Daycare search- thoughts and advice for a FTM who is about to be broke

callababy17

Y'all. I knew that child care would be expensive...but it is literally just as expensive as my mortgage WTF! We have just begun the search and I want some feedback from other mommies (and partners and daddies too I guess....wait are there men on here?). Do you prefer daycare nearby your house or your work? what percentage of your monthly income should be spent on daycare? Specifics I should be asking of providers?

callababy17

Shout out to @bluejeanbabi05 who posted the "how to GIF" thread which I somehow missed until now! Life changing. So DH and I began searching for child care centers today and we visited our dream place. He works at a hospital and they have a beautiful daycare. Reggio curriculum, full service diapers and food provided, 6am til 12am hours (!!) even an inter-generational program where the elder care participants interact with the babies
We loved it! But it is so expensive... we might have to keep searching. 

natleilynn

We have always chosen daycare near to our house for a few reasons:

a) It doesn't matter who picks up because we both have to go home. If we chose somewhere closer to my work (DH travels every day for work), I would 100% be responsible for drop off and pick up...even on days that I am sick or have an appointment or whatever. Too much hassle.

b) Shorter ride for DD to daycare means less time for me to get distracted. I am absolutely petrified of leaving a baby in the car, so for me it was also reassurance because I often drift into my own little world on my way to work. 

The only exception I have to this logic is, I have a single mom who works for me and I've encouraged her to find a daycare closer to our work instead of closer to home. She's the only drop off/pick up and her daycare is far enough away that she has to leave early every day to fight traffic to get her son in time. She also gets more one-on-one time with him in the car that way.

I have no advice on the income aside from, it's a beast and that's one reason why so many people decide to have one person stay home. When baby comes, we'll be paying about $1500 a month. So yeah. A mortgage payment.

callababy17

Mannn... yeah I do see the benefits of finding one closer to home. Our perk with this one place at his work is that I drive right by there on the way to and from my job anyway, so I can for sure do pick up every day. And selfishly, I love that it's easier for him to do drop off in the morning because I'm always running late anyway so that's one less thing for me to do

natleilynn

My brother has a daycare where he works and they put their kids there when they were both young - then my brother was able to go by on his lunch and feed them. They also got a discount since he worked there (it was still expensive, though!). So check on that! But if you go by there and DH works there, it could be a good option for you!

I guess it also depends on your commute. It sounds like it would be convenient either way for you - my commute is about 40-45 minutes so I did not, under any circumstance, want to have to drop DD off close to my work if I was taking a sick day or going to the doctor close to our house

natleilynn

Side note - they pulled both kids out when they got old enough to eat solids...they really just wanted my brother around for the early stages and then went to a cheaper option when they got older

callababy17

Yes DH is verrry excited about eating lunch with the baby. I'm pretty sure we will just end up applying for this one. Of course, not only is it $1300 a month, it's also a WAITLIST with a deposit and they might not even take us in the end. 

crazypuglady

I work on an Army base and I want to use the on-post daycare center. We live about 15-20 mins off post, so it's not too far from home- and I'll be able to visit if I like during lunch hours/respond quickly if baby gets sick/hurt. I'd have to be the one taking him/her anyways because DH's schedule shifts and sometimes he has to work late, so it just makes sense with my more-steady work schedule. At the same time... it's not too far out of the way if I can't leave and he's available to do a pick up.

The main advantage is the cost- fees are based on income level, and even then they max out at ~700/mo. (We would be paying the max based on our income.) I've been asking around and I heard outside child care centers charge 350+/week! Holy crap! So yeah... not doing that.

JessDG

I'm also interested in what kinds of questions to ask potential day cares.  DH and I are visiting an in home daycare in our neighborhood this evening and it sounds AWESOME on paper, but I don't know what to ask.  

emwj10187

ugh i live in nyc and so far i've found wait lists through february and up to $2900 a month. My jaw hit the floor when i saw the price. I really wanted this day care next to my office but at almost 3 G's a month theres no way we can afford that right now. We're looking at other places as well.... but man...we are seriously considering a part time nanny during the week when i go back to work...

azerimama

I haven't read the other replies, so sorry if this is a repeat.

We prefer to have daycare/childcare as close to home as possible. It's important, because if it's near one of your work instead, and one of you is sick, then the other person has to go out of their way to drop the kid off at daycare. Also, if you have an important event or conference, and you can't leave work to get your kid if they are sick or hurt, then the other parent has to drive further to get them. (In our case, DH spent the last 9 months out of town for two weeks each month for training, so close to home works best!)

