4yr old step son behavior problems

mrsguzman1002

OK so I have a 4 year old step son (and two step daughters) who I've had since he was 2 do he's really mine and calls me mommy but I still missed quite a bit potty training him was super easy he was 3 and we just stopped using diapers and just asked him every couple of hours to go pee he had a few night accidents but not that bad. Now he's 4 and my son will be 1 next month and I'm pregnant with my next. And lately he's just been a real pain in the ass. Not listening or doing what he's told, Hitting his little brother and big sisters hitting random kids at the dentist and now having "accidents" he just randomly pees himself and then just ignores it until someone notices that his pants are wet. Tonight he literally emptied his bladder at the dinner table and when he was done said oh I have to potty and when he came back I noticed his pants were soaked. Altogether we have 4 kids and one on the way. I have high risk pregnancies and being pregnant is really hard for me and totally sucks and I have a 1year old to take care of so I'm sure he's doing it for attention but I don't know how to give him any more attention. I take him to the park once a week for a mommy and me group but during the day he plays in his room and I'm either taking care of his brother, sick in bed, cooking and cleaning or all three. I love all my kids and wouldn't have it any other way but I don't know what to do. I don't spank them since they aren't technically mine but time out and no juice and no iPad isn't working anymore !!! HELP ! 

cmar1006

Sorry you're experiencing this. I have no advice. This question might be better suited for a parenting message board, though. 

Good luck. 

wyomama0427

Absolutely no idea, mine is only 15 months right now so I've got no advice either. 

mrsguzman1002

I posted on the blended family and on toddlers over 2 just want to see what anyone says really  

lap018

It does sound like he is needing attention. I get that pregnancy is hard and stressful on its own and when you've got kids already it just is even more so. But it's probably hard for him too and he probably feels like he's being looked over/left out/ or is going to be forgotten about. I'm not sure what to tell you on how to give him more attention or even what type of attention he is looking for but just remember he is only 4 and there are a lot of changes going on for him too. Chin up momma, parenting is hard

eta; you said yourself that only once per week is there special time set aside for him and the rest of the time he plays in his own room while you care for everyone else and the house and he knows that another baby is coming and he again probably just feels overwhelmed and that he needs to act out to gain some notice/attention. A lot of kids do this when a baby is on the way (start acting like a baby again themselves) 

mamasheridan

One of my little guys has been acting out too. He is 5 and is pretty anxious about another new sibling. A couple nights a week I let him stay up with me just 10-15 mins longer than the other kids. I hold him, tickle him, sing songs together...just something to let him know he still means the world to me too it seems to be helping. 

k8ywags

I'm a FTM so no experience with parenting, but I do work in foster care and have done a lot of training/study into child's behavior/psychology and work with some pretty tough kids and their carers.  

I would say that he probably has a lot of anxiety/uncertainty about how things will be different when the new bub comes and about things already being different due to how hard your pregnancy is. On top of that, 4 is a difficult age anyway as they are starting to feel stronger emotions but still don't have great emotion regulation skills to deal with them (the dreaded threenager and beyond). You already commented about how punishment isn't working so I would suggest that punishing further won't have any additional effect. I agree with the other girls that some extra attention will probably help. This doesn't have to be a big deal, but something simple like extra cuddles/reassurance/kisses/telling him you love him and always will, as often as you can will probably be more effective than bigger gestures less often. Another thing to try maybe sticker charts or rewards for the times when he does behave well to encourage the small positive behaviours. 

Good luck mumma! 

mrs_tacos

I like everything others have said- a little extra love can go a long way! Just wanted to add that wetting his pants without seeming to realize it could also be a medical issue separate from his hitting. I think it's at least worth getting him evaluated by a doctor.

mrsguzman1002

Thank you all I think I can do a little extra cuddling at night hopefully that will work and yes I thought maybe he might have an infection but hubby doesn't seem to think so but if he has another accident I'll take him in thank you ladies so much

GracefulStar

Have you asked him? Sometimes my 3.5 year old will open up. When he hits does he get a reaction out of you? As others said he probably wants attention, even if you're laying in bed maybe he can rest by you and cuddle or look at a book? The group at the park is nice but is it you and him time? Or more like him and other kids? He probably just needs more you time and feels things are changing. Does he go to school or has any other big event happened to him? Good luck! It's hard to give them attention when they act impossible but just start with a little hug, see how it goes.

jessieR358

I agree with other posters that this sounds like a behavior issue over the upcoming changes in the house. I think providing more one on one time and more positive discipline may help-- charts, stickers, praises. I also wouldn't make a huge deal out of hitting the siblings. A calm, we don't hit Sally, if you do that again we will leave the park, etc and then follow through. He may be liking the attention he's getting when a big deal is made over him hitting. 
Wifh the pee issue--you may want to go back to setting a timer and asking him every 1 or 2 hours or however long he used to go without accidents if he needs to pee. I agree that if this is out of the blue he needs a medical evaluation, or at least call and let his peditarician know. 
Does he split time between you and biological moms house? Any issues at preschool if he's enrolled? 
I like the book No Drama Discipline for dealing with tantrums, outbursts. Now I have a 21 month old so I have no experience with a 4 year old, but I hope some of this helps.