Ok, I have Googled endlessly and have not found any situation quite comparable to my own. I am looking for advice and some personal experiences to help me navigate a tricky situation.
First: Some History:
My Birth Mother became pregnant by her abusive boyfriend. She left him and married my Step Dad right after giving birth to me. She had another child with him. When I was 2 she checked herself into a mental institution. My Step Dad divorced her and adopted me. He took me and my half sister and married another woman who had a daughter by her previous marriage.
My Birth Mother has been in my life off an on through my childhood but now that I am an adult she and I have a close relationship. My Step Mother rand I did not get along when I was young and that has carried over into my early 30s. My Step Mother had a very cruel sense of humor and routinely beat me and my half sister down while favoring her biological daughter. She has always been jealous of my close relationship with my step father's mother, Gram Gram, and took things that she bought me back to the store. It got so bad that Gram Gram wouldn't give us the receipt so they couldn't be returned. I include this so you can see that what I am about to describe has been a long standing pattern.
Fast forward to my first pregnancy:
I am close with my Birth Mother and I call her when I need advice. She never judges me and I can be totally honest with her about everything going on in my life. She is the type to give advice without being overbearing. We are very similar. I only call my Step Mom after doctors appointments or to schedule visits to her home, she lives 700 miles away with the rest of my family. I never speak of my relationship with my Birth Mother with my Step Mother.
Meat and Potatoes:
My Step Mother has begun asking me if I have told my Birth Mother news about my pregnancy first.... I told my Step Mother the truth that I had announced my pregnancy to my Birth Mother first. Then when we found out the gender my Step Mother asked if I told my Birth Mother first and I lied and said no. To be totally fair I broke the news to both of them on the same day.
My Step Mother has always intimated me. She hold the keys to accessing my step dad, with whom I am very close. I don't want to offend her but I also don't want to tip toe around her. How can I tell my Step Mother how inappropriate her questions are and what will I do when the baby comes and she gets even more jealous about time spent with her and milestones? I really dont want to deal with catty stuff.