Questions for STMs 7/26

missblaze

EmilyLove25

Y'all I am a STM but had a question: when did you decide to turn the car seat around and make it forward facing for your LO? I drive an hour to and from work and DD comes with me three days a week. It would be sort of fun having her see what I see and to look back at lights and more clearly see her adorable face. Obviously safety is more important but I keep getting conflicting reports as to when to do it! 

BelhurstBride

The current recommendation is two at a bare minimum- with the actual recommendation being leave them rear facing for as long as they're within the limits of their car seat.

Both of my girls were three and change before they hit the height limit on their car seat. (DD2 got DD1's hand-me-down convertible.) We'll be buying a car seat with higher limits this time around, that will allow for longer RFing.

missblaze

I turned DD at 2. She was getting car sick RFing and car rides were soooo much better when we switched to FFing. That being said, I do understand the benefits of extended RFing, but switching at the 2 year mark was right for us.

crizz13

@EmilyLove25 I was team rear facing until college. Seriously. Except my strong willed diva had other ideas....Around 27 months she started fighting me hardcore about the car seat. I did/do daycare drop off and pick up every day and then drive a half hour with her. We would spend at least 20 minutes parked every.single.time with her screaming, arching her back, refusing to sit, and then once I finally got her sitting, she would cry the entire car ride. I would end up yelling at her more often than I'd like to admit. I cried almost daily. 

At 2.5 years exactly I made the decision to switch her. I just couldn't fight the battle anymore.* I am pregnant. I hated feeling that the start and end to my day every day was so stressful and I was extremely distracted driving. My mom actually gently suggested it to me one afternoon after I called her in tears.

From that day (about three months ago now) she has been happy as a clam getting in to her car seat. It made a world of difference for us.

That's my long winded way of saying that rear-facing is safer and I still think you should only switch when your child outgrows the weight limit...but now I've got the added caveat that you have to also do it when it's right for your family. I was a firm believer in the whole "they don't know anything else" theory, but my DD continues to prove me wrong on a lot of things ;-)

*If this had been happening at younger than 2 years old, I would have continued to fight the battle. 

PhillymommaX2

@EmilyLove25 I turned the girls around their 2nd Birthday. But since then the law has changed in PA and they must be rear facing until at least 2. 

supercoolstephy

@EmilyLove25 I'm sure I'm going to get mommy shamed for this but we turned around at 18 months. My state law is 1 year. Yes I know the recommendations, please do not start in me, but we did what was best for our family.

koennia1217

This may be more UO but it is also a question. We are having a girl and recently my mother started a Pinterest board for my baby (que eye roll). We have very different taste- VERY different. And personally I don't want my daughter wearing things that are bright pink and say "princess" on it. Or "my prince has come and his name is daddy" - it gives me the creeps. Again, might be UO but I just think it's tacky and cring worthy. I will watch all the Disney princess movies wth her and play dress up princess but I just don't like the whole "daddy's little princess" thing. Same with boys and "ladies man" onesies. Anyways my question is how do you kindly tell people not to get you things like that? 

mindaa

We turned right at 2 because we were doing a multi-state drive. We put the seat in the center so it's easy for the passenger to feed and entertain him. 
Even though he was never super fussy RF, I agree it's so much better. He'll climb into the seat himself and loves looking out the window. He looks way more comfortable with room to stretch his legs.

cyanope

I'm already having a battle with DH regarding RF. DD is 18 months and has HATED the car seat since the day she was born. DH continuously informs me that we're flipping her FF on her 2nd birthday (despite ALL of the research I have shown him about RF being safer). He's convinced she'll be more happy if she's FF. I get why he pushes it (she is miserable to drive with and always has been), but I'm still going to keep her RF as long as I can. We'll see how long that lasts, but I'm pretty determined (and usually get my way) when it comes to matters involving safety. 
I also want to add that I don't judge anyone who does FF sooner. I may get to the point where I cave! She's usually that miserable (except our recent road trip...go figure). 

[Deleted User]

@koennia1217 girl, if you figure it out let me knpw! I hated those onesies for DD and returned most of them.. ruffles, pink, glitter, stupid sayings. No thanks.

