FTM questions for STM+ 6/27

zigzag8412

Somehow the most active thread of this topic is from May so even though it's the end of June I'm starting this one. (I'm sure we had another and it just got buried) 

zigzag8412

Somewhat selfishly initiated because a PT friend just had her first baby yesterday (vaginally) and got ONE STITCH y'all! Barely even tore! Obviously I'm super excited for her and all but I also want to know her secrets. As she has a one-day old baby though I'm sure she's preoccupied so I thought I'd come ask y'all: what did you do to help minimize the tear threat? I know it's a reality and likely inescapable. But I'd still love to do anything I could to avoid it if at all possible...

MississippiCatfish

@zigzag8412 I don't have great advice from personal experience, but I think that part of my problem has been that I push FULL BLAST the whole time, where some docs/midwives will coach you to slow down right at the end/when you would tear. I'd love to be more aware and see if that would at least help me tear less severely, but I don't know if I have the self control needed in that moment. Everything in me just says push as hard as you can!

Im also interested to hear what STMS who haven torn will say!

kissthesky32

@zigzag8412 I know some people do perineal massages to help loosen and stretch things out. 

My first was an episiotomy because my baby was in serious distress and needed to make a quick exit. My second was a large baby (9lb7oz) and rocketed out without a whole lot of pushing/his head stretching things slowly, so I tore along my previous episiotomy scar. Honestly though, even with a whole mess of stitches both times, neither recovery was bad and things never really hurt for me post partum. 

JDW0325

My OB recommended perineal stretches as well. I didn't do them. I did tear, got 5 (i think) stitches. Recovery wasn't bad at all for me either! 

This is time I will try the stretches bc why not?

MississippiCatfish

I've read a handful of studies lately that say there is no scientific support for perineal massage in FTMs (I believe it might have been slightly effective in STMs). I'll dig tonight when I'm on my laptop, since I know some of you ladies are into the research. 

ArtificialRed

+1 for tearing but not suffering too much through the recovery. It's not something I'm very concerned about this time, although obviously if my midwife suggests something  that could help, I will heed her advice!

It made things feel different as it was healing. Obviously most noticeable during sex, but lots of lube and it was nbd. 

littlemissc17

I guess I'm lucky because I haven't torn with either of my first two. I do kegels all the time, but honestly I can't say whether that's the trick at all. I'm a small person (5'0) and have had small babies. My second was big for me, but pretty average sized (7lbs 7 1/2oz), so that could be it too. Anyway, can't hurt to try kegels. 

ineedsixeggs

I'm interested to see the responses to this. Unfortunately there was nothing I could do about my 4th degree episiotomy, but maybe this time will be better?

ETA: Sorry for the bitter tone. I still have complications from it, so I'm really hoping for better luck this round. 

bannaners

I didn't tear, didn't need any stitches with my 7 lb 15 oz baby, I attribute it to lots of water (staying hydrated!), Kegels, 50 squats a day, and I got DH to help stretch it a bit the last week or so before birth. I may have just gotten lucky, but I thought the other stuff may have helped and it's worth a shot

MaximumEffort

Recommend perineal massage/stretches leading up to birth and also to allow the body to stretch, sometimes you need to take a breathe and allow the body to adjust instead of full out pushing. Unfortunately an epidural won't let you feel the sensation of needing to pause. I tore with my first with an epidural and the "PUSH PUSH PUSH!!".  While my second it was medication free and I was able to know exactly what a contraction felt like and that my body would push and I could help. I remember at one point the midwife said to push and I told her I couldn't, she said "You can do this".  I responded "no, there isn't a contraction".  

kissthesky32

MaximumEffort said:

Recommend perineal massage/stretches leading up to birth and also to allow the body to stretch, sometimes you need to take a breathe and allow the body to adjust instead of full out pushing. Unfortunately an epidural won't let you feel the sensation of needing to pause. I tore with my first with an epidural and the "PUSH PUSH PUSH!!".  While my second it was medication free and I was able to know exactly what a contraction felt like and that my body would push and I could help. I remember at one point the midwife said to push and I told her I couldn't, she said "You can do this".  I responded "no, there isn't a contraction".  

I'm big on self-directed pushing. With my second, the doctor allowed me to call all the shots. I decided when to push and what contraction to push on or not. It was awesome and empowering and nothing like the scary emergency delivery of my daughter. But, even deciding for myself and going with what my body was saying, I still tore. 

