Introduction - Infertility, the sequel - **TW - child mentioned and loss mentioned**

jensjourney

Hi everyone,

I am not new to infertility, but I am new to (writing on) message boards. My first trip through the world of IF was a few years ago. DH and I met when he was 41 and I was 35. We married within a year and we started trying immediately using OPKs with no success. We went to an RE after 8 months of trying and with DH's normal SA, my FSH at 6.3 and AMH at 3.1, were given the diagnosis of unexplained IF (though age was probably not helping the situation).

We decided since I was ovulating to do IUI with injectables because that would hopefully give us a better shot at finding a quality egg, since quantity didn't seem to be as much the problem. Our first IUI was a success! I POAS 10dpiui and BFP. My betas rose beautifully and we went in for our 7 week u/s to see a perfect beating heart and good growth. There was also an empty sac. At 8 weeks I had a major bleeding episode which sent us to the ER only to find out that the baby was doing great, but I had an SCH. After that I had normal screening for chromosome abnormalities and great ultrasounds and we found out we were having a boy! We announced our pregnancy through social media at 13w4d. The next day at 13w5d I noticed a watery discharge and low level, but constant cramping. I went in the next morning and we had a nice strong heartbeat, but the SCH was interfering with the placenta. I went on bed rest for 2 days and when we went back at 14w1d, there was no heartbeat. The ashes from our baby boy are buried in our back yard under a magnolia tree that our friends gave us to commemorate his short life.

Our second IUI was very similar. BFP with rising betas, but that pregnancy always felt "off" to me. I never expected it to stick. When we went in for our first ultrasound, the growth was 7 days behind and they couldn't find the heartbeat, so I had to wait a week, come back, and confirm there was no growth and no heartbeat. That week was the worst. We knew logically that the baby had died, but we couldn't completely give up a small shred of hope that we would have a miracle. Ultimately, I declined testing because (silly as this may seem) I didn't want to accidentally find out boy or girl...I felt at the time that it would make it harder, though I'm not so sure I was right about that.

Finally with our third IUI, we hit the jackpot. Normal rising betas, crazy morning sickness, beautiful ultrasounds, and constant movement from 18 weeks on reassuring mommy that all was well on the inside. I delivered my beautiful baby girl in March of 2016 at 41w1d. It was a bumpy ride, but ultimately ended with the birth of our amazing daughter. 

I'm back again, in the hopes of giving her a sibling. We have been trying on our own since September as I was nursing and couldn't be on ovulation inducing medications. We had a spontaneous BFP in December, but my first beta was low and the second confirmed a CP. I wanted to nurse to a year, which came and went in March and since then I have been weaning (and praying for a miracle so that I wouldn't have to wean).

I am struggling a lot more this time. I don't know if it's because last time I didn't know what I didn't know and this time I'm going into it eyes wide open. Oddly, I think I even want a baby more now than I did last time...again, I'm not sure if that's because I know what I would be missing if it didn't happen. Then again, it could also be the damn hormones.

We had success with IUI for my daughter, but because of my age and history of RPL, we are going to head straight to IVF with PGS in the hopes of avoiding another m/c. Because I am 40, my insurance is requiring that I do a clomid challenge. I am on day 4 (CD8) of 100 mg of clomid. We are going to go ahead and try this month, because, well, why not?

Anyway, I normally lurk a lot on the boards, commenting now and again, but never really putting myself out there. This time, I decided to leap in with both feet. I hope to be able to support many of you through this daunting journey we are all on. Good luck to you all!

Cowboycorgi

Welcome! I hope your stay here is short. 

I went through 6 yrs of trying for my 1st (also born March 2016) and I'm currently doing my first cycle of FET to try for a sibling. Let's hope to be on the same BMB for siblings. 

Good luck! 

harleyquinn0621

welcome & GL!