Ok second time moms I need your advice

ShortStuff5

Alright ladies I have an 18 month old and obviously am due here with our second I'm having a ton of anxiety about leaving our daughter when I go into labor. We've been together since she was born, I'm a full time stay at home mom and she cries when I leave to even go grab a quick meal to bring home or anything like that which I understand I'm literally here for her day and night I do it all. My concern is both our mothers are not great fits to watch her his more than mine. One of our friends whom I babysit for said she could come stay down here and watch her but she likes the whole crying it out method and would inevitably lay her down for bed and walk away while she screams bloody murder and would most likely crawl out of her crib as she has shown me she can reach her legs up that high. That's pretty much our only options and it freaks me out because none of them are great options. We only need someone till second baby is born then I told hubby to go straight home to be with our daughter and just come back next day with her to visit and then go back home. I also worry because nobody knows her like me. What if they forget to close the gate at the top of the stairs and she falls down them yes yes yes I can write it all down her schedule and what she likes it's just not the same and I know my mind is going to be with her at home and not my delivery. I've cried over this that's how much it freaks me out to leave her. What are you doing with your little ones? Honestly we wish we could just bring her but sure that's not an option and I know she would be a hand full wanting down etc. Please give ideas sincerely a worried mom.

Asivec

Could you have a combination of two people there? Like both moms or a Mom and a friend. Four eyes are better? Explain that you absolutely want to concentrate on the birth and want two people so you can set your mind at ease that your older child has two loving people there for them just in case. 

MississippiCatfish

I would have a conversation with your friend about CIO with your little one. I let my kids cry for 5-10 minutes when I lay them down after 6 months or so, but I wouldn't do that with someone else's kid unless I was specifically told to. I would much prefer to do what the child was used to!

No matter what you choose, maybe have a few trial runs before baby comes. That has been helpful for me. 

ETA is the hospital close enough that DH could come home to put your older child to bed/nap if it works out timing wise?

angty1111

We're leaving our daughter with one of our moms but luckily we trust them both fully. I agree with a trial run, have one of them over and go shopping or get a manicure. I think it will help to see that your daughter does just fine. If they do come across any bumps it will help you to prepare. Good luck!

amber0529

I would recommend deciding who would be the best fit and starting trials now once a week or so. Start with short runs to a drive thru or gas station and every week up the amount of time you're gone by 15-30 minutes. This way your daughter can get used to the other person and realize that you're coming back. I know it's hard to trust other people with your kids but for everyone's sanity you have to have time to yourself also. And if there was ever an emergency situation where you had to leave her, you and her need to have somebody you can both trust.

curiousfool1

Echoing @amber0529.  I'm a FTM human-mom, but am also a fur-mama.  (And not to imply fur-babies are remotely like their human siblings ...)  Perhaps some separation anxiety training now would help when you go into labor.  Start with short trips.  Is your daughter reactive with your husband? If she wails when left with anyone other than you, starting with a few short breaks leaving her with your husband and then a family member or the friend with whom you will leave her during labor will help accustom your daughter to both being without you and that you will return.

kalenp

Hugs mama. It can be so hard. If it doesn't feel like your friend is the right fit, do you think you could look into hiring someone who is background checked (like through care.com) who lives close who could do it? Perhaps scheduling yourself a weekly 1 hour outing (shopping, pedicure, whatever) will allow your daughter to build a relationship with the person. Then between your friend and your hired babysitter whom your daughter will know, you will have a couple of people you could call to stay with your daughter. 

Another option would be to labor at home as long as possible before you go into the hospital. Labors can vary quite a bit in length but if you can stay at home until the contractions are 3 or 4 minutes apart then you will significantly cut down on the length of time you are at the hospital. You can also consider leaving early. It's part of the policy with my care provider to release women after less than 12 hours but you can talk to them about it if it's something you might feel comfortable with. 

With my 2nd I went into labor at 6pm, labored at home all night, called a neighbor to stay with my son at 5am until my mom could come get him, then got to the hospital at 5:30am and had the baby by 6:30am. We stayed, showered, ate a meal and then checked out by 1pm. DH and I went home with new baby, took a nap and then my mom brought my son back to our house (he spent the day at her house) by 5pm. It was lovely. 

I'm sure you'll come up with something that will work well for your family. You are a good mama.  

knottiee1056bd59aae3fb1

What if you get a babysitter or nanny for those couple of days to a week.  They follow your instructions and can stay after you come home and need those extra hands. 

ariasbabyblog

I definitely +1 to doing trial runs. She needs to understand that you will come back. When it gets closer to d-day, I would recommend moving to longer and longer times away, as in hours away. Go shopping in another town, get dinner with just you and DH, that sort of thing. For now, I would try putting her in her room, leave for a few minutes, then come back several times a day. No matter what, act like it is all commonplace and remain calm. If you get upset or overly excited, even overly happy to see her, she will believe that leaving is a huge deal and something to get upset about. When that starts to provoke little to no reaction, I'd move to leaving her with someone for 10 - 20 minutes at a time. She might "ping" you, and that's fine, but what you are hoping for is that she will be more interested in what she and the other person are doing than in whatever boring thing you are doing, and go back of her own volition. Again, when she starts being non-reactive or just stays with the other person, leave the house and leave her behind with the same person. Move up slowly so she isn't straight up traumatized by it all. 

As for who you are going to leave her with, I'm afraid that is up to you and DH. Maybe like someone else suggested the Mom's could do it together or some other configuration of 2 people? If you have any insights, let me know, we are struggling with that ourselves and could use some guidance. 

SeekingSmall

With any luck you'll go into labor during the day and maybe one of your mothers could take her to lunch and a park and then bring her back to the family waiting area? That way your husband could take her home when he left to let you get rest. 

But if it is overnight I'd see about both grandmas coming to stay, and start having them watch her bits at a time now so she's used to them. And she might get off schedule. She might not sleep for them. You could always suggest having them cuddle her until she falls asleep on them and then laying her down. 

I totally get the stress. I ended up in the hospital for 6 days with my twins and my 3 year old (complete mama's girl) bounced amongst friends' homes and my husband taking her when he wasn't trying to help me split time between twins (one stayed in the NICU longer while the other was with me). But it's good to remember that she's little, she'll never remember the couple of days of this time, so she will most likely be fine even if it's a rough couple of days. Also, skype her if you start to miss her.