June IVF

mrsa2017

@SP128 LOL @ "lost his independence" 

@Hopeful_mom this may be my last turn up year for awhile,  I had better enjoy it lol
 Apparently IVF takes over your life so I will enjoy 27 for another 17 days before things get more real come July 20.... Yikes

Hopeful_mom

Holls214 are you doing bcp?  My RE skips that so I think thats why mine seems to be shorter...still undecided with what I want to do....Are you and OH picking the gender or are you letting the RE choose?

SP128  AMEN!!!  I do think you're keeping your expectations low not to be disappointed BUT you are young and I wouldn't count yourself out just yet!!!  You can very well be getting your bfp!!!  you are PUPO  
My OH keeps telling me you're not being punished but I do feel that way for sure!

mrsa2017 I wont lie and tell you it doesn't, ivf sucks and it is my life!  I almost dont remember what it was like before.  I will tell you the benefit you have in all of this is that you are young so you wil have the time to figure some things out and take breaks if you need it.  You will find there are some on this board that act like IVF is nothing and just go on about their life, its amazing and more power to them...but for me, its just all about it.  Enjoy ur hooray!

SP128

@Hopeful_mom you're prob rt. I remember the first few tww with ttcal I was so hopeful, after that, not so much. Random fact:  did you know that I'm from the same hometown as some members of nkotb?   

Woke up a 3  am and can't fall back asleep 

funkykey

@Hopeful_mom- I've been thinking about you a lot.

Sometimes it feels like it's the one health issue where society is like: "You're on your own, f*cker." And act like you're somehow responsible for it, or if your body can't easily have children, you shouldn't have children - that if you want to, you're totally on your own and it's not a noble cause, but a selfish one.

In my regular life, I'm constantly trying to hold myself accountable and to take responsibility for my actions. I've put myself through the ringer wondering what I could have done differently to not be IF. My RE doesn't think our IF is age-related - he thinks I'm young enough that if we'd started trying when we were 27 I'd have had problems too - so I start to think "what if I'd been 23?" and then I beat myself up about that, and I have to actually stop myself and be like: "Wait, wait- don't blame yourself." 

It's so hard to keep crazy thoughts like that out of your head, and to stay grounded. It's so tough not to try to blame yourself, especially when you have a society that wants to blame you. It's so hard for me, even (!), to keep moving forward - and I'm (relatively) young in the IF world - at my clinic, the average age is 38. 

So I often think what it would be like if I'd met my H at 35 or 36. I dated long enough that there were so many nights I'd think: "I'm never going to have the family I want, I'm going to be alone forever." and then I'd line up another date, I'd have some hope that the next guy was going to be "the guy", we'd go out and there was nothing - no chemistry, no spark, nothing. And the cycle would repeat - for years. I even thought about egg freezing, but I was like: "it'd be better if I could freeze embryos", and there was always another date to go on, and I'd think: "Maybe this next guy." Anyway, I can totally see how you might not luck out and meet someone until you were in your mid to late 30s, 100%. I can think of 100 other ways that might happen, all of them uniquely painful.

And at that point, when there's still a chance, what are you going to do? Just give up? Listen to all the people who tell you not to pursue your dreams, that it's too risky? There's no way - NO WAY - I would not be in the same exact boat as you, trying cycle after cycle, and just feeling like: "WTF?!" Especially since lots of women try to have a baby when they're 38/39/40 and have no problem. 

Adding insult to injury, I'm starting to see couples break up, too - couples who got married too young, before they knew who they were as people, had kids, started fighting, and now are having these big, nasty divorces. I'm still hopeful that I will have kids (obviously), but sometimes I catch myself thinking: "how come they got to have a baby and not me?" How come two people who don't even love each other can reproduce together so easily, while me and my H can't?

Before IF, I probably would have been more compassionate towards those couples. Now, I'm so hard on them - I think it's so unfair that some couples can have kids easily while others can't - especially couples who do not treat each other with respect and love. Instead of feeling sorry for those couples, they piss me right off!

