Intimacy

jesrude

Hi All,

I have posted here in a hot minute.  Things like this kind of have a way of consuming me. That happened with my first, so I've been trying to keep my distance. But i have a question for you all. And I am hoping I will receive minimal hate/judgement. 

This pregnancy was unplanned and came at a time when my relationship was beginning to spiral down.  Now, I know that I don't have to stay with anyone for the baby/kids. I was a single parent to my first until 2 years ago.  Absolutely none of this is the babies fault and I am highly aware of that.  I think that is one reason I am in as much dis-ease and discontent.

This pregnancy has been nothing like my first and has been very emotionally taxing with the struggling relationship/life change stuff but even more so with some worriesome test results. (I'm still waiting on more conclusive tests to come back).

But for about the past 3-4 months I have wanted nothing to do with my partner. I don't want him to touch me, see me naked, or even be around me.  I know this is unhealthy behavior to show my son, etc.  But the thought of kissing him makes me cringe and almost gag.  

I know some women experience intimacy or connection issues in pregnancy, but this seems severe and maybe more deeply rooted than hormones.

I am totally open to constructive insight, but please remember I am a person and I do have feelings. I'm nervous I'll get torn apart, but I also really need an outlet to talk about this in because I don't have a great support group around me currently.

Thank you.

jlemons-2

I don't think this is completely unheard of, but I don't have any experience personally.  If you were already having issues, it makes sense that you might be having strong feelings of discontent now.  Pregnancy is hard anyway.  Are there specific things that are causing you unrest that you can rationally write out for yourself? If these are real problems, a break could help you get some emotional rest and you could always come back later to talk.  But if you try to pick out the problems and it's just bad feelings, it might be something with your pregnancy.  Good luck either way, it's hard enough to be pregnant without all the other drama.

MJDsquared

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I'm not having quite the same experience, but I don't want to have sex AT ALL. Eventually I just suck it up and do it (acting like I want to) so he'll stop trying to get me to do it 'naturally' (like trying to turn me on) because it's not going to happen.

However, we're on very good terms and I'm not repulsed by him at all, I just have no sex drive whatsoever.

ChelK3

SO needs a haircut soo bad and I count stand looking at him without a hat on right now, does that count?

anewadventure

Have you considered counseling? I'd highly recommend it. If your insurance doesn't cover it, most employers have an Employee Assistance Program that would provide a few sessions to get you started. 

NessMatthews

Hi There!  I'm a lurker here and haven't posted at all, because like you, I get too wrapped up and absorbed in message boards.  I decided it might be a good idea to keep my involvement low.

I can relate to some extent on what you are going through.  Just before getting pregnant, my husband and I went through something pretty earth shattering, which could have ended our marriage.  We are both still dealing with our own issues about it and being all hormonal is NOT helping our relationship. I personally don't want to be intimate, touched, or seen naked.  He is holding on to his own anger issues, making it really hard to communicate.  

I will second what PP has said about counseling.  We went to a couple's therapist for a little while and ended up both seeing our own separate therapists, all of which has been extremely helpful for us.  Therapy is LIFE CHANGING.  If you find a good therapist that has experience working with your specific issues.  We are slowly working through things and it will all work out... There are just some REALLY tough days in between.

Hang in there... I believe you can rekindle your marriage, because I'm a believer that anything is possible. Good luck to you!  

jesrude

@NessMatthews @anewadventure @MJDsquared @ChelK3 @jlemons-2  Thank you so much ladies for your support, empathy, and insight.  I apologize it took me so long to come back to this thread and acknowledge you.  I am happy to say things are getting much, much better.  We now live in our own place, just our little family, which is helping tremendously. And all the scary tests and results/waiting are over! It was a dark few weeks there for a bit.  But I will say, I think counseling is still a terrific idea and we are looking into it.  Thank you again and much love to you and yours.

muskratbaby

jesrude, Glad to hear things are a bit better now for you!I would also add that if there is one nearby, you could go to a Retrouvaille weekend as a couple (https://www.retrouvaille.org/). It was really, really beneficial to my husband and I when we were going through some intense relationship issues. It helped with communicating about feelings and processing the past. It has a very slight religious component just because of how it is organized, but people of all backgrounds go to it. I wouldn't say that it saved our marriage, but Retrouvaille and other things we did (counselling included) helped us learn ways to cope and communicate more maturely during a very stressful period of time.

jesrude

@muskratbaby Oh thank you! I will look into it. I've never heard of this but it sounds interesting.