BelhurstBride

@koennia1217, I just never put the girls in them. They went straight to a donation pile.

Extended RF is non negotiable for me- and believe me, DD1 made it difficult. She screamed her whole way home from the hospital and has pretty much not yet stopped. Homegirl still hates her car seat- and at 7 I still make her ride in a five point harness. I don't care if all of her friends are in boosters.

As she's gotten older (past 18-24 months) it's been easier because we can have conversations about safety. "I know you don't like riding in your seat facing away from me, but I want you to be with me forever." "I know you don't like wearing sunblock/long sleeved swim shirts, but you know how you hate those scars on mommy's back?" "I know you don't love spinach, but it'll help keep you with me forever!" It doesn't necessarily stop the complaining, but at least she knows I'm not doing it to just piss her off. I'm doing it to keep her as safe as I possible can.

steph30032

@EmilyLove25 My son is 22 months right now and our plan is to turn him FF when he hits 2. I know how much safer rear facing is, so when DH wanted to switch him at his first Birthday I said absolutely not. I said two years old would be the absolute soonest I'd consider it. I'd be ok letting him stay RF longer, but he's so tall for his age (taller than my 3.5 year old niece) and DH is excited to switch. Plus I only drive local so it's not a huge concern for me as long as we hit the 2 year mark. 

Dani0329

Our daughter is 2 years, 9 months and I am planning on keeping her RF until she hits the 40 pound limit of her seat. When we travel on an airplane she is FF, but that's it.  

We go through bad times of her not wanting to ride in the seat but she doesn't know any different in the car, so I think it'd be the same for FF. 

I got my my husband on the same page with scary videos and articles, but my co-workers and family call me the car seat crazy.

I uninstall all my Dad's installs when we fly in for a visit because it's always wrong. Actually I think I have uninstalled and reinstalled every seat she has ridden in in someone else's car. I know I'm crazy.

jame1380

It was a battle with DH from the day DS turned 1. I showed him the research and bought a few more months. He ended up turning the car seat in his truck around at about 18 months. We didn't switch the car seat in my car until he turned 2. I like to think I would have gone longer if I could fit a rear facing convertible car seat not in the middle. My struggle was getting him into the middle seat once he was so big. He fought it. 

koennia1217

@schaze and @BelhurstBride - I think I might bring it up conversationally when I see people and maybe they'll pick up the hint- if not returns and donation pile it is lol. 

Cricket99

@koennia1217 I'm team straight into the donation pile for those type of onesies and shirts. It's a personal style preference and you shouldn't feel forced to put your kid in something you're uncomfortable with just because faaaaamillllyyyy got it for you. My mother in law, bless her heart, just sent us the most hideous keen style sandals for DS. They have paw patrol on them and light up. He doesn't even watch paw patrol because I find it annoying and refuse to get him into wearing characters on his clothes. It starts to get expensive because you are paying for the trademark of the character and I refuse to start it. Plus, we live in the UK and kids just don't wear that kind of stuff here. I like to dress DS like a little man, not some cutesy infantalized version of what people think a baby should look like. No sports shorts and sneakers over here! I'm more of a jeans and polo shirt kind of mom. 

ETA: my MIL is also one who demands pictures of DS in everything she sends. I refuse to send her pitctures of him wearing things because otherwise he will end up like DH who still has to send her pics at 34 years old... also, those sandals will NOT be making the move with us. They're that heinous.

[Deleted User]

@cricket99 I feel like we need a pic of the offending sandals now..

bainidhedub

We turned DS's seat around when he was 2yr 4mo. DH wanted to do it sooner but doesn't feel comfortable installing the seats with LATCH himself so I just... didn't... for a while. We ended having to take the seat out of his car so he could carpool a bunch of people during Inauguration, and put it FF when I put it back. We had started having a hard time getting DS into the seat without bonking his head on the doorframe, otherwise I might have kept it RF longer.
Once he was FFing he got really into being a backseat driver and comments on stop lights and signs alllll the time.

ecolton01

Speaking of car seats I need advice DD is 13 months and the twins will be here by Christmas ( original DD of 1/18) . I am buying a bigger car . Those of you who have a suburban/Tahoe/Yukon etc with 3 little what is better a bench seat or bucket for the second row? I feel like bucket would be when they get older but then I also feel like a real a hole for putting DD way to the back to "make room for the twins . Ahhhhh 

Cricket99

@schaze here they are, as requested.

