Wednesday Ticker Change 6/21

hippiestinkmom

1) How far along are you?

2) How are you feeling?

3) Any appointments this week? 

4) Rants/Raves/Questions?

5) GTKY: Are you going on vacation in your second trimester?

hippiestinkmom

1) How far along are you?

19 weeks! Honeybee is the size of a mango.

2) How are you feeling?

Feeling really good, but DANG is it hot! Not looking forward to 100+ degrees in Texas this weekend.

3) Any appointments this week? 

20 week Anatomy Scan tomorrow. Yeah i know it's a bit early, but we're going to be gone for three weeks and the doctor would rather we come in a little early than late.

4) Rants/Raves/Questions?
Honeybear has bee SUPER helpful with helping me clean up the house before we leave. Just some minor cleaning and finishing up the floor cleaning before we leave Friday. 

5) GTKY: Are you going on vacation in your second trimester?
Yup! Vacation begins Friday and goes on until July 13th! And our shower is on July 8th with all my US family.

jess0211

1) How far along are you? 20 weeks today!!!!!

2) How are you feeling? Pretty good! Having some trouble sleeping lately, I have always had legs cramps and they are very bad on the side I had hip surgery on. With the pregnancy they seem worse.

3) Any appointments this week? AS on Friday. I am so excited but also so anxious.

4) Rants/Raves/Questions? I don't remember who said it yesterday, but I wish I could just have a "Break" to enjoy the pregnancy. Work is really kicking my butt right now and will until at least the end of July. It has me very stressed.

5) GTKY: Are you going on vacation in your second trimester? We just got back from the beach a couple of weeks ago

foxaírt

1t) How far along are you?

20w

2) How are you feeling?

shit

3) Any appointments this week? 

No

4) Rants/Raves/Questions?
tired of people using their sensativities to invalidate my own. Like I can't be happy or unhappy about something or struggle cause someone how something they feel is worse that means I somehow don't have the right to feel anything but whatever their perspective is . 

Why aren't I allowed do grieve loosing myself here . Why aren't I allowed to not want to acceptor at least struggle to go through the changes . 
It's not like I'm unwilling but I don't nessessaruty have to embrace it at least not is someone else's time or to their expectation .
TW
I hate how people use their loss or IF as a way of dictating what other people are allowed to feel and a way of invalidating others .
Of cause your pain is horrid and Immeasurable but it's not a tool to punish people who are just having a hard day like they haven't got the right to . 

kissthesky32

foxaírt said:

1t) How far along are you?

20w

2) How are you feeling?

shit

3) Any appointments this week? 

No

4) Rants/Raves/Questions?
tired of people using their sensativities to invalidate my own. Like I can't be happy or unhappy about something or struggle cause someone how something they feel is worse that means I somehow don't have the right to feel anything but whatever their perspective is . 

Why aren't I allowed do grieve loosing myself here . Why aren't I allowed to not want to acceptor at least struggle to go through the changes . 
It's not like I'm unwilling but I don't nessessaruty have to embrace it at least not is someone else's time or to their expectation .
TW
I hate how people use their loss or IF as a way of dictating what other people are allowed to feel and a way of invalidating others .
Of cause your pain is horrid and Immeasurable but it's not a tool to punish people who are just having a hard day like they haven't got the right to . 

Yes. Let's equate losing a baby (or multiple babies, in some people's situations) to getting stretch marks, needing to take out your nipple rings, and putting on baby weight. Because that it totally a valid comparison. 

foxaírt

Only I didn't make the comparison .. 
People use that to make others small for how they feel . Of cause it doesn't equate it I never have implied it so . But it shouldn't mean I'm not allowed to be unhappy about things . Just like I wasn't allowed to be happy and and ounce it because other people might be offended I'm pregnant cause they are still trying ... 
Now I'm not allowed to rant on a rant question on how my pregnancy is going on a forum which is supposed to be supportive because my feelings which are mine aren't valid since other people have bigger problems . 

