May Bitchfest — The Bump
March 2017 Moms

Re: May Bitchfest

  • Things not to say to someone who gave birth less than 6 weeks ago "wow, your ass looks bigger!"

    thanks SIL!
  • @Ivorytower2 you have to kinda wonder where the hell is people's common sense and why they think it's okay to say stuff like that.  It's like grow a filter or like I tell my 10 year old imagine you have a bubble on top of your head and if there is something you want to say that you really shouldn't say then put it in your bubble and keep it moving. 

    I get people that will see me out an about with the baby ask how old he is (I heard this from 4-7 weeks ) oh my god your out and about and you look good. So what am I supposed to say thanks I guess and am I supposed to look like crap  (which some days I do ) and hibernate in my house until he's 12 weeks old plus I do have 3 other kids to tend to.

    my other bitchfest is my mother who lives with me for 9-10 months out of the year. I am grateful to her because she really helps DH and I a lot with the kids. She lives with us during the school year helping with getting kids dressed and off to school etc... but she lies to give a lot of unsolicited advice about how I'm raising my boys and how I should take away certain privileges or why do I allow my 13 year old to use his phone so much when he should be doing his homework, when this 13 year old has straight A's is on the high honor roll and got into a great school for high school obviously he's doing what he needs to do. Or will complain how spoiled my 3.6 year old is but she's the one doing all the spoiling. Or she'll chastise my boys for nothing or something stupid. I think it's because of all the time we are spending together since I'm on leave is getting to me. So I have to try and ignore her and bite my tongue but it's really getting difficult.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Ugh I know what is it with everyone having to give their opinion of my body after birth! You don't have to tell me how my body recovered from me just having given Birth 5 weeks ago I have eyes, a mirror, a scale, and prepregnancy jeans I know what it looks like. 

    my bfest kinda goes along with this idea that some people need to keep their comments to themselves. DH and I went to the outlet mall for me to find some gym shoes and shoes for the wedding he is in coming up. As I'm looking around the shoe store DH is on a bench holding Lucas because I had just fed him and he was still a little fussy wanting to be held. He was using his paci and DH was consoling him. A woman walks up and says oh he's so cute how old? DH says thank you and he's a month old. The woman then says "well he looks so hungry" and DH assures her he just ate (as if it is her business) and then she walks away and says "he's starving!! That's quite clear!" Ugh she's so lucky she was talking to my husband and not me! I would have given her an earful of how inappropriate that is and how my pediatrician says differently! The nerve of some people! 
  • @lilies5/28/06 that would drive me bonkers too. I really appreciate help from my mom and MIL, but I try to make it super clear that while I need help with childcare and want them to have their own relationships with my kids, I don't need asssitance with fundamentally raising them and I appreciate that they follow me and DHs lead on the big things. It's totally a fine line and I'm sure with your mom living there it's much harder to draw a line. 
  • My bitchfest is how things have just completely gone to hell. My fiance took a job shortly after I got pregnant with the promise of being moved into management after his 60 day review. That never happened, and so now he's working a job that doesn't pay enough for us to afford a place to live. I can't work because I won't make enough money to cover child care (I live in the twin cities in Minnesota and day care is ridiculously expensive here), and we both want me to stay home anyway. So, my fiance is now looking for a different, higher paying job.

    Because we can't afford housing, we've been living with my family. My aunt is about two years away from retirement, and originally she was going to keep her house until she retired. Well, I just got the unpleasant surprise of learning that my fiance and I have about 6 weeks to move out of here because she and my dad just bought a house. I'm happy for her and glad she found a place she really likes, but god damn. We were supposed to have more time to get some things straightened out.

    Now we're probably going to get stuck living with my fiance's family, and I can't stand being around them. They're annoying as all hell, always home, and always want me to keep them company. I can't do anything without getting 20 offers for help, and for some reason they don't understand that the best way to help me is to get out of my way. I also can't trust them with my baby. They're not good with him at all. In fact, my fiance and I have been wanting to stop taking him over to their place because of their behavior and attitudes towards the baby and me.

    So, I'm about to basically be homeless. I have 6 weeks to sell the giant paperweight that is my car, and my desk, and get rid of my bed. I told my dad that they have to take my dresser and some boxes of stuff with them because I'm not willing to part with that stuff. 