When we first looked for daycare, we couldn't afford anything at all in our area. Neither of us had good jobs at that time, and DH was still in grad school. We ended up having a neighbor watch her for $300 a month. Which was a steal. Then a private in home daycare near us opened up (licensed) for $600 a month when our neighbor couldn't watch her anymore. It was hard, but we made it work. When that daycare closed down two years later (she went back into pediatrics), we struggled to find a daycare. We looked at all options. Family, friends, neighbors, private in home daycares, large facilities, and even (Gasp!) craigslist SAHMs who were just trying to make a few extra bucks by watching one more kid in their home. We looked at combinations of all of these. Ultimately, we put her in the YMCA's daycare program. It was not a good fit for us. After a month, one of the other daycares we had been put on the waiting list called and we pulled her out of the YMCA program fast. It now costs us $750 a month for daycare. We like the one she is at. 

It's tough when cost is one of the biggest reasons preventing you from being able to put your kid where you want to put them. When #2 arrives, we'll  be paying $1650 a month for two kids in daycare. DH has started driving for both Uber and Lyft on the weekends/evenings a few days a week to try to save up for what we won't be able to pay out of pocket. We know that money will be tight for a year or two until DD starts school (before and after school care is still $500 a month!) where it will only be marginally better. We tightened our budget as tight as it will go, and we are always looking at ways to supplement our income. We stopped doing christmas, birthday and anniversary gifts for each other this year, so that we can focus on the essentials. 

MCraig1484

I agree with having it close to your home for the reasons mentioned by @natleilynn , but the one at your husband's work sounds pretty awesome.  We did consider using one close to our work when both my husband and I worked in the same part of the city because we had about an hour commute, which meant more time with DS and a faster response if he ended up sick, but I'm so glad every place had a crazy waitlist because DH got laid off a few weeks before DS started and now works in a completely different part of the city.

azerimama

@JessDG Since we just went through the daycare search twice in the fall when ours closed down, and then we changed her to another daycare, we toured a bunch of places and I usually ask these questions:

1. Is food included? Do you have a menu for what is fed each day?
2. What is the rate for full time vs. part time? How many hours are included in each?
3. What is the earliest drop off and latest pick up time?
4. How often is payment due (every two weeks, once a month, every week, etc.?) 
5. Is there a discount if paid in full for the month?
6. What days are you closed for the year, including any teacher training days?
7. What time is breakfast served until? (If we arrive after the cut off, are they able to eat breakfast brought from home? - (important in case you have a long commute, or they refuse to eat before leaving home)
8. What time is nap time?
9. Where do the children nap?
10. What are we required to bring each day, what can be left at the daycare?
11. What is your snow day policy? Do you have a weather closure notification procedure?
12. What is the discipline policy/methods used?
13. Do you make dietary substitutions for religious preferences or food allergies?
14. Are there any food allergy restrictions for bringing foods? (many places will say you can't bring anything with peanuts or tree nuts into the facility)
15. Is there a fee for picking up late, if yes, how much? (many charge by the minute)
16. Do you have a curriculum of any sort? 
17. Is there a daily schedule? (ours has this and we try to keep consistent to it on the weekends as well, so that she doesn't have a hard time on Mondays)
18. What is the policy/procedure for breast milk or formula?
19. How do you communicate with parents if there are concerns, or if we need to bring something?
20. Do you help with sleep training, potty training, feeding assistance, etc.
21. Do you turn off the lights at nap time? (You'd be surprised at how many places don't do this)
22. Can we take a tour of the facility?

And yes, we really asked all these. A typical tour for us was about 45-60 minutes and we asked most of these questions during the tour (some places have you sit at the front desk and you have to ask to tour). 

JessDG

@azerimama. THANK YOU!!!!!  This is so helpful.  I will just pull up TB while talking to the babysitter haha

shan24

Location for us wasn't a big deal. I work and live in a small town, so his daycare is in our town. 

Because of the amount of mat leave we get here in Canada, very few centers take children under 18 months. In our town, there are three daycare centers and only one takes infants. We got put on the waitlist and we're still waiting for a call. Our son is 2.5. So, home care it was and, to be honest, I think homecare is great for babies. It was such a smooth transition from being home with me. It was daycare, but he was still in a family setting. 

When he was nearly two, we switched him to a center and I love it there. They follow Reggio curriculum and there's lots of play and outdoor time. He lives being around the other kids and his vocabulary exploded when he started there. We pay by the month, but based on the number of days. Right now, we're paying $32.50/day which is pretty standard around here. 

buttercream_frosting

I definitely agree with getting one closer to home because you may not always be going to work and what if your work changes?

