Articles of Interest (Screen Time)

peachy13

AAP recommendations regarding screen time: https://www.cnn.com/2016/10/21/health/screen-time-media-rules-children-aap/index.html

Looking to start a conversation on screen time. On DH's side of the family, TV is everything. DH and his siblings had TVs in their bedrooms as early as they can remember, and DH tells me stories about him and his brother watching TV late into the night, even when they were real young, even on school nights and whatnot. There were zero restrictions. DH's siblings now have young children and everyone is very dependent on TV. TV is on constantly in their homes and both my nephews (ages 3 and 16 mos) need a show to calm down, whether it's on the big screen or on a phone. Granted, once the show is playing, they calm down immediately and are focused on the show for a good amount of time and seem to be happy.

This whole dynamic though worries me, as it's not how my siblings and I were raised -- there was one TV in the house growing up and we were only allowed to watch it at certain times during the day. Obviously the rules got more lax as we got older, but I definitely remember being young and being told that I could only watch one 30-minute show before dinner. I've always imagined doing something similar with my own kids... not really introducing them to much TV until they were older, definitely no TVs in the bedrooms until they're much older, etc.

Question for the group though... am I delusional thinking I can get away with NO screen time in the first year or so? I always hear "whatever works" from moms who are trying to calm their babies down and I feel like putting a show on their phone is such an easy way to get that done, so I don't know how crazy I am to think that I won't resort to this in the future when I need a quick calm down. What works for you or someone you know? Also, I do think this is going to be a controversial topic with DH, as he is a big TV person. We agree on a lot of things but I don't think he'll see where I'm coming from when I suggest no screen time in the first year or so.

Marley629

My motto is "what works for one family, may not work for another.."  I don't think you are delusional for having that thought process or plan in place. Just be aware that you may change your mind as time goes on but that rings true with everything! I have learned to never say never and have given in on some things that I thought I never would. That being said, I know many other moms that stuck to the no screen time before 2 rule (that's what it was when I had DS but I think the suggestive age was recently reduced).   

as for my own experience, I credit Sesame Street and some of the educational apps that DS plays with teaching him so many things.  He's almost 4 now and I think we have a healthy balance of screen time and other activities.  

lavashiner

You are not delusional! We waited until DD was 2 to watch TV at home. I know the nanny and my parents let her watch a bit before that, but she certainly went for the first year with no screen time. I also have a friend who has a 3 year old who hasn't seen TV (not sure about other screens...). So, if it is important to you, I think you can make it happen. Even now, DD (28 months old) watches TV (or youtube--she has a favorite video about penguins) only 1-3 times a week for under 30 minutes each time. The penguin video is 6 minutes long, for instance. Also, most kids shows are 22 minutes long and have two chapters, so you can get away with stopping it after the first one and saying that it is over.

When we do watch screens with her, we try to engage her and ask questions. We typically don't just plop her down and leave the room. I agree with @Marley629 that there are some great shows/apps out there to engage kids! It's not all bad. My DD hates Elmo, though, so I have to search for vintage Sesame Street for her.

Now, on a long airplane ride, all bets are off! I'll use anything to keep her calm. Ha ha. Also, went #2 comes along, my practices around this may change. I know friends with more than one kid where the second child gets screen time way earlier for obvious reasons...

skc040512

I was able to (for the most part) be screen time free until DD1 was about 14 months. TBH, there were plenty of times that the tv was on and she was in the room (either DH or I had been watching it, we had it on for background noise, etc), but we always made sure she was occupied with something else, like her books, balls or blocks. Even now, she is almost 18 months and will not watch tv, unless there is a super catchy song on. Even then, she watches/dances while the music plays and then goes back to whatever she was doing before. 

TL;DR if you're kid is active (like my DD1 who never stops) it is 100% possible, but it does take diligence. Other kids, it may be beneficial to you to allow some screen time. 

Also - DD1 still doesn't know how to use a tablet or smart phone, aside from putting the phone up to her face and pretending to talk. I plan to keep enforcing the no tablet/apps rule for as long as absolutely possible.

flowerpower5838

peachy13 I don't think wanting to limit or have no screen time isn't doable. Just remember it's okay to change your mind when you're in the thick of things! 

