Unwanted Belly Touches and How to Handle

msashley2010-2

Just curious to know how you ladies respond to the ever dreaded unwanted physical touch that comes with being pregnant. Any favorite phrases to use that work to get people to leave you alone? It's almost as if all rules about etiquette and not touching people without their permission are thrown out the window when pregnancy is involved. 

How do you respond to a complete stranger that feels entitled to touch you even though they do not know you? 

What about people you are acquainted with that you see frequently or even family members? 

heatherlynn321

Put your hand on their belly until they remove their hand from yours. It makes them realize how awkward they are.

Becky012016

A couple options: 
1. Touch them back where they touched you, show them how awkward their action was. 
2. Say, "Don't molest me." Unwanted touching is molestation. People get all sorts of awkward when you use the technical term for what they just did. 
3. Grab their hand and say, "No." 

DPandMB

I've heard lots of people doing what @heatherwilson321 said. I luckily never really had to deal with it too much. Mostly I have resting bitch face so people didn't touch it unless I knew them. The most awkward thing for me with DD was an old lady in Walmart asking if she could pray for me. She was pretty sweet though and I figured extra prayers can't hurt, so I let her. 

kelseyrayay

Tell them your not pregnant. 

wyomama0427

Honestly I never had anybody who I didn't know touch my belly, I never had anyone who didn't ask either. Except my sister who just came right up and grabbed my belly and yelled at poor DS lol. Strangers stared but never touched. Probably because I have SEVERE resting bitch face. I can be perfectly happy and look like I'm plotting a murder. And I was uncomfortable as I got bigger so I'm sure I looked very mean and unwelcoming. I honestly don't know how I'd handle a stranger touching my belly other than to ask what the fuck they're thinking? Sorry for the strong language but that's probably exactly what I'd say. Unless it was some sweet old lady in which I'd try to politely ask what the fuck she was thinking... lol.

wyomama0427

Becky012016 said:

A couple options: 
1. Touch them back where they touched you, show them how awkward their action was. 
2. Say, "Don't molest me." Unwanted touching is molestation. People get all sorts of awkward when you use the technical term for what they just did. 
3. Grab their hand and say, "No." 

I would probably do number 3 exactly the way I correct my toddler when he touches something he's not supposed to. Just to drive that point home a little harder lol. 

heatherlynn321

I think a man got arrested on harassment charges in Oregon or somewhere up north, for touching a pregnant woman's belly, but it's illegal in some states for a stranger to touch you without permission. 

msashley2010-2

Lots of good stuff here.  

I find it easy to ward off strangers. 

I personally don't want to be touched by anyone on the stomach unless it is SO or DD. (I don't really like being touched in general and I hate hugs unless it's from them lol.) 

DPandMB

Msashley2010 said:

Lots of good stuff here.  

I find it easy to ward off strangers. 

I personally don't want to be touched by anyone on the stomach unless it is SO or DD. (I don't really like being touched in general and I hate hugs unless it's from them lol.) 

I think telling family no would be harder. Maybe just be very vocal about not wanting to be touched by ANYONE. Maybe that would be like a preemptive strick. 

jessieR358

I don't mind family touching my belly when I'm farther along to feel kicks and stuff, but no one has even asked yet. We aren't touchy freely anyways. I don't mind close friends either. I never had a stranger feel my belly when I was pregnant with DS either. I have RBF as well haha. 
I did have complete strangers ask to touch my DS as a newborn and I would look at them and say No. That I was more protective about. 

lap018

@wyomama0427 I too have a very unapproachable face, no one ever touched my belly without asking first, I have never had problems with people asking me things/trying to make small talk/or trying to sell me something because I always look like such a snob, I swear I'm not I just cannot control the face!

jena333-2

heatherwilson321 said:

Put your hand on their belly until they remove their hand from yours. It makes them realize how awkward they are.

^^ This. I'm going to look them straight in the eye and give them the same facial expression they're giving me, while rubbing their belly. So they can see just how awkward and unwanted it is.

beccam1230

Hahaha some of these answers   

I didn't really have that happen many times, I also have pretty bad resting bitch face. The few times people tried, I just stepped back before they could touch me and they got the message.

JNR6510

Punch them in the face.

Lol. Just kidding... Sort of.

