Waiting Room Wednesday - June 7th

notthefather

i don't think this was posted last week so I thought I'd start it again!

***General TW that this thread might contain discussions mentioning MC and loss.***

Welcome to Waiting Room Wednesday!

You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer -- even if it is for a good reason. I invite you to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this like an ongoing conversation.

Benched = involuntarily not NTNP/TTC and "out of the game," usually due to medical reasons

TTA = avoiding pregnancy by using protection or FAM, usually for non-health-related reasons __________________________________________________________________ 

Are you benched or TTA? 

What brings you here? 

How long do you think you'll be here? 

How have things been going?

Any R/R?

GTKY: What is your favorite holiday?

notthefather

Thank you all for your sweet words. I'm not much of a hugger, but...

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? My husband still won't commit to a second baby and I'm about to lose my shit going back and forth with it.

How long do you think you'll be here? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

How have things been going? Not good, hence my board break. 

Any R/R? Ugh, so many. I'm just at a loss at this point. I've tried being direct, being subtle, pestering, not bringing it up at all, and everything in between. My husband just doesn't give me any answers. He swears he wants another child but will give me zero time frame. His response when I ask for a time frame (if he even responds) is "I don't know." At this point, our daughter will be at least 5 if a new baby comes along. I always wanted children close together so this is already hard for me to swallow. I was so close with my siblings and I'm afraid, if our daughter even gets a sibling, they will not have anything in common. Sometimes I wonder if my husband really wants another child. Even though he says he does, he doesn't act like it. I'm hurt, angry, and frustrated. 

GTKY: What is your favorite holiday? Thanksgiving! I love seeing family and eating but I also love the anticipation of the Christmas season. I always get so excited for the Christmas season even though I, inevitably, get super stressed. Haha!

ChloandCoco

Are you benched or TTA? Benched? I haven't talked to my doctor yet, but I will bring it up when I see her tomorrow.

What brings you here? TW- Miscarriage

How long do you think you'll be here? No idea. We both agreed to NTNP once we feel up to it, but I don't know what my cycle will be like.

How have things been going? I'm feeling ok, but I was a mess the last two days.

Any R/R? I really missed you, ladies.

GTKY: What is your favorite holiday? Definitely Christmas. It's such a magical time. 

notthefather

@ChloandCoco: I hope you get some answers soon. I think it is completely legitimate to be a mess for a while so please take care of yourself. Sending you lots of love and awkward Sheldon hugs. 

kindbytealikat

@notthefather that's so tough I'm so sorry.

Just here for GTKY since we've officially started TTC. 

My favorite holiday is Christmas no question. I love decorating, Christmas lights, giving gifts, baking gifts, all the innocence and joy with the kids, the music, and all the time with friends and family   

ChloandCoco

@notthefather - I'm so sorry that your husband isn't on the same page as you. Even though you always imagined your kids being close in age, they will still have a special bond, it will just be different than what you had with your siblings. **creepy internet hugs**

livingthedream-3

@notthefather and @ChloandCoco  My Love tits are hugs for you both.

glitzandglitter

@notthefather - Thank you for starting this today. I meant to start it this morning but then things got crazy Ugh! I am so sorry for your DH being noncommittal on TTC. That is a rough spot to be in. Have you tried sitting him down and explaining all the thoughts you are having and what you are feeling? Maybe if he understood how hard this was on you he could start thinking about his feelings on a timeline. I am sorry Big creepy internet hugs to you.

@ChloandCoco - Oh no! I was just thinking about you the other day and was wondering how you were doing. I am so sorry for your loss. You will be in my thoughts and prayers  

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? Waiting for news on a supplement. If I committed to the supplement I would have to be att school most of the school year. I am hoping I will hear soon. She seems in no real hurry to announce them and its not like I can say "Can you please hurry up and decide if I have it so I know when to start TTC! Thanks!" Ugh! The type A planner in me is struggling

How long do you think you'll be here? August at the latest but maybe July...

How have things been going? Lately it hasn't been too bad. I have spurts where I think about it a lot but then I get busy and it helps take my mind off of it. Next week my life will slow down a little so I'm sure I will start thinking about it a lot again.

Any R/R? I think all the ranting I did above just about covers it.

