Side note to FTM's: ITS OK TO SAY NO!!! be brave! You need to do what's best for you and your new family.
Thank you for that reassurance. I find it very hard to say no to anyone but I can't imagine I'll want to be bombarded with people during that time. Being a FTM I have no idea who I want. Will I regret not having my mom in the room or regret having her there when I could have an intimate moment with DH? Maybe I'll have a clearer feeling later on
mrsnt816 said: ... Thank you for that reassurance. I find it very hard to say no to anyone but I can't imagine I'll want to be bombarded with people during that time. Being a FTM I have no idea who I want. Will I regret not having my mom in the room or regret having her there when I could have an intimate moment with DH? Maybe I'll have a clearer feeling later on
I'm going through the exact same issue. My mom and I are very close, but she also stresses me out big-time. I'm really conflicted with this one. I'm her only child, and this baby will be my only child, so I feel like she'll carry the hurt feelings for the rest of her life. But I desperately want those first sweet moments between DH and I and our new baby. Ugh!!
I get being close with your mom, but did they have that moment with their own mom? I think it's fair to ask why your mom (or other close family member) would have the expectation that they would be there for the actual delivery?
Maybe it would be good to google for more people's experiences to get a good sense of whether and WHY other mothers going through childbirth regretted or did not regret having more than H in the room. Also, is there a chance they would elbow your partner out of their special moment(s) with the new baby? Personally my feeling is that if someone is going to grate my nerves somehow, stress me out, or somehow make it less special for us, I don't want them there.
Me: 36 | DH 35, Married 2007
TTC #1 June 2015 April 2016 - AMH, FSH, Progesterone normal June 2016 - HSG clear *TW* BFP - Aug16, demise confirmed Sep16, incomplete m/c, D&C Nov16 BFP 3/27/17, edd 12/7/17 DS - 12/9/17 TTC #2 December 2018 BFP 2/22/19, edd 11/4/19 DD - 11/1/19 My Chart
I'm fine with visitors in the hospital and at home after. All my family is local so I won't have to deal with people wanting to stay at our house with the new baby. If they were out of town family coming in and wanting to stay then I may feel different about it.
With my first son we had a ton of visitors and it was a little overwhelming since I was new to it all. With my second, other than parents no one came to visit in the hospital or at home. So who knows what will happen this time, especially with my due date so close to Christmas.
I'm kind of in the same boat as @djd0404 and @mrsnt816 My mom couldn't have kids, she she never experienced childbirth. My sister had her in the delivery room when my niece was born, and I'm almost feeling like this is something I not only would like to share with her, but feel compelled. I go back and forth on it. All I know is that this time around, when we have visitors, they better be prepared to take a 16 month old down the street to the park because mama needs a nap! And they better have coffee in their hand when they ring that doorbell.
With my first I had a room full of people and it was horrible. With my second we didn't even tell anyone until after the baby was here. Then they all had to wait for us to come see them. My third we didn't have anyone come to see the baby at the birthing center but I was up and moving emediatly after and we went and visited the friend that watched our oldest for about an hour before we went home. This time we will probably do a home birth so we won't have any one over or visiting at least the first week. ( That's usually how long my husband takes off to help me) then maybe I'll have a visitor. But I really don't prefer it. And if it was my first husband parents them staying for a week would be a big hell no. But if my husband's mom wanted to come and stay for a week once he went back to work I would be okay with that. She is sweet and respectful and super helpful. She will clean and cook and help with the other kids. She will even get my oldest on the bus in the mornings if I needed her to. She will take me shopping or whatever I need. She is awesome. It just depends on the person that is staying. My mom I can only handle for so long. She corrects everything you do and wants to argue why what your doing is wrong to the point of screaming and crying. She just has to be right about everything. She means well but she is a pain in the ass a lot of the time. And a week is really Long. Just put your foot down. Your husband should understand. It's extremely exhausting to give birth. Then you no longer get to sleep good for months.
I'm kind of in the same boat as @djd0404 and @mrsnt816 My mom couldn't have kids, she she never experienced childbirth. My sister had her in the delivery room when my niece was born, and I'm almost feeling like this is something I not only would like to share with her, but feel compelled. I go back and forth on it. All I know is that this time around, when we have visitors, they better be prepared to take a 16 month old down the street to the park because mama needs a nap! And they better have coffee in their hand when they ring that doorbell.
I've been considering the idea of MAYBE having my mom in the delivery room with us. I am assuming you didn't with your first? Anything helping or hindering you from making this decision with your second? I haven't even mentioned it to my mom or to DH, but she and I are super close and I know it would be something she would treasure forever. I'll be interested to hear what you eventually decide!
@flowerpower5838 I had my mom and DH with me while I delivered. They both held my legs/feet and it was nice having their support since it was really tough for me. My mom and I are super close, so I never considered not having her. Plus she's a nurse, so she was helpful without being crazy. This time around, I'll need her to have DD and I'm kind of bummer about it.
I told my mom I just wanted my husband in the room. But when it came time to push, I begged her to stay and I'm so happy I did. I think this time I'm going to do the same since you never really know how it's going to go.
@flowerpower5838 for my first, I did not have her in there. I wanted t to be just DH and I, and she totally understood and respected that choice. This one, I'd like to share with her, but at the same time, I feel like i might get stressed out because she's my mom and she stresses me TF out half the time lol. I love her but I'm not sure I could tolerate her while pushing a watermelon out my lady bits. I can picture it now "come on kid! One more push! I can see her hair!" I'll want to slap her with the placenta... hah
Re: Visitors after birth
TTC #1 since 12/2015
BFP 4/4/17, EDD 12/4/17
Maybe it would be good to google for more people's experiences to get a good sense of whether and WHY other mothers going through childbirth regretted or did not regret having more than H in the room. Also, is there a chance they would elbow your partner out of their special moment(s) with the new baby? Personally my feeling is that if someone is going to grate my nerves somehow, stress me out, or somehow make it less special for us, I don't want them there.
April 2016 - AMH, FSH, Progesterone normal
June 2016 - HSG clear
*TW* BFP - Aug16, demise confirmed Sep16, incomplete m/c, D&C Nov16
BFP 3/27/17, edd 12/7/17
DS - 12/9/17
TTC #2 December 2018
BFP 2/22/19, edd 11/4/19
DD - 11/1/19
My Chart
With my first son we had a ton of visitors and it was a little overwhelming since I was new to it all. With my second, other than parents no one came to visit in the hospital or at home. So who knows what will happen this time, especially with my due date so close to Christmas.
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016