kissthesky32

@foxaírt I also want to add - You are welcome to share all of your feelings. We're happy to talk them through with you and support you. Just as we're happy to offer support to anyone. But, there are places where it makes sense to air your feelings and places that it doesn't. You've talked about your body image issues in a number of threads and have always gotten kind words - but in a thread that is about celebrating our changing bodies and the fact that we all are getting bigger and getting bumps is just off.

foxaírt

Clearly not welcome at all . I've been made to delete my posts a number of times ... 
I thought it was relevant there because I had previously been active there and happy about the slow  progress and sharing with you all and today it was just super hard . 
But that's irrelevant because shame on me someone's anything is more important and I get guilted more when I already know it's soooo rediculous to react that way. 

kissthesky32

foxaírt said:

Only I didn't make the comparison .. 
People use that to make others small for how they feel . Of cause it doesn't equate it I never have implied it so . But it shouldn't mean I'm not allowed to be unhappy about things . Just like I wasn't allowed to be happy and and ounce it because other people might be offended I'm pregnant cause they are still trying ... 
Now I'm not allowed to rant on a rant question on how my pregnancy is going on a forum which is supposed to be supportive because my feelings which are mine aren't valid since other people have bigger problems . 

Comparing them is exactly what you are doing. And I'll go ahead and compare them too: someone's feelings about their losses might be bigger and deeper than your feelings about your no longer flawless body. Have some perspective and respect. There is a time and a place for everything and your timing happened to be off a few times.

foxaírt

That could be used at any moment tho . Break your leg . But their pain is worse ... 

I didn't bring it up . I brought up me and my struggles and I got told I can't feel that way cause it offends someone who's experienced loss . 

You could take anyone's life at any point and make them feel small for their feelings in comparison to that . 

kissthesky32

But breaking your leg has nothing to do with growing a healthy baby in your body.

The issue isn't that you have these feelings and need/want to share them and get support - it's the thread you chose to do it in. Start your own thread, use the symptoms thread, put it here where it specifically asks how you're doing - don't put it in a thread of people who are HAPPY about their changing bodies.

DuchessOfCambridge

@foxaírtSorry for lurking, but +1 to everything @kissthesky32 said. It's totally ok to have body image issues while being pregnant. I'm super thrilled I'm pregnant and wouldn't change it for anything, but that doesn't mean I don't have my insecurities with it, especially since people tend to feel they can say whatever they want to pregnant women about their bodies. However, HDBD was definitely not the place for these feelings, even if they are valid. That thread is specifically to share how our bodies are growing and build each other up. I'd recommend starting a specific Body Image thread. I haven't had a loss, but what you said in HDBD rubbed me the wrong way too. Just to reiterate, no one is saying you're not allowed to feel the way you feel or to share it and get support. You just need to make sure you do it in the appropriate place. Like @kissthesky32 said, you've talked about your body image issues in multiple threads on this board and always received support. Just be mindful of where you post.

jess0211

DuchessOfCambridge said:

@foxaírtSorry for lurking, but +1 to everything @kissthesky32 said. It's totally ok to have body image issues while being pregnant. I'm super thrilled I'm pregnant and wouldn't change it for anything, but that doesn't mean I don't have my insecurities with it, especially since people tend to feel they can say whatever they want to pregnant women about their bodies. However, HDBD was definitely not the place for these feelings, even if they are valid. That thread is specifically to share how our bodies are growing and build each other up. I'd recommend starting a specific Body Image thread. I haven't had a loss, but what you said in HDBD rubbed me the wrong way too. Just to reiterate, no one is saying you're not allowed to feel the way you feel or to share it and get support. You just need to make sure you do it in the appropriate place. Like @kissthesky32 said, you've talked about your body image issues in multiple threads on this board and always received support. Just be mindful of where you post.

All of that. I am thrilled to be pregnant and wouldn't change it for the world. But that doesn't mean I am not struggling to cope with some of the changes my body is going through which is made more difficult by people's insensitive comments (not on TB, people IRL). I feel like TB has given me a safe space to express my concerns, but I try to be cognizant of where I post and I think that's all previous posters are saying.  I do think a body image thread as @DuchessOfCambridge suggested is a good idea, it could have a general TW attached. 

sarahunderthesea

1) How far along are you? 20 weeks!!! Ahh, half way already?!? Where did time go?