Anyway, all of this (very long, rambling post) is to say - I have a lot of respect for what you're trying to do. I don't know the whole story, and I don't know what you've been through, but I think it's a beautiful thing to follow your dreams, even when you (like me) probably have people in your life gently asking about your sanity. (Cough cough DH questions mine constantly cough cough).

Keep on truckin', mama! Not sure what you are going to do next, but I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!

SP128

@funkykey  This^

JaeJayStark

@holls214 that would be great if we were around the same time for FET! I love having cycle buddies. I feel like it's ages away. I think I will be later than you though because I won't get my period for a week and a half, then I am taking a full cycle off. I'm guessing I will be late August/early September. 

I get my next update on July 5th. My clinic likes to leave the eggs alone as much as possible so I just have to sit tight. 

Holls214

@JaeJayStark well we will be pretty close! Can't wait to hear your next update. 

SP128

3 embabies made it to biopsy and freeze - guess the 4th didn't make it to blast.  Since we don't want to know the genders, we will need to wait until July 18th for the report from the RE.  

On another note - Crinone is making me extremely dry down south.  

I've also had a swollen lymph node for about a week and a half.  I usually get them when I'm sick.  The nurse said it has nothing to do with all the drugs I've been taking.  Hope it goes down soon 

How's everyone else doing?

mrsa2017

@Hopeful_mom I will try my best to still maintain a life while going through the process. There is nothing more I want in this world than to be a mother. After everything I have already been through I am praying for this to happen for us. I have had people ask me how am I still so calm after my 3 EP and I told them that if I break I may never get back to who I am. I live by "Everything happens for a reason" and I hope that the reason is revealed some time later and I can have peace with whatever happened.

@funkykey I feel you with that post.

@sp128 Your RE had better call with good news for you on my birthday lol

Holls214

@sp128 can't wait to hear the news in a couple weeks... hopefully it goes down soon.
I'm just in my birth control phase waiting to start the estrogen patches in s couple weeks. Got sunburnt yesterday forgot my BC makes sun sensitivity. 

JaeJayStark

@SP128 Wow, 3 embabies? How many did you start with again? And one more was transferred so you had 4 make it total?

@Holls214 How come you had to do BCPs? To get everything settled or did you have cysts? Sorry if you already mentioned it, I just can't keep track!

Holls214

@JaeJayStark I honestly didn't ask. I think just to get everything settled. We do this for 2 weeks then the patches for 2 weeks then the shots for a week before the FET. Then the shots for a month after pending its success. Wishing I didn't have to do the BC plan because then we would be a couple weeks closer to FET but oh well. I guess a bit of a break is nice.

SP128

@JaeJayStark  I had 13 retrieved and 12 fertilized.  I did transfer 1, so 4 made it to blast.  I'm thankful I had 4 make it to blast but am kinda bummed that only 4 did considering I started with 12.  Makes me wonder about my egg quality.  Who knows how many will come back PGS normal 

Any news with you?  Did you get the biopsy back yet?  They saw some loose tissue right during your ER?

Hopeful_mom

SP128 dorchester?  I'm really a bad fan but was listening to an interview in my not being able to sleep and force myself to think of something else and donnie had mentioned it  Did you all go to school together.....no wait they're too old for u   I did make it to another concert last night so that was a good time.  They still have got the right stuff   I coudn't help myself...yet I like all their new stuff better, go figure!  I was up at 3am sorry I couldnt keep u company...its 4am, u now up 

Crinone is making you extremely dry down south??  Its a gel technically, how is that even possible??  ou've got some powers down there huh?  So how are you feeling?  A lymph note is swallen?  maybe thats from all the other things u got going on in that body of yours wink wink  Congrats on the 3 - hoping more good news will be coming ur way!!  July 18th seems farther away then it should be??  They can always send u results and cover up the gender.

