Pregnant after a Loss


Hi Everyone-

Has anyone in this group decided to seek help from a licensed therapist to handle the miscarriage and infertility struggle? I decided to make an appointment this to week to talk to someone about my past miscarriages to help cope through this pregnancy. I have been so scared and anxious since I found out I was pregnant again, that I decided I needed to get some help. I figure a stronger mind definitely can only help me navigate through this pregnancy, regardless of the outcome. I just wondered if anyone else has decided to go down this route and if it helped? I have never been to therapy before and I'm feeling a little embarrassed about it???

Thank you all!!!

Re: Therapist

  • HGRichHGRich member
    I did. It was helpful. I didn't think she ended up saying anything I didn't already know, but she reminded me of things I had forgotten or wouldn't let myself remember. Things like how it's okay to grieve, that there's no timeline for grief and it's different for everyone, how to process things in a healthy way, etc. Don't feel even sort of embarrassed. It's something way more people do than you'd think, and seeking help is way better and wiser than thinking you can handle it all on your own. Good luck!
  • I have not looked for a therapist after my MMCs but I strongly considered that path. I felt I could not fully express my sorrow and sadness to my DH even though he's understanding and loving. I kept a lot of anxiety in and suffered alone. I wish I had talked to someone though. It would have helped to vent it all to a neutral person who can just listen. I'd recommend it for your sanity and agree with @HGRich that it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a brave move and do what will help you get thru it. I had to suck it up because I have a toddler but I still wish I didn't have to deal w it alone, crying by myself and pretending everything is ok. Take care 
    Me: 30 DH: 32
    BFP#1: 9/9/2014 DS born 4/7/15
    BFP#2: 6/16/2016 MC/D&C: 7/29/2016
    BFP#3: 10/14/2016 (fingers crossed for a sticky bean)
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  • adiratadirat member
    @dani4est Please don't be embarrassed. Acknowledging that you want help as you navigate these truly difficult circumstances is a sign of your strength. Many people keep things like therapy and psychiatric help to themselves because of the stigma associated with them, but that stigma is completely artificial. I hope you find the process helpful. For me, finding the right person (I see a psychologist with a PhD in clinical psychology who specializes in infertility, loss and chronic illness) has made a big difference in how I think about my IF and loss, and how to reduce the anxiety that I feel about trying to conceive again. 

  • During my first loss I was already in therapy and I think she helped a bit. But, after my second, I actually began seeking out hypnotherapy. It helped tremendously. She helped me reshape my way of thinking and while I'm pregnant again and terrified, I have a different mindset about everything. That has made a huge difference in how I interact with my babies and how I get through my day. I would definitely suggest something. It's just nice to have someone to listen sometimes.
    Me: 31 PCOS + Homozygous A1298C MTHFR DH: 32 A-OK!
    December 2015-IVF 24 eggs retrieved, 16 mature, 14 fertilized with ICSI, 9 frozen blastocysts
    January 2016-FET #1-BFP!
    February 2016-MC @ 7w3d
    April 2016-Hysterscopy and D&C
    May 2016-September 2016-Prepare to move to Qatar and TTC is on hold
    October 2016-Natural BFP & MC @ 6w
    December 2016-Natural CP
    April 2017-FET #2-BFP-It's TWINS!
    Follow our journey
  • I was in therapy before my losses but decided to switch to seeing someone who specializes in miscarriage and infertility. It's been great, especially as I was seeing her even more regularly when the losses were fresher and I was undergoing testing to investigate the cause. Don't feel embarrassed about asking for help--mental health is extremely important. If you want to PM me, I'd be happy to tell you a little about what my therapist has told me that's helped me to manage anxiety in the first half of my pregnancy. I'm 20w today and feeling pretty great both physically and mentally.
  • I have a special therapist that deals with reproductive issues and she is great. If you can find that level of specialization, it's a amazing.
    *****Losses Mentioned*****BFP MENTIONED*****ALL WELCOME******ALL ABOARD!!

    Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
    Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
    Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.

    DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!

    Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!

  • midway_mousemidway_mouse member
    edited May 2017
    Therapy had been so helpful for me. My husband also participates in sessions and our relationship has only strengthened as a result. One thing that really helped was EMDR. It's a type of treatment to process events that have been traumatic, which is defined generally and is not necessarily what we might think. A lot of people think it's only for people with PTSD or veterans exposed to war, but can be helpful to so many more people. I used EMDR to process ultrasounds (discovering the loss) and delivering a stillborn. Anyway, I have found that I can look back at various situations without I feelings of intense guilt and grief. Emotions are still there, just not as heightened.
    I hope you find the care and relief that you are looking for. 

    edited because grammer is hard today.
  • I have and I haven't - I work in mental health (was a therapist, now in administration/clinical supervision), so I forced myself to do a lot of the therapy techniques that I would recommend to a client.  I also have a lot of therapist-y friends, including two that are pgal mama's.  And although you're not supposed therapize your family and friends, we can't totally turn off those parts of our brains when we are just talking to and being supportive to those we love.  We just have to trust ourselves to push them to get official help when they are relying on us too much or we are straying too far into our therapist personas.  Without that support system, I absolutely would have found a therapist to help me through this, and I still consider it, regardless. 

    Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of.  Also, therapists aren't a "stronger mind."  We just have skills we have been taught that can help you to see a situation from a different perspective.  No more so than a surgeon is a genius -- they're just someone who was dedicated enough to make it through med school to learn techniques to fix a leaky heart valve, or whatever.

    Being a pgal mama is hard.  Whether it's finding the strength to try again, minimizing the anxiety spiral before each appointment, or trying to create a birthplan that doesn't center on "what-if's" (my current dilemma).  It takes a village to raise a child - from conception - our villages sometimes need a therapist.

    Side note - I strongly recommend that you find a therapist who has experience in pregnancy/child-loss and pgal.  To some degree therapists can be generalists, but having one that specializes will get you where you need to be quicker and more smoothly.  And if you don't click with the first therapist you find (give it ~3 sessions), move on and don't feel bad about it.  If you're not in a major metro area, there might not be someone who specializes.  I would then look for someone who specializes in trauma and grief.
  • ***lurking***
     I found therapy to be so helpful for me. I would encourage anyone to try it and if the 1st counselor you meet isn't a good fit I'd encourage trying a different one.  

    ***TW***I had a MC at 8 weeks and my son was stillborn at 39 weeks (day of delivery/ when my labor started) from a cord accident. ***end TW***

    I had started seeing a grief counselor after loosing my son and continued throughout the pregnancy of my daughter and after her arrival (11 months after my son). 
  • @dani4est Since I was 15 y/o, I have been to 3 different therapists and all were beneficial. There is never any reason to feel weird or embarrassed about going to talk to someone. If you do feel uncomfortable telling people that you're seeing a therapist, just don't tell anyone. No one really has to know. It is nice to be able to talk to someone that has an outside opinion on your thoughts, worries, and personal situation. I am going to be seeing a therapist starting on the 21st to help me with my anxieties.


    My first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks in April 2016 and it affected me big time. DH and I were so excited to be parents, as were our families. Unfortunately, I had to deal with a lot of questions about being pregnant, long after miscarrying, because my MIL told practically ever friend and family member that she knows about me being pregnant, even though we asked her not to until after the 13 weeks mark.  

    I was seriously depressed for a long time and frustrated that I couldn't get pregnant afterward. I feel like it will benefit me to see someone about this pregnancy so I can be physically AND emotionally healthy. If you can find someone who specializes in pregnancy loss, that will also be very helpful. As others have said, if the therapist you see the first time isn't a good fit, try someone else. There is no shame in that. 
    Me: 28 DH: 29
    Married: 4-25-2014
    TTC: March 2015
    BFP: 2-18-16
    Confirmed MMC: 3-31-16
    D&C: 4-2-16
    TTCAL: May 2016
    IUI: 5/13/17-Femara and Trigger, POAS 5/27/17 BFP 5/27/17

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @dani4est definitely don't feel embarrassed! You're taking steps to improve your mental health, and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Try thinking of it in terms of physical health: would you be embarrassed to go into urgent care for the flu? Mental health is just as important. Off my soapbox now!

    When my husband and I were experiencing our losses, I found a therapist that would see us both. Eventually, I began seeing her myself, and she saw us through so much: my D&C, the fear and anxiety around getting pregnant with our first baby, my pregnancy with her, being estranged from my mother, and the early years of parenting. I stopped seeing her because while she was amazing and changed my life and helped usher me to a new way of processing trauma, I feel I moved on to a different stage in life that perhaps isn't the right fit for her skill set.

    I would really recommend doing your research into types of therapy and the practitioners in your area. What works for some people isn't the right fit for others. It can be frustrating and time-consuming, but sometimes it's a matter of trial and error, seeing different therapists to find one who works best for you. 

    I wish you all the best and hope you find someone who helps you work through everything to bring you to healthy head space!  :)
    TTC #1 since 6/2011 ~ BFP #1: 8/19/2011; C/P 8/27/2011 ~ BFP #2: 9/28/2011; Blighted Ovum DX 10/19/2011; D&C 11/2/2011 ~ (DX 1/2012 w/ hetero MTHFR) ~ BFP #3: 5/3/2012 (RX BA & Progesterone supplements) EDD 1/11/2013 PLEASE be our rainbow baby ~ Ultrasound @ 7 weeks 5/25: We have a heartbeat! :)BabyFetus Ticker image
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