I'm a guiltless cold blood bitch regarding my delivery and post-delivery wishes. It is all about me, DH, and the baby and I don't give a f*ck who gets offended. - told my mom that she's not coming from Brazil and staying in my house. I'll go and visit in November. That was a fun conversation. - told my IL that they can be at our house during delivery and take care of the dogs until we come home. They have to leave within 1 hour of our arrival. If they are not happy with this they can stay home until I feel like receiving visits as I have friends willing to take care of the dogs. - told SILs they can come and visit the first weekend after baby's here but cannot stay overnight. They live 4hrs away and IL live 1hr away. They can stay in a hotel, at IL, or go back home. - No one is welcomed before 10am or after 6pm.
When people ask DH "is she serious" he tells them that once he brought friends home from the bar and I walked into the living room, told them "get the f*uck out of my house", and walked back to my bedroom.
I'm afraid of the monster I'll become once the baby's here and all my protective instincts get flared up.
@livlew I'm jealous that your hubby is on board with this! I would love to implement the same guidelines, but he doesn't agree with me at all. His whole extended family lives within a 15 minute radius, and he grew up with an open door 24/7, so he doesn't think its a problem to have guests in and out. Even if he did agree, his family would harass him and just show up anyways. Fingers crossed I can nurse this time so I have an excuse to take baby away and feed.
TW @lewliv I also had to put my foot down as well. We had a story here in our city where a newborn was kissed by someone with a cold sore and the baby died this week she was only like 18 days old or something like that. I really will not have much visitors until I am ready. That is just how it is going to go and whoever gets mad can get mad with me i don't care. With DD I had visitor after visitor and that was just exhausting. This time I don't want that.
I have also kicked out DH friends out the house because they were being loud drunk and I love my house when it is quiet.
We had a story here in our city where a newborn was kissed by someone with a cold sore and the baby died this week she was only like 18 days old or something like that. I really will not have much visitors until I am ready. That is just how it is going to go and whoever gets mad can get mad with me i don't care. -----------
Really messed up this quote box whoops. Anywho, that story is freaking me out severely because my mom has had cold sores her entire life. Several months ago I brought it up to my dad, and he sent her some articles about the dangers of kissing or even touching babies and she agreed she'd need to be careful (wear a mask, wash hands a lot, etc). But it's my mom, like, what are we supposed to do, ban her from holding her only grandchild? Odds are the virus is dormant in my system at least and I don't understand if maybe I pass antibodies to the baby. I'm going to ask the pediatrician when the time comes. I wish those articles had more statistics about if what happened to that baby is really rare or whatever; the article I read was "most people don't even know they have this deadly disease," um thanks.
@kristenk727 DH and I talk a lot about our nuclear family being the priority in our lives. Our relationship and happiness come first. We are attending childbirth and first days at home classes and he's like "wow, this is really hard on your body and mind". So he believes that whatever I have to do to do to make this transition into motherhood easier, he will support me. His face when the teacher was talking about passing blood cloths was priceless. He's also super worried about hormonal imbalance in the first weeks and baby blues. I guess in the beginning he was thinking I was out of my mind but now he's 100% on board.
@lewliv can you come lay down the law with DHs family? I don't mind visitors, but call before you come and don't camp out on my couch. Also, don't show up at 9 pm and stay till 11.
@lewliv Good for you, setting those boundaries! My inlaws are close, and they are fine with any boundary we set, however my mother is not. I havent told her she wont be in the delivery room with me, but thats because im chicken. My dad gets it though, and they are planning to come down the week after my due date, and he is planning to take my mom away to NYC for a few days in the middle of the week, so that we dont have to deal with them. We dont live near a lot of family, so we are planning to go on a trip when hes a bit older (like a month or so) to see his new great grandparents, but letting anyone else know that if they want to see him, they come to us.
My fffc is, I went to the grocery store yesterday to get some fixings for dinner, and I bought myself two candy bars and hid them from DH. I plan to eat them myself today!
