@PizzaMonster3 I agree. My husband is in a trade and it is lucrative as long as you invest time and skill into the trade. It can be hard work but it's very important for society.
@PizzaMonster3 I agree. My husband is in a trade and it is lucrative as long as you invest time and skill into the trade. It can be hard work but it's very important for society.
+1. I work in the air conditioning industry and these guys work their butts off but they make great money. Nowhere near poverty level. Plus where would we be in South Florida without ac? Not in good shape.
@PizzaMonster3 Dh went to a trade school and he currently makes double if not triple what his social worker sister who went to a 4 year college makes. Why? Because he worked his ass off to get there and loves what he does.
@PizzaMonster3 The people at the high school I went to definitely looked down on people who went to trade school or even community college. The school that I teach at right now is the complete opposite. We have an awesome Career and Technical program where kids can begin learning a trade in High School to help them get an apprenticeship afterwards. I love that here it is a great option and kids who plan for those things are recognized for planning for a future. Not everyone is 4 year college material!!!
@canonmom413 I think that's the main point - loving what you do. Not everyone will, obviously, but you can definitely find something in society to be successful at.
On the other hand too, it's similar to the mommy wars in that both sides feel like they have to defend themselves against the other. I think all professions should be respected. But a friend of ours who is a trade worker recently pestered my college educated DH to tell him what he earns in an effort to prove that as a trade worker he was smarter because he earns only 30K less but doesn't have any student loans. While I think that's great and works for him - my husband loves being an engineer and loves his job and it's just as important as installing air conditioning ducts.
@soprano19 I love having my kids home with me but I am definitely not looking forward to the summer this year. At the end of my last pregnancy I could barely stand to cook dinner (at like 30 weeks and on) let alone chase around a 3 and 4 year old and keep them occupied all summer long. My usual go to's to keep them busy are fairly active and would probably cause me to contract or not be able to keep up with my kids to keep them safe. Yes SAHM's have to hang out with their own kids but I hate to tell you- we don't really get breaks. I'm with my kids 24/7 and the 3 hours that they're in preschool allow me to work on homework without someone asking to sit on my lap or screaming and running around in front of me. Or occasionally grocery shop in peace. So while I get your point (and 100% agree teachers deserve a break too)- summer break isn't cake for SAHM's, especially pregnant ones. Plenty of working moms say that they're better parents because they work, are they "not taking responsibility for their children" as you kind of suggested SAHM's who aren't looking forward to school being out are? Everyone needs a break once in awhile, it doesn't mean I love my children any less or take any less responsibility for them.
@canonmom413 I think that's the main point - loving what you do. Not everyone will, obviously, but you can definitely find something in society to be successful at.
On the other hand too, it's similar to the mommy wars in that both sides feel like they have to defend themselves against the other. I think all professions should be respected. But a friend of ours who is a trade worker recently pestered my college educated DH to tell him what he earns in an effort to prove that as a trade worker he was smarter because he earns only 30K less but doesn't have any student loans. While I think that's great and works for him - my husband loves being an engineer and loves his job and it's just as important as installing air conditioning ducts.
Live and let live people
I totally agree. DH went to trade school and works as an HVAC technician. Meanwhile, I'm currently working on my Ph.D. and in a few years will be a licensed psychologist. I could never ever do what he does, and totally respect him for it. And the same goes for him respecting my profession. I think everyone just needs to understand that we all have jobs we are good at, and it doesn't really matter what it is!
I honestly wish I had gone to trade/technical school for something instead of a four year college. Sure, the experience was great but a BA doesn't necessarily doesn't get you far. One of my best friends actually recently went back to technical school and got a certificate for something, several years after getting her BS because it benefited her more. Strongly considering that once kids are in school. It just makes more sense a lot of the time but I feel like high schools really push the 4 year college especially if you're a good student as just what you're suppose to do.
meanwhile DH did no college whatsoever and has an amazing job. College definitely isn't for everyone.
