My DD (21 months) has always been an early riser (hello 5am) but now with the baby being up every 2-3 hours at night it's just awful. Any tips on getting her to sleep later and/or stay in her room and play when she first wakes up? She's currently in her crib, but the toddler room is all set up for her so maybe I should make the transition and then try to teach her to play in there in the mornings. I'm just afraid that will upset her sleep even more.
@mamaelle27 We had this problem with DS a couple months ago, check out the Teach Me Time! Bedside Alarm Clock. It's a (yellow) nightlight that turns green when it's time to wake up. It was really helpful until he started using it as a reason to get out of bed (he liked pushing the button to hear the voice say the time) but that phase seems to be over
@mamaelle27 we bought that magical clock for DS1's 2nd birthday and it worked like a dream! I think if he knows the colors yellow and green it might work! Green you can get up, yellow you can't. Sorry kid. Momma needs her sleep!
DD1 is 19 months and loves the new baby, but she also gets super jealous when it's time for the baby to nurse. DD1 stopped nursing around 3 or 4 months old so it's not like she remembers it's something that she and I used to do. Any tips on trying to help her feel included in nursing? She has a baby doll that she will sometimes play with. I've tried cuddling her with my free hand. In total desperation I have even asked her if she wanted to try. Sometimes she is content to sit with us or play near us, but often times she will attempt to hit the baby in the head, pull the baby's hair, or put her weight on the baby to lean in and get a closer look, but what is really heartbreaking is when she just looks up at me and asks for a hug.
DD1 is 19 months and loves the new baby, but she also gets super jealous when it's time for the baby to nurse. DD1 stopped nursing around 3 or 4 months old so it's not like she remembers it's something that she and I used to do. Any tips on trying to help her feel included in nursing? She has a baby doll that she will sometimes play with. I've tried cuddling her with my free hand. In total desperation I have even asked her if she wanted to try. Sometimes she is content to sit with us or play near us, but often times she will attempt to hit the baby in the head, pull the baby's hair, or put her weight on the baby to lean in and get a closer look, but what is really heartbreaking is when she just looks up at me and asks for a hug.
Omg I am so afraid of all this!
DS will be 2 next week and we stopped breastfeeding 5 months ago and he definitely remembers it! DH and I are mainly worried about the sleep thing because we end up bringing DS into our bed 1-2x/night and that is going to be a no-go with the new baby. I'm starting to wonder if I should just post up in the guest bedroom downstairs with LO when she arrives and leave DS in his nursery down the hall from our bedroom upstairs, that way DH and I aren't both suffering for each wake time for both kids, just dealing with each respective child.
@doodleoodle I don't know if you want to set yourself up for this forever, but could DD1 have a special treat when you sit down to nurse? Maybe giving her a little treat will make her feel special too, and she could sit by you and eat it. I was thinking a small cookie like a teddy graham, but it might work with something like a sticker too.
@MrsCaliRN We're kind of having a similar issue with the early mornings and it does seem to work best if one of us takes the baby and the other takes the toddler, because if we all stay in the same room they just irritate each other. Or, if they're both clearly awake, one of us will take them both downstairs and the other can catch some more sleep.
Other than that, solidarity on the 2 under 2 front. I'm hoping these are all just adjustment issues and will pass quickly.
My dd is older so this probably won't work, but she stopped nursing just a year ago, but would probably nurse forever. I bought one of those milkies milk catchers and I told her she can have what ever extra it catches. She's weirdly excited about this. Lol if you don't want to or can't give her extra milk, maybe she could just have something like that ready at each session? A little cup of cows milk or super watered down juice or snacks maybe? That way they can eat together.
@mamaelle27@Kylieslip24 I am loving the special snack idea! I have no idea why that never occurred to me before. Thank you so much.
@MrsCaliRN Unless your DS is super attached to you and is coming to your bedroom to be with mostly you, I would sleep in the guest bedroom if I were in your situation.
I've seen it mentioned before and moms have had luck with a special container of toys to give your older child only while your nursing.
