@kfrob Yeah, I can't imagine a third trimester in the summer. It was good in the fall/winter. And I agree, it seems crazy to throw out the plan willy-nilly. First you have to review all the reasons and trains of thought that went into the first plan, and then you have to see how well they fit the new plan, and then try to figure out if you're just trying to make the facts fit the outcome you want. Or maybe that's just me?
Also... I don't know if there's a policy or anything about talking about other boards, but...has anyone else been watching what's going down on TTGP? I think it's calming down now, but I'm back to being super intimidated by them.
@Secretstapler I lurk over there when no one's posting here, so I've been reading it. I honestly am not sure if I'll move over to that board once we start.
The atmosphere on TTGP is great if you lurk and try to follow their norms. What I'm seeing is some ladies struggling with IF saying "Some of these things are hurtful" and a few people overreacting to that with "I'm not welcome here so I'm leaving". When tough conversations are had, feelings can get hurt. Such is the way of a mixed group. But having a mixed group is very valuable. It is just a struggle for everyone wanting a safe space to say what they need to say.
I'm liking the vibe over here on BOTB, though. It seems like a relaxed atmosphere, but also a mixed group. Just a smaller one.
Don't be intimidated by TTGP, guys. The discussion that's been going on is actually really great. Sometimes it's great to air out your feels and worries and pains so that the board can move forward in a direction that works for the community. I definitely second @lalala2004 on the general idea of the conversation. TTGP has quite a few different "sub-groups", and sometimes what's hurtful to one group doesn't seem like such a big deal to another, so it eventually comes to a head when the group that's getting hurt can't take it any more. It's always good to have a "reality check" of sorts every once in a while. It just always seems to happen during the summer months, from what I've noticed. Like, every summer.
I definitely like the relaxed vibe here on BOTB, though. Maybe because it's a smaller group? But either way, I really like it, haha.
@KFrob - it's not really drama everybody handled themselves very well. TTGP is an awesome board. It can be intimidating at first but I think as long as you read the pinned posts and lurk you will be fine.
The atmosphere over there is great. I think it's a wealth of information. The board is very well organized which is nice if you've been on any other sites. The board is trying to change a few things (maybe).
Unfortunitely, I got in over my head over there. I said things, that because it's an online forum and context can be misread, was not taken well. I'm probably not going to post over there again. BUT the ladies are very knowledgeable and I think with some of the things that were talked about changing the board is going to have a place for everyone.
Intro in the newbie thread, read the guide at the top, and lurk... you'll be fine.
I can't speak for everyone, but my hesitance to move over there runs a lot deeper than this current stuff. Honestly, my issue with TTGP is that the rules seem very open to interpretation, but only if you've been actively posting there long enough to learn the "correct" interpretation. I fully admit that I don't post over there (I've only made one comment there and it was last night, on that thread, and directed at someone I consider a friend here), but I have been lurking there since the day I joined this site. I've seen so many women get ripped to shreds because they made the mistake of posting the wrong thing in the wrong place, or because someone THOUGHT they shouldn't have posted. I remember one woman in particular posting about her chronic illness and medications and people were telling her she was wrong to create a new thread, even though her question was in fact quite unique. One thing in particular that stands out to me is that you're not allowed to post in the grad thread unless you've been there for a certain amount of time, but there's no standard for what that amount of time is, so if you haven't met that standard, sorry lady, just move along to your BMB and leave us alone. I'm also very much not a fan of this whole "You must TW for any mention of kids" thing going on now, but my opinion doesn't matter because I'm not even TTC yet. My main hesitation is honestly just because, as I mentioned, I've seen a LOT of women get flamed for days because they made the mistake of posting the wrong thing in the wrong place. Even though I've read that newbie guide quite thoroughly and have been lurking for months, I know that I'd be too worried about upsetting someone and getting the banhammer. So I just honestly don't think I'm going to move over there once we do start.
