Baby showers

larsonbussman

 so I found out my mom wants to hold my baby shower for after baby comes. That means I travel 3 hours by myself 1 way. My question is who has had a shower after? Was it good? What did you do about gifts and buying the stuff one needs?  Looking for advise. 

larsonbussman

Oh we already know it's a girl

DeansGirl14

Is there a religious reason she's offered to have it after the baby comes? I know some religions/ cultures do it after. I would just buy the bare essentials for those first few months of life- onesies, sleep sacks, a bassinet, bottles, diapers, car seat/stroller etc. 

To be perfectly honest, I'd decline a shower for post-birth where I'd have to drive three hours to attend it. That sounds like far too much trouble. 

larsonbussman

My SIL said she wants to do it that was so family can meet the baby since she knows they won't come out to see me..... well that's my dad's side which I personal could care less about in that terms. And feel they can meet her when I'm able to make it home (comfort level wise). My SIL said she would just disregard my mom and hold one before if I wanted her too so I'm stuck on what to do. My BF works 6p-6a 7 days on 2 off so I can't just guarantee he'll be off to drive us either. I am also planning to nurse (I know it might not work but feel I need to plan for it to be that way). Just frustrated and don't know what direction to go. 

MetsGirl18

It sounds like more of a meet the baby gathering than a shower.  How many people are they planning on inviting?  How far after your delivery will the party be held?  Between recovering, sleep deprivation, likely having to stop along the way to nurse and the risk of spreading germs/illnesses with a lot of people wanting to hold and/or touch the baby, I would politely decline the offer.  You have no idea how you're going to feel after delivery and how your recovery will be going.  You also may have an easy baby or one who hates the car, is colicky, etc.  Assuming the party isn't too far after delivery, that's a lot to ask of you.

smallbutmighty77

@larsonbussman that sounds like a 'sip and see' not a shower...I would do a shower before with your sister and tell your mom after you have had some recovery time and know how things are going you will talk to her about bringing the baby to meet people. 
People can still get stuff off your registry but hopefully they will realize what you will need right away and not buy that. I am Jewish and that is how my side of the family does things. I am having a small shower, but my side will buy items and deliver them after the baby is here, so they are pretty good about not getting before the baby is here items (carseat, etc.).

bumpybump

My oldest sister wanted her shower after her first daughter was born. **TW** She wanted that due to having a loss with her first. I understood why she wanted to wait but it was so weird to me. 

Based on what you said above, I feel like you're leaning towards one prior. Stick to what you feel is right for you. My ILs wanted us to bring DD back for everyone to ohh and ahhh over a couple months after she was born and I said no. It would have been like 100 people just so that they could gloat as grandparents (because that's how they are). I agree with the points @MetsGirl18 pointed out. 

larsonbussman

@bumpybump I am sure that's why my mom wants to more than using my dads family as her excuse. My mom didn't like the fact I wanted and had a gender reveal party. The whole time she was there all she did was complain and to hurry up so she could get back on the road. I won't even go into what she did when I was planning my wedding with my exhusband. 

shyviolet-2

+1 on what @MetsGirl18 said.  I wouldn't feel comfortable taking an infant to a party where people would expect to hold and touch them.  I am a go with the flow person and it would be a big no from me if I was in your situation.  

knottiee689565f63838b35

@larsonbussman I'm in the same boat as you. My mom wanted to do the "baby shower" over Labor Day weekend. That's only 2 weeks after the baby is due. I told her that I'd definitely prefer a shower before the baby comes especially since I wouldn't want that many people around my baby until they can get vaccines at 6 weeks. She then followed up with "well you don't like opening gifts, that's what DH likes to do and I won't throw a co-ed baby shower". I told her I don't have to open gifts in front of people if I don't want to and I don't mind that she doesn't want a co-ed baby shower. So I think I'll talk to my grandma next weekend when I see her about talking my mom into doing one before (they live together). 