    This is one of those days where, despite the fact that I love him more than anything in the world, I wonder if I made the right decision when I chose to have my son. I knew things would be hard, but I never expected to get into this kind of mess.
  • @ShannonJ96 I'm so sorry, lady. :(
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @ShannonJ96 that really sucks. Hopefully this is all just short term and in the long term you have your baby and a husband you love. I know a lot of people who have all the money in the world who would trade it all for a baby or a husband they actually love.
  • @ShannonJ96 that sucks hoping things will turn around for you soon 

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • As my child refuses to go back to sleep.. my husband is snoring beside me ., ugh - will I ever sleep again lol
  • MsTurney said:
    As my child refuses to go back to sleep.. my husband is snoring beside me ., ugh - will I ever sleep again lol
    This is me every night, I don't even think my husband even notices or hears when DS wakes up at night. 

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Went to dinner tonight for SIL and DH birthday with the in laws. We get there and as soon as we walk in my FIL came and took LO from me before we even said hello. So frustrating then My husband asked my SIL who wasn't eating because she was feeling sick if she wanted to hold our LO. She said do you really want me to lol DH didn't understand what she meant so I said because she is sick. Then DH was like oh haha yeah good point! Then MIL had to make some kind of rude remark about how LO is fine and won't get sick because he gets all of my antibodies through bf. Ugh! 

    Im sure most of this bothered me because I'm tired and because I'm dreading this weekend. This is the weekend where DH is bestman and they are all coming. They only got a hotel room because they "want to help with LO". Ugh I'm not looking forward to this. Im with him all day by myself. Im good, I appreciate the help but it's fine really. 
  • I really need to learn to stop saying that things couldn't possibly get any worse. Things always do when you say that.

    My fiance has a daughter with another woman. She petitioned to have their child support agreement changed, so Rick sent in all his financial information. We got the papers telling us what the new agreement will be yesterday, and they're going to be taking his whole check and then some. What's interesting is that they don't have any of her information about her finances, insurance, employment, etc. They're going to try to make Rick pay a bunch of money for daycare when the state completely covers hers. They're trying to make him get health and dental insurance for his daughter, and he doesn't have any custody or visitation rights so he can't get insurance for her. They're also saying that he's financially responsible for 47% of any medical bills for her since her date of birth. We know for a fact that his baby mama is on medicaid, which means her daughter has been covered under it since the day she was born. We also know she is offered insurance through her work, so she's defrauding the state by being on medicaid. Yet the state doesn't have any insurance information listed for his baby mama in the child support papers. Not to mention the fact that its illegal to not have health insurance for your child, and if they think she hasn't had it for her daughter, they should be looking into having her arrested.

    And the income she reported having is waaaaay less that what she actually earns, so I suspect she's guilty of tax evasion. I'm filling out the form to send to the IRS to try to have her audited. 

    Plus the woman drinks and parties constantly, brings strange men home around her kid all the time (one man she brought home told my fiance and me that he microwaved his cat), pawns her daughter off on other people, and just doesn't take care of her daughter. We did the math. She spends roughly 5 hours a week with her daughter. She also constantly complains about how she's so stressed out by being a mother and how she can't handle taking care of her daughter.

    So basically, because of the evil bitch I'm looking at the possibility of seeing my family torn apart. If we are unsuccessful when we contest the new agreement, my fiance is going to wind up in jail because he can't pay all of what they're demanding. We're going to be suing for full custody and we may well wind up suing the state because they're trying to take way more than the 33% of his income that they're allowed to take, and because they're not doing their due diligence and looking at his baby mama's financial records. She makes a lot more money than my fiance, so he should not be responsible for paying for everything.

    Just shoot me know.
  • AandDM2014AandDM2014 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited May 2017
    @ShannonJ96 oh my gosh I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of that on top of having a newborn! I hope she gets what she deserves (aka nothing!). 

    I need to bitch a minute about my DH, whom I love dearly. For some unknown reason he refuses to feed the babies overnight and in the early morning. But he will lay in bed with them trying to get them to take a pacifier and shushing them. Like dude, you're already awake, you might as well just feed them. 
    About us:
    Me - 28, Lean PCOS
    DH - 31
    Married June 2010, TTC since March 2014

    FET cycle #3 Transfer July 28th 2016, Triplets born healthy on February 26th 2017 at 33w1d!

