 

chasingroygbiv

We haven't told anyone except for my Grandma because we needed a sitter for an appointment. I don't even know when to tell my kids at this point..

pghctwife

This is a safe space for those who are pregnant after a loss. General TW for this thread.

How far along are you? 6w6


Any appointments coming up? Tomorrow... viability scan


How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) ok. I'm pretty nervous for tomoriw and I'm trying not to let my head go there. Assuming everything is ok, I'm dreading the long wait after that. This fall our baby stopped growing at 7w1. Like, the day of my u/s basically. So I'm really moving into an anxious period.


GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy? I'm trying to keep busy. I purposely filled my time this week (nothing major... play dates, errands.  Just not sitting around the house). That really really helped. When I met not busy I end up stewing

i have told my family, which is a given. I always tell them right away. I've told more friends, like my local board. We would have told my ils  when they visited but they didn't want to have a single moment alone with us to talk soooo Nevermind. I told fewer ppl than normal for me with our loss and I so regretted it. I learned that I am a person who needs that wave of support. I wish I had even out it on Facebook tbh. It was too hard to tell people 'so I was pregnant and now I'm not' so I felt like I was going through this awful life altering struggle that felt like it was written over my face but no one knew and I had to try to fake it when I didn't really want to, and wanted the understanding and support

JournoGrl23

We've already told our families, including our extended families. We planned to go ahead and tell friends after the first u/s, but since that didn't go so well, we're waiting until after the next one. I kind of wish we had gone ahead and told close friends, because I'm pretty open with them about my first loss and will be with this one too if it ends that way. Loss is such a common thing I wish we didn't have to feel ashamed or secretive of it. It's something that happened to me and changed who I am and it'll always be a part of me. But having said that, I'm not comfortable just yet telling the world about my loss, potentially losses, so I'll wait to announce on Facebook until 14ish weeks either this time or the next time if this one isn't viable. With DD we waited until a couple weeks after the anatomy scan. I don't think I'm going to be that cautious this time. Or next time.

hullabalou

@justkeeptrying we told immediate family within a week or two of our BFP. After the first ultrasound at 6 w, we told the rest of our family and close friends. After our 8w ultrasound we just went ahead and announced on social media since my husband had pretty much told everyone we know already, lol. We have been open about our losses on social media, the Oct. I conceived my son I shared a post during Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month.

SP128

@JournoGrl23  I'm so sorry you are going through this.  2 weeks of uncertainty is cruel and unusual punishment.  
**TW** When I had my loss they had me come in weekly to check for growth and viability and that was long enough.

@mdfarmchick  I have the same mantra.  I'm finding that it helps.

@eller-2  I'm sorry your EDD is coming up.  It is hard for sure.  I hope you have a beautiful u/s.  

@chasingroygbiv  I'm so jealous that you have a doppler. I'm the kind of person that would obsess.  I know I can't have one because I would use it daily and freak out.  I had to take off my fit bit because I would sync it 20 times a day to look at the resting heart rate.  It went down 1 beat per minute and I couldn't help but over analyze.  

How far along are you?
6 weeks and 5 days

Any appointments coming up?
Monday, the 31st for my first u/s

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I'm pretty nervous about my u/s.  I've never had a good u/s before.  I am also so discouraged when I see posts about loss.  It is definitely heartbreaking because I was them last year and I could still be them.  

I'm really jealous of people who do not find out that they are pregnant until they are further along.  That would take out so much of the worry for me.  

I feel like even if I have a good u/s on Monday, I'm going to worry until the next one.  I think I'm going to worry until this sweet babe is in my arms screaming.

The only people that know about this pregnancy is a work friend.  She goes to the same RE as I do.  She was pretty open about her IVF journey a few years ago and I felt comfortable sharing that I was going through IVF too.  She is 3 weeks ahead of me as her frozen embryo transfer was a success : )  I also told one of my best friends.  She knows about the other two losses I have and was really supportive.  
Both of our families do not know about the previous losses.  My mother would've just blamed me for my losses because of my age.  She has no filter and is downright mean a lot of times.  

GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy? Today I am pregnant.  I am doing everything I can for this Embaby.  

mackorori

I haven't posted much, maybe a bit tentative to get too involved just yet...but seeing all the stories and words of encouragement in the community has been great. I'm praying the best for every one of you.

How far along are you?

9 weeks

Any appointments coming up?

Finally yes, on Monday. First appointment, it's apparently a busy month so that was as early as I could get in.

How are you doing?

