UO Thursday 4.20

CurlyMommy416

Distract me from packing ladies- let's hear those unpopular opinions!

Elyse1384

I think that when used exclusively, electronic conveniences such as evites, social media well wishes (eg "Happy Birthday") or social media announcements are lazy.  Maybe I'm just old school at heart, but I prefer handwritten notes, mailed invites and verbal communication for well wishes.  I mail invitations (baptism, birthday, etc), call friends and family on their bdays and write/mail personalized notes (thank yous, special occasions).  Just feels more thoughtful and personal to me.  Sure, sending an evite or posting a note on social media would be easy, but I prefer a more intimate connection with family and friends.  Note:  I will admit that I do the give well wishes to what I call "FB friends" (aka acquaintances)

HgPa

We're not doing godparents for the baby.

I don't think it makes sense unless it's a big
prt of your faith tradition. We will have legal documents that detail who should care for J if something happens to us.

I feel like if we pick siblings, other siblings will be hurt that they weren't picked. If we pick friends of the family, we could move away and lose touch. I don't remember ever meeting my godmother. It seems too hard and I don't see any real benefits.

CapricaAndrea

HgPa said:

We're not doing godparents for the baby.

I don't think it makes sense unless it's a big
prt of your faith tradition. We will have legal documents that detail who should care for J if something happens to us.

I feel like if we pick siblings, other siblings will be hurt that they weren't picked. If we pick friends of the family, we could move away and lose touch. I don't remember ever meeting my godmother. It seems too hard and I don't see any real benefits.

I fee the same way as you, but DH insists that godparents = guardians if something happens to both of us. We've discussed things like whether or not the person already has kids, if it would be a financial burden, etc and have decided to ask my one sister first, and if she's hesitant about looking after a kid (she hasn't decided yet whether she wants any) then we have a close friend who has an 8 month old and would lose her mind with happiness if we asked her because she's always wanted like 7 kids. 
I definitly think if we went with a friend as a guardian though, my mom would have a fit, even though she wouldn't be physically or financially able to look after a kid. Just the fact that it's not someone who's is family would bother her, so I probably just wouldn't even tell her if that's the case. 

LAMCH1980

I don't completely understand ticker change check-ins. Having a day of the week that we are due in common doesn't feel like enough. Most won't even deliver on that day. I like ones with common ground like high-risk, FTM or GD, but I just don't even know what we have to talk about in the day of the week you are due threads. 

Stankonia2014

LAMCH1980 said:

I don't completely understand ticker change check-ins. Having a day of the week that we are due in common doesn't feel like enough. Most won't even deliver on that day. I like ones with common ground like high-risk, FTM or GD, but I just don't even know what we have to talk about in the day of the week you are due threads. 

I agree. Luckily, I fall on Friday and most times us Friday Ticker Changers never get our shit together to even start the thread. It just feels like another wasted thread.

n0soup4u

LAMCH1980 said:

I don't completely understand ticker change check-ins. Having a day of the week that we are due in common doesn't feel like enough. Most won't even deliver on that day. I like ones with common ground like high-risk, FTM or GD, but I just don't even know what we have to talk about in the day of the week you are due threads. 

Ditto. I think more would contribute if we have a general appointment thread and people can come and go as they please. 

ellie111227

I agree about ticker changes. I don't really participate in mine, usually because I forget, but sometimes because I open it and then feel like I have nothing interesting to say. It's ask the same stuff we talk about in other threads. 

We also don't have godparents, even though we are in a religious tradition where lots of people do. We have a primary and a backup guardian for our kids in our will though (my parents and then my older brother). Question for those who have godparents  filling that role: do all your kid have the same godparents, then? I wouldn't want my kids split up between different households, but I have gotten the sense that usually each kid had their own godparent. Also, do you still have a legal document starting your wishes, or do you just tell you family that you want the godparent to be gaurdian and assume they would respect that? I'm just curious how it works.

mombod

Our son was baptized in the Catholic Church. They require the godparents to also be Catholic while only one of them needs to currently be an enrolled Church member. My sons godparents are my SIL (active member) and my brother (non-practicing but was baptized). For us godparents are special people in their lives that we consider role models and examples of living values we want them to follow. My brother and his wife would be his guardian. With this baby we are unsure if we will baptize as we are "Church shopping" and will likely leave the Catholic Church for something that fits our values better (and has less restrictive rules). The guardian will be my brother but if we do choose godparents this baby will have her own. Our family knows our wishes but we will formalize in a will.

berg

@ellie111227 I don't have any kids yet and we also don't plan to do Godparents with our kids.  But I am a Godmother, so I feel like I can at least answer as to how it works in my case.  My family is Catholic and each child has a different Godmother and Godfather.  The purpose of a Godparent (or at least the vows I took during the Baptisms) is to guide and assist the child through their religious journey, not necessarily to be their guardian if something should happen.  I am Godmother to both of my nieces (sister and bro each have one girl).  My sister's son has my brother and SIL as his Godparents.  However if something were to happen with my sister and BIL, DH and I would get both kids.  They have their will to substantiate that.  Regardless of Godparents, I would think you would need a legal document specifying your wishes if something tragic were to happen.  But I'm not up on how that all works.  