With things like special books, color wonder coloring stuff, stuffed animals, a new baby or Barbie, trucks etc. of course you can't forget snacks as already mentioned. Then switch up the stuff from time to time so it stays interesting.
DD1 is 19 months and loves the new baby, but she also gets super jealous when it's time for the baby to nurse. DD1 stopped nursing around 3 or 4 months old so it's not like she remembers it's something that she and I used to do. Any tips on trying to help her feel included in nursing? She has a baby doll that she will sometimes play with. I've tried cuddling her with my free hand. In total desperation I have even asked her if she wanted to try. Sometimes she is content to sit with us or play near us, but often times she will attempt to hit the baby in the head, pull the baby's hair, or put her weight on the baby to lean in and get a closer look, but what is really heartbreaking is when she just looks up at me and asks for a hug.
What about a special toy that can only be played with while you are nursing?
DD1 is 19 months and loves the new baby, but she also gets super jealous when it's time for the baby to nurse. DD1 stopped nursing around 3 or 4 months old so it's not like she remembers it's something that she and I used to do. Any tips on trying to help her feel included in nursing? She has a baby doll that she will sometimes play with. I've tried cuddling her with my free hand. In total desperation I have even asked her if she wanted to try. Sometimes she is content to sit with us or play near us, but often times she will attempt to hit the baby in the head, pull the baby's hair, or put her weight on the baby to lean in and get a closer look, but what is really heartbreaking is when she just looks up at me and asks for a hug.
What about a special toy that can only be played with while you are nursing?
This sounds better than a new fricken toy or treat every time you nurse! I can't get behind spoiling the hell out of your one child just to feed your other?? What is going on?
DD1 is 19 months and loves the new baby, but she also gets super jealous when it's time for the baby to nurse. DD1 stopped nursing around 3 or 4 months old so it's not like she remembers it's something that she and I used to do. Any tips on trying to help her feel included in nursing? She has a baby doll that she will sometimes play with. I've tried cuddling her with my free hand. In total desperation I have even asked her if she wanted to try. Sometimes she is content to sit with us or play near us, but often times she will attempt to hit the baby in the head, pull the baby's hair, or put her weight on the baby to lean in and get a closer look, but what is really heartbreaking is when she just looks up at me and asks for a hug.
What about a special toy that can only be played with while you are nursing?
This sounds better than a new fricken toy or treat every time you nurse! I can't get behind spoiling the hell out of your one child just to feed your other?? What is going on?
I'm confused as to how giving a baby a Teddy Graham to let them know they haven't been forgotten is spoiling the hell out of them. She's 19 months old and is going through the huge transition of having to share her mother.
DD1 is 19 months and loves the new baby, but she also gets super jealous when it's time for the baby to nurse. DD1 stopped nursing around 3 or 4 months old so it's not like she remembers it's something that she and I used to do. Any tips on trying to help her feel included in nursing? She has a baby doll that she will sometimes play with. I've tried cuddling her with my free hand. In total desperation I have even asked her if she wanted to try. Sometimes she is content to sit with us or play near us, but often times she will attempt to hit the baby in the head, pull the baby's hair, or put her weight on the baby to lean in and get a closer look, but what is really heartbreaking is when she just looks up at me and asks for a hug.
What about a special toy that can only be played with while you are nursing?
This sounds better than a new fricken toy or treat every time you nurse! I can't get behind spoiling the hell out of your one child just to feed your other?? What is going on?
We alternate toys keeping some out in the garage for a while in a plastic tote. Often my son forgets about existing toy's and becomes fascinated by them when the rotate back into the house. Too many things can become overwhelming. There are many different ways to do it without overwhelming your home with toys or "spoiling" a child.
DD1 is 19 months and loves the new baby, but she also gets super jealous when it's time for the baby to nurse. DD1 stopped nursing around 3 or 4 months old so it's not like she remembers it's something that she and I used to do. Any tips on trying to help her feel included in nursing? She has a baby doll that she will sometimes play with. I've tried cuddling her with my free hand. In total desperation I have even asked her if she wanted to try. Sometimes she is content to sit with us or play near us, but often times she will attempt to hit the baby in the head, pull the baby's hair, or put her weight on the baby to lean in and get a closer look, but what is really heartbreaking is when she just looks up at me and asks for a hug.
