Grief during pregnancy-TW

midway_mouse

I am on an emotional rollercoaster today. We had our 2nd ultrasound this morning, which is always a stressor due to a MMC and stillbirth. Thankfully, it went well and we saw arm & leg buds and a HB. 
However, we have a geriatric cat who stopped eating this weekend. We brought him to the vet twice and, because of his complex health issues, there is nothing more that can be done for him. We have an appointment to euthanize him today. I am feeling overwhelmed with emotions and can't even begin to process the joys from the U/S and pain of losing my cat. Plus, pregnancy hormones are only making me feel more crazy.
Has anyone experienced grief during pregnancy? Any coping strategies that have helped you deal with the craziness? 

jackiesmom324

Omg @midway_mouse so sorry to hear about your cat.. I am so proud of you for keeping it together I would lose it.. The only suggestion or tip I would have is maybe if you can help kitty have the best transition possible that will ease your heart.. Do you do scrap books or memorials? Maybe a little photo collage or memory book may give you something to do with your hands and give you an outlet 

txmomma16

@midway_mouse I am so sorry. I have no suggestions, but I just wanted to offer my sympathy. You are in such a whirlwind of emotions, and I cannot imagine. I hope you find something that works for you. 

jlemons-2

I have no help but just wanted to stop by and show my support. My cat was really sick last time I was pregnant and I was a wreck. Hugs and I am so happy to hear about your successful US. 

acgonzalez22

I am so sorry you are going through this. When i was pregnant with DS, DH and I had to put down our 18 year old dog. I had also lost my grandfather and had a very difficult time processing that he would never meet my son. Truth is, nothing really helps but time.The best advice I can give is to allow yourself to grieve and feel every emotion. Just because you feel sad about your cat does not mean you're not excited about how the ultrasound went. Take time to cry, for as your pregnancy progresses, you will then have time for happy tears and pure joy. So what if right now is more focused on the cat? That is a-okay mama! Take each day and every moment as it comes. Deep breaths and tears is what got me through. Sending creepy hugs your way.

maddilatti

My French bulldog was struck by a car and killed yesterday after 7 years together. DH and I got her right after we moved into our first home together. She was my first baby for the five years previous to my daughter being born. To top it off my daughter loves her and treated her like a jungle gym most days. I'm so sorry and truly feel your pain. They are pets, they are family.

midway_mouse

Thanks for the support. @acgonzalez22 It's a good reminder to not feel guilty, that feeling has certainly been bouncing within me all day. @maddilatti I am so sorry to hear of your loss. They are family! @jackiesmom324 Some sort of memorial is a great idea! I like to garden, so I might plant something Andy put his ashes there.

jackiesmom324

@midway_mouse that sounds like an amazing way to honor his memory 

Amber_Waves

During my last pregnancy, my cousin died.  The details are rather dramatic, so I will spoiler them...
[spoiler]
My cousin was riding their* bike in a bike lane, with helmet on and following all laws...a semi-driver drove into the bike lane and over them. They died within minutes. It was horrifying, terrible, and senseless. They were only 20 years old, their parents' only child, and a wonderful person.  Truly one of those people that can light up a room with their smile.

*My cousin's gender was non-binary and they used plural pronouns.
[/spoiler]

I attended the funeral and wake, but it was always in my mind that I needed to stay calm, so my husband and I would be sure to take breaks and I was careful to redirect my thoughts if I was getting too upset.  There's no way to avoid grief when death comes around, but I did find it possible to keep things at a low intensity while still honoring my cousin.    

eazybreezy225

I'm so sorry for your loss!
I am survivor of childhood sexual abuse and I I work with adult survivors of sexual assault. Many of the coping skills, therapies, and self-care techniques we use are very similar to those used to deal with grief and loss... especially since the aftermath of assault is incredibly similar to those dealing with loss. As a survivor of assault you grief the loss of your innocence, the loss of who you are as a person before assualt, you grief the loss of you who could have been if you hadn't been assaulted, and you grief the loss of relationships associated with coming forward.
Some self-care techniques are to practice healthy boundaries, saying "no" to things that you feel pressured to say "yes" to. Art therapy, grounding exercises, physical exercise, aroma therapy, massage therapy, etc.
You can write a letter describing everything you are thinking and feeling, then destroy it. You can make a piece of art to memorialize your cat. You can donate to a local shelter or pet hospital in your cats name...
It's important, regardless of what you do, that you are taking the time to acknowledge your feelings and process them.

bkrahn

I am so sorry for what you are going through!
i know it's not nearly the same situation, but my husband and I were forced to surrender our two dogs to a shelter today after they randomly attacked a few of our neighbour dogs (this has never happened before, they are generally super tame and friendly.) I am just an emotional wreck today and just cannot stop crying. We've had them both for 6 years, and to us, they were like our kids when we were going through infertility battles. I know it's for the best, and our local animal shelter is amazing.. but every part of me feels SO guilty for giving them up. They are so attached to each other and I cannot even begin to think of how they'll feel split up in different homes. 
A few years ago I had to put one of my cats down after he developed an awful urinary tract infection. It was the worst. I like to paint and craft and found it was super healing to use that as an outlet. 
Creepy internet hugs to you!