GTKY: What is your favorite holiday? Christmas is my favorite holiday because all of my famil traditions and seeing the kids all excited. I love Thanksgiving too though

dreamscapes_

@notthefather I'm definitely a hugger, but I also understand not being one! I'm so sorry that your DH is being wishy washy. Is there anyone that you can talk to aside from us and your DH about it? Like an online counselor, or something? My company has an employee assistance program, which also has telephone counseling, which is why I'm asking.

I do understand not wanting your kids to be too far apart. I really hope you get an answer soon If it helps, my husband and his brother are seven years apart. While they don't have a lot of common interests, they do have a good relationship. My niece is going to be almost eleven years older than her new baby brother, but we'll see how that goes, since my sister apparently wants my niece to care for the baby while my sister works >.<

@ChloandCoco I'm so sorry you're back here (although it's nice to see you!). Hopefully you won't be here too long! I agree with @notthefather, it's absolutely normal to be a mess in your situation.

@kindbytealikat Yay for starting!

@glitzandglitter Would it be inappropriate to ask them that? You could always frame it in another way, if you need to. "My cousin is getting married in October" or something. I hope you get an answer from them soon, though, because that has to be frustrating!

Are you benched or TTA? Still benched!

What brings you here? Waiting to go back to work from leave, and then we're going to give it three to five months before we actively start so that we can start saving.

How long do you think you'll be here? Hopefully not past the end of the year!

How have things been going? I pulled a muscle in my side a few days ago, AF arrived yesterday complete with awful cramps, woke up with a migraine today, and have been dealing with a flare up in my back. So... Fun! Other than that, things have been all right on the BOTB front. We'd received an ad from Target about creating a baby registry and getting a $20 gift card for doing so, so we did that the other night. The whole time, DH and I were like "I wish this was real". My sister's baby is due in just a couple of weeks, so that's been fun.

Any R/R? I shop at Torrid and they're having a "buy one, get 2 free" sale on their clearance. I also had a $10 coupon for my birthday, so I got about $50 worth of merchandise for $4!

GTKY: What is your favorite holiday? Once again, I'm the oddball...



I LOVE Halloween. I like Christmas and Thanksgiving, but I absolutely freaking LOVE Halloween. If we had a house with a nice front yard or porch, I'd decorate like crazy for Halloween.

glitzandglitter

@dreamscapes_ I have a 2 day educational conference with my principal next week so I am hoping that I can ask then. I like the idea of making up some other reason This  is a 2 person supplemental job so I am thinking I will try to get the other girl to ask because she is getting antsy and wants to know if we are doing it too.
I am sorry that you are having a rough week with AF and your pulled muscle I hope HR places you soon. They sure have been dragging their feet. 

dreamscapes_

@glitzandglitter Sometimes it's just easier to say you're asking because of another reason, you know? Like the whole "I'm asking for a friend" thing. Either way, hopefully you'll get a concrete answer soon and can plan accordingly! I absolutely get the Type A planning thing.

The pulled muscle is feeling better today, but still a little tender. HR can only move as fast as positions open up, unfortunately. I'm hoping I'll hear either the end of this week or sometime next week, but we'll see. The problem up until now was the lifting restriction, but now that it's been relaxed, it should theoretically be easier for them to find me something.

notthefather

Thank you @LivingTheDream and @ChloandCoco

@glitzandglitter: Ugh! I'm anxious for you! It seems as if you've had to wait forever. Make a decision already! Geez...

@dreamscapes_: Way to go on the shopping deals! That sounds like a win in my book. My company does offer counseling but I'm not really comfortable meeting with someone on campus because of my interaction with others. I am open to seeking third party help at this point. See below...

Last night my husband and I had a discussion about getting pregnant and it didn't go well at all. We ended up having a huge argument that ended in hurt feelings both ways. Right now I don't see how this conversation will ever be positive and I'm not sure what that means for us growing our family, but it isn't promising. I hope we can have a more productive conversation now that we've both had time to calm down and process it. 

dreamscapes_

@notthefather I wish I had more help to offer you I did google "free online counseling" and a lot of options popped up, so maybe one of them will be able to help? I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

JennyColada

@notthefather have you two ever done any sort of couples counseling or anything together? DH and I went for about a year in the beginning of our marriage (lol, we've only been married 2.5 years, so we're STILL in the "beginning", but you know what I mean) and it was very helpful to have someone assist us in communicating. It was useful to have an outlined format on expressing ourselves, and I think it's helped us even now that we're not longer going (haven't been for like a year). Sometimes it's easy to let emotions control the conversation, and that's not always productive. Something to think about! Ours also was just a co-pay through insurance, so I think it was like $35 a visit.

glitzandglitter

@notthefather I am so sorry that your talk didn't go well.  