**TW Loss/pregnancy mentioned** Married: 7/21/12
BFP: 5/30/16 and MC on 7/6/16 BFP: 12/4/16 Due 8/8/17 -- Its a boy! Born 8/14/17 BFP: 5/19/19 and MC on 5/27/19 BFP: 6/24/19, MC on 7/24/19 BFP: 10/24, no heartbeat on 11/27, D&C 12/2 Officially diagnosed with Secondary infertility and recurrent miscarriage IVF started Feb 2020 retrieval and PGT testing: 18 retrieved, 17 mature, 16 fertilized, 9 to blast, 8 PGT normal. Transfer #1: June 14, 2020
Mommy to a super cute havanesse puppy and baby boy!
@lewliv you're my hero! I made a list of things my family gets to do when visiting. Dad: grocery shop, make me food, take dog to teeth cleaning appointment, wash car, change light bulbs. Sister (told her she can't be at birth): grunt work!
@tova24 that's awesome! I wish I could add chores to my requirements. I jokingly (but not joking) tell everyone that visits without food are not welcome. I should assign visiting time slots to all friends and relatives, and for each time slot add a chore (12pm bring lunch, 2pm do laundry, 4pm vaccum living room)
@lewliv DHs distant cousin and his wife handed out tickets telling people the days and times they could visit. When I commented that I liked that MIL said I'm the grandma and I can come whenever. Um, no. The tricky thing about her is she does help, but almost too much and tries to take over. I remember just wanting to fold a basket of laundry and her trying to take it away. It was bad enough that I couldn't walk up and down the stairs myself, at least let me fold them. We did have a rule that if you were holding baby and baby pooped, you had to change him
@lewliv we have similar rules. No overnight visitors, no matter who you are or how far you travel (which is likely stopping SIL and MIL from coming right away from CA and NC---we are in FL). I'm definitely going to impose visiting hours as well. And grandparents must have their TDAP updated. They're all a little shell shocked from these demands but hey, if you want to see the baby, you gotta go through me first. #sorrynotsorry
@SouthernMama15 my MIL is like "I can come for a week and help hold the baby!" And I'm like wtf??? That's the one thing I don't need help with, thanks.
@tova24 I love the idea of a chore list. I know my dad (who is a great cook) has already offered to cook for us when they are here, but my mom is the one I have to worry about. I hope she will really offer to do things like laundry, and cleaning, but Im not going to hold my breath!
I remembered my FFFC that I was originally going to use. I am currently watching Gilmore Girls on netfilx while I work from home. My confession is that this is at least the 4th time Ive watched it all the way through on netfilx, and I also own all the seasons on DVD, and have watched those 4 or 5 times through. I just love the show so much, and it is such an easy show to put on while I work.
**TW Loss/pregnancy mentioned** Married: 7/21/12
BFP: 5/30/16 and MC on 7/6/16 BFP: 12/4/16 Due 8/8/17 -- Its a boy! Born 8/14/17 BFP: 5/19/19 and MC on 5/27/19 BFP: 6/24/19, MC on 7/24/19 BFP: 10/24, no heartbeat on 11/27, D&C 12/2 Officially diagnosed with Secondary infertility and recurrent miscarriage IVF started Feb 2020 retrieval and PGT testing: 18 retrieved, 17 mature, 16 fertilized, 9 to blast, 8 PGT normal. Transfer #1: June 14, 2020
Mommy to a super cute havanesse puppy and baby boy!
@SouthernMama15 I love the poop rule! I'm sure MIL and SIL will be very helpful. They're good people. I set very clear boundaries because I'm worried about recovery, bonding, and being overwhelmed but I know that whenever they come around they will be helpful. I also know they will want to hold and spend time with the baby, which is totally fair, but I only have 6 weeks to stay at home with the baby. I admit I'm not feeling like sharing much.