Try to get a daycare that provides food and nappies because you save some money there.

joforyoga

 I have no advice on daycare since I'm a stay at home mom. But the atrocious cost was one of many reasons why my husband and I decided for me to stay home. The day care bill would've been more than half my income  and it just wasn't worth it for me to be seeing my son one hour a day and only coming home with $1500 a month at the end of it. We downsized and cut a ton of costs  though, otherwise we would've needed that 1500. I have heard from a lot of friends of mine though that having an in-house nanny is actually cheaper in many cases the daycare so maybe that something that you might want to look into? 

callababy17

@shan24 just another reason I wish we lived in Canada.

@azerimama this is a great resource! Thanks for sharing your list of questions.

ForwardnBackward

Another vote for childcare near home.  Although I tacking on the commute time to and from work easily can turn an 8ish hour day at daycare into a 10ish hour day at daycare.  Although if I had an onsite option like I did at my prior job, I may have considered it even if the responsibility of pick-up and drop-off and sick calls landed all on me, just to be able to run over and nurse instead of pump.

cram314

@emwj10187 preach. I just checked out Goddard on the UES which looks like an amazing facility but $3k/month - yeah, that's more than some colleges. 

emwj10187

@cram314 #wherethenanniesat

dogperson11

I returned to work when DD was 8 weeks old. We've used a registered in-home daycare her whole life (she's now 2.5) and it's been fantastic. Facilities around here are $900-1200/month for full time infant, plus they have waiting lists. Our in home is $600/month for full time, plus it's way more convenient because they live about 3 streets over from us.

I definitely recommend choosing a place close to your home vs close to your job. It makes drop off / pick up way easier and if you need to take LO on a day you're not working it's still convenient. There have been a few instances for us when I got stuck in traffic (snow storm for 3 hours!) and I was able to call our good friend/neighbor and ask them to walk over and pick up DD. Plus, if your job changes you don't have to struggle with the decision to possibly move LO.

aprilsarahjune

For most of their lives, our kiddos have had a nanny come to our house.  On its face, it is about $1,600 per month for all 3 kids.  That is more than our mortgage, real estate insurance, real estate taxes, and utilities combined.  But it is cheaper than most facilities and frankly, a calmer way to live for us.  I just hate the hiring process and the paperwork.  

dogperson11

aprilsarahjune said:

For most of their lives, our kiddos have had a nanny come to our house.  On its face, it is about $1,600 per month for all 3 kids.  That is more than our mortgage, real estate insurance, real estate taxes, and utilities combined.  But it is cheaper than most facilities and frankly, a calmer way to live for us.  I just hate the hiring process and the paperwork.  

I can't even imagine how much time it would save having someone come to the house. The time spent prepping to go every day is unreal (unpack the bag from the day before, repack for the new day, prep lunches/bottles, make sure there's extra clothes that are weather appropriate, etc).

tsa208

aprilsarahjune said:

For most of their lives, our kiddos have had a nanny come to our house.  On its face, it is about $1,600 per month for all 3 kids.  That is more than our mortgage, real estate insurance, real estate taxes, and utilities combined.  But it is cheaper than most facilities and frankly, a calmer way to live for us.  I just hate the hiring process and the paperwork.  

My manager has a nanny. I thought it seemed a little extravagant at first, but as you said, it's cheaper than daycare for all 3 kids and it's such a help having her around. She makes their lunches and even gets them off to their after school activities (and then my manager picks them up). I'd absolutely look into that, but I can only imagine how tough it is to find someone you trust.

aprilsarahjune

@tsa208  It does strike most people as extravagant.  There are some crowds where I change the word "nanny" to "babysitter" so that I don't come off as a snob, but on the flip side, our nannies prefer the term "nanny" over "babysitter" because babysitter sounds like a side job for a kid, as opposed to a serious profession (which it can be) or resume-builder for those in the childcare/education field (which it is).

@dogperson11 This past year we have been without a nanny due to our kids outgrowing the need for one during the school year.  Holy moly has it been a life change to have to get all of the kids up and ready at a scheduled time and loaded up or sent off for their day.  We are a week out from having our summer nanny start, though, which is such a relief!  Bonus: We have pets and our pets don't have to be couped up all day when the nanny is there.

natleilynn

aprilsarahjune said:

@tsa208  It does strike most people as extravagant.  There are some crowds where I change the word "nanny" to "babysitter" so that I don't come off as a snob, but on the flip side, our nannies prefer the term "nanny" over "babysitter" because babysitter sounds like a side job for a kid, as opposed to a serious profession (which it can be) or resume-builder for those in the childcare/education field (which it is).