JessyKV

I agree that paper invites and wishes are more personal and formal but I don't mind a Facebook or email for certain things.  I still do mailed invites for my kids birthdays but for my MIL's surprise party we called or texted everyone.  

We don't do godparents . We decided that my DH's brother and his wife would be the guardians if anything happened.  His parents would definitely help a ton.  They are both teachers so financially we would also make sure they have enough to take on our 3 kiddos too.  We have life insurance but really need to do our Will!! 

I think I mentioned in another thread that I've never got into ticker changes either.  I'd much rather do a weekly apt thread but it can also fall in randoms.  But I think from 36 weeks on a weekly apt thread would be good! 

JessyKV

Here's my UO.  I think a young toddler in diapers is easier than a potty trained toddler.  I'm talked under 3 years old.  I had every intention of potty training my DS after he turned 2 and out of my own convenience have drug my feet.  It's just easier to have him safely in a diaper when we are out and about which is almost everyday.  But now I've realized he's almost 2.5 and this baby is coming in under 7 weeks and I haven't potty trained him.  I'll totally be that mom that doesn't potty train until almost 3.  I do feel slightly bad.  But now I'm afraid if I do potty train now he will regress when the baby comes and I'd rather just change 2 diapers then deal with that.  

But really, in the grand scheme of life does it really matter if your kid was potty trained at 2 or 3 as long as they are potty trained by pre k?? Or does this make me a bad mom?? 

Elyse1384

@JessyKV I'm telling you my potty trained 3 year old is the source of constant worry.  I feel a need to carry around an outfit change just like I did when he was a newborn with bad reflux.  "Oh crap... we've been in the car a long time.  Does he need a potty stop?" or "Damn he won't stop playing for a potty break, but I see him doing 'the dance'".  Just another layer of stress.  I secretly preferred him in diapers since I didn't have to worry about accidents. I tried to push it at 2 since he showed interest, but then he freaked so I backed off.  A month or two before he turned 3 he asked to wear big boy underwear and just started using the potty.  I thought it was great... at first.  He doesn't have accidents often, but when he does it's just one more thing to deal with.

alm52386

We are also not doing godparents. DH has godparents, I do not. We decided to have my parents take our kids if anything happened to us and when they are too old we will change it to one of my brothers. My one brother is married but they might not even ever have kids so we didn't want to pick them. And they wouldn't want to be picked honestly. My other brother and his gf are still in college but when they are older they will most likely be the guardians.

Stankonia2014

@JessyKV, I won't even attempt to PT DD3 until age 3. With my other two I started at 2/2.5 and they got it for awhile, but regressed majorly. I took a break and started closer to 3 and they did wonderful with zero regressions. 

I'm not even going to stress over PTing until age 3, specifically because I'll be on maternity leave and because I'm more focused on getting DD3 out of my bed first. One major life change at a time.

awoodruff27

@JessyKV neither of my kids were potty trained before 3. My oldest literally woke up one morning and decided she was ready. She asked for undies, peed in the potty and that was that. We haven't fought my 2.5 year old because I'm kinda hoping she will be the same haha. 

JAGinMI

@JessyKV I say don't give it another second of worry. I think stressing about potty training is such a waste of mind-space. Do it when it feels right and don't worry about what everyone else is doing or saying is the right time. Who cares? It's your money you have to spend on it, and it is so right that in the grand scheme of things there is no difference between it happening at 2 or 3. 

JessyKV

Wow I'm so glad so many of you didn't have success until closer to 3! 

My oldest was the same way.  I tried at 2.5 and she wasn't having anything to do with it so I waited until right before 3 and she pretty much did it herself . She struggled with poop for a while but never really had accidents.  It was a very stressful time for me though.  

I Have a friend that potty trained her DS before 2 and it took 3 days and he never had issues.  She's already starting to let her second son start practicing and he's 16 months.  I try to remind myself that every kid is different and it doesn't really matter but it makes me feel a little bit like a bad mom.  But the truth is I really just don't want to deal with potty training! It's not one of my favorite parts of parenthood.  Give me all the diapers! 

