MIL vent

Knottie81382530

Im sorry to be so negative, but I have got to vent! Our little princess was born last week, and I had decided to have my mom and two sisters in the room. I had felt some guilt about not including my MIL because my husband is her only child and this is her first grand baby. But I kept reminding myself, with the help of friends and other family, that this is my decision and not to feel bad. As a last minute decision, I asked the nurse if my in-laws and my dad could be in the room but stand behind the curtain near the entrance so they could at least hear all of the excitement and their granddaughter's entrance into the world. Tonight, I discovered two separate videos on her phone where she had gone around the curtain and videoed my delivery. I could zoom in and see some not so pleasant things I'd prefer to not be on her phone. But more than what might actually be on the video, I was so livid that she took one to begin with. Obviously in asking her to be behind a curtain, I didn't want her to be able to see anything or to be in that moment. That's not her moment to record. I was so mad when I saw it, I was shaking. And she said "oh sorry j didn't mean to" you didn't mean to record for 10 minutes while zooming in and out and adjusting the camera several times?! Please tell me how you'd feel if this were you! 

shmarpler

I'd feel angry and violated. My vagina is not hers to video and those videos should be deleted.

huzzahuzza

Wow! I have no words! I'm so sorry she did that to you!!! What a huge violation of privacy!

JennMof3

shmarpler said:

I'd feel angry and violated. My vagina is not hers to video and those videos should be deleted.

This! Delete the videos and be sure they get deleted from the deleted folder too. 

Kylieslip24

I agree. I would ask her to delete them or ask dh to ask her. 

delujm0

So I agree that it is total bullshit that she took the video and she probably did it so that she could actually see what was happening instead if just hearing it.  But I also think it was a little rude what you did to her.  Yes, it is totally your decision who is in there with you.  But if you didn't want her in there you shouldn't have let her in there at all.  Allowing not only your own mother but also your two sisters to watch the birth but then making your MIL stand behind a curtain so she could hear but not see it is kind of awkward.  Who wants to hear a birth?  What's the point?  You basically let every female member of your family witness it and excluded only her.  If it had just been your husband and your mom, or your husband and one sister, I would find it a lot less off putting.  The way it was it seems like the message was "my family can witness the birth but my in laws cannot."  It cones across like your husband's family is less important than your own.

To be fair I think it's kind of weird to have anyone other than your husband in there, and i have never understood wanting to have a crowd witness a birth, so I'm maybe not the best judge here, but I can see why your MIL probably felt slighted and left out.  I'd get her to delete the video though obviously, I'd be livid if someone had a video of my vagina taken without my knowledge on their phone.

Knottie81382530

I understand it could look like that to you, but it has nothing to do with her not being important. I'm just (naturally) more comfortable with my mom and sisters seeing all that than my mother in law. Also, this will likely come off as a possessive wife, but because my husband is her only child, she often puts herself in the middle of special moments. So I envisioned her rubbing his back and talking to him about how special this was when he's not there to be her son, he's there to bring his own daughter in the world and be my partner. My mom and sisters know when to keep their space and give us our special time and she doesn't. 

Trust me, it was a big guilty struggle for me deciding who could stay. I always knew I'd have my mom and as it got closer I wanted my sissies. But I felt guilt about that with three other family members waiting around in the room all day. Ultimately, i shouldn't have had to feel guilty at all that day. It was for my husband and I to decide. 

Mkrosieo

I would feel very violated. When it was time for me to start pushing, I had both sets of parents leave the room and it was just me and my husband. And that is your right to say who is in there. I would absolutely have her delete those videos. 

erinh84

Omg I have no words. Absolutely make sure she deleted them. Also, it is your baby and your delivery. You get to choose who gets to be apart of it. You don't owe anyone anything.My MIL tried to guilt trip me into being there for my delivery, but I stood my ground. 

WeddingNotes13

That is terrible! To look or video eithout consent is so violating. I did something similar with DS's birth. My parents and MiL were behind the curtain. I provided that or the waiting area as their only options. Myom tried to peek around at the end during cleanup. That bothered me enough.