ChloandCoco

@notthefather - I'm really sorry your talk didn't go well. My DH and I went to counseling and it really helped our communication. It allowed us to get the tools we needed in order to talk about things without getting emotional. 

catlady2015

@notthefather - I'm so sorry you and YH are arguing about this. I agree with the other ladies about potentially counseling.
DH and I were very split on this for a long time. I can tell you that for us, he was so compartmentalized and focused on himself that he wasn't really thinking about me and our goals/life as a couple. It took a long time for him to get there. Fortunately, he was usually more reasonable after we'd had an argument and he really saw how things were affecting me - it made him more open to discussing it. It didn't mean it went my way quickly, but it really opened the line of communication so we could articulate our real feelings. I hope that you two were able to revisit the topic and talk open and honestly!

notthefather

You all are so kind with your sweet words, advice, and encouragement. I appreciate each of you and your responses. They mean more than you know.

New update: As I had hoped, we were able to have a productive conversation about this last night after we both had time to calm down and reflect on the night before. We finally got to the root of my husband's hesitation about trying for another baby. He absolutely wants another child, he just dreads the stress and anxiety that comes with it. We discussed his specific anxieties and concluded that waiting will not make that anxiety go away. So, with his support, we're finally, finally, FINALLY going to start trying. I can't believe I actually get to say that 

JennyColada

Ah great news @notthefather! That's awesome that you were able to help him reflect on his own feelings. You two make an awesome team!

catlady2015

@notthefather - 
'

So happy you guys were able to talk productively AND that he's on board! Happy dance!

dreamscapes_

YAY! I'm so happy you got an answer! Good luck!

ChloandCoco

@notthefather - That is awesome news!!!!!! I'm so happy for you!

notthefather

glitzandglitter

@notthefather - I am so happy for you!!! I'm glad you were able to work it all out! Good luck! FX you get your BFP soon!

CecilB93

@notthefather OMG YAY!!!!! I'm so happy for you!! So glad you were both able to discuss the situation and feelings, and come up with an agreement!!  

brittanym211

New here! Just put up my intro! 

Are you benched or TTA?  TTA

What brings you here? Ive had baby fever lately and Hubby and I both agree this isn't the right time to have a 3rd. I just started a new job and we are trying to buy a house here in the next few months. So I thought I could have some company with you ladies as I already come on here frequently for my boys' birth month groups.

How long do you think you'll be here? About a year....

How have things been going? Life and relationship wise I would say a steady incline up! Life has been really rough and put us through the ringer when I lost my job (mill closed) and SO got laid off in the same week right after our first born was a month old. But I am proud to say a big move 5 states away and 2 new jobs has proved the best decision ever! Other then that I've had some weird lady bit problems and my OBGYN can't get me in for another month and a half due to my work schedule 

GTKY: What is your favorite holiday? Christmas! Don't know what it is but even thinking about it brings me back to feelings like a kid 

brittanym211

Does anybody else have a problem with losing their post when submitting?

glitzandglitter

@Brittanym211 - are you mobile posting? I have heard that if you use the emojis from your phone (vs. the ones the bump provides) it can delete their post.
Wow! 5 States is a big move! Glad it worked out for you
Re: OBGYN did you ask to be on their cancelation list? In cases like that I like to make an appointment but ask to be put on the list for a call if something opens up sooner. It's not always possible due to work hours but sometimes it works out.

notthefather

@brittanym211: man, that sounds rough! I can only imagine the stress you guys were under. I'm glad it worked out for the better and things are on the up-and-up! 

kindbytealikat

@brittanym211 what was said about emojis the bump doesn't like them mobile and will delete everything from it on

brittanym211

Thanks guys! I was so frustrated about my whole post deleting! I will have to refrain from emojis. Lol. And I can't get in due to my work schedule. I don't have a day off for quite some time as I am training on my new job.

kiki75

*Lurker*
@ChloandCoco *TW* I'm so sorry. 

maureenmce

@notthefather - haven't stopped by in a few days, but just saw your post and I'm SO EXCITED FOR YOU!  Woo for actively TTC!  )))))  Best of luck and I hope it happens quickly for you!