@dreamscapes_ It can be difficult to navigate at times but I think a lot of it is thinking of who your audience is and where you are posting. I do love the laid back vibe here though and I am glad that BOTB gives people who otherwise wouldn't post a chance to connect with others. I also like that this has become a space for those who are waiting and trying
@glitzandglitter I get that, but again, the rules over there specifically state that mentions of children and pregnancy do not require a TW (direct copy from the newbie guide: "You do
not need a TW for
topics such as children, general pregnancy, etc."). And yet somehow you have to TW for it. As I mentioned, the rules seem very open to interpretation. I get that forms change over time, but if that is the rule and the general consensus on that thread is that the rule is wrong, that's problematic to me. If I hadn't seen this thread and was a brand new newbie lurking away, I wouldn't realize that it's become not-okay to not TW your kid. I dunno. Like I said, I think I'm just not gonna post there once we start. Other people's mileage may vary, but it doesn't feel like the right place for me.
The thing about TTGP is when people make a misstep, but then apologize sincerely, they do not seem to hold a grudge.
I will say the one thing I'm not a fan of is the aversion to starting new threads. Sometimes it does make sense for a new thread to be started, even if it's by a new member, but every new thread seems to start a debate as to whether or not the thread should exist rather than discussing the topic at hand. I feel they've lightened up on that, though.
However, a lot of TTC boards on the internet are more like Yahoo answers and people get answers that aren't backed my science. TB really has a reputation for snark and science, and I definitely prefer that to rainbow farts and glitter poop.
@dreamscapes_ - You can't get banned just because you posted something in the wrong spot or because you said something that people don't agree with on TTGP. It takes 3 strikes in 6 months of violating the TOU to get banned from TB. And even then, you can create a new account. For the most part, I believe the TTGP ladies mostly report drive-by posters who've violated the TOU, and then any other reporting is usually done by those drive-by posters. That's at least what I've noticed when it comes to posts being removed on TTGP.
Honestly, almost everyone who's been on TTGP for any period of time has been flamed, or has gotten in to a disagreement with someone. There are people that I know dislike me for previous disagreements we've had, and there are people I'm not super fans of for the same reason. It happens. A lot of it just has to do with stepping back and realizing you don't know these people IRL, so if you end up flamed, don't take it personally. It's difficult, but you have to try and let things roll off your back. A couple of months ago I heard someone (on TV? I don't remember) say that if it won't bother you in 5 years, don't give it 5 minutes of your time. That's kind of what I try to live by.
If you don't want to participate on TTGP, that's fine and and it's your call, and I wouldn't push anyone to do something they're not really comfortable with. I absolutely love the BOTB board as it is. I like that I recognize each of your names and know where you are in waiting/TTGP, and half of the time I know what special event/occurrence may be happening for you in any given week.
@izza2 - I don't think she means literally banned - I think she is saying she feels like she could make a mistake and no longer feel welcome to post there. I love that saying
@dreamscapes_ I am not trying to convince you to post on TTGP so I hope it is not coming across that way. I want you to be where you feel comfortable and happy.
What @glitzandglitter said. I've been on the internet long enough to know that I'm gonna piss someone off and someone else is gonna piss me off (case in point, I have one specific friend that I CANNOT talk politics or religion with because I'm a liberal atheist and she's a very conservative Evangelical Christian - it just does not end well). So while I don't want to upset anyone, I also don't want to feel unwelcome in a place that's supposed to be supportive. I love this specific board, though, so part of this might just be that I'm attached to you guys and want to follow your journeys once things happen for everyone. That being said, I definitely recognize usernames when I'm lurking on TTGP, and I want everyone over there to get what they're dreaming of, too. Heck, even among you guys, I don't really feel like I fit in, but that's more because of non-fertility stuff, like TV shows and the like (which I'm fine with, I'm used to being the oddball when it comes to stuff like that).
@lalala2004 - I agree on the aversion to start new threads. The drive-bys and the people who are posting dear diaries and use it as Google, I totally get. But, there are some threads that just don't have similar threads on TB, won't get an answer on Google, and sometimes you just want to see if someone else is TTGP and going through something similar, or went through something similar. I really hate that every time one of those "valid" threads is posted, it's a huge debate about whether it should be its own thread or not, and then the thread is basically taken over and the OP's question is overlooked because... debate time. It's definitely a little more loose than it was a year ago, but in that same respect, I wish people didn't jump on the "no new threads" bandwagon about everything. I've gotten the impression that people won't start GTKY threads or anything similar because they are afraid of being flamed for creating "clutter", which is ridiculous IMO. I also hate the clutter argument, because aside from the occasional drive-by (and there are a lot less drive-by posts now than there were in 2015!), there's zero clutter. I don't know who started using that term, but I wish they hadn't, lol.
