I am here for an advise!

Enia11

Hi, I'm new to the board. The story is quick: ttc for 4.5 years. Succided ones, ended w/miscarriage. After no luck later on trying IVF for the fist time right now. When it will come to transfer time how many embryos should I go with? RE recommends just one, but statistics show with 2 your chances are higher. Please let me know of your opinions ladies! I have no one else in this world to ask:( Thank you very much for your participation 

prudence9-2

@Enia11 sorry to hear about your m/c...

Check out on the first page of this board, there is an entire thread about "one or two" embryos.

I think that it all depends on few things, how old you are, is it a day 3 or a day 5 transfer, were the embryos tested... etc...

My initial plan with my RE was to transfer 2 on day 3 or day 5.... but we ended up testing all the embryos that made it to day 5. And once you know you're transferring a normal one, I think most doctors, will go with one.  

2MomsHoping

Hi @Enia11 I'm so sorry about you MC.  There is a lot of debate over 1 vs 2.  True your pregnancy rates are higher with 2 but twins is very risky for the babies health.  If you are older or have egg quality issues the chances of twins when transferring two is not as high.  I have always been a big advocate of only transferring one because I have had more than one friend loose a twin as a stillbirth or die shortly after delivery.  So for me I rather pay for PGS testing and still transfer only one thought I admit PGS testing is no silver bullet for success.  Take some time to do some google research and read what the other ladies have to say on the one or two board.  So you can be prepared with the information you need to make a collaborative decision with your RE once you know what blasts you have to work with.  Remember you can always freeze the extra blasts for another cycle if the first transfer doesn't work.  

Best of luck to you on your first IVF and baby dust for a successful transfer.

Enia11

Thank you so much for your respond!

Enia11

@2MomsHoping Thank you! It's my first IVF, but I'm not sure if I will proceed with second IVF ever, despite the outcome. I know there are those who try many times and do eventually get pregnant.. But maybe I am too weak..just the idea of how those ladies go through despair after despair leaves me depressed

2MomsHoping

@Enia11  I hope you never face an IVF#2 for many women they have success on the first try or have enough blasts to have success on their frozen transfers.  This road can be rocky but it nice to find support in these virtual walls.  Its so rare to have people in real life that understand what we are going through.  I have had plenty of tears through this journey and have had the evenings were I just have sat in bed and cried where it just seems impossible to move on.  But we do.  

We pick ourselves up and we fight and in this journey you grow more than you would ever think possible.  I have found that I am stronger than I thought, that I am resilient and, the partnership with my spouse has grown.  Though motherhood my still only be in the future for me, my heart has opened to more possible paths of getting there than I could have imagined when I started.  Trust yourself and your heart.  Some women continue with multiple IVFs, some foster or adopt, some are able to find fulfillment without having a child.  Your journey is yours and yours alone.

You are a warrior just like the rest of us.  Hugs to you.  

P.S. Another supportive resource I have found is a podcast called "Beat Infertility."  She has topics on just about everything you could want to know about.  I particularly like the ones she has about the emotional support.

cashewchicken

Here's a website that I found to be quite helpful, and also includes the most recent guidelines from ASRM on the number of embryos to transfer:

https://www.advancedfertility.com/blastocystmultiples.htm

Like@2MomsHoping, DH and I had our embryos PGS tested and we are going to transfer just one.  Since I've never been pregnant, I don't know whether I can successfully carry the baby to term and don't want to complicate things by adding more baby into the mix.  My clinic makes it easy to elect single transfer over multiple transfer as transfers are include in the plan, and I can transfer as many times as I have embryos without an additional cost.  

As for how we go through multiple IVF cycles... we just do.  My husband and I are in agreement in terms of how we are going to build our family; we are trying IVF first, but we are open to adoption as well.  So knowing that we will have a child one way or another takes a big chunk of stress off of the whole process.  If one method doesn't work, then I just dust myself off and move onto the next step.

Enia11

@2MomsHoping Thank you for writing this for me! I must admit it was hard to read your txt without tearing up, which is why I don't talk about it with anyone, I start crying, when I'm not cryer normally. Trying for many IVF takes a lot of challenges and sometimes I think, well, maybe it is a great reason for it not to happen.. like there is a great couple I know of who struggled for many many years which ttc and then finally got a beautiful baby, who unfortunately died two years later from leukemia....So sad!!!!! And please forgive me for being a downer, this are just my own thoughts and I'm lost in my own head.
Thank you for the podcast suggestion, I love podcasts and I will make sure to listen this one.

Enia11

@cashewchicken I love your plan guys! Honestly, I would rather adopt, but my DH wants to try to have his own. Don't get me wrong, me too, but with this IVF staff I feel like it is a whole new road. Maybe because it's so new and scary for me, but I can not make my self to believe...

2MomsHoping

@Enia11 the best advice I can give is when you are sad allow yourself to be sad.  You've earned those tears especially after a loss like yours and being thrown straight into the deep end of the IVF world.

Ok one last resource that might help with the hopelessness.  I found daily affirmations very helpful.  The first few times I did them I cried because I didn't believe them and then over time I would say them with conviction and really believe it.  It helped me feel empowered.  You can make your own by taking your own negative thoughts and saying the opposite of that or there are a bunch you can find on pinterest.  Or there is one for fertility that is a podcast episode from My thought coach.  It's not IVF specific but it was mostly applicable and I'm too lazy to DIY positive thoughts. 

nmtay

Personally, I would do 1 on your first try and if you have to try again definitely do 2 then. If you only end up with 2 embryos anyway you might as well do both, but if you get plenty to freeze I'd follow your doctor's advice on the first one. At my clinic, chances only go up by about 5% with a second embryo, so it's definitely worth checking your doctor's success rates. Good luck!