KyCade3013

If you can do it before, do it before. You'll be less sleep deprived, baby will be safe, you'll have time to get clothes ready, stuff opened, returned, etc. you need stuff prior, swaddles, bassinet, receiving blankets, diapers, other wise you buy it all yourself anyway. Also- My best friend let my other best friend come over with her two kids (2&4 at the time) when the baby was 1 month old.. well the baby got cosackie virus and ended up needing a spinal tap and was in the hospital for 2 weeks- it was horrible. I don't think anyone needs that stress for them or their baby, these things actually do happen. Babies that young are susceptible and do get sick, this was actually an August baby as well, so it was summer. 

larsonbussman

Thanks everyone for the support. My mom likes to make things be about her and wanted advice. I'm telling my sister in law to go ahead and plan it before  I'm not overly excited it's 3 weeks before due date but I'll drive down for the day and come back this way I'm close to home just in case

knottiee689565f63838b35

As I mentioned previously, my mom wants to throw the baby shower, which is fine but likely it will be my grandma planning it. What are everyone's thoughts on DH coming just to open presents? If he's even in town that weekend? I was told that absolutely not will it be co-ed and that gifts have to be opened before people leave. I have been to a co-ed shower before and not sure if it was because it was co-Ed or just because of who the couple was that it was a little weird but if it's just gifts then it's not like he's participating in anything other than what is directly related to baby

brookeelyse527

@mrsashworth522 my ex was at mine. As was my ex father in law (he did the grilling plus it was at his house). Ex helped with some gifts but mostly was just floating around the whole time. I felt more comfortable with him there. I hate attention on me. The shower was a dreaded experience because of that and him being there helped.

I remember reading you didn't want to open gifts but that's basically the whole point of a baby shower. I would find it odd to attend a shower that didn't open them. It's usually food, games (optional), gifts then it's over. You just have to bite the bullet and get over your phobia as I did. It's really not that bad. But I did sweat my butt off from all the anxiety lol 

smallbutmighty77

@mrsashworth522 my DH is coming just at the end for the gifts and to see everyone/ say thanks etc. The event will be all girls outside of that. It is his kid too after all, so the gifts are for us as a family. That is how the bridal shower was as well. 

lwhrmomma

@mrsashworth522
I had DH help me open gifts at both my bridal and baby showers.  I hate being the center of attention, so it made me feel better having him by my side.  Plus, the gifts were as much for him as they were for me, so I liked including him.  He wasn't at the rest of the shower, just the gifts part,  and came back at the very end to help say goodbye to everyone.

mokay19

@mrsashworth522 my DH I also showing up after food and games to help open gifts. Mostly because he wants to be a part of everything that he can be and he loves opening the presents to be able to experience the joy for this baby!

LeA2017!

My DH will come in at the beginning to drop me off and will say hi to family for a bit. Then he will be leaving and will come back at the end to help load up the car.

jadkins2

Advice please. Sorry to hijack this thread, but I felt like this was the best place to ask. Ok so My grandmother and husbands sister have both decided to throw us a shower . Since this baby is our first boy, even though it will be our third. My dilemma is they plan on inviting my mom's side of the family, my dad's side of the family and my husbands family as well. So one big happy all family involved gathering.  Sounds great right. Only problem is, my mom and dad just recently got divorced and my grandmother who sure doesn't have too wants to still include my dad's side of the family. everyone gets along with everyone expect my dad has a new girlfriend to whom I am not very close too and have and some trouble with her in the past on major things that happened and led to my parents divorce.  I don't want any of my guests to feel uncomfortable at all and I think if she were to be invited that would make a bunch of people uncomfortable. Am I obligated to invite her? Would that be rude to not invite her? I don't necessarily think she would want to come, but I know my dad is going to get his feeling hurt if she is not invited.

kvh22

@jadkins2 - every divorced parent situation is different. My mom is throwing my baby shower so I'm assuming my dad's girlfriend is not invited, as was the case with my bridal shower. No hurt feelings as far as I know but my dad and I do have a somewhat tenuous relationship and I'd only met her a few times leading up to that. Dad's gf was invited to the wedding, rehearsal dinner, etc., but I don't think something thrown by your mom's mom would require an invite to her since she's not your dad's +1. Just my 2 cents: until they're engaged or married, she is an extension of your dad only (unless you feel closely otherwise). He's not invited, so she doesn't have to be.

smallbutmighty77

@jadkins2 Your dad has to know that there is still some tension with his GF and you want this event to focus on you and the family, without any of that. It is generous of your grandmother to invite all sides, and if he has an issue with it just remind him that it might make some people uncomfortable and that isn't fair to you or those hosting. 
He is a grown adult, he has to know that not everything is always how he wants it. Especially since you aren't exactly besties with his GF.