funkykey AMEN!! thanks for the post, its certainly needed!!  I do feel nuts at times and OH just adds to that, so I'm glad that my thoughts aren't alone.  I beat myself up all the time!!  And I yell at OH for not letting me go sooner to a clinic and that ends in a yelling match BUT I do remind myself that I could've went regardless of what he says.  He always likes to remind me how I never listen to him so why did I that time.  Deep down I know why, cause just another few more months of tracking and its gonna happen, theres no reason for it not to.  There is not one person in my family who has had issues conceiving.  Granted my mom had all her kids in her 20s BUT she did try a whole year for me...she likes to tell me "please I couldnt even look at your father anymore."  I just assumed since I made it a bit tougher on her this was my journey...never thinking there really is an issue.  I've had Af since age 12, missed in one month cause I was doing some stupid diet to lose weight fast or super stressed...other then that clock work and yet I have issues WTH!!!  BUT its still comes down to the at 38 my eggs were younger and if I made a normal one the cycle before then I probably had better odds then.  Thats where OH chimes in to let me know I probably had this issue my whole life...really???  Cause its UNEXPLAINED so whats really "my issue"??  Low AMH is the ticking time bomb not saying ur eggs are bad.  SO all of that wrapped up is just hard.  I was watching some program and the profile piece was how his mom was the youngest of NINE kids and was a single mom to twins.  Sure why not give her twins and be a single parent, sounds about right.  It would just be nice to finally be on the other side to tell my success story and I found the magic on "how" we can all make it happen and share the secret to my success.

@JaeJayStark  you're update is just a few days away very exciting!  are u doing testing??  All REs are different a bunch to BCP to suppress.  My RE skips it for now as the estrace should do the trick enough so we shall see if it does when I go back to the clinic later this week.

mrsa2017 I really do hope that you can stay on the same path you are now!!

funkykey

@Hopeful_mom - He always likes to remind me how I never listen to him so why did I that time.  

Made me laugh because that is such a husband thing to say. So pigheaded! Some days, this is how I feel about marriage:


But seriously, don't let that sh*t get to you - I'm so sorry that this last round didn't get you another normie, but I think it's amazing that you've gotten this far - the mental stamina it would take! Bah! Good luck deciding what to do next, I am excited for your 4 normies. xoxo

SP128

@Hopeful_mom  I think were from Dorchester and some from Quincy.  I remember being in elementary school and overhearing people talking about seeing so and sos brother at the bus stop.  
You were up late!!  I woke up again last night and had a hard time falling back asleep.  
Yeah, this crinone business is no joke. DH and I tried to have some non baby making nookie with a few applications of preseed.  Things were rough.
I'm feeling ok.  Trying not to symptom search.  My boobs are a little sore, they were more sore a few days ago.  Trying not to read into it considering crinone can cause sore boobs and they were sore before the transfer.  
I was really tired yesterday, but again could be just being lazy.  
I actually made a mistake - it's July 19th for my results.  That call will either to just discuss the results or it may be paired with the WTF? conversation with my RE if this doesn't work.  
How are you doing?  Been thinking about ya!

KZ1126

@sp128 non baby making nookie?? what's that????  hehehe   poor DH has gone through quite a drought.....

Hopeful_mom

SP128 how i just got jelly reading your update - you really knew them when awwwwwwwww  You tried to have some nookie already wow good for u!!  OH with me its like a no fly zone!!  Today July 19th seems so far away....so you wont POAS prior?  PGS results usually take like 7/9 days in my experience.

funkykey  that did make me chuckle!!  Have you started meds yet?  I know you got delayed a lil funny as you started this month off.

KZ1126 did i miss ur beta post?? or is it first this friday?  i cant remember everyone anymore....

AFM: Of course i missed my RE calling  its also because she called from a private number so it might've been nice for her to let me kno she was planning on calling!!  add it to my list of annoyances!! 

KZ1126

@hopeful_mom I didn't post bc i was scared to jinx it. But Friday was 174, Monday was 550, and today was 1290. So I have an ultrasound next week.  Things are going better this time than the last 3, so I'm Trying to let myself relax and believe this could really happen for me.

Holls214

@KZ1126 yay!!! So excited for you. 

Hopeful_mom

@KZ1126 yay thats fantastic!!  We dont have a spreadsheet so its tough to keep track but glad i was right ms sneaky so thrilled you have had such great betas let it continue!!  You are PUPO!!!  I get how scary it is and I was always waiting for the other show to drop and it did   I know its hard but try to enjoy the moment!  Can't wait for your US!! I was like that when I got my bfp especially on the PAIF board as I couldn't believe it was true...it was great while it lasted.  Hoping this is your sticky bean for sure!!!

funkykey

@Hopeful_mom - yes, I started stimming this morning - finally! Hahaha! First e2 test is Sunday.