JessyKV

JAGinMI said:

@JessyKV I say don't give it another second of worry. I think stressing about potty training is such a waste of mind-space. Do it when it feels right and don't worry about what everyone else is doing or saying is the right time. Who cares? It's your money you have to spend on it, and it is so right that in the grand scheme of things there is no difference between it happening at 2 or 3. 

Thank you! I think this is what I needed to hear.  Not sure why I feel so guilty.  Like I'm failing my son for not teaching him early?

lovesclimbing

I never participate in ticker changes. I have yet to see one for every day of the week. I just see random ones thrown up occasionally. And because I'm probably a little more of an internet safety freak than most, I don't even have a ticker and haven't posted my actual due date on here. 

Which reminds me me of an UO of mine. I HATE siggies. I have the box checked on these forums to hide all signatures and haven't seen a single one on here and haven't seen a single one on any XO group forums in literally years, so just to be clear, I'm not calling anyone out. If people have just a ticker or a short quote or something, ok, fine, not bad. But the reason I hid sigs originally over on TK is people would put gifs in their signatures. Some people would put huge photos or multiple photos. I saw signatures in the past that would take up an entire screen scrolling past on mobile! And then it'd be flashing and moving sometimes, which is distracting and annoying between almost every post. And sometimes it'd be weird gifs that I just don't prefer to see almost every time I click a thread. So annoying. And then it made the whole post jump around. I click on a thread and it automatically jumps me to the most recent post I haven't read. But then all those photos and gifs start loading and it makes the page keep jumping back toward the top and I lose my spot. 

I wish XO group put a limit on signatures. I've been on forums in the past where signatures are limited to one image no larger than x by y pixels. I'm a big fan of that. 

JAGinMI

I'm not exaggerating when I say that I wish we still lived in the times of the firing squad when I see articles like this:

https://www.yahoo.com/news/father-accused-streaming-rape-2-160747955.html 

This is the second time I have read a story about the abuse of a young child by a completely sick and psycho adult this week. I generally try to avoid these stories because they make me physically ill and I just want to go to my bed and cry all night over the injustice of the fact that there are children all over the world dealing with stuff like this all the time. I want the people who commit these crimes to just be gone. I don't want my tax dollars to pay for their public defense or for them to live in a prison. I don't believe they deserve any chances after doing something like this. It makes me so mad when people are against capital punishment across the board because there is literally no part of me that thinks children abusers should get to continue living (this is the heart of why I have this in the UO thread - I know that capital punishment can be a divisive topic). I also think that a required punishment of child abusers should be sterilization.

ETA: I said "corporal punishment". Major baby brain in effect!

mrt

@JessyKV I agree with other people - it is easier if they are a bit older, so no rush. My first we trained just after two (because he asked) but he definitely had his fair share of accidents. My second we just trained 2 months ago and he'll be 3 this weekend. It was so easy, she I don't really worry about him, although he has had a couple of accidents, he's pretty reliable.

Kylieslip24

Agree on handwritten thank you notes and invites. I also love mailed birth announcements. I've only ever received one out of countless of babies of friends and families. I sent about 20 out for dd, just the most important people and I will do it again this time. I have one of hers framed in her room even and I still love it. I'm a traditionalist I guess. 

We we don't do god parents either. For guardians we picked bil and his wife. He is also dh boss and probably best friend. They are a lot alike so I feel like he would give our kids a taste of their dad. Sil is an awesome mom who happens to be nothing like me but loves my dd as her own so I have no worries. Their boys are great kids and although they are undecided I'm pretty sure if something happens we would get custody of them too. Dd thinks of them as her brothers so it would be a good fit and dhs parents would help a ton. 

I dont do the tickers either. I've never seen a Sunday one and I think my date was switched a few spots ago anyway so I don't even know my date anymore. 

And you are are definitely correct that potty training late is easier than early. Omg I speak from experience. Lol.  Dd was 9 mos old when she started telling me she had to go potty. 9 MONTHS!! not just poop either, pee and she would hold it until we got to a potty. I and everyone around me thought this was so cool and amazing. Genius child!! Lol NO so I kept her in her cloth dipes until 11 mos old to make sure it wasn't a fluke and then bought her some character undies and training underwear. But guess what? Accidents didn't stop until 2 years old! Over a year of accidents! She wanted to be ready and she kind of was. But she couldn't climb on the toilet without help. She was easily distracted and would then have an accident. And then it happened so much that she didn't care that she had pee in her pants so she wouldn't even tell me. At 2 she started waking up in the morning dry and her accidents really stopped. So I think that is when they are really ready. What's weird is she not once ever had an accident while napping and she would sleep like 4 hrs sometimes. Next time I will still listen to his signs, but I sure hope they happen around 2 1/2 to 3 because those kids seem to get it in a weekend. 

