Birth Expectations

chailife34

Now that more and more of us are on the other side of the big birth day, share how the actual experience compared with your expectations? How was the real thing compared to anticipations? Better, worse, different?

lnds32

Well going into this delivery I was anxious because my last delivery with my son went exactly as I had hoped. I felt like this one just had to be worse! Luckily, things went about the same. I had another uncomplicated vaginal delivery that took about 8 hours from my water breaking to birth. Also, this baby was born 2 weeks early and my last DS was a week late! Overall, I am very happy with my birth experience. I wish I didn't spend so much time beforehand thinking it had to be worse this time simply because I had such a good experience previously. 

Edited because I should of proofread it first!

mrsrep123

Both pregnancies were pretty similar, just things happened a little sooner with the second. My expectations for labor were  essentially the same; to be similar but just for things to happen a little sooner and/or faster. DS1 was born 39w3d and DS2 was born 39w5d.

Labor presented the same; painful contractions that were regular and timeable but instead of taking 13+ hours to progress it took 3 hours this time. (DS1 was 23 hours total and DS2 was 3h20min total.) I was still able to have a vaginal delivery but without the epidural this time. First time = pretty Zen. Second time = pretty chaotic.

In the end, both experiences started the same but the journey was totally different and I'm kind of glad I was able to experience both as this was quite possibly my last pregnancy. 

Eta details

cclaineDC

I'm usually the type of person who goes through life without many expectations, but birth was kind of an exception. I took chilbirth classes; well-wishers were constantly talking with (at?) me about how to make my birth experience better; I read Ina May Gaskin books. I was so down with a natural birth. But, I ended up with a C-section after a failed attempt at induced labor at 41+ weeks. A natural birth wasn't in the cards for this LO. I'm ok with it. LO is here, she's awesome and doing great-- she has definitely exceeded all of my and my Drs expectations. I think we made the right choices about her birth given the circumstances, and I probably won't look back on it as a dreadful experience. Now, FX that cs recovery continues to go smoothly...

mdlorenz

First labor (with a singleton) happened spontaneously at 41w and lasted 36 hours. Ended in vaginal delivery but with a lot of interventions. 

When I found out we were having twins this time, I sought out the provider I thought would give me the best chance to birth vaginally again (a CNM working in a group of OB docs). Probably would have had a shorter labor overall - though who knows, with two! But IUGR threw everything out the window and my c-section at 32 weeks was not at all what I anticipated (duh) but absolutely what was necessary. Still can't wrap my head around the last 2 months though...

kns1988

Mine didn't go as I had expected at all! I wasn't married to a birth plan, but I did want an unmedicated birth with the caveat that I would ask for an epidural if the pain was too much. I took Lamaze classes and talked at length with DH about how to manage the pain and work through contractions. I ended up with my unmedicated birth and there were some contractions to work through, but I didn't have a normal progression of pain. I was in early labor for 36 hours with contractions that never got to a higher pain level than about a 4, and I was even able to take naps - then all of a sudden my water broke and the baby was born in 10 minutes (that's when the real pain kicked in). I also didn't expect to have him at 35 weeks.

It makes me wonder how I'll handle the next pregnancy. I'll probably go in with the same idea - unmedicated if I can handle it - but I think I'll also want to be admitted ASAP like I was this time since I didn't have any warning that the baby was about to arrive. I don't want a baby being born in the living room scenario. 

chocolatelemons

My labor was pretty awful- it was all in my back and I had no breaks between contractions because the pain was constant. I did not expect that, but I have nothing to compare it to since I'm a FTM. I really didn't handle the contractions​ as well as I hoped partially because I was confined to a bed. I got an epidural which I didn't want, but I don't regret it in the least bit since I was able to get some sleep. I delivered vaginally with some interventions. Overall, I'm very happy but next time I'll be using a midwife instead of an ob. Love my doctor but I think a midwife would be more on the same wavelength about an unmedicated birth.

mcvgal

DS1 was a 30 weeker and DS2 a 36 weeker. I thought my body was handling pregnancy better and really expected to make it to 39 weeks for a RCS. When I made it past 30 weeks, I truly thought I was well on my way to a May baby. When my blood pressure started to increase at 31 weeks and I was told to go into to L&D, I think I subconsciously knew that was it. Even though I had 2 days to prepare, I still felt guilty about not being able to carry to term.

Obviously I am happy that DD is healthy and thriving. However, since our family is complete, I still have mixed emotions about this last delivery.

cato99

(FTM) It's hard to describe: I'd say that up-close, in-the-moment it was better than expected because I was kind of secretly expecting intolerable agony, but when the time came I was so focused on each individual moment right in front of me that I never felt at any point that things were going off the rails. I had always planned on an epidural and was pretty worried that for whatever reason I would wind up without one, so when I got it I felt like things were going as planned. Another positive was that pushing took less time than expected--they told me at the start to expect around 3 hours, but I luckily got the baby out in just under 1. 

