Hello, I was hoping I could get some advice or something.
I'm 30wks along on Tuesday and for several months now my husbsnd and I have been discussing things we want to happen on D-Day. One of the big items for both of us (but probably me more) is that when I'm admitted for real labor and it's actually happening we don't want anyone else but him, our doc and our nurse there. We don't want his mom & family or my mom and family there until after baby is delivered, we've had some time to rest and get "comfortable"
I really don't think that's asking a lot.
Last night we told my mother and she lost her absolute s*it. First she said "no one but me right?" To which I replied the only people we want in the room is us and our doc and nurse. She then told me that she absolutely couldn't do that. Again I stated I was sorry but it would just be my husband an I plus our caregivers and that once our son was born and we were ready we'd be letting family up to meet him. At this point she said I was being mean to her and I'd hurt her and she was done for evening and got up and left (we were having dinner with her and my dad). I wanted to explain that it has nothing to do with her, and that my husband and I feel this is a moment for just us.
I truly feel horrible, and I don't think I should.. I won't be changing what we've decided, but I hate that she's so upset. I called this afternoon to talk to my dad about how she's doing and he said it wasn't good. He'd never seen a reaction like this and wasn't sure what was going to happen. He told me they'd talked about it last night and she told him that she'd been so incredibly excited for her and him and my husband an I to all be there together when my son (and first child) was born that she was heartbroken that wouldn't be happening. She doesn't understand why we don't want her there.
When I told her we didn't want anyone else in the room I worked hard to make sure I didn't use the words "we don't want you there" or "you can't be there" or anything similar because I was worried that's how she'd take it. And from what my dad said that's all she heard when I was trying to explain our decision.
I truly don't know what to do now. My dad thinks maybe I should give it a day or two and go try and talk to her. My husband doesn't feel I should have to try and explain anything other then what I have and that its on her to get over it and he is furious with her for reacting like this because it's causing me so much anxiety. I've already been having some depression and anxiety issues
I just don't know what to do. I don't want to upset her or cause her pain but I'm not changing what we've decided because she assumed she'd get to be there.
A little background on my mother. She's absolutely used to getting her way. She's a very aggressive, dominate, controlling personality. She doesn't handle emotions well. Her and I had a very rough/rocky relationship when I was growing up. I am 28 and only recently with help/support from my husband stopped being overly terrified of her reactions when I do something I think will upset her. This is really the first time in my life I've made a decision that she didn't like/agree with that I've stuck too under her anger.
I really don't know how to handle this from here out...