2) How are you feeling? Leg cramps and RLP

3) Any appointments this week? AS on Friday. Wishing you the best at yours @jess0211 ! 

4) Rants/Raves/Questions? I am excited and sad to be at the halfway point because I promised myself I would make the most of this pregnancy (H says we are done after this LO, but I am hoping to change his mind in a couple of years). I know I have enjoyed this one so far, but I feel like I could do more. I don't know, its a hard feeling to describe. 

Also, I know I am jumping the gun and it is too early, but I am getting excited for Labor Buddies again. LOL

5) GTKY: Are you going on vacation in your second trimester? Went to Bonaire in the end of May and while it was FAR from the ideal Babymoon, looking back it was good to get away. H has decided we will try again over 4th of July weekend and go hiking in NC, which I am really looking forward to. 

@foxairt I remember from my first pregnancy being scared of loosing myself, but I can say that only happens if YOU allow it to. Becoming a mom does change you, but I am still the same me I've always been, just as a mom now too. I still travel, I still skate and dive and I have kissed my DD, left her with the grandparents and dove with sharks (calculated risk I swear but one everyone told me I would have to give up as a mom). Yes, unfortunately, pregnancy and motherhood come with a loss of autonomy but my DD has added so much color to my travels and everyday life and I know this LO will do the same. 

heatherdubrow

***Lurking***
@kissthesky32 I just want to say I love you 

kissthesky32

@heatherdubrow Back at you! Also, I didn't want to comment in the TTGP thread, but SO MANY CONGRATULATIONS, LADY!!

heatherdubrow

@kissthesky32 Thank you!!

jess0211

@heatherdubrow Yes, congrats!

NYTino24

foxaírt said:

Clearly not welcome at all . I've been made to delete my posts a number of times ... 
I thought it was relevant there because I had previously been active there and happy about the slow  progress and sharing with you all and today it was just super hard . 
But that's irrelevant because shame on me someone's anything is more important and I get guilted more when I already know it's soooo rediculous to react that way. 

No one made you delete your post and I most definitely did not say my experience or anyone else's was more important than yours. What is ridiculous is running to another thread to complain about me and what I said instead of talking to me. I am sorry you feel bad about your body, but only you are in control of your feelings. Being in a profession where looks count is tough, but it is something you chose along with choosing to become pregnant. I don't understand complaining about something you made happen (getting pregnant) and can't really control once it happens (stretch marks). No, not everyone gets stretch marks, and I know very few people welcome them. But it's like either worry about how your body looks or have a baby. It's hard to do both. Loss or not, I can empathize with you. My hips disappeared, my boobs got way bigger, I'm veiny all over, and my chin won't stop breaking out. Being PGAL isn't the point. Your post also offended plenty of women, including those who have stretch marks and didn't catastrophize them. 

foxaírt

I didn't run to another thread to complain I found the apropriate place as suggested to express how I was going . 
I delete them since it's unwelcome and so harmful for others as my intent is to reach out to a supportive community and not to upset others .the point is for the first time in my life I'm not in control . Of any of it . But that's not important because it might offend someone who would be desperate to feel that way . 
I honestly thought where I originally posted was the right place because it was specifically about my bump and I thought people there might of been able to help me love it more . 
Instead I basically got told to shut up and go see someone . Which BTW I do . Anyway 
For anxiety and agoraphobia and depression not that i need to broadcast that to everyone . 

I also didn't choose now to get pregnant . We tried for 6 years and nothing I was prepared then .  Then we started the process of buying a house after living overseas and starting again back home and I had finally come to terms with it not happening and moved on which was hard process and it just sprung itself on me at a lesson than ideal time and so unexpectedly i didnt even take a test or suspect till i was already 7 wks. Of cause I'm overjoyed but also not in the same place of coping or prepare for it i had had a mental shift and set different goals. Not everything is black and white and just because I'm choosing a family doesn't mean I have the tools or support or understanding to deal with those changes .  
It's not just my body and my personal life that will change its everything my self perception which took a lot of work to build . My staple income of 12 years has relied on body image (weather you approve of what i do or not) which I have never struggled with before . Even when I havent loved everything about my body I have still loved it and I've never felt this way . Especially cause it is so small and stupid but so impacting at the same time . 

