Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Do we try for #2?

We have a spirited 17 mo old, we both work full time, no family in town to help, I am almost 41, husband not sure if he wants #2, and we required IVF to conceive at age 38, so IVF will likely required. Do we try for #2? 

It's coming down to the wire to when we need to determine if we will try for #2.  I have always imagined having multiple children. I want our son to have a sibling, so he has a childhood buddy and that person he grows up with.  And of course, when we are gone someday, i want him to have a sibling in his life.  

We had our son through IVF when i was 39 (conceived when i was 38).  So I likely will need to use a frozen embryo (luckily we have 2 frozen).  I can and will prepare emotionally and physically for the process again and having a child at an advanced age.  I am prepared to handle that.  

Here are my fears:  1. how do we take care of 2 children!?  I feel like with our son and working full time, i am at my wits end trying to get everything accomplished for him and our family.  2. i am almost 41.  i am getting older!  my body takes longer to recover from child birth,  i have back pain and always feeling tired from working and chasing a toddler.  3. my husband would be happy with our son being an only child.  My husband is an only child himself.  he would be happy with our current family.  So this could be the biggest hurdle of all, getting him on board to try for #2.  

By the end of 2017, I want to be trying to conceive or decide we are not going to try.  If we decide we are not going to try, i think i will be devastated, and i am worried I will resent my husband for not trying.   I think that deep in my heart, the only way i will HAVE to come to terms with not having a second baby is if it's impossible for us to conceive.  

My emotions are starting to become wild about this, and i'm unsure on what to do and how to handle it all.  I'm unsure if this is the correct place to post this.  Please help!!    
Married 4-27-13
TTC for 1.5 yrs
40 yrs old; DH is 36
April 2014 MC at 8 wks 
Jan 2015 Clomid, BFN 
Feb 2015 Clomid, Ovidril, 1st IUI, BFN 
Mar 2015 Clomid, Ovidril, 2nd IUI, BFN 
May 2015 1st IVF, 19 follicles, 18 eggs retrieved on May 20, 13 fertilized, transferred 1 Blastocyst on May 25=BFP!; froze 2 Blastocysts
Full term healthy baby boy born on 2-11-16

Re: Do we try for #2?

  • meggymemeggyme member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    ambdtb said:
    We have a spirited 17 mo old, we both work full time, no family in town to help, I am almost 41, husband not sure if he wants #2, and we required IVF to conceive at age 38, so IVF will likely required. Do we try for #2? 

    It's coming down to the wire to when we need to determine if we will try for #2.  I have always imagined having multiple children. I want our son to have a sibling, so he has a childhood buddy and that person he grows up with.  And of course, when we are gone someday, i want him to have a sibling in his life.  

    We had our son through IVF when i was 39 (conceived when i was 38).  So I likely will need to use a frozen embryo (luckily we have 2 frozen).  I can and will prepare emotionally and physically for the process again and having a child at an advanced age.  I am prepared to handle that.  

    Here are my fears:  1. how do we take care of 2 children!?  I feel like with our son and working full time, i am at my wits end trying to get everything accomplished for him and our family.  2. i am almost 41.  i am getting older!  my body takes longer to recover from child birth,  i have back pain and always feeling tired from working and chasing a toddler.  3. my husband would be happy with our son being an only child.  My husband is an only child himself.  he would be happy with our current family.  So this could be the biggest hurdle of all, getting him on board to try for #2.  

    By the end of 2017, I want to be trying to conceive or decide we are not going to try.  If we decide we are not going to try, i think i will be devastated, and i am worried I will resent my husband for not trying.   I think that deep in my heart, the only way i will HAVE to come to terms with not having a second baby is if it's impossible for us to conceive.  

    My emotions are starting to become wild about this, and i'm unsure on what to do and how to handle it all.  I'm unsure if this is the correct place to post this.  Please help!!    
    Before you jump off the deep end worrying about how you'd care for 2 kids, you need to have an honest conversation with your husband and tell him all the things you said above. If he's on the fence about a second, maybe he just needs to see your conviction about having a second. If you need to wait a bit longer to make the decision, then so be it. With modern medicine women are able to get pregnant later and later. And if for some reason you chose to wait and can't get pregnant, there is adoption. But first your husband needs to be supportive.
    Meg
    ME: 30  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife
    TTGP Dec Siggy: Favorite Christmas Movie           BotB Dec Siggy: Ghosts of Christmas Toys Past
                                                          

  • Mack2342Mack2342 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I agree with previous post that you need to tell DH everything you posted here so he knows how you feel.  I do understand somewhat your circumstances though.  I am 42.  I have an almost 2 yr old (2 next month).  We have been trying for #2 since my DS was 6 months old.  I too want him to have a sibling and can't imagine him being alone when we are gone.  ***TW loss**** after my son we have had two miscarriages. After the 2nd one we sought fertility treatments and are now in 4th round of IUIs trying to get pregnant.  We are now using injections in the hope that this works.  IVF is not an option for us.  So I can understand your urgent feelings but I truly believe your DH needs to be on board first.  
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