Rude Comments

nbush01

I am getting ready to be a 2nd time Mom at 38. Our DD is 11 and my husband I decided to try again, and now we're expecting a DS. Do any other 35+ Moms experience rude comments? I had the medical assistant at my Dr office say, "we are the same age...if I were pregnant, I'd die!" And it's not just her, I hear it from family friends too. Am I just being sensitive? I feel like this is SO rude.

PoeMasque

Hm, I am 37 and pregnant for the first time. I have had a super easy pregnancy so far, but had a horrible time getting pregnant (we did IVF after a year and a half of trying everything else with zero luck). I will honestly say that I wish it was my 27 year old body going through this and not my 37 year old one and i would feel even more so if I was having a harder pregnancy. I can see where those comments are coming from, and to me, they don't feel personally directed, but that's me. 

In general, pregnancy and parenthood seem to open us up to blatant criticism and commentary. The commentary never bothers me, people love kiddos and pregnant ladies are making kiddos, comments are a way to connect with that process and I think that want for connection is really awesome. The criticism is harder to deal with....but I'm pretty blunt, set in my ways, and usually research the crap out of something before acting on it, so it's easy for me to say "thanks, but I am confidant in my choices". I am also open to learning.....so I try very hard to take information as just that, and not as a critique (after all I can't know ALL the things) 

hope that helps a little?

alwayssomethingnew

I haven't told anyone yet, but I'm dreading these!  I know she means well and her first reaction is not usually the best, but I can already hear my mom say "what are you thinking?".  Ah well, those people who matter will come around...

KLake42

I look a bit younger than I am (40), so when someone hears that I'm 40 and pregnant, their eyes just get big, and they say "Wow! I, I'm, didn't realize you were 40! Um, congratulations!"

I see it in their eyes, but I don't really care. I'm ftm, but I've heard how intense the advice gets once you have a baby, and everyone wants to tell you that you're caring for them wrong. Gotta thicken my skin now!

ottergirl81

I've only told a few people the good news so far and everyone is excited for me. My MIL keeps telling me that thing must be more difficult to go through at "my age". Things have been going great so far for the record. This is my first pregnancy, I'm 36 and seem to be doing much better than those 10 years younger than me. Would have loved to have had children 10 years ago but the time just wasn't right in my life. People can suck it who think it should have happened earlier!

mindaa

I didn't deal with that too much the first time, so I'm hoping to be so lucky again. Because I'm a super oversensitive pregnant lady.  But I agree with @poemasque that the random comments don't stop once the baby comes. Dh is constantly reminding me that people are just trying to make conversation and in general their intentions are good and not rude.

It's not like older mom's are a new thing... Both my grandma and Dh's had ama pregnancies, they were just on their fifth or sixth kid

As far as friends go, I'm more likely to have them tell me they wished they had waited longer to have kids. 

ishmoney

@nbush01 I am probably sensitive too. I agree with the idea of people trying to connect and probably specifically trying to understand the experience. I'd probably take the comments as insensitive and be sure to respond to them so they would not make those same comments to others in the future.

Ratpasta

@nbush01 the bottom line is that people are just insensitive and in being conversational they say rude things...and sadly it's very common

I had a lady tell me once in reference to my toddler "Oh yeah, my dog does that all the time"



My wife is Vietnamese and they are straight up mean (curt is cultural) as to them you aren't even allowed to complain, let alone be heavier than 100 lbs.

We have had sales people in stores say things like "But she is so fat.  You shouldn't be that fat!  Doesnt matter if your pregnant!  You are too fat" 

Dont even get me started on her aunts...

ailynk

I'm 37, but to my suprise, my 43 year old husband is the one getting the rude comments and it is really upsetting him - asking how he feels about being retired when your kid graduates, or kids confusing him with being a grandparent etc etc. 

starswilldiex2829

im about to be 34 and recovering from my second back surgery in 3 years, had spinal cord stimulator put in ttc starting next month and I think if I wouldn't have hurt my back at 26 at work I would have had kids earlier but maybe only 3-4 years. 

momma1029

Unfortunately people are always going to make comments. Wether you are an AMA or younger they always find something to say. I honestly ignore them.
My family doesn’t know yet but if anyone says any rude comments I am not going to hold back. I will let them know if they don’t have anything nice to say then to keep it to themselves. I am forty I am aware it’s not the most ideal age to have a baby but i actually tried for 5 years and it’s a blessing to be able to carry and birth a child. I am prepared to have thick skin and live each day to the fullest. 

erysapplepie

Amen! I am 42. I can’t believe the insanely insensitive comments people are making to my face! It really hurts my heart 

shanna1573

I'm 39, will be almost 40 when baby arrives and have had MANY of the... omg I don't envy you... omg I can't imagine being your age and pregnant...and the worst... thank God I'm not you. 

This is our 1st and I'm already hyper sensitive, the last thing I need are those comments! 

Someone above said pregnancy opens you up for some strange form of criticism and opins spewing - they were sure correct. I just say that totally baffles me. People can be so rude.

davidslm57

I had my first at 41 (9 days shy of turning 42) and now at 46 I'm pregnant with #2. I didn't get the age comments, thankfully, although I did get a LOT of opinions on only having one (that was the original plan when I was pregnant with my 1st, it changed when he was about 6 months old). People are going to say what they're going to say. I'd like to think I'll have a witty response ready, but unfortunately those witty responses always come to me a few hours later. I think the best response is a hard stare and a "how inappropriate" or "what do you mean by that". Cue a lot of sputtering and backpedaling 

jamboree8

I'm 38 and this is my first pregnancy.  I'm a little nervous for when the time comes to tell people because I really don't want rude age comments. I know my family will be excited and supportive tho, and that's all that really matters. 
I have my ultrasound next weekend so we'll start telling people then.

lazyunicorn

I think older parents are more common in my area. I'm in better shape at 38 then I was at 29 when I got pregnant with my first. 

Katzalia

I’m 38 and pregnant with my second. I was 33 when pregnant with my first. It’s still really early for me this time, but I don’t imagine there will be a lot of comments — a lot of women in academic medicine have kids later. But I’m pretty blunt, so if someone said something, I would probably call them on their “overly helpful/concerned” comments and let them squirm. 

Erinka

I was pregnant with DD at 35 and folks were very interested in knowing my age. I’m turning 38 later this month and I just know after people find out I’m pregnant they ask “how old are you, again?”. Ugh. I might say “young enough to get pregnant!”.

so_much_laundry

I haven't heard anything yet because we haven't announced. I think people have something to say regardless of the situation.

I'm 46 having our 3rd. I'm sure ill hear some crap...lol

And its our 2nd birth control baby..lol
I got pregnant with my 4 year old while I had an IUD. This time I'm pregnant after Essure.