Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Scared and alone

hello all,

i found out on Friday that my baby had no heartbeat. I was 8 weeks. It had a strong heartbeat just a week before.

I am currently on a 6 week course on the other side of the country from my family. I think my baby is starting to miscarry as I am having some cramps, though no bleeding yet.

I am booked to see the doctor for a potential D&C on Friday as I wanted my husband to be there and he is arriving next week. But I am scared it will happen before then and I have read terrible stories about how painful it can be. 

What should i do? I am trying to keep myself busy but I am so scared of being alone while in a lot of pain. Should I book in with the doctor earlier and get it over with? What were your experiences?

i so wanted this little baby. I feel hollow and empty. Please can anyone help.

Re: Scared and alone

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    I am really sorry for your loss.
    I had a D&C about a month after my delivery, and yes, It is painful, but not too much, plus I asked for some pain killers. In any case, if I were you, I'd want husband besides me for the psychological support. You can ask you doctor how dangerous it would be to wait some days for the D&C, and decide if you can re-schedule to wait for your husband. Good luck!


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    @anneemilia so sorry for your loss.  I have no experience with a natural MC.  I too was afraid of going through that mostly because they don't always complete and there can be retained tissue and one needs a D & C anyway.  I also wanted to quickest way so I could move forward with TTC again.  I have had 2 D & Cs neither were painful in my experience.  I didn't take any pain meds. I was able to resume most of my normal activity the next day.  With my first one I bled for about 6 weeks afterwards and 2nd one was like a period.  I was farther along with first one so I'm not sure if that was difference in the bleeding.  Anyway I hope your husband arrives soon to be supportive.  I hope you have a healthy and quick recovery 
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    @anneemilia I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you're having to go through this alone. This is a really tough decision. I can totally understand waiting until your husband is there with you. I have had a complete "natural" miscarriage and a D&C. I miscarried at home and by the time I was able to get to the ER, it was complete. Even though it was complete, I had unbearable cramping starting a day later lasting 4 or so days. I guess my uterus was still trying to expel everything. I had to take painkillers to ease the pain. With the D&C, it was painless because they had me sedated. Even after the procedure, I felt fine physically just out of it. I did have a few moments of bad cramping a few days later, but it didn't compare. If it was just a choice between the two, I would choose the D&C. However, with your husband not being there, I don't know. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. 
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    So sorry for your loss. 
    I had a nmc and never had a d&c. To me it was a lingering pain for a few days, including some bad cramps. The cramping started after the first day. It took 3 days to pass the baby and once that happened, I started to physically feel better. 

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    anneemiliaanneemilia member
    edited July 2017
    Thank you everyone for your replies. It means a lot to hear your stories and know you have been through the same experience. Sounds like d&c isn't as terrible as I was anticipating. I am still going to try and hold off till Friday as cramping has only been mild so far and I would like my hubby here. But thanks so much in the meantime - means a lot to have people to discuss it with. 
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    zamoraspinzamoraspin member
    edited July 2017
    @anneemilia I'm so sorry for your loss and what you're going through. Like you, I had an mc and when we first learned the bad news I was not yet bleeding, then started bleeding a few days later. I was scared to leave my house because I thought I might gush blood or be in a lot of pain. I ended up taking Misoprostol to move things along. I think everyone's experiences are different but even with the Misoprostol my pain was like a bad period (and I read some terrifying painful stories but it wasn't like that). I had very heavy duty overnight maxi pads on hand and sometimes did bleed a fair amount (don't use tampons unless your dr says that's ok) and I alternated taking Tylenol and Advil. I know there are a lot of scary stories out there but at least for me, dreading the physical part was worse than the actual bleeding and cramping. If you do miscarry naturally have the dr check you to make sure everything is expelled.

    Again, I'm so sorry.
    [edited because words]
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    @zamora_spin thank you for the advice and support. Yes, I also keep getting terrified of going out for fear that the bleeding will start - but still nothing. I suspect I am going to go down the D&C route on Friday. Did your bleeding start steadily or was it heavy from the start?
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    @anneemilia I started spotting just a little at first (brown, so old blood). It got a little heavier over the following three days and got more red, but it was still lighter than a period. My dr said he couldn't predict how long the natural miscarriage would take which is why I took the Misoprostol. At least in my case I think it would have taken at least a few more days to complete.
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    @zamora_spin thanks for sharing. 
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    @anneemilia with my 2nd MC I had a week in between when I found out it wasn't viable and when the D &  C was scheduled.  I started spotting two days before the D & C and I elected to stay home and not do much because I didn't want activity to cause me to labor and have natural MC.  I asked my doctor if that started to happen should I come in for d & c and they told me I should as they would make sure I delivered everything.  I ended up having the d & c and only had spotting leading up to it.  
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    I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had a natural mc a little over a week ago. I was 9 w but babe measured 7w5d. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I was able to manage with extra strength Tylenol and a hot water bottle. Although I had light bleeding for days before, once things really got started it was over in about 7 hours. I just had another ultrasound to make sure everything was gone. 
    Again I'm so sorry. I know how terrible it is to go through something like this. I'm sending good thoughts your way.
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    anneemilia Sorry you're going through this. MC is rough and I hope your DH can show up to help support you, at least emotionally through this time. There are some horror stories about MC, but with you only being 8 weeks along (did the baby measure 8 weeks or was it smaller than that?) it shouldn't be too awful. All of my losses have been 8.5 weeks or earlier and the natural miscarriages I've had were like a very bad period. The further along you get, the worse the MC is supposed to be. Good luck to you.

    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
    MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)

    RE #3: More testing 2023. 
    Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
    Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
    Lupron Depo March 2024.  Benched 3 months.  Hopefully FET after that.


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    Thank you everyone. I really appreciate the advice and stories. DH arrives tomorrow :)
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    Just an update. I had the D&C today. It wasn't nearly as bad as I expected and the team were really wonderful. I am cramping a lot this afternoon but the procedure has really helped me to start to move on. As horrible as the procedure is, I think it's worse to continue to carry a baby that hasn't made it. DH has been wonderful. We will try again - though currently not in any hurry.

    Thank you every one who helped when I needed support most. It is truly the worst experience on every level - but for me the D&C has started the healing process.
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    Glad things went better than expected and that DH could be there for support.  I hope you have a quick and healthy recovery 
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