DH had to leave the morning after DS was born for work training he could not get out of. My parents stayed at our house the night DS was born and got to the hospital at 5 am so DH could leave. My dad went home the next day. My mom was the one who brought me home and stayed with us till the next weekend even after DH came home. She was so helpful though, we slept in shifts, she kept to herself if I asked her, cooked, did laundry and cleaned, ran errands, drove us to pediatricians appointments, etc. For the most part she did it without me having to ask. MIL had to be specifically told or she would take over. No in between. Once I had to flat out say, get out of my kitchen, there are already 2 people in here and I'm not going to bust an incision wiping counters or putting away silverware. I appreciate that you're helping, but when I have to tell you where everything goes and you keep running into me, it's not helpful. The doctor told me to move around some. My family also gets that I need my space and if I disappeared with baby they would come ask if I was ok and then leave. She would come plop down in the floor and start kissing on DS while I was trying to nurse. I was so overwhelmed with all the people in my house and just wanted 5 minutes to myself.
FFFC 1: DH said it "might" rain on Sunday. I'm so hot and feel so obligated to be outside when it's nice, that I'm really hoping it does actually rain on Sunday.
FFFC 2: I can't stand the trend of saying "That moment when .... " with a photo or some type of story/situation. I don't know what bothers me so much about it. I find a lot of photographers that I follow on Facebook do it ("That moment when the bride and groom are so perfect that this perfect photo is made even more perfect and life is amazing" *photo here*). It rubs me the wrong way lately. Is it just a narrative tactic? I don't understand it, and I feel that it's quite overused.
@lewliv You're my hero! My mom gets it because her parents stressed her out so much when I was born, that her milk wouldn't come in. She actually initiated the conversation with me about my plans, and is totally on board with being just me and DH during delivery, and only visiting after when asked. I'm more concerned about MIL. She means well and is very helpful, but I know she'll want to be a little too helpful with first grandchild. This past weekend, DH and FIL were hanging bookshelves in baby's room, and she sat in my glider and SIL sat in the floor and just watched them hang the shelves. I left to do laundry because that room was way too crowded for no reason. Then as I was sorting through shower gifts, they stared at me. I like my space, and they just linger, and I picture her sitting and staring while I try to feed my baby, or sweeping the floor 37 times in one day.
I am having my parents stay at my house for 3 months, and I am really looking forward to it. DH is also looking forward to it too; he actually told my mom that she could stay for 4 months if she wanted. He sees it as free childcare temporarily when we go back to work, and he thinks that he won't have to change as many diapers. I just know that my mom was super helpful with my nephews, and my mom was even willing to get up in the middle of the night to help when my sister just needed a little extra sleep. However, everyone else has been basically banned from visiting the first couple of months because I know that they won't be helpful and they will just drive me crazy. I have felt bad when I have told people not to make plans to visit...well, I felt bad for just a second.
@lewliv Girl good for you laying out those rules. I felt the same exact way when we came home from the hospital 2 weeks ago. I was overwhelmed and felt this protective instinct to not let anyone else hold the baby. Originally my in laws had planned to come a week before and after my August 9th due date to be here for birth. Baby came 5 weeks early and ruined their plan But I was so happy it worked out this way.. I had some baby blues and just wanted to be alone with DH to bond with our daughter. I can't believe you only have 6 weeks..enjoy every second and don't let anyone make you feel bad!
FFFC: The underboob sweat struggle is real. It's 97 today, with a heat index of 107. The A/C is cranked, and every ceiling fan is on. Yet my sports bra & shirt are still soaked.
Re: FFFC 7/21
- told my mom that she's not coming from Brazil and staying in my house. I'll go and visit in November. That was a fun conversation.
- told my IL that they can be at our house during delivery and take care of the dogs until we come home. They have to leave within 1 hour of our arrival. If they are not happy with this they can stay home until I feel like receiving visits as I have friends willing to take care of the dogs.
- told SILs they can come and visit the first weekend after baby's here but cannot stay overnight. They live 4hrs away and IL live 1hr away. They can stay in a hotel, at IL, or go back home.
- No one is welcomed before 10am or after 6pm.
When people ask DH "is she serious" he tells them that once he brought friends home from the bar and I walked into the living room, told them "get the f*uck out of my house", and walked back to my bedroom.
I'm afraid of the monster I'll become once the baby's here and all my protective instincts get flared up.