jadkins2

that is exactly what I though too! I thought if they were married it would be completely different and she does get invited to things that include him as well. just confused since my entire dad's side is coming! Y'all are awesome, I didn't want to offend her and make things worse but I also very much so do not want her there. Especially will hurt my mom. Thank you!

knottiee689565f63838b35

Thanks for all the advice ladies! I definitely was thinking a couple days after my post that what else do you do at a shower if you don't open gifts. Definitely will have to bite the bullet if my mom or grandma won't budge on DH helping to open gifts. 

knottiee689565f63838b35

@oriole2017 you won't get much response on your thread. One was already started a while ago...

oriole2017

@mrsashworth522 thanks! I don't know if I can remove this or not now. My apologies. I didn't see it in the first few recent pages at the time I created it, and I did a quick search using their search tool but I don't usually have a lot of luck using their search   Oh well

oriole2017

@mrsashworth522 @brookedeyo It's becoming quite a trend to not open gifts at showers. Whether you buy into it or not, just do what you feel comfortable. Others apparently feel the same way and now it's a thing. I've been to 2 that didn't open their gifts, and I'm not going to "open" mine at my shower. Instead, my host indicated on the invitation to bring gifts unwrapped. We'll still do some sort of receiving line that when they come they hand it to me or put it on a display table, not sure how it'll work out, but the intention is that gifts are brought unwrapped so you can spend more time mingling and with people that came. You still get all the gifts you need, but then your guests are not forced to sit there for hours on end watching you open up gifts. It seems a bit indulgent to me, and makes me feel awkward. I get it's the point to get showered with gifts, but it doesn't mean I need to spend 3 hours like my one friend did (she had a big shower) opening gifts in front of everyone. To each their own, some love it. I don't like the attention. There are cute ways to word it on the invitations if you do a search for it. With regards to DH attending... IMO a shower is not for the mom-to-be, it's for the parent(s)-to-be. DH will be using majority of the stuff (with exception to something like nipple creams), and it's his baby too. If he loves doing it, I think he should be part of the shower, if he wants to be. He can open the gifts since he likes doing it, or you can both together and maybe it'll feel less awkward opening it with someone since the attention isn't all on you.

oriole2017

@mrsashworth522 Re: What else to do at a shower if you don't open gifts... we're having a coed shower, so it's going to feel as a party/get together among family and friends. Sort of the same as if you held a BBQ or cookout with famliy/friends, except you're the honoree. You don't need to provide entertainment, it just happens. But if you're having it outdoors, you can have backyard games. If you're into it, you can still do baby shower games. Coed or not, there are games for all types of baby showers. Are you having food? I think it's quite easy to spend 1-2 hours just serving/eating food and mingling (I think most people with a large group spend that amount of time out at dinner on a weekend night) that another hour of interlaced baby shower games, or personal attention with the parents-to-be would be very nice. The guests that come are probably all interested in you two- how baby is coming along, seeing pictures, hearing about the names you selected, maybe nursery pictures, etc. Close friends you see all the time may know these things, but sometime at a shower the people you invite may not already know this information or see you as often as they'd like, so a little one-on-one time with them at their table or walking around is a perfect way to fill the gap in time. And if you have out of town guests, you can catch up with them and their lives.

Nxy

@LeA2017!

LeA2017!

I had a shower thrown for me a few weeks ago. I am so glad that I had it on the early side. Great friends and family, great food and I received a lot of great gifts!

erindippity

LeA2017! said:

I had a shower thrown for me a few weeks ago. I am so glad that I had it on the early side. Great friends and family, great food and I received a lot of great gifts!

Super cute!!! Glad you shared your pictures. My shower is next weekend and I'm also glad it'll be early!

smallbutmighty77

I'm a little jealous, my shower isn't for another month but I just got the 'invite and it is super cute! 

DeansGirl14

We had our shower this weekend. It was great! The restaurant it was held at had excellent food and excellent service. Our family and friends were very generous. 

My mom did the invites and for some reason (forgetfulness or she thought it was against etiquette, I don't know) left off our registry information. I want to say we got more non-registry stuff, like clothes, than stuff we actually needed. I'm not sure if other people experienced this or will experience it? Yes, we need tons of clothes (I hear newborns can go through three outfits a day!) but that "boring" stuff is needed too. Shout-out to my best girlfriends who bought breast-feeding related stuff because I know that can be awkward, lol. 