@ac1259 I'm sure that summer isn't cake for parents who normally don't have their kids at home with them, and I would never suggest that being a SAHM is easier than any other job. As much as I would like to be able to stay home with this little one, we can't afford for me not to work, even with a crappy ten-month teacher salary. And I could go on and on about the work I put in throughout the school year that doesn't get compensated, but I don't think it would do anyone any good. I just hope that working will make me a better parent, like you said, in that I will appreciate my time off to spend with my own kids that much more.
I completely agree when it comes to trade schools. Neither DH nor I have a college degree and we make more than most people we know who went and got a 2 or 4 year degree. Plus we don't have the debt of student loans. I mean, there are certain occupations that require degrees and you can't get around that, so if that's what you want to do, go for it. But if you're just going to college and jacking off to get a bullshit degree you have no interest in, that's irresponsible. I have less respect for you than someone who goes to a trade school, because they know what they want to do.
i think parenting is a hard thing to grasp for FTM, trust me i was there. i look back and think "man, was i naive" i get the thought process of "they are your kids! you chose to have them! dont you want to be with them?!" well the answer is yes, of course i do. but once you are actually in it, it is non stop.
SAHM, Working mom, WAHM...you wake up cater to their needs bc for the love you have 45 minutes to do an hour and a half worth of things, it seems no matter what time you wake up, you still need more time. you get them to school, then you go to work or go back home to be with the younger ones, or race to the store to do errands that used to take you an hour now you have kids and for some reason it takes 2x as long and costs double, you rush to pick them up from school, rush to get dinner while now its the end of the day and your sweet child are acting like those brats you used to side eye in the store...but you power through bc yuo have 2 hours until bed time. bathe them, help them with home work. try and have some quality time meanwhile all you want to do is just sit and not be touched or spoken to. then you get them to bed after an hour battle of getting them more water, reading them a book, tucking them in tighter. finally sit down, and you know you should catch up with your husband on the day but all you want is to turn your brain off, you go to sleep. wake up the next day and repeat...
the weekend comes, there isnt sleeping in. you are carting them off to activities and parties, and trying to find time to just clean the freaking counters. all summers mean is more to your plate. yes there is more time for QT, and that is appreciated, and GLADLY welcomed. but you look at your days, months, years...and think what the F happened to me? when do i get a moment? and that gets depressing. i wouldnt trade it for the world. but you time is out the window. you can try to carve out times, and i swore i would. but then this thing tugs at your heart, and you dont want that time. you want to be with your kids. even though it is chaos. but it doesnt make me feel any less overwhelmed.
@ac1259 I'm sure that summer isn't cake for parents who normally don't have their kids at home with them, and I would never suggest that being a SAHM is easier than any other job. As much as I would like to be able to stay home with this little one, we can't afford for me not to work, even with a crappy ten-month teacher salary. And I could go on and on about the work I put in throughout the school year that doesn't get compensated, but I don't think it would do anyone any good. I just hope that working will make me a better parent, like you said, in that I will appreciate my time off to spend with my own kids that much more.
Then again, I'm a FTM, so what do I know.
All I was basically trying to say is try not to judge what you don't know. I'm sure you picture these privileged SAHM's sitting on their butts and doing whatever they want all the time. I've done both sides of this picture, I'm a nurse, I've been a working mom, I've been a SAHM, I've been a "I do freaking all of it and it drove me insane mom" where I worked night shift on the weekend working 2 12 hour shifts in a row, did not sleep at all for 1 day a week and got to come home and be a SAHM all week long keeping up with my kids. It's all freaking hard no matter how you slice it. I never said anything about you being a FTM and not knowing anything or anything about teachers not working hard for not enough pay. Trust me, I don't think either of those things. But I know as a TTM, that I've kicked myself many times for judging other moms in most situations when I hadn't been there yet. It does you more good to withhold judgement sometimes until you've actually experienced it yourself.
Back on the trade school thing. This is something that gets on my nerves- when people point to the president or the economy or the republicans or the democrats or Elmo as the reason they're unemployed and just shrug and say "there just aren't any jobs. No ones hiring". Don't get me wrong- people get laid off all the time and that sucks and it's not always a matter of "just get another job."