@izza2 I also agree on the new threads thing. Sometimes new threads need to be created. Like, the chronic illness one I mentioned? I was so happy to see that because I deal with chronic pain and it was an interesting read for me.
@dreamscapes_ - I'm pretty sure I remember what one you're mentioning, and I'm pretty sure I agree, lol. The only threads that I don't particularly like are the ones asking about stopping/weaning off of meds. Because, it seems like those people would put more stock in to random people on the internet who may be on the same med and did XYZ, than what their doctors would recommend. Those threads should not exist, IMO. I'm also a nursing student and have been in the medical world for 7+ years, so it irks me when people say "well the internet told me...". *sigh*
@izza2 I agree with you on that. I'm one of those who will do all the research I can on what's happening just so I can understand it, but will still follow the doctor's instructions. I'd rather take the opinion of someone who went to school to do this thing than a bunch of random people online.
@izza - OMG yes! Some of those meds have very serious side effects when you don't stop that correctly. Why would you leave that to internet strangers?!? Call your doctor people - sheesh!
I was in TB in 2014 so the rules don't seem harsh to me given everything that happened on here toward the end of that year. TB in general was dealing with a lot of drive bys and trolls at that time. Those rules are in please to keep those people at bay. That said I don't think that gives the right for ppl to jump on newbies asking questions. I think that does deter people who legitimately just want people to relate to. I can see it from both sides. Sit where your comfortable I say That said I won't be posting over there unless I've been trying six months or so because it feels like a drive by and painful to those on long journeys if I join and leave in a month of trying.
TTGP has a lot of rules in place because there are so many women in that group. It does help that there are smaller groups so everyone has a safe place to call home. The board itself is going through some growing pains (which it does every year) and it will all sort itself out shortly. I lurked there until my loss and the ladies on the TTCAL thread were/are so supportive. I really like the lack of rules on BOTB, but it works because there are very few active members participating on this board and we are all in different stages of the TTC process.
@kindbytealikat, I was here at the beginning of 2014 before everything fell apart. There were probably daily drive bys! Everyday someone either asked if they were pregnant or just dropped in to announce their pregnancy after not participating at all. It was annoying!
@dreamscapes_ , First off, thank you for commenting over there for me! It hurts my heart that what I said was taken as disgusting and rude. I'm glad to know not everyone sees me like that! . As for some of what you mentioned, a few years ago there wasn't a timeframe for announcing your BFP. If you were an active member(participated in dailies, GTKY, etc), you could post your BFP no matter how long (or short) it took you. It's different now that there is one grad thread a week. It's harder to avoid the BFPs of the 1/1 or 2/2 if you're having a tough TTC day, which is why I think there's the rule of "be kind and just move to your BMB". Also, I know they were talking about changing the newbie guide at the top because it said one thing but the general practice on the board was another (i.e. TWs for children and pregnancy). I'm not sure what the final decision was but I know that was brought up.
@JNCPro3130 I haven't went and investigated the drama over there. I'm so sorry they flamed you I know your heart is not that way. We love you over here
I thought there might be a bit of a discussion about this, and I'm glad it's been so friendly.
I think what I find most intimidating about the TTGP board is that it's just so huge. I have no idea how to gauge how many active members there are, but it feels like hundreds. I'm pretty overwhelmed by the size of it and the strict structure that is necessary at that size. @glitzandglitter, I totally get the idea that you have to keep your audience in mind, but it's just so huge, I feel like there's bound to be someone you haven't considered.
I keep hearing over and over that if you just read the intro threads and lurk for a while, you'll be fine. But I read the intros, and I've been lurking for a while, and I thought the small blow up over there just came out of the blue. Which means that either lurking is not going to fully prepare you, or you can't ever really understand the whole community. Or both. And I believe that the flaming seems all in good fun when you already feel like a part of the community. But from the outside, it seems kind of mean-spirited.
I haven't ruled out participating in TTGP, but I think I'll have to work up the courage. I'm not good at not taking things personally, and I'm not good at going into situations where I know I'll probably screw up, especially when screwing up means making people feel bad.
