Pregnant after a Loss

shy daddy to be

My husband & I miscarried at 7 weeks back in January & now have the blessing of being pregnant again. We are Extatic & I for one can't Wait to share our special news with the close friends who offered me so much support these last few months. My husband is scared to tell Anybody & wants to keep it quiet for the entire first trimester. I know that is the conventional wisdom... but I can't help wanting to share our joy with the loved ones who kept me sane while I was drownding in grief. 
I could use the advice of anyone else who has been in a similar situation. I absolutely want to respect his fears but at the same time I firmly believe in feeding Hope with the love & posativity of the people around you. 
Help!
And thank you.

Re: shy daddy to be

  • Hi there and congrats. :) I can feel how happy you must be but I had the same fears that your DH and even the 'congrats' from people made be cringe and have anxiety. Last year we had 2 MMCs. Now we're expecting again. I wanted to shout the news to the world but I held back for the first tri because I was petrified to share the news then to have the devastation of yet another MC. Luckily DH just wanted to make me happy and went along w it. Eventually I started to share with family then friends then colleagues. Now the cat's out of the bag! I'm about 17 weeks along and praying that each day is a good day in this pregnancy. I truly wish the same for you :) take care. Listen to your DH. He took the MC hard I can tell. Maybe he needs time to realize this is really happening. 
    Me: 30 DH: 32
    BFP#1: 9/9/2014 DS born 4/7/15
    BFP#2: 6/16/2016 MC/D&C: 7/29/2016
    BFP#3: 10/14/2016 (fingers crossed for a sticky bean)
  • After our loss, we didn't share about our next pregnancy with anyone but family before 13 weeks. And we didn't tell siblings until 12 weeks and parents around 10. The fears are well founded. I do agree that having support is nice, but I think you'll both have to be on the same page. Maybe groups like this one might be where you can talk about it and be excited and wait to share with others later? Either way congrats and hope your pregnancy goes well! 
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  • I didn't tell everybody, but I couldn't keep the secret (and this was with 3 losses). I needed people's comfort, support, and for us to understand each other as friends. Conventional MC wisdom is to not tell people that you wouldn't feel comfortable telling you had a MC to. But for me, I told (a lot) of select friends and I'm not sorry I did. Husband chose to only tell his mom and a guy at work who's wife had been through similar stuff. Do what feels right to you. I agree that it's not fair that you can't spread your joy bc of a previous loss. But you don't have to live that way, if you choose.
    *****Losses Mentioned*****BFP MENTIONED*****ALL WELCOME******ALL ABOARD!!

    Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
    Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
    Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.

    DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!

    Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!




    BabyGaga
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