What about a special toy that can only be played with while you are nursing?
This sounds better than a new fricken toy or treat every time you nurse! I can't get behind spoiling the hell out of your one child just to feed your other?? What is going on?
I guess you'd consider my child super spoiled then b/c I also use snacks and stickers to get through errands, road trips, and doctor's waiting rooms. There are only so many ways to get through to a 20 month old. Also, I suggested a single teddy graham or sticker...
DD1 is 19 months and loves the new baby, but she also gets super jealous when it's time for the baby to nurse. DD1 stopped nursing around 3 or 4 months old so it's not like she remembers it's something that she and I used to do. Any tips on trying to help her feel included in nursing? She has a baby doll that she will sometimes play with. I've tried cuddling her with my free hand. In total desperation I have even asked her if she wanted to try. Sometimes she is content to sit with us or play near us, but often times she will attempt to hit the baby in the head, pull the baby's hair, or put her weight on the baby to lean in and get a closer look, but what is really heartbreaking is when she just looks up at me and asks for a hug.
What about a special toy that can only be played with while you are nursing?
This sounds better than a new fricken toy or treat every time you nurse! I can't get behind spoiling the hell out of your one child just to feed your other?? What is going on?
I'm confused as to how giving a baby a Teddy Graham to let them know they haven't been forgotten is spoiling the hell out of them. She's 19 months old and is going through the huge transition of having to share her mother.
Really? You nursing your kid makes your other child feel forgotten? Seems dramatic. And I said a new toy or treat every time. Yes, that's spoiling them. I liked the idea of the same toy (treat) that is special for nursing time, if you have to do something.
im more of a teaching parent, instead of a "keep you busy and never learn parent." My children need to learn the Baby needs to eat and they can find something else to do, even if it is sit and talk to me.
DD1 is 19 months and loves the new baby, but she also gets super jealous when it's time for the baby to nurse. DD1 stopped nursing around 3 or 4 months old so it's not like she remembers it's something that she and I used to do. Any tips on trying to help her feel included in nursing? She has a baby doll that she will sometimes play with. I've tried cuddling her with my free hand. In total desperation I have even asked her if she wanted to try. Sometimes she is content to sit with us or play near us, but often times she will attempt to hit the baby in the head, pull the baby's hair, or put her weight on the baby to lean in and get a closer look, but what is really heartbreaking is when she just looks up at me and asks for a hug.
What about a special toy that can only be played with while you are nursing?
This sounds better than a new fricken toy or treat every time you nurse! I can't get behind spoiling the hell out of your one child just to feed your other?? What is going on?
I guess you'd consider my child super spoiled then b/c I also use snacks and stickers to get through errands, road trips, and doctor's waiting rooms. There are only so many ways to get through to a 20 month old. Also, I suggested a single teddy graham or sticker...
@Wino0920 she's 19 months old and yes, when she's been used to it being just her and I every day and is now having to share all of our time with someone else she may feel left out, or forgotten, if I were to just say, "Sorry, kid. I'm feeding the baby now and you're just going to have to deal." Multiple times a day for 30 minutes at a time.
I talk to her about what is going on, but I also see no harm in making the transition as gentle as I can for my very young toddler. We clearly have different parenting styles because this isn't the first time where you've come across as having a much harsher approach. I feel like you're probably one of those people that thinks you can spoil a newborn by holding them too often.
I'm only a FTM here, and still have an inside baby at that, but I spend a lot of time with my neices and nephews, and what @doodleoodle and @mamaelle27 are dscribing sounds familiar to the type of bribing my SIL does with her 2. While I have no problem with the idea of rewarding good behavior, they end up having to bribe with treats for just normal behavior. Also, bribing is cheap for toddlers - stickers and Teddy grahams- but it escalates later.
@doodleoodle nope wrong, I don't think you can spoil a newborn by holding them too much. I do not believe in holding a baby to get them to sleep every night though.
