ETA I feel like I need to channel my inner @MississippiCatfish, I picture her being very chill and not yelling lol
Bahahahahaha. Before having children, I can literally recall TWO instances that I raised my voice. In my whole life. Not exaggerating. Now I do every. Single. Day. I try so hard, I'm constantly working on it, but I am amazed at how difficult it is for me! I never saw it coming. For me, it's mostly my four year old because he is quite a "spirited child." I probably raise my voice at either of the little guys maybe once a week? Which is still below what I'd like my standard to be, but at least I know that under normal circumstances with kids that aren't above and beyond in energy/anger/tantrums/behaviors I can usually hold it together. DH and I talk a lot about how we didn't see things in our personalities at all until we had a preschooler. It's really crazy!
@MississippiCatfish well that does make me feel a bit better. I'd still like to not yell. At least it'll be easy to start off that way, I assume I'll have no desire to yell at an infant. He doesn't know what he's doing! I'm sure I'll get frustrated with lots of crying though.
@DuchessOfCambridge I remember letting out a few groans after an hour or more of crying but, no. You should be good.
I should say, too, to everybody following the thread. I only share my struggle with yelling because I've found that it really brings me down and I feel alone in it and a lot of shame in it sometimes. Even when other parents say that they yell, I picture a harsh word spoken but still with a smile or something. And then when I yell, I kind of feel like someone would question if they should call CPS! Anyway, just want to be clear that I don't think it's okay or not that bad or funny or anything like that. I just want to be honest so that other moms feel like they can be honest too - because otherwise how can we get better, right???
@MississippiCatfish if it helps I did picture from you a harsh word spoken but still with a smile. In my case I think I need to not be so selfish when it comes to my temper and just let things goooo. But obviously in the moment I do not think I need to let anything go. At least I've got 21+ weeks to figure this out
I think nows a good time to mention that there is a HUGE difference (for me at least) between yelling at a child and yelling. Yelling at my children is generally more of an angry stern raised voice, whereas yelling at anyone else that I would yell at (DH for example) is more of a psychotic screech. Not going to say that either are good because they definitely aren't and I totally feel like someone should call children's aid when I think about how I yelled, but it is nice to know that there is a differentiation between the two yells.
I have to drive 4.5 hours with my 2 year old all by myself today. I'm trying to time it where he will nap most of the way. I can't leave until after my OB appt that's at 3:30 today. I'm hoping the drive goes smoothly!
This sounds horrible!! I'd probably keep him up til 3:30, but then he'd nap so long that he'd be up til midnight:/
It wasn't as horrible as I imangined. I kept him up all day so he'd nap on the way, which he did, until I had to pee. I tried to hold it as long as possible, (about 10 mins) until I felt like I'd explode. I had to wake him up to go in the rest stop. He was okay until the last 45 mins. He was done riding and wanted to get "out" of his seat. It's actually a long drive to be strapped down in a car seat. I felt horrible for him.
@MississippiCatfish you are definitely not alone! I yell and I actually work for CPS lol. I am African American and DH is Caucasian and he calls it my "black mom voice." Sometimes it's the only thing that works to let my kiddos know I mean business!
DH locked the kids out of Netflix by changing the password. Which is all good except now one of them ( or their mom or someone they have handed our password out to) is trying to get into the Netflix and keeps sending verification codes to DH cell phone obviously not realizing it goes to his phone (i suspect it is SD trying to watch netflix) it is SO ANNOYING literally every 5 seconds dinging. Ugh. Edited because grammar.
@DuchessOfCambridge@MississippiCatfish I yell at my kids every day. I never yelled when my first was little outside of if she was doing something danergous buttt now the 2yr old does not listen AT ALL and I feel like I yell all day because she refuses to listen. It's exhausting.
I yell. Actually I've had voices come out of me that were previously not known to me until having a "spirited" 2 year old. Mainly because I don't know if I ever yelled at anyone before that. I'm generally super chill.
I try really really hard not to, but sometimes after an hour of him refusing to nap it happens. I always feel guilty after and I usually cry, although he really doesn't care which makes it all the more frustrating. Now that it's really sunk in that yelling doesn't work with him it happens less. But we're human and you can only gently tell someone something so many times before you just run out of patience.
I'm pretty annoyed with DH regarding my upcoming birthday. He is going "to the box" Friday morning for the next 2 weeks. (Basically he can't come home from work and sleeps in the desert) My birthday is next week so he will miss it. On top of that DD1 is still visiting her dad and won't be home for another 2 weeks and I promised her we would celebrate until she gets home but now DH is insisting I open my gifts this week so that "I can enjoy them while he is gone" (most likely art supplies) but that'll just make my birthday feel like even less of a birthday. I know its good intentions but still... This is the second year in a row I'll basically be celebrating alone on my birthday.
@am+mommy that was a sympathy love tit! Sorry about DH being gone during your birthday, and it not really feeling like a birthday. That sucks. I know the feeling, and it's just so frusterating.
@asamapmaker I was asked on Sunday if I was "due any day now". Um no, I'm morning even @am+mommy I'm sorry your birthday won't go as you want it, but at least you have this little one with you!
Sometimes it's necessary to raise your voice a little with kids. I have 25 on a daily basis and turning off the lights, chanting, or clapping wouldn't work with just one or two. I always tell the kids that my first job is keeping them safe and my second job is teaching them. Don't be too hard on yourself.
It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*
@am+mommy I'm sorry youll be alone for your birthday. I would pull the birthday card and ask to wait until he gets back and DD is there and make it a real celebration.
And re: yelling. I also yell. The other day I literally screamed, "stop screaming at each other!" to my kids. Parenting and leading by example at its best right there. I find that if I'm truly annoyed and try to not yell, I end up using this very scary, overly calm voice that is worse than yelling. I raise my voice pretty much on a daily basis, but probably only really yell once a month or so.
