Pregnant after 35

Rude Comments

I am getting ready to be a 2nd time Mom at 38. Our DD is 11 and my husband I decided to try again, and now we're expecting a DS. Do any other 35+ Moms experience rude comments? I had the medical assistant at my Dr office say, "we are the same age...if I were pregnant, I'd die!" And it's not just her, I hear it from family friends too. Am I just being sensitive? I feel like this is SO rude.
ishmoneytinjp78[Deleted User]so_much_laundry

Re: Rude Comments

  • I haven't told anyone yet, but I'm dreading these!  I know she means well and her first reaction is not usually the best, but I can already hear my mom say "what are you thinking?".  Ah well, those people who matter will come around...
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  • I look a bit younger than I am (40), so when someone hears that I'm 40 and pregnant, their eyes just get big, and they say "Wow! I, I'm, didn't realize you were 40! Um, congratulations!"

    I see it in their eyes, but I don't really care. I'm ftm, but I've heard how intense the advice gets once you have a baby, and everyone wants to tell you that you're caring for them wrong. Gotta thicken my skin now!
    Me- 39 (turning 40 in April), TTC for the first time ever (since Jan 2015), low ovarian reserve
    Married 3/14/14 to my wonderful wife, but her sperm count is rather low
    TTC with frozen donor sperm and science

    7 IUIs, 7 BFNs.
    2 IVF attempts, both cancelled and converted to IUI, both BFNs.
    Decided that my tired old ovaries are ready to retire.
    Next step- reciprocal IVF, using my wife's eggs, my uterus!  
    fresh 5 day transfer (2 embryos) 4/17/17- BFP! 
    Identical twins "due" 1/2/17 (but anticipated arrival sometime December)

    ishmoney[Deleted User]beebee2019keikilove
  • mindaamindaa member
    I didn't deal with that too much the first time, so I'm hoping to be so lucky again. Because I'm a super oversensitive pregnant lady.  But I agree with @poemasque that the random comments don't stop once the baby comes. Dh is constantly reminding me that people are just trying to make conversation and in general their intentions are good and not rude.

    It's not like older mom's are a new thing... Both my grandma and Dh's had ama pregnancies, they were just on their fifth or sixth kid :)

    As far as friends go, I'm more likely to have them tell me they wished they had waited longer to have kids. 
    Me-37, DH-38
    Married in 2006, TTC #1 since Jan 2012

    Baby Boy born June 1, 2015

    He settles her in her home as a happy mother of children, praise the Lord! (Psalms 113:9)
    And the peace of God, which surpasses all understand, will guard your heart and mind in Jesus Christ (Philippians 4:7)

    ishmoney[Deleted User]keikilove
  • @nbush01 I am probably sensitive too. I agree with the idea of people trying to connect and probably specifically trying to understand the experience. I'd probably take the comments as insensitive and be sure to respond to them so they would not make those same comments to others in the future.
    Me: 39 <3  DP: 49
    TTC since Jan 2017
    BFP #2 7/11/17 | EDD 3/24/18
    BFP #1 5/2/17 | EDD 1/12/18 | MC 5/18/17

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @nbush01 the bottom line is that people are just insensitive and in being conversational they say rude things...and sadly it's very common

    I had a lady tell me once in reference to my toddler "Oh yeah, my dog does that all the time"


    My wife is Vietnamese and they are straight up mean (curt is cultural) as to them you aren't even allowed to complain, let alone be heavier than 100 lbs.

    We have had sales people in stores say things like "But she is so fat.  You shouldn't be that fat!  Doesnt matter if your pregnant!  You are too fat" 

    Dont even get me started on her aunts...

  • I'm 37, but to my suprise, my 43 year old husband is the one getting the rude comments and it is really upsetting him - asking how he feels about being retired when your kid graduates, or kids confusing him with being a grandparent etc etc. 
  • im about to be 34 and recovering from my second back surgery in 3 years, had spinal cord stimulator put in ttc starting next month and I think if I wouldn't have hurt my back at 26 at work I would have had kids earlier but maybe only 3-4 years. 
  • Unfortunately people are always going to make comments. Wether you are an AMA or younger they always find something to say. I honestly ignore them.
    My family doesn’t know yet but if anyone says any rude comments I am not going to hold back. I will let them know if they don’t have anything nice to say then to keep it to themselves. I am forty I am aware it’s not the most ideal age to have a baby but i actually tried for 5 years and it’s a blessing to be able to carry and birth a child. I am prepared to have thick skin and live each day to the fullest. 
    [Deleted User]fierynicmill1020knottiec8089af62a9bfb84
  • Amen! I am 42. I can’t believe the insanely insensitive comments people are making to my face! It really hurts my heart 
  • I'm 39, will be almost 40 when baby arrives and have had MANY of the... omg I don't envy you... omg I can't imagine being your age and pregnant...and the worst... thank God I'm not you. 

    This is our 1st and I'm already hyper sensitive, the last thing I need are those comments! 

    Someone above said pregnancy opens you up for some strange form of criticism and opins spewing - they were sure correct. I just say that totally baffles me. People can be so rude.
  • I'm 38 and this is my first pregnancy.  I'm a little nervous for when the time comes to tell people because I really don't want rude age comments. I know my family will be excited and supportive tho, and that's all that really matters. 
    I have my ultrasound next weekend so we'll start telling people then.
  • I think older parents are more common in my area. I'm in better shape at 38 then I was at 29 when I got pregnant with my first. 
  • KatzaliaKatzalia member
    edited April 2018
    I’m 38 and pregnant with my second. I was 33 when pregnant with my first. It’s still really early for me this time, but I don’t imagine there will be a lot of comments — a lot of women in academic medicine have kids later. But I’m pretty blunt, so if someone said something, I would probably call them on their “overly helpful/concerned” comments and let them squirm. 
  • ErinkaErinka member
    I was pregnant with DD at 35 and folks were very interested in knowing my age. I’m turning 38 later this month and I just know after people find out I’m pregnant they ask “how old are you, again?”. Ugh. I might say “young enough to get pregnant!”.
  • I haven't heard anything yet because we haven't announced. I think people have something to say regardless of the situation.

    I'm 46 having our 3rd. I'm sure ill hear some

    And its our 2nd birth control
    I got pregnant with my 4 year old while I had an IUD. This time I'm pregnant after Essure.
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