You can call it harsh all you want, but I just took my kids (1 five year old and 2 3 year olds) out for errands all day and no one got a toy or a treat. I get the "Oh your kids are so well behaved!" all the time.
My kids sleep just fine. And I sleep just fine.
I can easily feed a baby (I nanny up to 5 kids/babies everyday) without a problem.
My kids do act up and get in trouble, but I do not reward it. They respond so much better to me praising their good behavior or how well they are doing, than throwing something at them ever did. Eventually getting something looses the specialness.
So yea, I read these threads and I'm like "yea I'll stick to "harsh!"
I in no way bribe my kid. I never say, "If you're good I'll give you X,Y,Z". There's nothing wrong with saying "it's time for baby to eat, would you like something to eat too?" The fact that anyone would call that spoiling or bribing is ridiculous. It's easy to judge mothers when you haven't done any parenting yourself.
And @Wino0920 I never said I reward my baby when she acts up. I do correct her. I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're not nursing the babies you are nannying, but even if you were for some bizarre reason, your kids are older and more independent. Our situations are completely different.
@doodleoodle again, you are loosing your $hit over something that was never said. I was talking about getting a toy every time someone nurses, which I repeated over to you. When did anyone ever say you couldn't feed both your kids at the same time?
my kids are older now, but they didn't come out of my vagina that way. I had two younger children at one time.
I dont nurse, but feeding them is still the same. I have to hold them and a bottle and can't attend to the other kids, not understanding how that's really different?
@wino0920 I think you might be projecting because I'm perfectly calm and in no way am I "losing my shit". @sejica said it is bribing to offer your kid a snack.
I do think nursing is different than formula feeding in this case though. It can take up to 40 minutes to nurse a newborn and they can want to eat every hour or two. So, for example, I could begin feeding DD2 at 1PM, she could eat until 1:40 and then need to eat again at 2:30 for another 40 minutes. DD2 also has trouble staying latched on her own at this point so if I get up and walk around she often comes unlatched and begins to cry. That's a lot of time being limited in how you're able to interact with a 1.5 year old.
@doodleoodle I had a 3 month old who was EBF and came here when her mom went back to work. She had the hardest time taking a bottle. She would cry for hours and refuse the bottle. It took me several weeks to get her comfortable with the bottle. There are many different obstacles to feeding, period.
I'm only a FTM here, and still have an inside baby at that, but I spend a lot of time with my neices and nephews, and what @doodleoodle and @mamaelle27 are dscribing sounds familiar to the type of bribing my SIL does with her 2. While I have no problem with the idea of rewarding good behavior, they end up having to bribe with treats for just normal behavior. Also, bribing is cheap for toddlers - stickers and Teddy grahams- but it escalates later.
It's not bribing to give a toddler a snack to help them sit still during an adult activity. Moms need to get things done. For example, If I need to go grocery shopping for an hour, I can usually spend about half an hour engaging my 21 month old in conversation about what's around us, having her find things on the shelves, etc. but after that her attention span is up and she needs to move on. Sitting and eating a snack (a toddler sized portion of teddy grahams, goldfish, a fruit pouch, a banana, etc.) helps occupy her for the other half hour. She doesn't expect something every time we go somewhere, it's usually at a time when she would have a snack anyway so it's not extra calories or sugar, and I'm not purchasing special items just for these purposes. If anyone has a kid under 2 who can sit in a shopping cart for an hour without something to occupy them, they must be a really chill kid, not all kids are. And if anyone's kids are older than 2, it's a different story as they are more able to be reasoned with and occupied.
@doodleoodle was looking for a solution to a short term problem. Eventually her daughter's going to get used to the baby nursing and move on and do her own thing during that time. If she has to do something to help her feel special for a few weeks, it's worth it to give her daughter that extra security in a very confusing time.
I guess you'd consider my child super spoiled then b/c I also use snacks and stickers to get through errands, road trips, and doctor's waiting rooms. There are only so many ways to get through to a 20 month old. Also, I suggested a single teddy graham or sticker...