huskermom14

@JessyKV, I'm right there with you! DS will be 3 in July and if he asks to sit on the potty I'll gladly let him, but I haven't been pushing it at all. He just recently started showing interest anyway. So many people warn you about toddler regressions when you add a new baby that I wasn't going to waste my time PTing him just to have him regress. And we do cloth so it's not like I'm buying diapers either. He does a pretty good job going at daycare according to his teachers, so I figured if he continues to do well I'll maybe buckle down towards the end of maternity leave. But if that doesn't work out I'm not going to be upset about it either. 

Wino0920

I don't agree with Thank you notes. If I have an event, and thank you in person, why do I have to write a note as well. 

Now if I get something in the mail, I will most likely call you and thank you, but if I don't, then a thank you note is ok. 

This UO is especially true for me and funerals. I never knew families had to write thank you notes for coming to a funeral. Like that's what the family should worry about??? I learned at my dad's funeral, and protested doing it. Friends and family came over to help my mom and I took no part in it. I sat there and drank my wine and pouted! Not ashamed. 

i also do not sign books at funerals now so I don't get one from the family. It's nonsense. 

ladylolly89

I don't send birth announcements or Christmas cards. I don't feel obligated to take the time to make/send something just so grandma can have a cute picture on her refrigerator. Everyone else is just going to toss it eventually anyway. 
I also only send/sent written thank yous for shower and wedding gifts. My brother and SIL who live out of state do not expect an actual note in the mail when we receive a gift from them. A text works just fine (and yay - no stamp required!). 

mrt

I have never heard of sending thank you notes for coming to a funeral. That's ridiculous. Is there anybody that actually expects that?

meilay

DH and I were going to do godparents until we talked about it and he said that 1. He wanted like three different, unrelated people to be godparents and 2. He didn't want us to actually use the term godparent. So like the people named would know but we wouldn't tell her or anyone else. It was bizarre and I said that's not how godparents work so we scrapped it. Our parents are fairly young so she would go to my mom if something happened and then his parents if that didn't work. 

teacher mom-2

Wino0920 said:

I don't agree with Thank you notes. If I have an event, and thank you in person, why do I have to write a note as well. 

Now if I get something in the mail, I will most likely call you and thank you, but if I don't, then a thank you note is ok. 

This UO is especially true for me and funerals. I never knew families had to write thank you notes for coming to a funeral. Like that's what the family should worry about??? I learned at my dad's funeral, and protested doing it. Friends and family came over to help my mom and I took no part in it. I sat there and drank my wine and pouted! Not ashamed. 

i also do not sign books at funerals now so I don't get one from the family. It's nonsense. 

I never heard of it for attending a funeral, but I know Italians put money in a Mass card at a funeral and we send thank you notes for that. DH thought I was nuts the first time I went to a funeral with him and asked how much money to put in the card. Italians tend to overdo everything though I now realize. Or at least Long Island ones. I made the mistake of asking him what he wanted for his engagement gift because everyone I grew up with (mostly Italian NYers) always buy the groom an engagement gift too. Living in PA now for 18 years, I realize no one else does this

CurlyMommy416

I've had thank you notes drilled into me from a young age, and am passing that down to my kids as well.  Birthdays?  Christmas?  If you send my kids a present, they're sending you a thank you.  I think it teaches them to be thankful for receiving gifts and to not expect them/take it for granted.  

BellaO21

Ticker Change: I could never remember what day of the week I was due so I always had to open all the tickers to participate... then it got annoying because I would be notified of all the new posts in the thread I wasn't actually a part of.

Thank yous: I only did them for more "formal" events. I.E bridal and baby shower. I seriously just got one in the mail from my moms friend thanking me for inviting her to my baby shower.  She also had it mailed out and delivered by the time I had sent out all of our thank yous. 

Here's my UO... and it sort of goes along with the Godparent theme: I don't want to baptize my daughter. I was raised Catholic, but I haven't been a "practicing" Catholic in over 6 years. Neither has DH... his son is 9 and isn't baptized, and my MIL won't shut up about how we need to get it done.
This means I would need to find a church that I like, and attend every week until they tell me I've been there long enough to become a member and have my kid baptized. This also means I would be making a promise to raise my child in a faith I don't even practice myself. Besides DH isn't off but 1 Sunday a month and that would mean that I would have to take both kids by myself weekly. 