Normal systems...fatigue and PMS on steroids. I'm definitely in my head this week though. I feel pretty positive about Monday, but last time we had a perfectly good 8 week u/s and then 3 weeks later the baby was gone. That's the head junk, what if that happens this time, it's almost harder...

For when do you tell...I try to keep it under the radar generally, but told a couple of friends I saw in person. My mom has been out of the country, but I will tell her next time we talk. I took a similar approach last time and I find it made it easier to handle the loss, having a support system that knows what's going on and to talk to if needed. I know I'm lucky though...I know women with family that does not make it easier, Imagine MIL comes over to see how you are doing and she's the one has a meltdown over it crying on my friend's shoulder? They never announced to them early on again. So I guess the answer is whatever makes sense for your circle.

GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy?

Deep breaths, getting out on my bike, acupuncture.

ishmoney

How far along are you? 6w 2d (updated because of dated gestational sac)

Any appointments coming up? 8/2 with GYN for viability check then 8/4 with a nurse midwife (great hospital, I hear). BTW, I have a 3rd appt at a birthing center at the end of August. (By Aug 31, I will make a decision between the birthing center and the very reputable hospital.) Prefer a home birth but...

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) Doing okay since I passed the 5+6 mark of my mc last time. (Takes just a little bit for me to cling to hope.) Felt pretty okay until this morning. My fatigue has kicked into overdrive. I have been meaning to check all TB boards and post and grade papers for a class I'm teaching but I can barely keep my eyes open. Now, I feel nauseous. (Sigh) How am I supposed to function?

GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy? Well, prayer, yoga, acupuncture, therapy. Family and friends. And this month off from work.

I'm thinking of all of you (too exhausted to tag) navigating symptom increase/decrease, discouraging ultrasounds, and the emotional roller coasters of reading other posts. One day at a time! I must say, I love having the support and hope to continue on this journey with you all.

SoraLk

How far along are you? 5weeks 4 days

Any appointments coming up? Hopefully an ultrasound in two weeks to determine the viability. My doctor is worried that my insurance won't cover it because it's not "medically necessary", so I guess I'll need to call them and double check.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I'm doing okay. I'm having horrible nausea that's making me worry if I'm getting enough nutrients, but otherwise I'm fine right now.

GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy?  Honestly, just knowing that this pregnancy is in the right spot is helping a ton.

pghctwife

I hand my us today (made a post asking for good stoires). I'm measureing small, though there is a hb. Everything I'm seeing says it really shouldn't be a problem so I, calming down a little. But, man. I was watching the screen and all I saw at first was a sac. That time until she zoomed in and said see the heart Beating? Was eons and I couldn't breathe and was almost in tears. Later my husband said he saw it flickering right away and wasn't worriedly, inguess he's better at reading us than me. 

Thankfully, is as texting with my mw (appt is tues) and she calmed me down and said I could get a scan in a couple weeks for peace of mind.  Extra nice since my loss was in this upcoming window and I don't know how I could wait till my next check with first tri screenings.

i feel sooooo emotionally wiped out.

huckleberryy

@JournoGrl23, how painful for you. I agree with the other comments, they should have brought you in earlier.

@pghctwife, I'm happy that you'll be able to get an u/s in the next couple of weeks.  

How far along are you? 5 weeks 5 days

Any appointments coming up? No... so first, I am jealous of all of you with appointments! I put my name on the waitlist for a midwife this week, and as that may take a while, tomorrow will start the hunt for an OB. (With losses, I find it hard to make those calls.) 

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) It doesn't seem real, and won't seem real, until I've heard a heartbeat or had an ultrasound (which under normal circumstances where I live won't happen until 12 weeks). I don't have a ton of symptoms yet, which is freaking me out a bit. Just before six weeks in my other pregnancies I had strong food aversions. I can't tell if the mild ones I have are in my head or real! Also, in my other pregnancies I had early ultrasounds due to spotting. I knew around six weeks if I had a heartbeat or not. I'm very, very happy not to experience that so far, but it seems an eternity to wait until an ultrasound.

Re telling people, we are going to visit my family next week, so will likely tell them. Otherwise, no one knows. I had a CP at 5 weeks at Christmas, and a miscarriage before my son was born. I will likely tell close friends soon, as if I do miscarry, I'll be leaning on them for support. (However, with the CP, despite best intentions, I felt that friends/family didn't understand what I was going through, so I don't want to tell people until the 6-7 week mark.) 

GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy? Same mantra as some of you have, "I'm pregnant for today". 

Also, thank you so much for this thread, it makes me feel not so alone. 

kiki75

To everyone regarding the loss posts: We use trigger warnings for a reason. While we all know that the support is helpful when you're going through that, I think we'd all agree that it's okay to avoid them if you're not up to it. It's okay to skip it altogether or to scroll to the comment box without reading. We have a big group here. There are enough people who are up it at any time.

