Me and SO had a bit of a debate about this. HE really wants to have a full blown shower because it's his first child. I explained about how baby showers are supposed to welcome new moms to motherhood, etc etc. And he basically said that's a bunch of crap because he wants to welcomed into fatherhood and have all of those experiences too because he's never had them before. DD is also almost 9 and we are having a son. I think he feels it is ungrateful for me to shrug off a shower if his family wants to have one because he's the last of his siblings to have any children.
Our compromise was the cookout. :P
I think that's a tad crazy of your SO. No one is throwing baby showers for the dads. If your SO's friends want to throw him a shower into fatherhood then they can. Also, I would take offense to the fact that you have a 9 year old. Is he not a father figure to your child? he needs diapers and a party to be a father? Sorry, maybe I'm reading way into this, but this sounds immature.
This statement bothers me slightly in that I feel like it implies that step-parents who are already "mother/father figures" to their SO's kids shouldn't be thrown a shower. I am a step-mom of 3 kids that we get half of the time. But because of that I shouldn't be thrown a shower? On the flip side, if I still should be thrown a shower, why? Because I am a woman and am the one carrying the baby?
On the actual topic of second showers. If I were to have a second child I wouldn't want a second shower. However, DH's family doesn't exactly follow etiquette rules, and have thrown showers for 2 others for their second child. The first one, the individual didn't want a shower but didn't want to upset her MIL so she only invited members of that side of the family (or basically let her MIL invite them). The second one, took it all in and had a shower with about 100 people. I thought it was a little much.
My work always has sprinkles/diaper parties for STMs. But, we just really seem to like the excuse for a lunch/party. Gifts are always optional. I'm not offended by parties for STMs, but I do agree that a large shower is tacky and asking for gifts. Don't advertise a registry on the invite and make it clear that it's just a party. I don't think it's tacky to have a registry or to pass it on to anyone who specifically asks for it.
May be a tad tacky; however, I wouldn't judge anyone for having one (even though I wouldn't want one for my second baby). I'd go, take a gift, and make a fun afternoon of it. Most guests just care about the food anyway!
Re: Second baby shower.
On the actual topic of second showers. If I were to have a second child I wouldn't want a second shower. However, DH's family doesn't exactly follow etiquette rules, and have thrown showers for 2 others for their second child. The first one, the individual didn't want a shower but didn't want to upset her MIL so she only invited members of that side of the family (or basically let her MIL invite them). The second one, took it all in and had a shower with about 100 people. I thought it was a little much.
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Me 34 DH 34
PCOS
Baby number 2 due 4/11/20