Xath

Wino0920 said:

I don't agree with Thank you notes. If I have an event, and thank you in person, why do I have to write a note as well. 

Now if I get something in the mail, I will most likely call you and thank you, but if I don't, then a thank you note is ok. 

This UO is especially true for me and funerals. I never knew families had to write thank you notes for coming to a funeral. Like that's what the family should worry about??? I learned at my dad's funeral, and protested doing it. Friends and family came over to help my mom and I took no part in it. I sat there and drank my wine and pouted! Not ashamed. 

i also do not sign books at funerals now so I don't get one from the family. It's nonsense. 

***trigger warning**** loss

This was such a huge issue for me after DD1 passed away.  Every time I sat down to write funeral thank you notes, I'd lose it.  It added so much stress to a terrible time.  

I think it's becoming less common though.  I told my family how difficult it was and they said not to bother.  No one was going to be insulted if I didn't write them a note for that.  

EmeraldNC

I send a thank you note for everything Christmas/birthday/shower gifts, heck, even when parents donate or buy things for my classroom... I just like people to know I'm grateful for their thought/gesture... but it's my thing. I don't expect thank you notes. 

I tried to potty train DD3 so many times starting at age 2. I felt awful going into her 3rd birthday with little success in sight. I talked to her dr about it at her 3 year old well check and he told me she was developmentally appropriate on everything and he predicted she'd be potty trained in the next 6 months (but if he wasn't showing any signs to call him). I listened and backed off, and within 3 months she decided she was ready, we put her in big girl panties and she's had very few accidents. So, with this next kid.. I'm letting them lead on potty training. They will do it when they're ready.

erinh84

I have 2 UO's today: first, I think the unicorn frap from Starbucks looks and sounds absolutely disgusting.

Second, It really chaps my ass when non/rarely-contributing members on TB proceed to tell everyone they are just "way too busy" with their all too important life to contribute anything or follow the board guidelines, but they still expect you to answer their questions or reply to their AW thread. I'm pretty sure we're all pretty flippin' busy, but I still find time to contribute and support other members of our BMB. 

wife-and-mommy

I agree with @Wino0920 and all the other anti-thank you note for funeral people. It is totally a thing in Indiana (at least in my Catholic family). When my grandpa passed away, it took my extended family the entire afternoon and evening to write thank yous. It was really difficult to find addresses for everyone and I would be so overwhelmed if I ever had to do it with less people! 
I personally wouldn't care if I never got another thank you card for anything. I would be thrilled to never have to write another one. 

zseirecarg

I have never heard of thank you notes for funerals. Never have received one. 
I like to mail Christmas Cards and invites and have always sent hand-written thank you notes for gifts. 

DH and I are on the fence on god parents. I grew up Catholic, but don't practice now.

My UO? I hate group text messages. I hate getting put on one I can't get off and having to deal with not knowing everyone and the million responses. I hate them even more when it's an invite to a party or something. 

mrt

@BellaO21 I was raised Catholic, but did not baptize my kids. I think it probably upset my dad somewhat, but like you, it didn't make sense to me to pledge to raise them in a faith I don't practice. Also, my husband would not have had me taking them to church every week. He's an atheist. My sister joined a church just to baptize her daughter and doesn't go anymore, and the rest of us think it's a little strange.

allywat

Tuesday's ticker change is on point guys! I think it's fun it's kind of a gtky for a small group. It does seem like the other days are kinda random from what I've seen. 
Im so relieved to hear so many of you not starting potty training until 3, I was just starting to freak out like I should be gearing up for it for ds who is 18 months. 

ellie111227

I have never even heard of thank you notes for sending a funeral. That sounds terrible. I have always gotten them (and written them) for meals brought when someone is sick or has a new baby, and I think that is similarly burdensome. I loved getting a meal after dd was born from a friend who stuck a post it in the bag saying "Keep the containers and no thank you note, please!" I really appreciated that. I mean, I was super thankful to live in a community that basically provided all our meals the first month we were home, but keeping track of and returning people's dishes and writing them notes was a pain.

lovesclimbing

Thank you notes, I think they absolutely should be sent for gifts and such, and etiquette requires it. However, as far as I'm aware, there's no etiquette rule that requires thank you notes for simply attending an event. In fact, for weddings, it's considered rude to send thank you notes to people who attended but did not give a gift because it comes across as gift grabby. Yes, people should be thanked with a note if they went above and beyond by giving a gift or providing a meal or some other service, but not for just attending. 

awoodruff27

@erinh84 I completely agree with the unicorn frapp. For real I would not waste my calories on that.