BUT- there are jobs. People are hiring. The ac industry is one example. Sales is always a profession that you can get into at any age. Get your hr certification- its a quick class and test, less than $1,000. These are just a few of the many examples. It's not president obamas or president trumps fault that you don't have a job.
i get what you are saying @ac1259 and i think that is an important lesson to remember. but i also would be hypocritical (as would you based on your comment) if i said i didnt do the same. i think part of becoming a mom is eating your words. bc you literally will on just about everything, there will be some things you swore you would or wouldnt do you will stay true to...but mostly you will just eat crow.
i think the general theme of today is people want to be appreciated, and being a mother is the most thankless job you will have. and also your hardest. you will battle your H, other mothers, peers, friends, children, strangers on the daily/hourly on what you do...and still get side eyes no matter what. but things also get put into perspective. and stumbling through parenthood i think is one of the best ways to prepare you for it. bc you learn a lot about yourself and what you want to teach your kids.
but aint no shame in my game...i want some time off from the kids yo. TAKE THEM TEACHERS!
i think kathy lee is disgusting for doing what she did. but she is so irrelevant, she did it for shock value and publicity bc...she is irrelevant. i dont know why people are feeding into it. you posting about it all over FB gives it more momentum. Trump is hardly the first president to be criticized, i can't stand when people jump back and forth between what is ok and what is not when it is all the same. free speech all you want, but hate is hate. holding his bloody head up is hate, and calling obama the n-word is hate.
@carries2018 along that vein, it also bothers me a bit when people who are in a minority group use a word that's a slur on their own minority group. I cringe when I hear the n word, regardless of the skin color of who's saying it. Same with the f word and sexuality. That's a hard thing for me, as a non-minority, to have an opinion on, I know. Maybe it's a "taking it back" kind of thing? Idk, but when non minority kids are growing up in high school and they see their black friends throwing out "n" this and "n" that, I can see how it would be a struggle to not allow it to be part of their own vocab.
I'm curious as to opinions on this. I'm sure it's a nuanced topic.
eta: I was just thinking of this because my cousin has an issue with her teenage son saying that word the other day, and "all my black friends say it and they don't care if I do" was his excuse
+1 on trade schools. DH went to one and has a great job. I went to a four year college and wish I hadn't. I'm at the point where I'd be totally fine leaving my business if a stable, well-paying job came up. I do like the flexibility of my schedule, but income fluctuates from month to month. Plus I think I'm getting burnt out professionally..I'd be fine working for the post office (no offense at all if anyone here works for the USPS).
June 2017 Siggy Challenge: "You had one job to do!"
Lol @Brambles23 I was seriously just romanticizing the job of a usps driver the other day. The same route every day, listening to music all day, no boss around you, little interaction with other humans...
@bluejeanbabi05 i could totally be making this up but i feel like i remember hearing "back then" black people would use that word to each other as a form of comradery so it has sort of stuck with their culture. again i could be making it up but my understanding was it just has a different meaning when coming from each other than outside. butttt it is 2017, we know what that word means. i just wish it would be dropped. and using it i can see how it would make younger people confused as to what is ok and what is not.
@bluejeanbabi05 I've never used spic or wetback to "take it back" but now a days "mexican" is said with just as much derogatory intent. My family has used the phrase "typical" in private conversation for something that fits a stereotype, either for us or someone we see on the street. Like my mom, her favorite typical thing to point out is over dressed women at the grocery store or flea market - like high heels and tons of costume jewelry. That's pretty typical of Hispanic women. We've also said we ourselves were being typical when we packed a ton of people in the car or taken all our kids to an important event like graduation or birthday dinner. That could easily be derogatory if we wanted it to be or if someone else made the comment maliciously.
I grew up up with other minorities embracing those type of labels - the n word and things like FOB or FOB-y. And I can see as a non minority how it would be a difficult thing to navigate when you have conflicting direction on it. Those types of words and the way in which they were used have almost always been in my casual private conversation with other minorities, without malicious intent even though the phrase itself is derogatory.
In general I've taken steps to change my language as I've learned. I'm not one to be willfully insensitive once I've learned there's better alternatives or that it can be offensive. But I don't think the n word is going anywhere and I really don't think there will be a clear cut line on who can and can't say it, and who will feel offended by it or not. But my ancestry is not black so I've got little ownership to the term and it's historical significance.