Maybe since I'm NOT super chill I'll somehow find myself doing the opposite and going from yelling to not yelling. I like the sound of the super scary voice. DH also hates yelling because his dad used to a lot. That's a little different because his dad would yell about things that didn't make any sense, not necessarily because DH was doing something wrong. That is definitely something I would like to not do.
@NYTino24 what???? Due any day now? That person must be blind!
@mariposa_767s maybe I'm wrong about this, but wouldn't it be normal for your DS to call his father on Father's Day? Maybe he was waiting for his phone call since he's the dad.
@DuchessOfCambridge I understand. I've been getting annoyed and so many little things I never used to get so annoyed about but now I feel upset over tiny little things.
this is a slight annoyance but now that there is a fb group and we can respond to people's comments directly below them, it makes me frustrated to keep having to scroll up so I can remember how I wanted to reply to and what their sn is so I can tag them.
@pawcall DS was very mellow and withdrawn yesterday. That's the typical day after. It's awful to watch it but my hope is that since he's so young, it'll work itself out. It just sucks because his birthday party is this weekend so the process will start over. (edited because I can't have enough coffee to function this early)
@teachermama7 we have an agreement where the ex contacts DS because in the beginning there were numerous times where DS would call and ex wouldn't answer. It would upset DS. The ex is all about convenience and apparently answering his child's phone call or Facetime isn't convenient. He (DS) went through a lot of therapy in the beginning because his dad moved another family into our old house pretty quickly and he felt replaced. There are soooo many complex feelings there for him. So...unfortunately the ball is always in his dad's court and he's a father when he feels like it. In his "slight" defense, his fiancé and he both are addicts (pills/alcohol) and I think it's his strange way of protecting DS from his fiancé's roller coaster. He's better at keeping his addiction away from the kids than she is.
I find the kids find yelling scary but absolutely nothing is more terrifying to them than when I use incomplete sentences and speak with periods in between each word. If that makes sense.
If DH and I end up raising our voices, my son does too with a smile. He just starts yelling gibberish and laughing, we laugh, and end up using calmer voices. I have not mastered the stern talking thing yet though. It makes me laugh.
I use to yell a lot. More so than I'd like to admit. I had a pretty tough and unstable young adulthood and poor DS1 got the brunt of it. I look back and cry most of the time I think about how much I would yell at DS1. Now, it's a VERY rare occasion that I'd even raise my voice to either child.
I'm so tired today. My son was up at 3am saying his legs were hurting. Definitely growing pains. I massed his legs for like 30 minutes. Then his "belly was so empty". He NEVER says this so I know it's a true growth spurt. Got him a huge glass of milk and some protein yogurt. Then he wanted me to rub his back and sing him songs--- ummm ok! Let's snuggle, kid!! That part I LOOOOVVVVEEEED.
Never really went back to sleep though so I am zzzzzzzzzzz.
Re: Monday Bitchfest 6/19/17
I should say, too, to everybody following the thread. I only share my struggle with yelling because I've found that it really brings me down and I feel alone in it and a lot of shame in it sometimes. Even when other parents say that they yell, I picture a harsh word spoken but still with a smile or something. And then when I yell, I kind of feel like someone would question if they should call CPS! Anyway, just want to be clear that I don't think it's okay or not that bad or funny or anything like that. I just want to be honest so that other moms feel like they can be honest too - because otherwise how can we get better, right???
Yelling at my children is generally more of an angry stern raised voice, whereas yelling at anyone else that I would yell at (DH for example) is more of a psychotic screech.
Not going to say that either are good because they definitely aren't and I totally feel like someone should call children's aid when I think about how I yelled, but it is nice to know that there is a differentiation between the two yells.
Edited because grammar.
I try really really hard not to, but sometimes after an hour of him refusing to nap it happens. I always feel guilty after and I usually cry, although he really doesn't care which makes it all the more frustrating. Now that it's really sunk in that yelling doesn't work with him it happens less. But we're human and you can only gently tell someone something so many times before you just run out of patience.
@am+mommy I'm sorry your birthday won't go as you want it, but at least you have this little one with you!
Sometimes it's necessary to raise your voice a little with kids. I have 25 on a daily basis and turning off the lights, chanting, or clapping wouldn't work with just one or two. I always tell the kids that my first job is keeping them safe and my second job is teaching them. Don't be too hard on yourself.
TTC 9/2016 BFP 12/9/16 EDD 8/21/17 NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
TTC 2/2017 BFP 3/6/17 EDD 11/17/17 DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
TTC 12/2018 BFP 6/2/19 EDD 2/12/20 NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
TTC 7/2019 BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
TTC 8/19 IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20
AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
And re: yelling. I also yell. The other day I literally screamed, "stop screaming at each other!" to my kids. Parenting and leading by example at its best right there. I find that if I'm truly annoyed and try to not yell, I end up using this very scary, overly calm voice that is worse than yelling. I raise my voice pretty much on a daily basis, but probably only really yell once a month or so.
@mariposa_767s maybe I'm wrong about this, but wouldn't it be normal for your DS to call his father on Father's Day? Maybe he was waiting for his phone call since he's the dad.
@DuchessOfCambridge I understand. I've been getting annoyed and so many little things I never used to get so annoyed about but now I feel upset over tiny little things.
this is a slight annoyance but now that there is a fb group and we can respond to people's comments directly below them, it makes me frustrated to keep having to scroll up so I can remember how I wanted to reply to and what their sn is so I can tag them.
DS1 is 7. DD is 1. DS2 is coming in late April.
DS1 is 7. DD is 1. DS2 is coming in late April.
Never really went back to sleep though so I am zzzzzzzzzzz.