@doodleoodle, I was intending to reference the above "I also use snacks and stickers to get through errands, road trips, and doctor's waiting rooms." Which was not your post. I know I kind of lumped a lot together in both support and caution, sorry for the confusion.
For the record, I think feeding everyone at the same time seems like a great idea. I also get @mamaelle27 's point that there are only so many ways to get through to a 20 month old. I have just witnessed the pitfalls of the wrong incentives given over time and wanted to express some support for reserving a special toy/activity to help instead.
There are so many variables here, including developmental stage, individual personality. But, sometimes what works now can lead to bigger problems. It's a rough balance, and not necessarily the thing I look most forward to managing later down the road.
DD1 is 19 months and loves the new baby, but she also gets super jealous when it's time for the baby to nurse. DD1 stopped nursing around 3 or 4 months old so it's not like she remembers it's something that she and I used to do. Any tips on trying to help her feel included in nursing? She has a baby doll that she will sometimes play with. I've tried cuddling her with my free hand. In total desperation I have even asked her if she wanted to try. Sometimes she is content to sit with us or play near us, but often times she will attempt to hit the baby in the head, pull the baby's hair, or put her weight on the baby to lean in and get a closer look, but what is really heartbreaking is when she just looks up at me and asks for a hug.
This makes me very nervous. DD is 18 mo and we stopped BFing when she was 6 months so she won't know the difference but she's super curious and likes to get in your face and ur space to see everything and gets very upset when we don't allow it... usually for her own safety or because she's trying to step on my belly to get where she wants to go. I'm very afraid of her reaction to baby and not being the only one around and I'm afraid of hitting because she does that sometimes when she's mad.
DD1 is 19 months and loves the new baby, but she also gets super jealous when it's time for the baby to nurse. DD1 stopped nursing around 3 or 4 months old so it's not like she remembers it's something that she and I used to do. Any tips on trying to help her feel included in nursing? She has a baby doll that she will sometimes play with. I've tried cuddling her with my free hand. In total desperation I have even asked her if she wanted to try. Sometimes she is content to sit with us or play near us, but often times she will attempt to hit the baby in the head, pull the baby's hair, or put her weight on the baby to lean in and get a closer look, but what is really heartbreaking is when she just looks up at me and asks for a hug.
This makes me very nervous. DD is 18 mo and we stopped BFing when she was 6 months so she won't know the difference but she's super curious and likes to get in your face and ur space to see everything and gets very upset when we don't allow it... usually for her own safety or because she's trying to step on my belly to get where she wants to go. I'm very afraid of her reaction to baby and not being the only one around and I'm afraid of hitting because she does that sometimes when she's mad.
This is how my LO is. When she hits the baby or pulls her hair it really doesn't seem like a deliberate act of aggression, more like, she just gets excited about the baby and doesn't realize she is hurting her. When I tell her "no, no" she then gets mad and deliberately tries to hurt the baby. I've found that if I say something like, "Oh no, we can't do that it hurts the baby, but we can touch her toes. Look at her little toes." That will redirect her attention while still communicating what type of touch is appropriate.
DS and I have been home for 2 days since school got out and I'm now afraid. Baby girl isn't even here yet so he may adjust better than I'm thinking but this child will.not play by himself unless it's on an electronic. He's driving me absolutely batty!
Like I said, baby girl isn't here yet BUT my mom bought me Siblings Without Rivalries for Christmas this year. It was a super quick read and made a ton of sense for starting to foster a good relationship between siblings. Specific problems like distraction during breastfeeding aren't addressed but your responses to certain situations are and may help your kiddos not feel like their being replaced or abandoned or whatever they may feel.
DS and I have been home for 2 days since school got out and I'm now afraid. Baby girl isn't even here yet so he may adjust better than I'm thinking but this child will.not play by himself unless it's on an electronic. He's driving me absolutely batty!
Like I said, baby girl isn't here yet BUT my mom bought me Siblings Without Rivalries for Christmas this year. It was a super quick read and made a ton of sense for starting to foster a good relationship between siblings. Specific problems like distraction during breastfeeding aren't addressed but your responses to certain situations are and may help your kiddos not feel like their being replaced or abandoned or whatever they may feel.