HOWEVER, if I pull back and look at the big picture of the birth process it was worse than anticipated. I was in labor for 36 hours (20 before I got pain relief): my labor didn't progress on its own which led to a number of interventions;
my blood pressure went haywire and needed constant and annoying monitoring; the baby had the cord wrapped twice around her neck very tightly and had a number of concerning decelerations so I was put on oxygen and a fast path to pushing, but then when she was half-out I was told to stop myself from pushing so that they could tend to the cord; I had a weird septic reaction a few minutes after birth and had convulsive uncontrolled shivering, threw up over and over again, and spiked a high fever (they think the placenta may have had an infection?); and the baby wound up in the NICU for a combo of blood sugar and jaundice issues (luckily she was able to come home with me a couple of days later). 

Overall though I'd say I had a good birth experience because I got really attentive and quick medical care, all of my concerns were addressed, and I walked away with a healthy baby. 

kat81_v3

My birth was not as good as expected but still fine. The first surprise was going a week late. I was prepared to go a bit overdue (I was for one of my other two) but not so much. The second surprise was that my water broke before labor started. This made my total time longer than the other two labors, which I didn't expect. Labor took a while to really get going (compared to my speedy baseline). A third surprise/ disappointment was that I got transferred to the hospital from the birth center, but it was for something minor that ended up going away; they were just better safe than sorry. The midwife still came with us so all was good. I just ended up delivering without tub/shower involvement for pain and in a bed lying down. None of this was ideal because it was still med free!! Fourth surprise was that labor picked up very fast once it got going. This was good news! Biggest surprise of all: the placenta was so hard to deliver. It felt like pushing out a twin.

luckywife10

Being a FTM I read everything I could on natural birth and different pain management techniques that did not involve medication. Thankfully, I was never offered an epidural because I had stated before that I didn't want one. However, after 5 hours of labor I started telling H that I might need to get an epidural because contractions we're getting pretty intense. I switched between a birthing ball, shower, sitting, standing, walking, and laying down to manage the pain. I was surprised how calm I got when I found out I was 9cm and almost ready to push. I didn't realize how intense the pushing would be! Silly me. It was much harder than anticipated because I didn't feel like I was pushing the "right" way and I just wanted DS out of me. My breathing also got pretty irregular while I was pushing because I slightly started freaking out.

Another thing I didn't anticipate was getting the shakes. Due to hormones and adrenaline, I shook constantly from the time my water broke to about an hour and a half after I delivered. Shaking for almost 12 hours straight is exhausting.

Was my experience worse or btter than I was expecting? It was better because I wasn't in labor for as long as I thought I would be. 9.5 hours is pretty good for a first labor. H was so helpful and awesome during labor, which was also beneficial. Two things that were worse than I expected was the shaking and the 2nd degree tear I got (getting the stitches after delivery hurt even with numbing drugs). DS's heart rate was dropping when I pushed so my doctor used a vacuum on my last push to help get him out.

My advice for those still to give birth is to expect the unexpected and do what your body tells you.

redheeler

@luckywife10 I also got the shakes, they started when they tried to put the cannula in the first time because of the pain of that, and they didn't stop for a good 2-3hrs after birth.

MollyandD

I was expecting a natural water birth, but ended up with preeclampsia and an emergency c-section. I had been advised to consider all possibilities while planning to give birth, so when I was told I needed a c-section, I was prepared. I told the doctors I wanted my husband to do skin to skin with the baby, I wanted to breastfeed as soon as possible, and I wanted family to give the baby his first bath. 

I didnt get the birth I wanted, but I have a healthy baby boy. 

psherman42wwsa

For my last birth I was 4 days over due. My water broke at home and I labored for a few hours before going to the hospital. Once I got there I was in so much pain that it was frustrating I had to sit at the front desk and complete paperwork... Kept getting asked the same questions over and over. What is the gender? Do you have any kids at home.. Small chat.. A couple times I said don't you have this information because I don't feel like talking. It felt like it took forever to get an epidural and then I had to push for over 3 hours. Physically exhausting, I thought baby would never come out. Recovery was rough, I felt like I got hit by a bus. My whole body was so sore.



For this birth I was so anxious about when I would go into labor. Having a toddler at home adds an additional layer of stress. I was at work feeling a ton of pressure so I decided to leave. When I was driving I timed the intense pressure at 10 minutes apart and realized I was in labor. I called my husband and told him to leave work and meet me at home. I got home and sat on my yoga ball, contractions were coming 4 minutes apart. As soon as my husband got home I said let's go to t he hospital, since I know it's a long process. So we got to the hospital. The usual slow process. I said I wanted an epirudral so let's get things moving on that, so we did. I got my epidural just in time, contractions were about 2 minutes apart. About 30 minutes after my epidural the nurse rushed in and had me lay on the opposite side. She said your baby is ready to come out! The midwife came in, broke my water and said she could see the head. I pushed through 2 contractions and she said look down, I saw my baby's head and she said I could grab him and pull him out. I am still in complete shock how fast he came out compared to ds1. My recovery has been much faster this time as well. I was at the hospital for 4 hours before I gave birth and since everyone was healthy we got to leave 24 hours after birth.

