Feeling Defeated (Child Mentioned)

Brooke4131

I just really need to rant today, so thanks in advance for letting me get this out.  I had an appointment with my doctor yesterday and she reiterated that all of my tests (blood tests, TVU, etc) are "normal" and so is my husband's semen analysis.  I have my HSG scheduled for tomorrow and that's the end of the road for testing for me.  If everything is still normal tomorrow, she plans to put me on Clomid and go from there.  I'm just so frustrated and don't know what to hope for - a normal HSG would be great, but then everything is unexplained.

I keep thinking that my infertility is related to my previous C Section.  The doctor that performed it was less than stellar and I just can't get it out of my mind that something went wrong and is causing these new issues.  I'm constantly thinking what if I held out longer in labor and tried harder to avoid the C Section, what if I had a different doctor?  I feel like this is all my fault

Thanks for letting me vent.

hoffmanr7

@Brooke4131 I am sorry you are feeling this way.  There's no light way to put it, IF just plain sucks.  I can understand your feelings on the unexplained diagnosis.  DH and I are in a similar boat.  All of our tests came back normal.  There is nothing more frustrating than not knowing why you are having trouble conceiving. 

One thing I know for sure...this is not your fault.  I know those feelings are hard to shake, but it's the truth.  IF is a b*tch but it is NOT your fault.  Vent anytime you like, we have all been there.

*hugs*

msstephanielynn

I completely understand. I feel like this is a tails you loose, heads I win situation. Either way just is not the end result that we want. Infertility just plain sucks. Don't feel that it's your fault either. I too had a c-section because my baby was breech. I just have to put those thoughts aside and think how lucky I am that he was delivered in a time with medical intervention, otherwise it could have had a worse outcome. 

Brooke4131

Thanks so much for the kind words @hoffmanr7 and @msstephanielynn I hit a low point this morning and really needed to hear that!  It's the worst that we all are on the IF boat, but thanks for making my day better!