TLDR everyone's gonna be offended at one point or another so know your audience and don't be a jerk.
@bluejeanbabi05 agreed, it shouldnt be said. Wether it is in a convo or even worse, in music. Black folks (hip hop and rnb stars here) must know not only black people listen to that music. But i have to censure myself when im singing along to a song in my car stuck in trafic otherwise i could offend the haitian or african dude in the lane next to me. Same goes for sexual orientation and the f word. I think its confusing to people and if that word has a negative sound to it, nobody should say it.
+1 to thinking trade schools need to be pushed more and respected more. I really wish I had done trade school and gotten training in CS.
+1 to @carries2018 and what she said about motherhood. It's so worth it, but it's also very hard. I am an introvert with a very extroverted child and I work full time in an environment where I have to deal with people ALL. DAY. LONG. By the time I'm home I want to sit in a quiet room with no one touching me. I want to spend time with my child too, but my batteries are literally drained from the work day. (I need better work life balance, I'm trying to figure out how to accomplish this.)
--------
I heart theSkimm I heart YNAB --------- “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." - Albus Dumbledore
Totally new topic- I get annoyed when people tell me I got a good husband or that he is a good daddy. He can cook, clean and all that has just as good as I can. So why is it so totally awesome and awe struck when he does it? He is a parent so he parents just like me. He doesn't watch his kids, he parents them. Yes, I leave him with them....he freaking helped make them he can help take care of them. What the what?
Sorry y'all just left a PLU where the other teachers found out I had four kids with one on the way. When they asked how I do it and worked full time. I said I didn't I have a spouse who does half. Then the gushing of praise came for him and a headache for me.
@asickles98 it drives me crazy when people are amazed that my husband actually helps out around the house and I "can" leave the kids with him to go to the store. Marriage is a partnership and if you're married to a guy who doesn't help out with household stuff or thinks its an annoyance or burden to help out with the kids, that's a problem, not normal.
I went out one day shopping with MIL and SIL and MIL was so worried about leaving my husband with our three kids and SIL's son, who is the same age as our oldest. She kept insisting I call him to make sure he's ok before we went to another store. Seriously? He can handle it, he actually helps parent our kids. Shocking I know
My UO is that I think siggy challenges are dumb. I'm totally going to get flamed, I know. I just don't get it and seeing the same gif all month is just annoying.
+1 to @carries2018 UO about everyone's profession making the world go-round. I work in retail management because I love it. I have a Bachelor's, I could get a different job, but this is what I want to do. People always ask me what I'm going to do with my degree
And on the topic of minorities using deragatory words I think that it's up to them what they find acceptable and not acceptable. I am half Native American and sometimes my siblings and I will call each other savages, but obviously it's not okay for non-natives to call natives savages. I think part of it is understood that when coming from another person of the same minority it has different connotations than if someone not in that minority uses it. I think it's less about taking back the word and more about making the word something else entirely. But that's just my two cents on the topic, and a different perspective.
@nbcarlson I would have a gif in my siggy regardless.
--------
I heart theSkimm I heart YNAB --------- “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." - Albus Dumbledore
I think it's ok and normal for parents to need a break from their kids. How is that any different than needing a break from your spouse or someone else close to you? I only work 3 days a week, so I have the other 4 off. Those 3 days at work I'm around people constantly and caring for patients for 12 long hours. I'm taking care of their needs and requests, and sometimes demands. So when I'm off, I just need a break to take care of MY needs for a change and if that means sending my son to daycare a day or two when I'm off, then I will.
So I guess that's also my FFFC: I send him at least one, sometimes two, days a week I'm off work. Then I can clean the house, run my errands, watch a show I want to watch, take a nap, or whatever I want. It refuels me and I feel like I'm not losing my patience as much around him.
@asickles98@sjohns908 one of DH's coworkers (a woman) recently gushed about how amazing it was that he took care of the kids while I was working on a trial in LA (for a little over a week) and that he "let" me go do the trial. This wasn't very long after I had just had both kids by myself for 7 months. I somehow managed to be polite about it because she was actually well intentioned and sweet, but I had major rage emojis in my head.