Dd is the same way. Probably most first kids are. Others will disagree, but I say, this is a season of life that doesn't last long. Use the electronics! Lol dd has been watching way more movies lately than she should be, but I'm tired and just want to cuddle her on the couch. I bought a secret stack of new movies for her for the early nursing days and I don't feel bad one bit!
@Kylieslip24 A complete stranger actually said the same thing to me the other day. We were waiting in line and she asked how I was feeling, and I mentioned feeling so guilty that I wasn't doing more fun stuff with DS. She said "When you look back in a few years, it will have been just a snapshot in time. Don't feel guilty." Seriously made my day. So I agree-use the electronics if that's what works for everyone right now, @huzzahuzza! It's not forever and you're still an amazing mom.
DD1 is 19 months and loves the new baby, but she also gets super jealous when it's time for the baby to nurse. DD1 stopped nursing around 3 or 4 months old so it's not like she remembers it's something that she and I used to do. Any tips on trying to help her feel included in nursing? She has a baby doll that she will sometimes play with. I've tried cuddling her with my free hand. In total desperation I have even asked her if she wanted to try. Sometimes she is content to sit with us or play near us, but often times she will attempt to hit the baby in the head, pull the baby's hair, or put her weight on the baby to lean in and get a closer look, but what is really heartbreaking is when she just looks up at me and asks for a hug.
This makes me very nervous. DD is 18 mo and we stopped BFing when she was 6 months so she won't know the difference but she's super curious and likes to get in your face and ur space to see everything and gets very upset when we don't allow it... usually for her own safety or because she's trying to step on my belly to get where she wants to go. I'm very afraid of her reaction to baby and not being the only one around and I'm afraid of hitting because she does that sometimes when she's mad.
This is how my LO is. When she hits the baby or pulls her hair it really doesn't seem like a deliberate act of aggression, more like, she just gets excited about the baby and doesn't realize she is hurting her. When I tell her "no, no" she then gets mad and deliberately tries to hurt the baby. I've found that if I say something like, "Oh no, we can't do that it hurts the baby, but we can touch her toes. Look at her little toes." That will redirect her attention while still communicating what type of touch is appropriate.
That's really good to know. I can totally see that happening with DD. I will definitely try doing that instead of just saying no or stop.
mamaelle27
member
Re: Older Sibling Questions
DS will be 2 next week and we stopped breastfeeding 5 months ago and he definitely remembers it! DH and I are mainly worried about the sleep thing because we end up bringing DS into our bed 1-2x/night and that is going to be a no-go with the new baby. I'm starting to wonder if I should just post up in the guest bedroom downstairs with LO when she arrives and leave DS in his nursery down the hall from our bedroom upstairs, that way DH and I aren't both suffering for each wake time for both kids, just dealing with each respective child.
Me: 31 DH: 34
Married 11/09/2013
LO#1: LMP 09/14/2014 BFP 10/15/2014 EDD 06/24/2015 DS Born 06/14/2015
LO#2: LMP 09/18/2016 BFP 10/19/2016 EDD 06/27/2017 DD Born 06/27/2017
LO#3: LMP 05/16/2018 BFP 06/18/2018 EDD 02/20/2019
@MrsCaliRN We're kind of having a similar issue with the early mornings and it does seem to work best if one of us takes the baby and the other takes the toddler, because if we all stay in the same room they just irritate each other. Or, if they're both clearly awake, one of us will take them both downstairs and the other can catch some more sleep.
Other than that, solidarity on the 2 under 2 front. I'm hoping these are all just adjustment issues and will pass quickly.
if you don't want to or can't give her extra milk, maybe she could just have something like that ready at each session? A little cup of cows milk or super watered down juice or snacks maybe? That way they can eat together.
@MrsCaliRN Unless your DS is super attached to you and is coming to your bedroom to be with mostly you, I would sleep in the guest bedroom if I were in your situation.