ETA: here's how I normally dress him, which fully explains why I find these so heinous.

libbberty

My FTM self is starting to freak out with all of this car seat talk. Please tell me it gets easy once you get the hang of it! I don't even know where to begin.

GraceUponGrace09

@Cricket99 Light-up shoes are the absolute worst!! As are character clothing, ugh! 

[Deleted User]

@Cricket99

Cricket99

@schaze that was totally my face when I pulled them out of the box after hearing MIL gush about the cutest shoes she found... I added a pic of how I usually dress DS above, just to show how bad my face actually was...

EmilyLove25

OMG thank you mamas for all of your rear facing/forward facing advice. I definitely feel better about it. Was for sure waiting until 2 and might hold out longer (when she hits the 35 pound limit)… but if the long day care drives get worse, we might switch sometime after 2!

@koennia1217  I 100% agree with you. Just remember you can always return things people buy for you! And there is so so so so so much cute girl things that are not tacky. Excited to be having a boy, but jealous of all the team pink members because I love girl clothing. Leggings. Tunics. Love. On the awful clothing note though, when I was pregnant with DD, I saw a baby... maybe 17 months at the zoo wearing a onesie that said, "My Aunt is the Shit." WHAT? WHY? 

@libbberty  Oh yes, it’s easy! You just do research and talk to friends—or ladies on this board! For the longest time your LO will be in the infant seat anyway, which is THE BEST! They fall asleep in it and you just carry them into the stroller (you get an attachment), a restaurant, etc. 

clc515

@Cricket99 Lol shame my nephew is too big but he LOVES paw patrol and would flip for those sandals lol. But yes, can see why you'd leave them behind!

So I didn't think we'd need daycare but looks like we will... How early is too early to start looking? ETA And what kinds of things should I be looking for, and what questions to ask them?

Thanks!

supercoolstephy

@clc515 I'd look now. We waited till we were about 7 months last time and a lot had long wait lists and I ended up with a crummy daycare for a few months till we moved and got into a better one. 

gusgus14

@clc515 - It depends on your area but I don't think there is such a thing as too early. We are already on a waitlist as of last Friday when I turned 15 weeks.

clc515

@supercoolstephy and @gusgus14 thanks! Yikes better start looking. 

Follow up question... where does one start looking for daycares? I have a few friends with kids but they live in other counties so not that helpful. Yelp and Google?

steph30032

@clc515 I worked at a very nice preschool/daycare in Virginia. When I found out I was pregnant with DS in 2015, I was conisdiering being a working mom and enrolling my son in the infant room (for 6weeks-12month babies). When I talked to my boss she informed me that their wait list for the infant room was 15 months out. So basically you'd have to be on the wait list before you even conceived. Crazy! I was pretty disappointed because a lot of other places were scetchy and didn't have the greatest reviews. I ended up looking into finding a nanny before ultimately deciding to be a stay at home mom. 

@ecolton0 , I recently bought a GMC Acadia which I loveeee. It has the third row with second row bucket seats. I was really against the buckets at the time but I settled because this was the model and year I could afford, but my thought was, when I have DS in his car seat, and new baby's car seat setup in the other bucket seat, it would be very diffifult to have anyone climb through the car seats to the third row. I do plan on having new baby go straight to the convertible car seat, so maybe the carriers would make it easier for your DD to climb to the back, but when you have three kids in bigger seats it would be hard. I would like the idea of having all three kids on a bench in the second row, but that's just me. 

supercoolstephy

@clc515 I googled to find daycares in my surrounding area. Then called to get prices, ask general questions, vacation and sick policies, curriculum offered especially as they get older, if food/formula was provided, teacher/student ratio, how they help with transitioning to the next class, dropping naps, feeding solids, etc.