@curlyq423 yesss to needing a break! I am such a better mom when I get breaks!
i dunno i guess i get equal comments "oh you let H go golfing today? after he has been gone for baseball for the past few months?" i think people are just more so empathizing with the work load you have. but i agree it tends to be more in the male's favor at least with older generations. my friends are waiting in line to kick H in the nuts if he takes too much time haha.
@bluejeanbabi05 not a mother which actually helped me bite my tongue a bit since she doesn't have personal experience.
On a related note, it's so annoying that men get so much more slack when they take kids out in public alone. When a man does it, people seem to fawn over how awesome it is and cut them a break if the kids are losing their minds because hey, he's doing his best. But if a mom is out with her kids alone, hey that's just normal and they better be on their best behavior or else all the side-eyes and judgment.
No shame in needing time to yourself away from the kids. My best friend works for a school and has the summer off. Even though she's home during the week, she sends her two girls to daycare twice a week to do chores, run errands, and get time to herself.
Look at it this way...how can you take care of someone else if you don't make time to care for yourself?
June 2017 Siggy Challenge: "You had one job to do!"
I look at it this way for me, once the twins arrive I'll be working weekends and one day a week so the twins won't have to go to daycare. Our son will still go twice a week for social interaction and the learning environment, but the twins will be home every day. So every single day we will be with them. So for the next 18 years I'll never have a day to myself again . Ok, so maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but seriously, the next two to three years are going to be crazy! So I'm taking the time now for me, especially since I'm knocked up.
@tallmomma29 The guys with babies in public thing...I'm not going to lie, there's something like primal about it that makes me think wow that's sexy. lol.
Re: UO (6/1)
Oct. '17 June S.C. "You Had 1 Job"
On the other hand too, it's similar to the mommy wars in that both sides feel like they have to defend themselves against the other. I think all professions should be respected. But a friend of ours who is a trade worker recently pestered my college educated DH to tell him what he earns in an effort to prove that as a trade worker he was smarter because he earns only 30K less but doesn't have any student loans. While I think that's great and works for him - my husband loves being an engineer and loves his job and it's just as important as installing air conditioning ducts.
Live and let live people
meanwhile DH did no college whatsoever and has an amazing job. College definitely isn't for everyone.
*O17 June Siggy Challenge - You had 1 job!*
Then again, I'm a FTM, so what do I know.
SAHM, Working mom, WAHM...you wake up cater to their needs bc for the love you have 45 minutes to do an hour and a half worth of things, it seems no matter what time you wake up, you still need more time. you get them to school, then you go to work or go back home to be with the younger ones, or race to the store to do errands that used to take you an hour now you have kids and for some reason it takes 2x as long and costs double, you rush to pick them up from school, rush to get dinner while now its the end of the day and your sweet child are acting like those brats you used to side eye in the store...but you power through bc yuo have 2 hours until bed time. bathe them, help them with home work. try and have some quality time meanwhile all you want to do is just sit and not be touched or spoken to. then you get them to bed after an hour battle of getting them more water, reading them a book, tucking them in tighter. finally sit down, and you know you should catch up with your husband on the day but all you want is to turn your brain off, you go to sleep. wake up the next day and repeat...
the weekend comes, there isnt sleeping in. you are carting them off to activities and parties, and trying to find time to just clean the freaking counters. all summers mean is more to your plate. yes there is more time for QT, and that is appreciated, and GLADLY welcomed. but you look at your days, months, years...and think what the F happened to me? when do i get a moment? and that gets depressing. i wouldnt trade it for the world. but you time is out the window. you can try to carve out times, and i swore i would. but then this thing tugs at your heart, and you dont want that time. you want to be with your kids. even though it is chaos. but it doesnt make me feel any less overwhelmed.
May Siggy Challenge: Parenting Fails
BUT- there are jobs. People are hiring. The ac industry is one example. Sales is always a profession that you can get into at any age. Get your hr certification- its a quick class and test, less than $1,000. These are just a few of the many examples. It's not president obamas or president trumps fault that you don't have a job.
i think the general theme of today is people want to be appreciated, and being a mother is the most thankless job you will have. and also your hardest. you will battle your H, other mothers, peers, friends, children, strangers on the daily/hourly on what you do...and still get side eyes no matter what. but things also get put into perspective. and stumbling through parenthood i think is one of the best ways to prepare you for it. bc you learn a lot about yourself and what you want to teach your kids.
but aint no shame in my game...i want some time off from the kids yo. TAKE THEM TEACHERS!