We just did the math as we did the evening shot- this is $540/day in injections, and will go up once I start antagonizing. Ugh. I bought a jumpsuit at Anthropologie this weekend for an upcoming wedding, only to return it because we can't really afford it right now... then I realized it was less expensive than my morning menopur, and I was like: "God, IVF sucks so much." 

I mean, obviously I'm so happy to be here and hopeful, etc, but I look at each one of these injections and I'm like: "this is really pricey!"

My H jokes that now we know heroin is definitely not for me! Lol! 

Holls214

@funkykey I feel that... lol. Every shot it's like well there goes this amount... argh. Hopefully you get a lot of good eggies! 

Hopeful_mom

funkykey hoipng u get alot of great quality this cycle!!  UGH I wish we could get a break!  Here there are people that want to donate to some, too bad you couldn't be around for someone to help you out!!  I'm sure I'll have leftover even if I do another cycle!  Its scary how much menupar I go through!

It doesn't top the ticket I got for being parked near a fire hydrant as I was dropping things off at a house.  Talk about a WASTE of money, the car was not blocking the hydrant it was right near it BUT its right near the driveway, shall I move the driveway.  Everyone on the this block literally blocks the fire hydrant for hours on hours and you think they get a ticket NOPE!!!  Talk about not catching a break!!!  I hate that I have to count every penny now! SO annoying for sure!!

SP128

@Hopeful_mom  Hahhhaa, I didn't know them.  I just heard about their siblings being sighted.  Recently I heard about people sighting Walberg's mom and such.  We don't have much around these parts : )  
I'm fighting the urge to POAS.  I think I would be really disappointed to see a BFN.  I might just let the dream live until my beta on Sunday.  As of right now there are no symptoms to even spot.  

The PGS results would be in sooner than 7/19.  The agency is supposed to send me an email but I'm not going to open it because I don't want to accidentally see the gender.  I get to hear about the results because that is when my RE is scheduled to call.  

@KZ1126  You go girl!!!!!!  So excited for you.  

@funkykey  The price of these meds are ridiculous.  My clinic won't take back unopened, unused meds.  I had to order another vial of low dose HCG.  I told them they could donate to someone paying cash.  They said no can do.  That vial cost $265.  I was very close to having to buy some Gonal F out of pocket because I didn't realize I was going to run out.  Those suckers are $700 per pen I think!!!  I know when this is all said and done I will have leftovers, but unfortunately there's not much I can do with them 

JaeJayStark

Hey there, 

Sorry I've been MIA. We went on a little trip for the fourth. 

So we have two high quality blast chillin'! Weehoo! We are not doing PGS. Waiting a full cycle to get that lining healed. Hurry up periods! 

Haven't gotten my biopsy results yet. 

I suppose we are all moving over to the July/August IVF?

Hopeful_mom

I feel like I"m on every board to the last last second...I hate moving over...at least the summer board is 2 months as it should be

JaeJayStark congrats on your 2 really hope those r your lucky beans!!! will you be transfering both?

AFM:  I know this has been hard and I've been tormented on whether to do immunology testing and moving forward with my FET etc.  I've stopped taking my estrace and will not do an FET next week as planned.  I've been waiting so long to do this and have just started a stressful job that I just dont think its smart to do....so much so I started this post at noon and its now 10pm and have the worst headache  Man I rather be at my new kids concert right now!!  Work sux, IVF sux!  AND I think I will do another cycle IF my body is up for it..will decide on that later too....I just never want to leave this place 

SP128

********tw**********



it worked !!!!!!!!!!   First beta came in at 161. Repeat draw on Wednesday   Cautiously optimistic. 

KZ1126

@SP128 woohoo I had a feeling you were going to have good news!!!! 

@Hopeful_mom you are a pretty amazing woman and so incredibly strong. I truly believe that good things happen to good people so prayers that the next cycle is THE cycle.