As for getting your DH on board, I would just show him the recommendations from accredited sources and let him know that it's important to you. But don't fear compromise - turning on some nursery rhymes on Netflix while you get laundry done every once in a while isn't going to make your little one dependent on TV to calm down.

cait5413

DD is almost one. The only time I have really put on a show for her was when she had a double ear infection with a high fever and her antibiotics were not working and she was pretty miserable (and I couldn't take much more crying/whining). I put on Daniel Tiger to try to distract her. It worked for less than 5 minutes. That being said, she has not been screen-free. DH and I often have a show on when I fix dinner and he washes dishes after, but she doesn't watch it. She crawls/walks around and plays, but it is on. She does LOVE screens--tablets, cell phones, whatever. Sometimes I show her pictures on my phone and she skypes with her grandparents. DH watches a lot of video games on his phone, so she sometimes watches some of that on his lap (which I wish she didn't). So, can you avoid it? yes. Might you and DH sometimes want to watch something while baby is around? Also yes. 

wabash15

@peachy13 I guess it depends a little on what your definition of screen time is... for some that's having the tv on at all with the baby near by. I have a friend with a 2 year old who does not have a TV in her house so his screen time is very limited.
    for me I had it on while nursing because I needed some sort of stimulation being alone by myself all day. We try to be cognizant of the times the twins see the TV and have not yet put on a program/movie for them to watch. We do have the news on in the background  in the mornings but they are not usually spending much time in that room and other than that they see very little the rest of the week. (we don't turn the tv on in the evenings until they have gone to bed).  They do occasionally pay attention to the screen and will point out animals like dogs in commercials). 
    I think you have to find a balance that works for your family. The other thing DH and I debate about is growing up technology/social media was not a big thing, but for our kids it will be an integral part of their life/culture.  How do we balance helping them be savvy users while also keeping them safe and giving them an appreciation for time being disconnected. 

kyrwyn

@peachy13 Screen time is going to be a tough topic at our house, too, but not because of TV.  Almost all of DH's relaxing hobbies are technology-mediated -- computer, laptop, tablet, phone, something.  Finding a way to model moderation with devices will be a struggle, since it's not really something he models for himself. =\

The friends we visited recently seemed to have a great balance with their 1.5 yo.  She had, maybe, 2 hours cumulative screen time in the 4 days we were visiting. And at least 45 min of that was a Tour de France stage her mom was watching that the kiddo had zero interest in.  They are big techies too, but they limit their own screen time to when the kid's napping or asleep for the evening.  She'll ask them to put on music, and only has 2 or 3 shows they'll let her watch in small exposure times.  They also freely admit that all bets are off on travel days (flight or long car trips) for the sake of keeping the peace.

It makes me hopeful that we'll find a moderate balance at our own house.  

ashtynmo

FTM here and have no clue what we will do. But DH and I are the type who have TV going quite often (news, sports, comedies and game shows in the background for white noise) so are the things we usually watch as adults also off-limits whenever the baby is in the room? If so, we will have a lot to get used to haha.

Amber_Waves

My nephew is screen free & we plan to do the same until at least age 3.  This webpage has great advice and encouragement on keeping screen free:  https://www.screenfreeparenting.com/

KathrynJ088

 No advice when they're that little bc we didn't have much when mine were under 5 (think non-smart phone & bunny ears on the one tv), BUT we do screen-free on school nights. Right now it's summer, so there are practically no rules (or that's how it feels). We always have them do a chore or two, plus make sure their room is picked up, etc before any screens on the weekends.  It's something that they have to earn and I hope is teaching them to take care of business before getting sucked into whatever screen. 

failuretofly

I am really bad for just having the TV on... and I'm more aware of it now that DS is noticing it more and more. I try to put on the radio or a podcast instead of having the TV on as background noise, but sometimes it's just easy. That being said a good cuddle in front of a movie is like one of my favorite things to do with DS. Not that we do it often, but I like it. 

cait5413

ashtynmo said:

FTM here and have no clue what we will do. But DH and I are the type who have TV going quite often (news, sports, comedies and game shows in the background for white noise) so are the things we usually watch as adults also off-limits whenever the baby is in the room? If so, we will have a lot to get used to haha.

Technically, no screen time is supposed to mean nothing on the screen, whether you are watching it or they are watching it. We obviously don't completely follow that. I definitely didn't follow the recommendation about not watching anything even when breastfeeding an infant. Baby eats every 2-3 hours at first, and that's 2-3 hours from the start of the last feeding, which might last 15-45 minutes, so you could have only an hour or so between feedings. Podcasts and reading are great, but so is Netflix! 

Amber_Waves

On the "screens while feeding" note:  I thought this was an interesting read...lots of parents reporting that feedings were more enjoyable and efficient when they directed their attention to their child, not their phone/tv/book/etc
https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/02/the-breastfeeding-challenge/

tmk0325

I'm for whatever works for you and your family. My 1 year olds have been exposed to the tv from an early age due to it being on at daycare for the older kids.  I'm not a huge fan of it, but the older ones that come after school watch a lot of cartoons and what not, so I can't really avoid it unless I go else where (we do private in home near us).  With that said, we never have the TV on when we are home, only because they get enough exposure there. I figure there are other things at home I can occupy them with. They do like my cell phone and would probably love a tablet if I exposed them too it.  I'm trying to hold off on all of that though until a little bit later if I can.