MaximumEffort

@kissthesky32 same. I do remember my midwife telling me to take a moment when the head made it into the vaginal canal, help it stretch over/around the head.  I think I took that moment to feel the top of DDs head with my hand. 

kissthesky32

@MaximumEffort I love that! I'm going to try and remember to reach down and touch this baby's head. 

kissthesky32

Maybe I'm weird, but I would rather have a tear and some stitches than have DH stretch me out down there beforehand. No thanks. 

ArtificialRed

kissthesky32 said:

Maybe I'm weird, but I would rather have a tear and some stitches than have DH stretch me out down there beforehand. No thanks. 

If that's weird, then I'm weird too!

DuchessOfCambridge

At the risk of sounding stupid because I feel like this is a stupid question, how would DH stretch me out?

MaximumEffort

Wait. Why does DH have to do It? I did my own massage, while taking baths. I was a single mom, no one was going to help me.  

kissthesky32

MaximumEffort said:

Wait. Why does DH have to do It? I did my own massage, while taking baths. I was a single mom, no one was going to help me.  

I'm much more okay with this. 

bannaners

@DuchessOfCambridge if you look up perineal massage it'll tell you. I couldn't reach that whole area well by that point so I definitely needed help, plus dh wanted to see if he could tell how dilated I was haha I'd been having prodromal labor with 5 min apart contractions for days so he wanted to be able to figure out if I'd made any progress. We have a few doctors in the family that explained to him what to do, which made for some pretty funny conversation. Everyone wanted me to have the baby during Christmas break so they were encouraging anything and everything that could speed things along. 

BayCamp

I never did any of the stretching and had a 9lb 4oz baby with no stitches. He was even born with his hand up by his face. I fully credit this to agonizingly slow pushing. I did have what she called a "skid mark" that she gave me the option of putting a stitch in an I said no thanks. 

He was also born in the water which I've heard helps because it makes your skin softer, but who knows? 

cmessamore

With my first, I had an episiotomy, because it was back in the day when they thought cutting you was better than letting your body do what it is naturally meant to do. With DS2&3, I tore and needed a few stitches with each, probably because I push full force and don't give myself time to stretch. My recovery wasn't bad with either of them though, so I'm not really stressing about it this time around. You just learn that "Tucks Pads", "Dermoplast", and ice are your best friends for a few days. 

car1a

cmessamore said:

"Tucks Pads", "Dermoplast" are your best friends for a few days. 

Does the hospital provide such things or should we be bringing pads and random care items to the hospital?

kissthesky32

car1a said:

cmessamore said:

"Tucks Pads", "Dermoplast" are your best friends for a few days. 

Does the hospital provide such things or should we be bringing pads and random care items to the hospital?

They'll provide them while you're there. They'll also give you some to take home (take whatever they have you use there and always ask for more). But, I would have a nice supply at home too. 

car1a

Question: Should I purchase blackout shades for my bedroom (where baby will sleep for awhile) and the nursery? Or is it better to get them used to natural light? Have your LOs seemed to prefer darkness for naps?

kissthesky32

car1a said:

Question: Should I purchase blackout shades for my bedroom (where baby will sleep for awhile) and the nursery? Or is it better to get them used to natural light? Have your LOs seemed to prefer darkness for naps?

It has ever mattered with my kids when they are small. I've considered getting them for my now 2 year old though. Once the sun is up, he thinks it's time to be up too. Great in the winter, not great in the summer.

ElizabethSchuyler

car1a said:

Question: Should I purchase blackout shades for my bedroom (where baby will sleep for awhile) and the nursery? Or is it better to get them used to natural light? Have your LOs seemed to prefer darkness for naps?

We use blackout curtains, but we always have. I had to take DS when he was smaller to the windowless bathroom to get him to fall asleep for nap time because even with blackout curtains it wasn't dark enough. 

MississippiCatfish

kissthesky32 said:

car1a said:

cmessamore said:

"Tucks Pads", "Dermoplast" are your best friends for a few days. 

Does the hospital provide such things or should we be bringing pads and random care items to the hospital?

They'll provide them while you're there. They'll also give you some to take home (take whatever they have you use there and always ask for more). But, I would have a nice supply at home too. 