I'm jealous that your hubby is on board with this! I would love to implement the same guidelines, but he doesn't agree with me at all. His whole extended family lives within a 15 minute radius, and he grew up with an open door 24/7, so he doesn't think its a problem to have guests in and out. Even if he did agree, his family would harass him and just show up anyways. Fingers crossed I can nurse this time so I have an excuse to take baby away and feed.
Good for you, mama.
@lewliv I also had to put my foot down as well. We had a story here in our city where a newborn was kissed by someone with a cold sore and the baby died this week she was only like 18 days old or something like that. I really will not have much visitors until I am ready. That is just how it is going to go and whoever gets mad can get mad with me i don't care. With DD I had visitor after visitor and that was just exhausting. This time I don't want that.
I have also kicked out DH friends out the house because they were being loud drunk and I love my house when it is quiet.
My fffc is, I went to the grocery store yesterday to get some fixings for dinner, and I bought myself two candy bars and hid them from DH. I plan to eat them myself today!
Married: 7/21/12
BFP: 12/4/16 Due 8/8/17 -- Its a boy! Born 8/14/17
BFP: 5/19/19 and MC on 5/27/19
BFP: 6/24/19, MC on 7/24/19
BFP: 10/24, no heartbeat on 11/27, D&C 12/2
Officially diagnosed with Secondary infertility and recurrent miscarriage
IVF started Feb 2020
retrieval and PGT testing: 18 retrieved, 17 mature, 16 fertilized, 9 to blast, 8 PGT normal.
Transfer #1: June 14, 2020
I should assign visiting time slots to all friends and relatives, and for each time slot add a chore (12pm bring lunch, 2pm do laundry, 4pm vaccum living room)
@SouthernMama15 my MIL is like "I can come for a week and help hold the baby!" And I'm like wtf??? That's the one thing I don't need help with, thanks.
I remembered my FFFC that I was originally going to use. I am currently watching Gilmore Girls on netfilx while I work from home. My confession is that this is at least the 4th time Ive watched it all the way through on netfilx, and I also own all the seasons on DVD, and have watched those 4 or 5 times through. I just love the show so much, and it is such an easy show to put on while I work.
Married: 7/21/12
BFP: 12/4/16 Due 8/8/17 -- Its a boy! Born 8/14/17
BFP: 5/19/19 and MC on 5/27/19
BFP: 6/24/19, MC on 7/24/19
BFP: 10/24, no heartbeat on 11/27, D&C 12/2
Officially diagnosed with Secondary infertility and recurrent miscarriage
IVF started Feb 2020
retrieval and PGT testing: 18 retrieved, 17 mature, 16 fertilized, 9 to blast, 8 PGT normal.
Transfer #1: June 14, 2020
I'm sure MIL and SIL will be very helpful. They're good people. I set very clear boundaries because I'm worried about recovery, bonding, and being overwhelmed but I know that whenever they come around they will be helpful. I also know they will want to hold and spend time with the baby, which is totally fair, but I only have 6 weeks to stay at home with the baby. I admit I'm not feeling like sharing much.
FFFC 2: I can't stand the trend of saying "That moment when .... " with a photo or some type of story/situation. I don't know what bothers me so much about it. I find a lot of photographers that I follow on Facebook do it ("That moment when the bride and groom are so perfect that this perfect photo is made even more perfect and life is amazing" *photo here*). It rubs me the wrong way lately. Is it just a narrative tactic? I don't understand it, and I feel that it's quite overused.
My mom gets it because her parents stressed her out so much when I was born, that her milk wouldn't come in. She actually initiated the conversation with me about my plans, and is totally on board with being just me and DH during delivery, and only visiting after when asked.
I'm more concerned about MIL. She means well and is very helpful, but I know she'll want to be a little too helpful with first grandchild. This past weekend, DH and FIL were hanging bookshelves in baby's room, and she sat in my glider and SIL sat in the floor and just watched them hang the shelves. I left to do laundry because that room was way too crowded for no reason. Then as I was sorting through shower gifts, they stared at me. I like my space, and they just linger, and I picture her sitting and staring while I try to feed my baby, or sweeping the floor 37 times in one day.
Married: 10.15.16
DS BD: 8.20.17
TTC #2 1.1.19
BFP #2 7.3.19
EDD #2 3.13.20