@JournoGrl23 Hugs. Hang in there.

@eller-2 Milestones are so tough. 

JournoGrl23

Yes, like @kiki75 said, it's definitely OK to skip over the loss posts. I did in my last BMB when I was pregnant with my daughter. I had just had my loss 4 months before that and I was a nervous wreck. I couldn't handle reading about them because I was terrified, and that's OK. This time the only reason I'm able to read them and comment on them is because I've honestly gone numb to this pregnancy. At least until my next u/s, I refuse to let myself feel anything.

@huckleberryy I'm so thankful for this thread as well. IRL I'm so alone in my feelings this go around, but this group helps a lot!

huckleberryy

Does anyone know if there's a way that I can edit my previous post to add a trigger warning?

bookworm40

Hi All - so glad to have this safe space to participate in!

How far along are you? 5 weeks


Any appointments coming up? first ultrasound on Monday


How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I am a ball of nerves every single day.. I know that's not good but my last pregnancy I had such ups and downs and than MC'd at 7 weeks.  I've been having cramping and pulling the past 24 hours and of course that just weighs heavily on my mind, it's not bad cramping by any means, and its never in the middle of my pelvic area it's either to the left or right side.  

GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy?
knowing that mentally i'm in a much better state than the last time.  Last time I was dealing with an ex husband who was having severe depression and anxiety issues and couldn't concentrate on myself at all.  

kiki75

@huckleberryy I don't think that your post needs a TW. This thread already has a blanket TW. I only add it if I'm writing something I think is going to be extra triggering, KWIM? Like some of my uglier thoughts/fears. 

In any case since it could come in handy later, when you hover the mouse over your post, a little gear should appear in the top right corner. Click that. Usually on TB, we note why we edited (since it will show that the post was edited) so for example:

Eta: TW
Edit: Typos
Edit: Clarification

Etc.

ashleyf911

How far along are you?
8 weeks + 5 days.

Any appointments coming up?
Today! Just a quick check-in with a nurse and to get some bloodwork done. 

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
Overall I'm starting to finally get a little excited for this little bean. My symptoms (morning sickness, fatigue, sore boobs) have been SO strong this week, which leaves me feeling awful but encouraged.

GTKY: What is helping you to relax this pregnancy?
Tons of warm baths. It seems to help my nausea and my sore hips, and gives me time to decompress. And lots of Disney movies with my 2 year old.. who needs screen time limits anyway, right? 

huckleberryy

@kiki75 I misunderstood, thanks for clarifying and for the editing instructions. 

@ashleyf911, lol on the screen time limits.

The birthing centre called me today, and said that there isn't much of a wait for a midwife at the moment, and that I should get in soon. I'm excited, but scared as I'm still waiting for symptoms to hit me. 

dani103

@justkeeptrying We told DH immediate family (they were super supportive during my first pregnancy and then my mc back in January). I have also told a few close friends who are really supportive. I can't imagine being without some sort of support system if it happened again.

ishmoney

@huckleberryy, appointments headed your way! Hang in there.

Chillpr

How far along are you?  
8wks/2days

Any appointments coming up?
Second appt. 8/15 - seems like forever

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I don't come here often, but I'm pretty scared even after a good 1st appt last Tuesday. My symptoms (nausea, sore breasts, fatigue) are disappearing and I saw signs of slight blood (pink/not bright red) yestaerday. I'm trying to stay positive, but it's hard. I want to be happy for my little jellybean, but I'm waiting until after 12 weeks before I get my hopes up.

I told one of my coworkers and she reminded me, "The more people you tell, the more people you have to untell." So I'm staying quiet when I really want to be excited.

kiki75

@Chillpr Wow. What a horrible thing to say to someone. 1. No shit. Never would have thought of that. 2. Way to be pessimistic. FWIW, it's normal for symptoms to come and go anyways but also the placenta should be stepping in now. That should reduce some of the hormonal effects on you. I get it. I'm on the same boat. But keep trying to keep your head up. Replay your good appointment in your mind as much as you need to to get you to your next. 

ishmoney

@Chillpr, it really is one day at a time. I don't know if that was helpful for you what your coworker said but for me it fuels shame and limits support but whatever works to get through. I know I need all the prayers I can get. If there is anything fun and relaxing you can do this weekend...do it! Praying for you.

mdfarmchick

@Chillpr I'm sorry but I think your coworker is wrong. Tell whoever you feel comfortable and know will be supportive. You know, unlike that coworker.