  • Ok, just need to bitch to about my SIL. My MIL is terminally ill, and is only expected to have weeks to months left. Sunday was Mother's Day and Monday was her birthday. My SIL didn't come home this weekend, but is coming Memorial Day weekend. This is odd to me, because she can work remotely, and has a ton of vacation time, so she probably could have done a long weekend, but even if she just came for Saturday and Sunday she would have at least had Mother's Day. She lives a reasonable distance away for this. I lost my mom a few years back, and if I had known her last Mother's Day would be her last, and the same for her birthday, I would not have missed it for anything. Now she is going to come Memorial Day and SIL and MIL are going to be pissed that we have plans, so will likely be gone most of the weekend so she won't get to see DD much that weekend. (Mind you, SIL barely acknowledges DS, and hasn't bought him a single thing, but comes with bags of stuff for DD, and has since before she was even born.)

    Now, MIL is pissed because she apparently just noticed that almost 3 years ago we didn't ask SIL to be Godmother to DD, and wants to know who we will ask for the baby. (He's being baptized June 4th, so it's on her radar now) Not gonna be SIL, on top of not seeming that interested in us having him, she didn't even come to DD's baptism. I'm trying to be patient because she is sick, and doesn't have much time left, but seriously, she's always been rotten and impossible to please. I'm trying REALLY hard to hold my tongue. 
  • @catybug820 can be so frustrating!!!  Can't believe your SIL wouldn't come for what will be MIL last Mother's Day/birthday.  She will regret that someday I'm sure!  On a side note...our babes are getting baptized the same day!
  • MsTurney said:
    As my child refuses to go back to sleep.. my husband is snoring beside me ., ugh - will I ever sleep again lol
    Short answer? Nope.  :s :D :#
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @IloveAlbert thanks! I have struggled with both MIL & SIL for a while now, but I am trying to just let a lot go now. ..they just make it so damn hard! Lol. 

    I have a new added biggest now. My local hospital is closing their OBGYN department. There are no private practices in the area, so that means traveling an hour (about 50 miles for me, even further for many that will be inpacted) on a terrible road, that is frankly impassable during the winter, or a little under 2 hours (almost 100 miles) on a road that is better, but often gets closed during winter weather, for any prenatal care, labor and delivery, or any other GYN services. This is frustrating because we really wanted 1 or 2 more children, but I have a very real fear of delivering a baby on the side of the road. 
  • Ivorytower2Ivorytower2 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Photogenic
    edited May 2017
    @catybug820 that's super frustrating!! Can you relocate? I guess that or make sure all your future babies are summer babies :)
  • For the millionth time, I got out of the shower this morning and the baby was screaming. He was obviously hungry. I walked into the bedroom to get dressed, and my fiance was laying in bed wide awake on his phone. He seriously didn't understand why I was upset.  Is it so much to ask that he get off his ass every now and then to help with the baby?
  • My DH helps a lot with toddler but he's like this with the baby too. He sees me trying to eat dinner with one hand and then I put her down to quickly clean up and he just lets her sit there and scream. Like hellloooo you're also the parent. Lol! Speaking of, when does evening fussy time usually end. I'm over it!
  • @Ivorytower2 relocating really isn't in the cards for us, so we are hoping for good weather babies. The community is fighting it, and the city council voted no confidence in the board of directors and asked them all to step down, so it will be interesting to see what happens next. 

    DH is great with our toddler, but even with this being his second time around he doesn't seem to know what to do with the baby without a ton of direction. It's exhausting. I usually just get frustrated and end up doing it myself.
  • Oh my god. I am just sick to death of my family. So, the aunt that I live with  (Joni) told me a few weeks ago that her sister (Shirlee) was giving her one of their old car seats for her to use with my son. I am pretty sure that the seat is over 5 years old and it may have been in the car during an accident or two (so not even legal to use, which I did explain to Joni). We already have a nice one, she doesn't drive him without me going with, and there's no reason to be storing 2 car seats. I specifically told Joni that I don't want them putting my son in that seat. But guess what. I just got an email from Shirlee saying that she's bringing the damn thing over here tomorrow, so apparently Joni decided that I'm just a nutty overprotective new mother and chose to ignore me. 

    And you know what really grinds my gears about this? Shirlee never talked to me about this. She only asked Joni about giving us the seat. He's my child. I get to make these choices, not my aunts!
  • @ShannonJ96 personally I would properly destroy that car seat. It's flat out not safe to use. 
    About us:
    Me - 28, Lean PCOS
    DH - 31
    Married June 2010, TTC since March 2014

    FET cycle #3 Transfer July 28th 2016, Triplets born healthy on February 26th 2017 at 33w1d!

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