May 2017 - I am adopting/fostering or I want to adopt/foster

britters314

Are you thinking about adopting / fostering? Are you in the process of adopting/fostering? If so, please tell us more about yourself and your experiences so far.
 
-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.)

-How are you feeling about the process right now?

-Any questions?

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?

-Anything else to add?

britters314

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)? Foster care

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.) Everything gets going this month! We start classes on the 20th and we'll start the home study process after we move next week. I'll be contacting someone today to get that set up.

-How are you feeling about the process right now? Sooooo excited to actually be doing something this month. I have my sister's baby shower to go to this weekend and knowing that I could soon be getting a placement makes it a lot easier to handle.

-Any questions? Has anyone gone through the home study process for foster care yet? I've heard with an adoption agency it's really in depth into your personal life, but it seems like for foster care it's mainly just to make sure the child has a room and the house in general is safe.

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed? Nothing I haven't already said.

-Anything else to add? Not right now. I'll probably give an update later in the month once we've started classes.

mill1020

Are you thinking about adopting / fostering? Are you in the process of adopting/fostering? If so, please tell us more about yourself and your experiences so far.  Thinking about fostering to adopt.
 
-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?  Foster Care.

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.)  Just thinking--went to informational meeting w/ Children's bureau; we're looking to move to a bigger house this summer before starting the process.

-How are you feeling about the process right now?   A little bit intimidated by the possible negatives AND humbled by the positive stories of those who have helped kids find a temporary or permanent, loving home.

-Any questions?  I remember reading somewhere that your bio kids must be in the "correct" grade for you to be considered for fost-->adopt.  I held back our oldest from starting kindergarten (August birthday), wanting him to be the oldest in the grade rather than the youngest.  He's doing well in school.  Will this be looked upon as a negative in a home study? 

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?

-Anything else to add?

ali_gator11

@britters314 The fostercare homestudy is actually very invasive.  With us, we had to do "family profiles" in our MAPP class that basically outlined the majority of questions that the SW would ask during out homestudy.  Ours was done in two, 3 hours segments, two days in a row.  They ask about your childhood and if you've been parentified.  They ask about your relationship/marriage and your sex life.  They ask about your financials and family support system.  They ask about any past history of abuse, neglect, or sexual abuse with you.  They also have you get a form filled out from your primary care doctor stating you are physically and mentally well enough to foster.  And if you see a therapist, they have to have your therapist sign off on you fostering as well.

Mind you, I'm in Massachusetts.  And I'm not saying all this to scare you off by any means!  I have depression, anxiety, and OCD - have been on meds long term, was parentified to a point, and have witnessed substantial domestic violence in my childhood.  But, I showed them that I am making efforts to better my life and am stable.  I had no problems getting licensed.

britters314

@mill1020  I've never heard that about bio kids needing to be in the correct grade. What you did is pretty normal, though, so I'm sure it won't be an issue. They might not even notice, since he isn't a full year off from the other students in his grade.

@ali_gator11 Thanks for the response. We had to do the medical forms during our application process, so that's done already. The social worker we met with basically said she just needs to come out a few times to make sure the home is safe and appropriate for a child, so maybe in my state they do the more in-depth part during the training classes. Either way, I'll make sure to mentally prepare myself (and my husband) for the more invasive questions should they come up during the home study.

Axl2

I know in Canada the homestudy for private and foster the question are the same. They ask about your past relationships, your relationship with your spouse, sex life, finances, the roles each of you play in the home, drugs, smoking, how much you drink etc. They want you to tell them everything. I kind of wished I wasn't so honest in our homestudy. I felt very judged when we got our homestudy report. Our homestudy was over 2 days 8 hours in total.

britters314

Update: So our first homestudy meeting at our new apartment was just re-filling out paperwork so it had our new address and any other updated information. She said she'll have to come by two more times before we can get licensed. The first is when we get asked all the personal questions - she said it will be an hour or two (if I remember correctly), so luckily not as long as you had to do @Axl2 . The last visit is to do measurements to make sure the room is big enough for two children, test that the hot water doesn't get too hot, make sure we have a bed and closet in the room, etc.

Our first class meeting was pretty overwhelming. We're doing an accelerated class where each week we have two sessions, so it only takes 5 weeks instead of 9. It was a lot of information, but we got a lot of our questions answered, which is nice. We were also given homework to do, so if you haven't started your classes, that's probably something to expect. The homework is collected at the end and it goes in our file, so it's a bit intimidating. The class facilitators also said they'll be writing down observations about all of us during class and passing those on to our agencies, so now I feel like I have to be very careful about what I ask (or at least how I word things), which is kind of annoying. Well, we'll see how things go the next few weeks.

Anyone have similar (or very different) experiences?

Axl2

So exciting things are moving along for you!! It is very overwhelming the amount of info that they throw at you. We had our seminar which was 16 hours long.

When we had our homestudy I said I don't want to deal with the crazies, but I meant birthparents with a criminal record. Our social worker told us we need to watch how we word things. In our report she put that we don't have any interpersonal skills. I like how they get to judge you but have not spent any time with you. I'm starting to hate the adoption road.

britters314

Our training is 27 hours (9 sessions of 3 hours each), but they upped the number of hours starting next month, so I'm glad we started when we did.

In our class we were told that we don't have to deal with it if the birth parents get angry and start yelling at us or something. We can leave and let the social worker deal with it. That might be different in other states, though, because here most contact has to go through the agency. You might want to contact your rep and talk about how that contact would work in your state (if you don't already know). That might make you seem more reasonable and they might like you better. It's worth a shot.

emilyanne829

Whoa! I live in KY, our classes are only 15 hours, plus online trainings. 27 hours seems like a lot of training!