May Siggy Challenge: Parenting Fails
May Siggy Challenge: Parenting Fails
May Siggy Challenge: Parenting Fails
I'm curious as to opinions on this. I'm sure it's a nuanced topic.
eta: I was just thinking of this because my cousin has an issue with her teenage son saying that word the other day, and "all my black friends say it and they don't care if I do" was his excuse
May Siggy Challenge: Parenting Fails
I grew up up with other minorities embracing those type of labels - the n word and things like FOB or FOB-y. And I can see as a non minority how it would be a difficult thing to navigate when you have conflicting direction on it. Those types of words and the way in which they were used have almost always been in my casual private conversation with other minorities, without malicious intent even though the phrase itself is derogatory.
In general I've taken steps to change my language as I've learned. I'm not one to be willfully insensitive once I've learned there's better alternatives or that it can be offensive. But I don't think the n word is going anywhere and I really don't think there will be a clear cut line on who can and can't say it, and who will feel offended by it or not. But my ancestry is not black so I've got little ownership to the term and it's historical significance.
TLDR everyone's gonna be offended at one point or another so know your audience and don't be a jerk.
Same goes for sexual orientation and the f word. I think its confusing to people and if that word has a negative sound to it, nobody should say it.
+1 to thinking trade schools need to be pushed more and respected more. I really wish I had done trade school and gotten training in CS.
+1 to @carries2018 and what she said about motherhood. It's so worth it, but it's also very hard. I am an introvert with a very extroverted child and I work full time in an environment where I have to deal with people ALL. DAY. LONG. By the time I'm home I want to sit in a quiet room with no one touching me. I want to spend time with my child too, but my batteries are literally drained from the work day. (I need better work life balance, I'm trying to figure out how to accomplish this.)
I heart YNAB
---------
“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times,
if one only remembers to turn on the light."
- Albus Dumbledore
Sorry y'all just left a PLU where the other teachers found out I had four kids with one on the way. When they asked how I do it and worked full time. I said I didn't I have a spouse who does half. Then the gushing of praise came for him and a headache for me.
Thanks for letting me rant about my UO today.
I went out one day shopping with MIL and SIL and MIL was so worried about leaving my husband with our three kids and SIL's son, who is the same age as our oldest. She kept insisting I call him to make sure he's ok before we went to another store. Seriously? He can handle it, he actually helps parent our kids. Shocking I know
+1 to @carries2018 UO about everyone's profession making the world go-round. I work in retail management because I love it. I have a Bachelor's, I could get a different job, but this is what I want to do. People always ask me what I'm going to do with my degree
And on the topic of minorities using deragatory words I think that it's up to them what they find acceptable and not acceptable. I am half Native American and sometimes my siblings and I will call each other savages, but obviously it's not okay for non-natives to call natives savages. I think part of it is understood that when coming from another person of the same minority it has different connotations than if someone not in that minority uses it. I think it's less about taking back the word and more about making the word something else entirely. But that's just my two cents on the topic, and a different perspective.
I heart YNAB
---------
“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times,
if one only remembers to turn on the light."
- Albus Dumbledore
So I guess that's also my FFFC: I send him at least one, sometimes two, days a week I'm off work. Then I can clean the house, run my errands, watch a show I want to watch, take a nap, or whatever I want. It refuels me and I feel like I'm not losing my patience as much around him.
@curlyq423 yesss to needing a break! I am such a better mom when I get breaks!
May Siggy Challenge: Parenting Fails
On a related note, it's so annoying that men get so much more slack when they take kids out in public alone. When a man does it, people seem to fawn over how awesome it is and cut them a break if the kids are losing their minds because hey, he's doing his best. But if a mom is out with her kids alone, hey that's just normal and they better be on their best behavior or else all the side-eyes and judgment.
Look at it this way...how can you take care of someone else if you don't make time to care for yourself?