Hopeful_mom

SP128 woohoo!!!!!!!  I knew it!!!!! i'm doing the told u so dance   Yes we can be cautious sure, but fresh transfer lady thats a GREAT first beta I'm thrilled for you!! This week will suck for me so I can't wait to get good news on wed!!!

KZ1126 how r u feeling?  I'm hoping ur words are right, I hate that i'm so undecided on the immunology testing one for the expense and the other for the time UGH!!!  I hate that everything has to be so hard!!!  

I know its now July and this was the June board, who cares, but please keep me updated on ur progress!!

SP128

@Hopeful_mom  Hahaha.  Thanks lady.  You are always so encouraging : )  I know things suck right now for you, but I know that you will get a sweet rainbow babe in your arms.  It will be worth the wait when that happens.  IF is full of curve balls.  I'll update my beta on Wednesday.  

@KZ1126  Thanks lady.  How are you doing?

funkykey

@SP8128 - That is great news! I'm thrilled for you and keeping FX!

@JaeJayStark - great news! Congratulations!!!

@Hopeful_mom - OK! I think taking a bit of a break and trying another round seems prudent - as you said, it's now or never to produce normies, and if you want another one in the hopper, it might be worth a shot.

Keeping fingers crossed for you and hoping things at work (at the very least!) turn up!

xo

AFM: I am going to move over to the July board. xoxo

KZ1126

@Hopeful_mom @SP128   - I'm good!  I hate feeling like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop though, so hopefully I can relax after the first US this week!

mrsa2017

Congrats @KZ1126 @sp128 it's so good to see you ladies have positive outcomes.. Yaay

@Hopeful_mom it'll happen for you,  I'm keeping the faith. 

AFM I had to go to the hospital yesterday evening due to having excruciating pain in my lower abdomen and came to find out that I have a fibroid uuuuuuggggghhhhh...  I'm just like "something else to flicken deal with" and just less than 2 weeks before our appointment with the RE smt.  I'll go see my OB hopefully tomorrow and see what he says. 

funkykey

@mrsa2017 - Oh no! FX for a speedy resolution to the fibroid problem!

mrsa2017

@funkykey Thank you. I can deal with having the cyst he found as well on my ovary but a fibroid is new to me. Especially how I haven't had any test done yet to make sure it's perfect for when IVF cycle starts.. After all the hell we done been through now this...  
I usually don't get upset because everything happens for a reason, but dang I feel like I can't catch a break sometimes smt. 
General Question :Anyone ever had fibroid? 

funkykey

@mrsa2017 - I have a fibroid, but apparently it's not a problem - it's pretty big too, about the size of a plum. I guess it really depends where it grows, though- some people (like you!) have just awful ones! I have a friend whose are really bad, like she bleeds all through her cycle - and she'll remove and they'll grow back... I think once she has kids, she plans to have her uterus removed, they're such a problem.

My doctor told me that fibroids are "basically the moles of the uterus". I guess they're pretty common - but man, if I were in your shoes, I would be very sad and frustrated. 3 EPs plus a cyst plus a fibroid causing lots of pain? That SUCKS. I'm so sorry! Hang in there!

mrsa2017

@funkykey the size of a plum???????? OMG...  I could see how it made my uterus look funny from the ultrasound last night at the hospital.  Man if I wasn't a strong woman I would have had a break down last night.  I was so certain that it was another ruptured cyst and boy do I wish that I was right.. Sigh! I felt so disappointed that I asked my DH if he wished he had a different wife with less problems, of course he said No...  I feel for him sometimes since he's the only sibling with no kids. I hope my OB comes up with a solution this week because this is another thing we'll have to tell the RE about.  I'm trying to be positive but just a bit annoyed right now.  And thank you,  because only yall really understand. 
Did I miss your birthday? I hope not! 

Holls214

@mrsa2017 I had 2 fibroids they found. They thought they were cysts. I had them removed with a hysteroscopy. Unfortunately that's what delayed my stims cycle a couple months ago. 

Holls214

@SP128 yay!!!!!  

sorry i I have been mia. Been working too much. Lots of good updates ladies. I'm just still in my birth control phase patiently waiting to start something.