@JNCPro3130 I totally understood what you were trying to say, and I'm sorry you were so misunderstood by some others. I'm really glad you're sticking around!
@dreamscapes_ Go liberal atheists! I just don't talk about certain topics with most people. I don't want an argument, and like I said, I'm not good at not taking things personally.
@secretstapler, the fact that it's a large group has it's ups and downs. The best part is that you get a lot of advice when needed! SOMEONE is bound to have words of wisdom or been through something similar. Also, with that many people, you're likely to find people similar to you (TTC the same amount of time, have a child/children the same age, from the same area, etc). As you said, it's intimidating though. You're also likely to ruffle feathers (even unintentionally). It's the whole "you can't please everyone" mentality.
I almost didn't go over there but again there's a wealth of information. I say go/stay where you feel comfortable. Know that there are some really wonderful and supportive ladies over there. This group is pretty great too!
I'm so very tired, omg. I'm off tomorrow and have a couple of errands to run, but I'm going to wait for DH to get home before I do them. That way, we can do it together, since he has a couple things he needs, too.
@JNCPro3130 It's going okay so far! My trainers have said I'm doing really well, so we'll see how the rest of it goes. I have my assessment on Tuesday and then I'll be on my own after that. My back is my back. It's painful and stiff and everything. I'm making friends with my heating pad at the moment. I did find out that even if I'm scheduled the day of my appointment next week (I don't have a schedule post-Tuesday because they need to see if I pass the assessment first, and then they can schedule me), I can most likely just give the shift to someone else. Disney's really good about that, and actually has a system built into our employee website for swapping shifts and giving them away, so a lot of locations will have a private group on Facebook for coordinating that. Like "Hey, I have family coming in next week and my request for the day off didn't get approved, can anyone take it" or "I have this going on in the morning, but I can work the evening, can anyone switch with me". One of my trainers added me to the group already, so that's a good thing.
Re: Weekly Chat - July 9
Also... I don't know if there's a policy or anything about talking about other boards, but...has anyone else been watching what's going down on TTGP? I think it's calming down now, but I'm back to being super intimidated by them.
Diminished ovarian reserve
BFP: 4/14/2020 EDD: 12/20/2020
I'm liking the vibe over here on BOTB, though. It seems like a relaxed atmosphere, but also a mixed group. Just a smaller one.
It just always seems to happen during the summer months, from what I've noticed. Like, every summer.
I definitely like the relaxed vibe here on BOTB, though. Maybe because it's a smaller group? But either way, I really like it, haha.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Also, I think I might go lurk on TTGP and check out this drama if I get bored
Unfortunitely, I got in over my head over there. I said things, that because it's an online forum and context can be misread, was not taken well. I'm probably not going to post over there again. BUT the ladies are very knowledgeable and I think with some of the things that were talked about changing the board is going to have a place for everyone.
Intro in the newbie thread, read the guide at the top, and lurk... you'll be fine.
Diminished ovarian reserve
BFP: 4/14/2020 EDD: 12/20/2020
Diminished ovarian reserve
BFP: 4/14/2020 EDD: 12/20/2020
I will say the one thing I'm not a fan of is the aversion to starting new threads. Sometimes it does make sense for a new thread to be started, even if it's by a new member, but every new thread seems to start a debate as to whether or not the thread should exist rather than discussing the topic at hand. I feel they've lightened up on that, though.
However, a lot of TTC boards on the internet are more like Yahoo answers and people get answers that aren't backed my science. TB really has a reputation for snark and science, and I definitely prefer that to rainbow farts and glitter poop.
Honestly, almost everyone who's been on TTGP for any period of time has been flamed, or has gotten in to a disagreement with someone. There are people that I know dislike me for previous disagreements we've had, and there are people I'm not super fans of for the same reason. It happens. A lot of it just has to do with stepping back and realizing you don't know these people IRL, so if you end up flamed, don't take it personally. It's difficult, but you have to try and let things roll off your back. A couple of months ago I heard someone (on TV? I don't remember) say that if it won't bother you in 5 years, don't give it 5 minutes of your time. That's kind of what I try to live by.