One of these weekends we'll evaluate what needed stuff we didn't get and put gift card money towards those items. I definitely got all warm and fuzzy over the stuffed animals and dolls- I loved that stuff as a child and that hasn't gone away, haha. 

bestnameever

My sister and I had a joint shower so it was complete gift overload. it was also flat out exhausting! i had to take multiple breaks and was definitely feeling swampy sitting in the chair for so long. lol.
Writing all the thank yous was also exhausting- so if you can prep any of that ahead of time I suggest you do that! 

A friend of mine had their bridal shower set up with two gift tables- one for "please open today" and one for "open at home" i thought this was a brilliant idea- especially for registry gifts that aren't all that exciting. Just another thought to cutting down on the gift opening.

mia080

so fun to start to hear about everyone's baby showers! can't believe how quickly time is flying by

@DeansGirl14 -- my mom did the shower invites too, and included our registry card -- but the shower is a couple weeks away and literally the only person who has bought something off the registry is my mom.... haha. so i'm kind of expecting the same thing you got -- mostly non-registry type items, general diapers, clothes, etc. not sure if people just aren't as keen on using an online registry like Babylist? oh well! i'm excited regardless and can't wait for all the cuteness

imwithbaby

@em1017 my shower is in a week and people just started buying stuff this weekend. I think people just procrastinate.

mia080

@mrsmatt1212 i figured procrastination might be the norm haha. i guess i tend to do the same thing! last minute buying FTW.  
my mom & MIL just make comments that they don't think people like buying online so people probably won't use the registry... but i totally disagree! 50% of what i registered for is at Target anyway so i think that makes it pretty easy

DeansGirl14

Oh yeah people procrastinate. I pretty much always end up buying a gift the day before a shower or birthday. 
My MIL bought soooo much stuff off the registry and then some and specifically said she couldn't stop herself from buying off the registry because she was watching it and was scared people weren't buying stuff. I had to tell her people DO procrastinate- save your additional shopping for after the shower! (She's one of those types... incredibly generous.)
But even with all the buying she did our registries are maybe half complete. 

littlebug2010

For those of you worried about your registries.  When I went to the BRU registry event, our leader told us that most of the time, he sees people come in within 36 hours of the shower to buy stuff.  He said the only exception is online ordering, but even if you order on amazon, Prime will only give you about 48.  For my wedding we had people buying stuff after the wedding and sending it directly to us too!

Mango517

Any thoughts on what store people preferred to buy from? I thought Amazon would be the best bet, because almost everyone I know has bought something from Amazon and hello better prices with free shipping! But my both my In-laws seemed weirdly hesitant about our choice to register at Buybuybaby and Amazon, so now I'm wondering if I should also add a registry at Target?

dma0389

@Mango517 have you heard of Babylist? (babylist.com - it gives details on how to add the Babylist button to your internet explorer and how to add). You basically can combine your registry from multiple places and track it from there. Bec I love Amazon, but then I wanted some Buybuybaby too. Heck, if you find something from even target website, you click the "add to babylist" button on your bookmark up on top of your internet explorer and it will add that target item! 

My shower is not until July 1st but my mom picked the theme of "ALoha, Baby!" aka Hawaiian/Luau theme. This time around she said she's catering and not cooking, last time with DS she said she was stressed. LOL! She ordered Hawaiian/Polynesian dishes for the party and cannot wait for the food, it's soooo good. 

P.S. I'm Filipina-American and filipino families feed a nation, you can't have a filipino party and offer only finger snacks....that would be horrendous (per my Dad LOL), that's like just feeding lumpia and calling it a day! so I'm like ok, whatever you guys want, you want your food go ahead!

bumpybump

@Mango517 I've also found that some of the "older" generations are afraid to order from Amazon. My ILs will NOT do it. If they ask what we need and it's on Amazon, they'll give us the money and we order it. I don't understand why some are like that. 
We did Amazon, Buy Buy Baby, and Babies R Us when we had registered.
In my experience, Target doesn't have the best return policy. 
Keep in mind that you also have the right to be "selfish." Which stores make it easy for you to complete getting your items and which have the best perks?