I never ment to hurt those with stretch marks either . It's not really about the things but about my not coping with them or being able to embrace them like I should like I see everyone else do . 

This is enough now . 
I'm sorry for any problems, hurt or disturbance to any of the forums I've caused and will keep any posts apropriate and strictly on topic if and to necessity in future 

jess0211

@sarahunderthesea good luck tomorrow! Am I remember correctly that you also skate? I miss it sooooo much, I know my doctor wasn't supportive of me continuing well pregnant but I am so tempted to go to the rink next week during a time I know it'll be quiet.

NYTino24

foxaírt said:

I didn't run to another thread to complain I found the apropriate place as suggested to express how I was going . 
I delete them since it's unwelcome and so harmful for others as my intent is to reach out to a supportive community and not to upset others .the point is for the first time in my life I'm not in control . Of any of it . But that's not important because it might offend someone who would be desperate to feel that way . 
I honestly thought where I originally posted was the right place because it was specifically about my bump and I thought people there might of been able to help me love it more . 
Instead I basically got told to shut up and go see someone . Which BTW I do . Anyway 
For anxiety and agoraphobia and depression not that i need to broadcast that to everyone . 

I also didn't choose now to get pregnant . We tried for 6 years and nothing I was prepared then .  Then we started the process of buying a house after living overseas and starting again back home and I had finally come to terms with it not happening and moved on which was hard process and it just sprung itself on me at a lesson than ideal time and so unexpectedly i didnt even take a test or suspect till i was already 7 wks. Of cause I'm overjoyed but also not in the same place of coping or prepare for it i had had a mental shift and set different goals. Not everything is black and white and just because I'm choosing a family doesn't mean I have the tools or support or understanding to deal with those changes .  
It's not just my body and my personal life that will change its everything my self perception which took a lot of work to build . My staple income of 12 years has relied on body image (weather you approve of what i do or not) which I have never struggled with before . Even when I havent loved everything about my body I have still loved it and I've never felt this way . Especially cause it is so small and stupid but so impacting at the same time . 

I never ment to hurt those with stretch marks either . It's not really about the things but about my not coping with them or being able to embrace them like I should like I see everyone else do . 
This is enough now . 
I'm sorry for any problems, hurt or disturbance to any of the forums I've caused and will keep any posts apropriate and strictly on topic if and to necessity in future 

This will be the last I say on the topic. I said I understand how you feel, despite not feeling the same way. But I don't understand the passive aggressiveness. The fact that you are getting stretch marks and don't like them didn't offend anyone. It was more of you acting like no one can ever recover from them because it's the end of the world that hurt some. And I see that you're frustrated, but you just insulted me again with the above bolded comment and that wasn't necessary. You don't need to embrace your marks. You can hate them even if other people don't mind them. I truly hope that a counselor can help since this is a big issue for you. I considered seeing one for anxiety and depression after my loss.

sarahunderthesea

@jess0211 Good luck to you too! I know our babies are going to rock their AS!

Yes I do skate. My midwife said it was good exercise as long as I was not jumping (1 foot on the ice at all times) and limited my spinning. I am mostly focusing on MIF and dance patterns; hopefully I will have killer edges after baby. She said coach and I know more about the sport than she does so it is up to us to be responsible and decide when I need to leave the ice. Coach is beginning to get nervous and yelling at other skaters "Give her some space! She is PREGGO!" Thanks coach, lol. I know skating is good for my mental outlook, I went into a huge depression when I had to leave the ice during pregnancy with my DD so I am happy I don't have to do that this time...yet. If you do go to the rink, be safe and have some fun! It is good for you and baby.