Long story..overall my second birth experience was way better than my first. 

Louise_Belcher

My actual labor was WAY better this time then with DS1 so it far exceeded my expectations. I was in pain for 8 hours for DS1 and couldn't handle the pain at all. This time I was in pain for 2 hours and was managing much better and also was able to get an intrathecal right before the end. Which I didn't expect to qualify for at all! So that was a lovely surprise. Both were inductions with DS1 being 5 days late and DS2 being 17 days early. What I didn't expect was to have a version or to be admitted when I went in for an NST the next day. Toward the end of the pregnancy I expected circumstances would make it necessary to have the baby a week early, but it hadn't even crossed my mind that he would be here 2.5 weeks early. 

saric83

This whole experience was WAY better than with DS, so my expectations were low, but my anxiety was super high knowing everything that could go wrong.  We had a scheduled c-section, and everything was gloriously calm, upbeat and lovely.  Unlike with DS, I didn't get sick at all during the CS, and I wasn't nearly as uncomfortable.  I got to do skin-to-skin and BF immediately while they were still closing me up, and so far my recovery has been far easier than last time too.  She did end up in the NICU for 24-hours to get her blood sugars, but besides that, it was pretty much our ideal scenario.  

starphish18

I won't go into my whole birth story here (I'll write that up soon, though). But I will mention 3 things that were not what I expected.

First, I was in early labor for a really long time. I started having contractions every 8-12 minutes apart, and they didn't pick up for 30 hours. It was painful, draining, and I started feeling like I was never going to progress. I had no clue early labor could last that long.

Second, during the first attempt at my epidural, she wet tapped me (went too far and hit a nerve). My leg shot up when she did, and it was scary. They checked on me frequently during my recovery, because I had a high chance of developing spinal headaches because of the wet tap. Luckily, I haven't, and should be in the clear.

Third, pushing was different than I expected. I could feel pressure from the contractions, doctors' hands stretching me, and the baby as she came through. But there was no uncomfortableness because of the epidural. The hardest part of it was just breathing correctly. I kept running out of breath on the 2nd and 3rd push of each contraction. I thought that part would be more difficult somehow.

inomniaparatus2

I also didn't realize how long you could Labor and have minimal progress. 

I thought that by your body being ready the liklihood of vaginal was high but in reality you can push and not have progress and will end with a C. 

I didn't realize that you can push and not feel baby just pressure in your butt and contractions. 

I thought I would feel some tugging but wasn't aware of the cramping and pain that would come with a C. 

kat81

starphish18 said:

...

First, I was in early labor for a really long time. I started having contractions every 8-12 minutes apart, and they didn't pick up for 30 hours. It was painful, draining, and I started feeling like I was never going to progress. I had no clue early labor could last that long....

FYI, this can happen for days or weeks sometimes, especially when you're on your 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc kid. This time around I was having contractions as close as 6 min apart two weeks before I delivered. On the day that I delivered I was in this 8-12 min zone for much longer than I was with my previous pregnancies (though active labor to birth went much faster than with the others.)

I hope that once you got to active labor things picked up!

starphish18

@kat81 When you were having early contractions, were they consistent or did they come and go? The consistency is what surprised me. I'd heard you can have contractions start up and stop way beforehand, but I can't imagine having non-stop contractions for weeks. For just that 30 hours, it was so painful, I couldn't sleep through them.

kat81

starphish18 said:

@kat81 When you were having early contractions, were they consistent or did they come and go? The consistency is what surprised me. I'd heard you can have contractions start up and stop way beforehand, but I can't imagine having non-stop contractions for weeks. For just that 30 hours, it was so painful, I couldn't sleep through them.

Yeah they started and stopped and they didn't keep me up over night. I'm sorry you had to deal with such a long and painful early labor!

bubsalicious

The main thing I didn't expect was my pain management. I think it was due to how fast they were giving me pitocin, I wasn't able to adjust to the new contractions before they became stronger. I planned to try different techniques and get a epidural if needed, but all I could do was stand. I eventually shut down and couldn't make desicions or move. Luckily the nurse took the initiative to give me IV analgesic before the epidural, which wasn't something I wasn't interested in, so I was able to function.

Hansolosparka

To answer the original question- I feel like my birth went mostly how I had expected. I was induced again, it took about 8 hours to get complete- although the last 5 cm and her descending took about an hour total. That was the only surprise- when I was ready to push her head was already showing so it only took a few pushes to get her out. She was so low bc we had to wait almost an hour for the doctor to get there so I "labored down" for quite awhile.