If you don't want to participate on TTGP, that's fine and and it's your call, and I wouldn't push anyone to do something they're not really comfortable with. I absolutely love the BOTB board as it is. I like that I recognize each of your names and know where you are in waiting/TTGP, and half of the time I know what special event/occurrence may be happening for you in any given week.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
@dreamscapes_ I am not trying to convince you to post on TTGP so I hope it is not coming across that way. I want you to be where you feel comfortable and happy.
ETA: Add some more thoughts
Diminished ovarian reserve
BFP: 4/14/2020 EDD: 12/20/2020
@lalala2004 - I agree on the aversion to start new threads. The drive-bys and the people who are posting dear diaries and use it as Google, I totally get. But, there are some threads that just don't have similar threads on TB, won't get an answer on Google, and sometimes you just want to see if someone else is TTGP and going through something similar, or went through something similar. I really hate that every time one of those "valid" threads is posted, it's a huge debate about whether it should be its own thread or not, and then the thread is basically taken over and the OP's question is overlooked because... debate time.
It's definitely a little more loose than it was a year ago, but in that same respect, I wish people didn't jump on the "no new threads" bandwagon about everything. I've gotten the impression that people won't start GTKY threads or anything similar because they are afraid of being flamed for creating "clutter", which is ridiculous IMO.
I also hate the clutter argument, because aside from the occasional drive-by (and there are a lot less drive-by posts now than there were in 2015!), there's zero clutter. I don't know who started using that term, but I wish they hadn't, lol.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
@izza2 I also agree on the new threads thing. Sometimes new threads need to be created. Like, the chronic illness one I mentioned? I was so happy to see that because I deal with chronic pain and it was an interesting read for me.
Diminished ovarian reserve
BFP: 4/14/2020 EDD: 12/20/2020
The only threads that I don't particularly like are the ones asking about stopping/weaning off of meds. Because, it seems like those people would put more stock in to random people on the internet who may be on the same med and did XYZ, than what their doctors would recommend. Those threads should not exist, IMO. I'm also a nursing student and have been in the medical world for 7+ years, so it irks me when people say "well the internet told me...". *sigh*
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Diminished ovarian reserve
BFP: 4/14/2020 EDD: 12/20/2020
HX
DSD: 17
DS: 4(Nov'14)
MMC:8/17
MMC: 1/18
BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19
Tickers
I really like the lack of rules on BOTB, but it works because there are very few active members participating on this board and we are all in different stages of the TTC process.
@dreamscapes_ , First off, thank you for commenting over there for me! It hurts my heart that what I said was taken as disgusting and rude. I'm glad to know not everyone sees me like that!
HX
DSD: 17
DS: 4(Nov'14)
MMC:8/17
MMC: 1/18
BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19
Tickers
For Chart Stalking, Click Here!
I think what I find most intimidating about the TTGP board is that it's just so huge. I have no idea how to gauge how many active members there are, but it feels like hundreds. I'm pretty overwhelmed by the size of it and the strict structure that is necessary at that size. @glitzandglitter, I totally get the idea that you have to keep your audience in mind, but it's just so huge, I feel like there's bound to be someone you haven't considered.
I keep hearing over and over that if you just read the intro threads and lurk for a while, you'll be fine. But I read the intros, and I've been lurking for a while, and I thought the small blow up over there just came out of the blue. Which means that either lurking is not going to fully prepare you, or you can't ever really understand the whole community. Or both. And I believe that the flaming seems all in good fun when you already feel like a part of the community. But from the outside, it seems kind of mean-spirited.
I haven't ruled out participating in TTGP, but I think I'll have to work up the courage. I'm not good at not taking things personally, and I'm not good at going into situations where I know I'll probably screw up, especially when screwing up means making people feel bad.
@JNCPro3130 I totally understood what you were trying to say, and I'm sorry you were so misunderstood by some others. I'm really glad you're sticking around!
@dreamscapes_ Go liberal atheists! I just don't talk about certain topics with most people. I don't want an argument, and like I said, I'm not good at not taking things personally.
I almost didn't go over there but again there's a wealth of information. I say go/stay where you feel comfortable. Know that there are some really wonderful and supportive ladies over there. This group is pretty great too!
Diminished ovarian reserve
BFP: 4/14/2020 EDD: 12/20/2020
Diminished ovarian reserve
BFP: 4/14/2020 EDD: 12/20/2020