We just moved to our third daycare. We hated our first. Moved to a city about 30 minutes away and found a great one but when we found it we didn't realize how far it was with morning and afternoon street traffic, so we found one really close to our house. I like our new one, but I feel like they are less structured than they were at his last.

gusgus14

@clc515 - I mostly used google and took the same approach as supercoolstephy. We only have a couple of friends with kids in the area so we asked who they used and added them to our list to check out as well. I actually didn't have to ask many questions of the one we ended up choosing because when I called to get pricing to even see if it was in our range, the Director basically gave me all of their program information up front. I also looked up all of the daycares we were considering on the child services website which listed all of the violations the daycares had received, when, the severity of the issue, and whether it was resolved. 

mindaa

Ugh, that will totally be mil with the girl clothes! She's managed to find the tackiest stuff for DS. (And I usually tend to be more cheap than picky) And why do both Grandmas like to buy so many white clothes??

With daycare, you could try something like nextdoor or a neighborhood Facebook page if.ypu have one. And just start telling people you're looking - dh got a referral for our in-home daycare from a mom who works in our insurance agent's office. Totally random.
.

crizz13

@koennia1217 with my own mom, I made it pretty clear that I don't like things with characters or writing on them. She and I have similar taste anyway. With other clothing we got, it was donated right away, or put in the extra clothes cubby at daycare.

@clc515 not too early! LO already has a spot for April at the daycare DD attends...and I told it was filling up fast. Part of the reason is that the ratios for infants to teachers have to be super low. I would also suggest touring daycares.... sometimes you just get a gut feeling if a place is right or not.

Dani0329

@clc515

I would recommend looking at day care now.  When we lived in NJ there was a surplus of quality child care options, so we didn't have to rush (and she only went for a month before we moved anyway).  In GA she stayed home with my husband for 5 more months, and I started looking about 3 months before we needed care.  Several of the quality centers said, "you should have been on the wait list when you were pregnant." There are only 3 quality centers in my area. 

We have a website here in GA where you can look up accredited programs.  I'm sure your state may have the same!

trudytudy

@EmilyLove25 I'm also a car seat crazy person like someone mentioned above. I kept my son rf until he maxed out the weight on his car seat. Sure everyone criticized me for keeping him like that but he didn't mind and I figured he was safest that way. I understand why people turn the seats around if the baby screams and it's stressful and distracting. But otherwise rear facing until the limit of the seat is what many experts recommend. 

@Cricket99 I would totally let me kid wear those sandals. But I do like the outfit you pictured so I see you have good taste. 

@steph30032 I'm glad to see you like the Acadia. My husband went and looked at one for me the other day and like it. I have been more interested in the Ford Explorer bc I'm also not thrilled with the idea of sticking my son all the way back there. Right now I drive an SUV that I should be able to squeeze 3 seats in but I'm looking at buying the most narrow seats I can find. I'd love to hear more input on the three car seat situation. I see the convenience of a van but I'm planning on moving to an area with some rough country roads and want something that can help with the ride. 

crizz13

@trudytudy I've never understood why people care if you choose to extended RF a child!! 

trudytudy

@crizz13 I know it! Everyone else (in laws) complained about it way more than my son ever did. It just fell in line with all the other criticisms about my breast milk, or cloth diapers, or using a swaddle or stroller.  Whatever! 

Dani0329

Any advice for night time potty training? DD has been completely potty trained (poop and pee) for about a month and is only having an accident once every two weeks with pee. We are still putting her in a diaper for naps and bedtime.  

Any advice on when we should night train?  I want a few solid months without diapers before we dive back in. 

GraceUponGrace09

@Dani0329 I don't really have any advice, sorry! My DD and DS2 were both able to be night potty trained soon after they were potty trained, like within several months. My DS it took several years. I kinda think it's "they're ready when they're ready". But some other moms might have more ideas or suggestions for you. 

There's always the obvious: no drinks soon before bed, potty at least once before bed, and once their diaper/pull up is dry several nights in a row, try it with underwear.