Pregnant after a Loss


I am pregnant again after 4 miscarriages. As I'm sure you all can relate, finding out I'm pregnant isn't exactly fun and exciting anymore. It is terrifying and stressful. I would have liked to keep this pregnancy between my husband and I because I tend to feel overwhelmed with all of the attention these miscarriages have brought to my pregnancies. But the other night, my husband and brother went out for a drink and my husband told him them news. The next day my mom text me that she "had a dream" I was pregnant and asked if it was true. I dodged the question, but tonight at my sisters birthday party, my sister also told me she "had a dream" and asked me point blank if I am pregnant. I had to say yes. I can't seem to shake the mood all of this has put me in though and I'm not sure if I'm just being crazy and hormonal or if my feelings are valid. I'm just so frustrated that I didn't get to tell them in my own time and it almost feels like it was bullied out of me. I'm upset that everyone thinks that it's okay to casually talk about something so sensitive to me. I know everyone has good intentions, but I really wish they would just back off a little bit and stop making MY body THEIR business. I don't want to tell people I'm NOT pregnant, but I'm not ready to say that I am. Anyone else feeling this way? How do you handle the sensitive question "are you pregnant?"...also, thanks for letting me vent

Re: Outed

  • byrnemebyrneme member
    First off, congrats and welcome! Second, your feelings are 100% valid. It's your terms that should be followed when you are ready to tell people. Have you talked to your husband about this? After losses it's so hard to get excited no matter how far along you are. It especially this early.  I'm sorry you were put in this position and that your family doesn't understand the sensitivity around it. 
    *** TW**

    Me: 37, DH:39
    Met: 2002 | Married: 2004 | TTC since January 2014
    July 2015: MMC @ 9 wks | August 2015: Chemical
    March, April, May & June 2016: Medicated IUIs | BFN 
    August 2016: Started Stims 8/22
    September 2016: Egg Retrieval 9/4 | 13 Mature Eggs | 10 Fertilized | 3 Blastocytes | 1 PGS Normal Embaby 
    November 7, 2016: FET - BFP!
    EDD 7/25/17
    Zoey Alexis born 7/25/17 @ 12:39 PM | 7lbs 14oz | 19 inches
  • HGRichHGRich member
    Congrats dear. So sorry for all you've been through. I'm also sorry you've been outed. I'd be pretty upset too. I hope your family can be supportive and keep it quiet. Hang in there. Fx for your rainbow baby. 
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  • I can really understand your being upset. Husbands do need support in this too, but it was not up to anybody else (your brother) to relay that info to other family members, if he did. When I was asked one time on this pregnancy if I was, (and I was talking about names "for future kids"), I lied. But that wasn't to my mom or anything. I think you should answer in whatever way you feel comfortable at this time. Like, "yes, I am pregnant, but I do not feel comfortable talking about it." Or deny, or do what seems authentic to you. Get angry. Just do what's best by you.
    *****Losses Mentioned*****BFP MENTIONED*****ALL WELCOME******ALL ABOARD!!

    Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
    Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
    Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.

    DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!

    Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!

  • Congratulations on your pregnancy. So sorry your news got out there before you were ready. My mom knew of this pregnancy from the beginning, but understood our reluctance to share the news with others. Her knowing was actually extremely 
    helpful in deflecting inquiries from others. A few curious family members went to her with pregnancy suspicions, and she straight lied to them for me with no hesitation. She also was super helpful in covering my lack of alcohol consumption around the holidays. Maybe your immediate family knowing could now be used to your benefit for protection/support, even though it wasn't your initial plan. 
  • haj1213haj1213 member
    Thanks everyone! I've had some time to cool down and I'm feeling much better about things. I guess the thing that upsets me the most is how insensitive people can be. It almost feels like because I've mc in the past, my body is no longer just my business. Family, friends, coworkers all ask me when I'm going to have babies or when they notice I skip on a drink come straight out and ask if I'm pregnant, knowing what we have been through. Do any of you feel like people are quicker to ask you personal questions like these since you've mc? I guess I just haven't figured out the proper way to handle these situations. 
  • HGRichHGRich member
    @hiljordan Your body and babies are your business. You're allowed to straight up lie if you want to. I'm sorry people are being so nosy. In my experience people didn't know what to say to me. But people are just nosy I think. They think they're being nice. And pregnancy in general makes it seem like everyone thinks your body is their business. It won't stop. I encourage you to set boundaries now and decide what you're going to say and if you're willing to change the subject or even lie. Just remember it's your business, not theirs. 
  • dznutsdznuts member
    Congrats and welcome to the page!! Wishing you a sticky, healthy baby this time around <3 When people haven't gone through a loss, let alone multiple... they really don't understand how you are feeling about any of it. They get excited and hopeful for you that this will be your rainbow after the storm. I had many people ask me all the same questions you are getting for the last 3 years... it got to the point where I started being blunt, telling them I hate those questions and that my body isn't working "right" so I can't really give an answer and that if it happens they will know. Stay strong and don't be afraid to set people straight.  
  • TW
    @hiljordan First of all, congrats on the BFP. It's exciting and scary news. I know how you feel. I am feeling the same. Just got my BFP on Saturday and pretty much had it forced out of me by my mom and sister. They kept asking like EVERY DAY. I have no plans on telling anyone else, though, until 12 weeks. We will not be telling DH's family until then, if not later. Last pregnancy, that ended in a MMC, we told his parents after the first ultrasound, but told them we weren't comfortable telling anyone else until we were sure that everything was okay. His dad called us 2 days later, fuming, because we hadn't told DH's grandparent's yet. I'll tell people when I d**n well please. After being forced into telling DH's grandparents, they told EVERYONE. A week later, I found out I had miscarried. So for the next 6 months, at family functions, I was being asked "how the pregnancy was going". I had to explain to a crap-ton of people that I had lost the baby. It felt great. Sometimes people think that this is about them and get so wrapped up in how it affects them, and don't really care about how you would feel. You tell people when you feel ready. If you're not ready until 30 weeks, that's perfectly fine. 
    Me: 28 DH: 29
    Married: 4-25-2014
    TTC: March 2015
    BFP: 2-18-16
    Confirmed MMC: 3-31-16
    D&C: 4-2-16
    TTCAL: May 2016
    IUI: 5/13/17-Femara and Trigger, POAS 5/27/17 BFP 5/27/17

    BabyFruit Ticker
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