Even dermoplast? I haven't been given that at the hospital. Truth be told, I didn't really like it/felt like it helped, but I know so many moms who rave about it. 

av2323

I bet it depends on the hospital.  Mine gave mesh panties, heavy duty pads, dermoplast, motrin, and tucks pads for the mom.  

kissthesky32

av2323 said:

I bet it depends on the hospital.  Mine gave mesh panties, heavy duty pads, dermoplast, motrin, and tucks pads for the mom.  

I got the same, but add cortisone cream too

ineedsixeggs

car1a said:

Question: Should I purchase blackout shades for my bedroom (where baby will sleep for awhile) and the nursery? Or is it better to get them used to natural light? Have your LOs seemed to prefer darkness for naps?

DON'T DO IT. It helped a lot for us with naptimes in the beginning, but then as she got older she wouldn't nap anywhere that wasn't pitch black and it made travel of any kind a real PITA. We finally transitioned away from them a few months ago and life is a lot more simple. 

DuchessOfCambridge

A FTM myself, but my friend who just recently had a baby makes her baby nap wherever so that she gets used to it. One time it was at a lake right in front of people who were blasting music, another it was in the living room while my friend vacuumed. Her baby didn't even flinch through any of it.

av2323

I've heard that also @DuchessOfCambridge.  Folks say not to shy away from running the dishwasher or vacuum, playing music, or any other loud activity during nap time so the kid doesn't depend on utter silence to sleep.

ArtificialRed

Yes to loud and bright naptimes. Bedtime is typically dark and quiet, even in the summer thanks to blackout curtains. 

ineedsixeggs

DuchessOfCambridge said:

A FTM myself, but my friend who just recently had a baby makes her baby nap wherever so that she gets used to it. One time it was at a lake right in front of people who were blasting music, another it was in the living room while my friend vacuumed. Her baby didn't even flinch through any of it.

YES. But also be warned that things can change around 4 months or so when they develop a more regular sleep cycle and don't just immediately fall into a deep sleep anymore. 

ArtificialRed

ooodalollly said:

DuchessOfCambridge said:

A FTM myself, but my friend who just recently had a baby makes her baby nap wherever so that she gets used to it. One time it was at a lake right in front of people who were blasting music, another it was in the living room while my friend vacuumed. Her baby didn't even flinch through any of it.

YES. But also be warned that things can change around 4 months or so when they develop a more regular sleep cycle and don't just immediately fall into a deep sleep anymore. 

True! As DS got bigger nap times had to be more isolated from distractions. But still light in the room. They nap less often as they get bigger and it becomes vaguely less of a hassle to have a devoted nap routine anyway. 

MississippiCatfish

kissthesky32 said:

av2323 said:

I bet it depends on the hospital.  Mine gave mesh panties, heavy duty pads, dermoplast, motrin, and tucks pads for the mom.  

I got the same, but add cortisone cream too

Well I want my money back. 

kalenp

@car1a YES buy them. My kids can sleep anywhere until about 4-5 months of age and after that point I had to have blackout curtains and a white noise from a fan or an app. I even bought the dark curtains for my mom's house because otherwise sleeping was not happening. I am a bit of a sleep-nazi though We have gone through 2 mini fans in the 4 years I've been a mom (1 for each kid's room). They wake up in the middle of the night if we forget to turn the fan on. 

BayCamp

When he was an infant he'd sleep wherever/whenever. At 2.5 he wants to be up with the sun so I love our blackout curtains. We both work late so had them on our windows anyways. He'll still happily nap in the bright car with the radio blasting or in his blackout room cave with white noise. He just definitely sleeps better and longer in the dark. I just know that when traveling he'll be up early since it's bright in the room. 

car1a

Thanks everyone, I thought this was a yes or no purchase but I think it's going to have to be a "let's wait and see" ( you Amazon prime)

ElizabethSchuyler

DS never slept wherever from the start. It's no secret he was a crappy sleeper so we absolutely did quiet nap time. I never minded quiet nap times personally.  Day care isn't loud and the lights are off. If my husband started running the vacuum or doing dishes in the kitchen during my nap you bet your ass he's hearing about it. I worked really hard for every nap so there was no way I was waking him up. 

He's so much better now and #2 will be my "noise during nap time" kid and sleep through Cars and Thomas.