With things like special books, color wonder coloring stuff, stuffed animals, a new baby or Barbie, trucks etc. of course you can't forget snacks as already mentioned. Then switch up the stuff from time to time so it stays interesting.
im more of a teaching parent, instead of a "keep you busy and never learn parent." My children need to learn the Baby needs to eat and they can find something else to do, even if it is sit and talk to me.
I talk to her about what is going on, but I also see no harm in making the transition as gentle as I can for my very young toddler. We clearly have different parenting styles because this isn't the first time where you've come across as having a much harsher approach. I feel like you're probably one of those people that thinks you can spoil a newborn by holding them too often.
I'm only a FTM here, and still have an inside baby at that, but I spend a lot of time with my neices and nephews, and what @doodleoodle and @mamaelle27 are dscribing sounds familiar to the type of bribing my SIL does with her 2. While I have no problem with the idea of rewarding good behavior, they end up having to bribe with treats for just normal behavior. Also, bribing is cheap for toddlers - stickers and Teddy grahams- but it escalates later.
@doodleoodle nope wrong, I don't think you can spoil a newborn by holding them too much. I do not believe in holding a baby to get them to sleep every night though.
You can call it harsh all you want, but I just took my kids (1 five year old and 2 3 year olds) out for errands all day and no one got a toy or a treat. I get the "Oh your kids are so well behaved!" all the time.
My kids sleep just fine. And I sleep just fine.
I can easily feed a baby (I nanny up to 5 kids/babies everyday) without a problem.
My kids do act up and get in trouble, but I do not reward it. They respond so much better to me praising their good behavior or how well they are doing, than throwing something at them ever did. Eventually getting something looses the specialness.
So yea, I read these threads and I'm like "yea I'll stick to "harsh!"
And @Wino0920 I never said I reward my baby when she acts up. I do correct her. I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're not nursing the babies you are nannying, but even if you were for some bizarre reason, your kids are older and more independent. Our situations are completely different.
For the record, I see the validity in both sides of the argument, but geez is this getting dramatic.
Me: 31 DH: 34
Married 11/09/2013
LO#1: LMP 09/14/2014 BFP 10/15/2014 EDD 06/24/2015 DS Born 06/14/2015
LO#2: LMP 09/18/2016 BFP 10/19/2016 EDD 06/27/2017 DD Born 06/27/2017
LO#3: LMP 05/16/2018 BFP 06/18/2018 EDD 02/20/2019
my kids are older now, but they didn't come out of my vagina that way. I had two younger children at one time.
I dont nurse, but feeding them is still the same. I have to hold them and a bottle and can't attend to the other kids, not understanding how that's really different?
@sejica said it is bribing to offer your kid a snack.
I do think nursing is different than formula feeding in this case though. It can take up to 40 minutes to nurse a newborn and they can want to eat every hour or two. So, for example, I could begin feeding DD2 at 1PM, she could eat until 1:40 and then need to eat again at 2:30 for another 40 minutes. DD2 also has trouble staying latched on her own at this point so if I get up and walk around she often comes unlatched and begins to cry. That's a lot of time being limited in how you're able to interact with a 1.5 year old.
@doodleoodle was looking for a solution to a short term problem. Eventually her daughter's going to get used to the baby nursing and move on and do her own thing during that time. If she has to do something to help her feel special for a few weeks, it's worth it to give her daughter that extra security in a very confusing time.
For the record, I think feeding everyone at the same time seems like a great idea. I also get @mamaelle27 's point that there are only so many ways to get through to a 20 month old. I have just witnessed the pitfalls of the wrong incentives given over time and wanted to express some support for reserving a special toy/activity to help instead.
There are so many variables here, including developmental stage, individual personality. But, sometimes what works now can lead to bigger problems. It's a rough balance, and not necessarily the thing I look most forward to managing later down the road.
Like I said, baby girl isn't here yet BUT my mom bought me Siblings Without Rivalries for Christmas this year. It was a super quick read and made a ton of sense for starting to foster a good relationship between siblings. Specific problems like distraction during breastfeeding aren't addressed but your responses to certain situations are and may help your kiddos not feel like their being replaced or abandoned or whatever they may feel.