HELP! I need to get my toddler to sleep!

My son is 2.5 years old. From the very beginning he has been difficult to get to sleep.  We broke all the rules.  We nursed to sleep, we rocked to sleep, we eventually became a family bed family just to get some rest. Now he sleeps with me or my husband  every night (we are separated and live in 2 different homes.  Our son lives half time with me and  half time with his father.). He has his own bed at my house, which he likes to play in.  He naps there occasionally but wont sleep the whole night there. At day care he naps just fine with all the kids and sleeps for 2-3 hours!  With my mom, who he spends one day a week with, he falls right to sleep and sleeps for 2-3 hours as well for naps.  With my husband and I he takes over an hour to fall asleep, both at nap time or at night.  Sometimes we skip the nap all together because it is just too much to spend hours trying and failing.  He cries, he screams, he fights us physically.  Sometimes he asks for a book then we start to read it then he grabs it and throws it.  This can go on for a while.  Sometimes he refuses to stay in the room.  We turn off all the electronics after bath time, an hour before bed.  He typically asks to go to bed at about 8pm.  If we try to get him to bed before that he flips out.  We are unsure what to do. I am six months pregnant with our second child and terrified of what we will do when the baby comes.  Now that my husband and I are living apart that is going to make it so much harder.  I have read multitude of articles.  But nothing really seems helpful.  If anyone as any advice or suggestions, books to read that have been helpful, I would really appreciate it. 
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