Hitting/grabbing — The Bump
January 2016 Moms

Hitting/grabbing

does anyone have a problem with their child hitting or grabbing? My LO does it a lot. Never in an angry way, she doesnt do it as a tantrum. She does it because she thinks shes playing. She will hit our face or top of the head or grab cheeks/lips/nose. And hard. I firmly (but not painfully) grab her hand and seriously say no.. but she thinks its funny. And she sometimes does it to little kids which is my main concern. Shes a high energy child and a very aggressive hugger..  is this just a common phase? She isnt in daycare so I don't have other kids to compare it to but kids in her gymnastics are just so much more calm then her so I get very embarrassed and feel like I'm failing as a mother.. i don't want to be the one with the kid no one wants playing with their kid because shes so aggressive. 

Re: Hitting/grabbing

  • Yup I also have a hitter and a scratcher. I tried ignoring it as well as firmly tell her no. Neither of them worked. She also thinks it's funny. I'm hoping that it's just a phase and it'll pass, hopefully sooner rather than later. Don't be embarrassed or feel like you're failing. They'll move pass this and embarrass us even more when they could talk  ;)
    cali1710
  • Yup I also have a hitter and a scratcher. I tried ignoring it as well as firmly tell her no. Neither of them worked. She also thinks it's funny. I'm hoping that it's just a phase and it'll pass, hopefully sooner rather than later. Don't be embarrassed or feel like you're failing. They'll move pass this and embarrass us even more when they could talk  ;)
    I'm not sure if they are too young to understand that it hurts or that they are in trouble. I just hate constantly saying "Claire no! I'm so sorry (when she smacks or grabs another kid)". Sigh. Hopefully this is a quick phase! Glad I'm not alone though, thanks. 
    JanuarysBaby1
  • mamadcbmamadcb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Photogenic
    Davey doesn't hit but he does also often think "no" is funny. I try to pair no with a consequence so he understands what I mean (being removed from the area he was playing in, taking the toy away, ending the meal if he's throwing food, whatever) but that hasn't helped. It's just fun to him. In fact I am finding that toning down my negative reaction is more effective because he enjoys the negative one too much, but you can't really do that with hitting other kids. If you figure something out, let me know! 

    Also, let me add: Davey has been the recipient of more shoves and hits from other little kids than I anticipated. I have never judged the parents one bit when they are attentive to what their kid is doing and making a realistic effort to teach him/her (because I'm sure it will be my turn soon enough!). Only on one or two occasions when the parents were either oblivious or simply didn't make any attempt to correct the behavior did it bother me. So don't worry. I'm sure you are much more sensitive about it than most of the other parents are! 
  • nackienackie member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Mine hits me pretty often and thinks its hilarious when I tell him he's hurting Mommy.  So far he hasn't hit anyone other than me or DH though.  I'm hoping this is a phase that passes soon
  • This one is hard for me. Keat likes to hit and my DH and him make it a game out of it that ends with them wrestling so for him it's so much fun and a way to play with dad. It's hard for me to get mad at him for it when my DH instigates it. Keaton is shy though so he hasn't ever tried to hit anyone else which is goood. I'm not much help, but your not alone! 
  • krrpe99krrpe99 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    We have the hitting, but our real problem is biting. Our doctor suggested the book "Teeth are not for biting." It has actual help diffuse Evelyn when she wants to bite. Part of the book suggests getting a hug. We make a big deal with it. When she gets mad and wants to bite, I'll give her a hug. She thinks it's fun and it redirects her. There are a bunch of other similar books. I think there's a "Hands are not for hitting." It might be helpful for y'all 
    amandar2311
  • @kodariah you may want to talk to your DH about the wrestling and making a game of hitting. I had to talk to mine about that kind of thing with our puppy (not the same as a baby, I know, but the same concept applies). Our cute little 10lb puppy turned into a 90 lb beast, so I put it to him as "do you want a 90 lb dog biting and wrestling with any future children?" The answer was a hard no. Maybe ask him what he would think if his 5 year old randomly tackled another kid at the playground because he had been taught that wrestling and rough housing with others was ok. We also had a talk about not reinforcing unwanted behaviors in the kid. So if he's hitting you in the face, you stop whatever you are doing, say "ouch, that hurts, we don't hit!" Then walk away for a few minutes. Repeat as nauseum because I have a rough little boy. Slowly but surely it's getting better!

    @krrpe99 I will definitely be checking out the Hands are not for Hitting book! Thanks!
  • TRA0816TRA0816 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    My son does this too. Also in a playful way, I think he is trying to mimic when we tickle him..he just doesn't know the difference. I have broken him of biting luckily (Also think he is trying to play when he bites..not out of aggression!)
  • krrpe99krrpe99 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    As it turns out "Hands are not for Hitting" isn't quite as good as the biting book. I got it after I recommended it. I still like it, but it doesn't seem as helpful. But it does have some good suggestions and helpful hints to stop the hitting. 
    The biting book is really good and we ha e seen a decrease in the biting :) 
    mamadcb
  • Last night, Birdie hit me several times, and even with correction she didn't stop. I looked at her and said, "Do you want me to hit you?" She started to nod, stopped herself, and then shook her head no. I told her, "Well, Mommy doesn't want you to hit her." I think she understood at that point that she was actually hurting me! I am sure we're not out of the hitting woods yet, but hopefully we're on the path.
    krrpe99Cricket99
  • 23Tez2323Tez23 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Photogenic
    edited May 2017
    Mine hits and bites (or at least tries to), and it's definitely out of anger or frustration. She gets an evil Chucky doll face and totally projects her intentions so I can block her. I try to acknowledge that she's pissed off, and say "I won't let you hit me/ hit him/ bite", etc. Then I find something close by (usually a teething toy) and tell her "you are allowed to bite this if you're still angry".  

    This is the approach we're going with for now. 


  • I try to follow these steps and it works great:
    1. Acknowledge feeling (you seem angry)
    2. Set the limit (momma is not for hitting)
    3. Then redirect or give her another option (you can hit this pillow instead/let's run around and get that energy out). If we just tell them "no", they don't know what else to do with themselves and probably won't be able to calm down. Giving an acceptable choice can help teach coping skills. 


    KFrobSDaniels19
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