@dogperson11 This past year we have been without a nanny due to our kids outgrowing the need for one during the school year.  Holy moly has it been a life change to have to get all of the kids up and ready at a scheduled time and loaded up or sent off for their.  We are a week out from having our summer nanny start, though, which is such a relief!  Bonus: We have pets and our pets don't have to be couped up all day when the nanny is there.

Is it sad/weird this was my #1 reason for wanting a nanny when DD was born?

We didn't end up doing it, but that was my full intention until we found an in-home daycare a few streets over in our neighborhood. I'm excited for maternity leave so I can spend the day with my furbabies too

riverrainez

A nanny is a nice option, especially for the early months. We did a nanny share from when DS was 3 months to a year, partly because we were still on daycare waiting lists with no spots open. The nanny watched him and one other baby who was a month older. It was a little more expensive than daycare, but not too bad since we were sharing the cost with another family. We alternated weeks so they'd come to our house one week, then we'd go to the other family's house the next week. So it was really convenient half the time, lol. 

We switched him to a daycare when he was a year old because it took that long to get off the waiting list, plus we wanted him to have a little more structure and socialization with other kids. Also, DH and I both WFH full time so it was getting really distracting to have them all at our house once they got more mobile. The other nice thing about daycare is they provide lunches and snacks. It seems like a small thing, but I feel like I save so much time and stress not having to think about prepping lunch (like I did with the nanny).

roo_baby

Has anyone done a nanny share? That is what we are planning because it's about $1500/mo vs. $2000-2500/mo for day care vs. $3000/mo for our own nanny. Not sure yet if I want the nanny and kids to be here, at the other family's house, or a combo of the two. I have heard with a full-time nanny they will do the kid's laundry and light housekeeping and cooking while the kid is napping. Not sure how that would work with a nanny share, but it would be a nice perk!

riverrainez

@roo_baby I posted right above you about our nanny share. She did light cleaning (tidied up the kitchen, etc) and laundry on the days she was at our house if the babies' nap schedule allowed.

aprilsarahjune

@roo_baby  Nanny sharing sounds great!  Just make sure that it is not an overwhelming amount of children and that you and the other family have similar values and needs.  If the light housekeeping and laundry duties are important to you, I would have the nanny split time between the two houses, maybe?  Either way, at least one family is going to have to bring portable beds, bedding, food, diapers, etc. to the other house and bring over their kids daily.  Think through a plan for sick kids (okay to drop a sick kid off at the other family's house?), a plan for safety (the host family has guns locked up and baby gates at stairways?), etc.

monstera13

So how does one find a nanny-share? Are there sites you'd recommend for looking into this possibility?

riverrainez

You could check local working moms Facebook groups or blogs, I've seen posts about them there. In our case I met the other mom at a new moms group I went to during maternity leave, and then we found our nanny on care.com. 

callababy17

@jessirh I just heard about the Nextdoor app that apparently is good to find nanny shares. I'm going to venture into that and compare some prices and info...

natleilynn

@callababy17 Next Door is amazing. I haven't used it to find a nanny, but it's been so great for communicating with our neighborhood and surrounding community. 

roo_baby

@riverrainez I must have still been typing when you posted! It helps to understand how your nanny share worked for you.

@jessirh I see them posted all the time on NextDoor as well, and I've also heard joining a local mom's group is a good way to find them. I've also seen a lot of daycare openings posted on NextDoor, but they are usually immediate openings or for kids 1yr+

@aprilsarahjune I hadn't even thought of needing stuff like a place for baby to sleep at the other house... that's a great point. We would do it only with 1 other family with a single baby around the same age. But we will see what's available when it gets closer. My SIL uses a nanny (not shared) and she said that putting together the contract and figuring out all of the details like how much vacation time, sick days, taxes, etc. was a huge ordeal. That's the part I dread.

melarowan

I plan to do an informal nanny share. Friends of mine need a nanny for their 2 boys, one school-aged, one a toddler.  We have a mutual good friend that hates her 9-5 job and wants to be our nanny.  I will provide the house, extra utilities, groceries and the other parents will pay more of the wages.  I imagine it'll take a little while for us to balance it all out, but I think we can do it.

kolache3

We are lucky in that my husband works for himself and I have a relatively flexible job. We considered full time daycare but the one we looked at was about $900 a month for full time and $620 for part time which was too much for us if we didn't NEED it. Found a place we love and are paying $320 a month for two days 9-2. Perfect for us!