In all seriousness though I would slap their hand and sternly tell them no. Act like an animal devoid of manners, and you shall be reprimanded like one. I hate people touching me.

awildrose

The time I wish I could gif. Ugh. But these suggestions are great! I've only had one stranger try to touch my belly and I basically stepped back and did a Heisman arm. It was awkward. I had a student with special needs who loved touching my belly all the time, but that was different and I let her. Otherwise, my two best friends are the only ones who go for the belly, and I don't mind them. Lol

maddisonwallace

I really really hate to be touched and like my own personal space. I've found that strangers really aren't the problem, it's people that you know really well or people that you HAVE known and they come out of the wood works when they find out you're pregnant and act like you're bff's and touch all up on you. If I see someone reaching for me I usually just say "oh, I'm so sorry, I just really hate to be touched." 
i have had people literally reach around me from behind or go for it while I'm mid convo with someone and I grab them by the wrist and put their hand by their side and say no thank you... 

lilpoots

I like to remind people that there is a good chance they are touching my intestines instead of the baby. A woman at my mom's work was the major unexpected toucher, at 14 weeks! I told her she was going to have to put her hand embarrassingly low to feel the baby. Unfortunately there are the stealth touchers: random strangers who come up behind you or from the side where you can't see them and usually they are old ladies.

Mozzafiato2016

I have this problem but with extended family. I also get irritated when people bend over and talk to my stomach. I find it uncomfortable. When I voice how uncomfortable it makes me I was told to stop being so hormonal I was overreacting. I have also been advised it's not about me it's th baby... I've said something several times and my requests have gone completely ignored. 

DPandMB

Mozzafiato2016 said:

I have this problem but with extended family. I also get irritated when people bend over and talk to my stomach. I find it uncomfortable. When I voice how uncomfortable it makes me I was told to stop being so hormonal I was overreacting. I have also been advised it's not about me it's th baby... I've said something several times and my requests have gone completely ignored. 

I hte when people tell me to stop being hormonal or that I am acting a certain way because I'm pregnant. It so irritating and seems like a lame excuse. 

ColoradoHiker

It really depends on who it is.  I'm much more likely to not be cranky about it if someone asks first, though.  I love seeing close friends get excited about the baby, but if it is just some rando on the street it's a whole different story.  Also, when it's a close family member (my mother is super guilty of this) and they start getting excessively grabby, I tell them politely to back off.  If that doesn't work, I tell them not so politely.  I actually started backing up from my mom towards the end of my pregnancy with DS, bc she kept ignoring me.  She finally got it, although her feelings were hurt.  

mercury94

I hate when people touch me. SIL touched my belly yesterday and said, "Yay! You finally look pregnant." I'm pretty sure I glared at her. No one else tried it and she didn't try it again. It's possible DH told her to back off when I was out of ear shot. Basically, the only people I want to touch my belly are DH and medical professionals. 

mrsmarygs

No one has touched me yet except family and I don't really mind that. I'm planning on doing the belly rub back if someone does touch me, or just step back if I anticipate. I've already thought up some savage come backs for the, "OMG you're getting so big" lines. "OMG so are you!" is my favorite. Or a polite, "Thanks, you too" is my back up.

Swazzle

Only family has touched my belly so far and they've all asked me if it was ok first, except for my mom who knows I wouldn't mind at all. I honestly don't know what I'd do if a stranger touched me, I feel like fight or flight would kick in and it's a total toss up on which would win. 

wyomama0427

lap018 said:

@wyomama0427 I too have a very unapproachable face, no one ever touched my belly without asking first, I have never had problems with people asking me things/trying to make small talk/or trying to sell me something because I always look like such a snob, I swear I'm not I just cannot control the face!

People have always told me that I looked like a bitch at first! I swear tho this bitch face has saved me from many conversations with strangers and people I really didn't care to talk to. I've only had a handful of people try to sell me something in a mall or something. Usually people don't even try lol. It really is a blessing sometimes. I can't control my face either, and I'm almost positive that when I try to go from RBF to a polite smile it looks fake as hell. Oh well! 

Also @Mozzafiato2016 I would DEFINITELY keep speaking up until your requests are acknowledged and followed. This is only the beginning.... if you don't establish yourself now it's gonna be harder to do so later, I had to get firm with my family too, especially my grandma... which was hard but it needed to be done. But you'll want to make sure they listen to you because when the baby is born you don't want them to think they can walk all over you then too. You're the mama, you make the rules! 

lilpoots

DPandMB said:

Mozzafiato2016 said:

I have this problem but with extended family. I also get irritated when people bend over and talk to my stomach. I find it uncomfortable. When I voice how uncomfortable it makes me I was told to stop being so hormonal I was overreacting. I have also been advised it's not about me it's th baby... I've said something several times and my requests have gone completely ignored. 

I hte when people tell me to stop being hormonal or that I am acting a certain way because I'm pregnant. It so irritating and seems like a lame excuse. 

That's such a low blow and some serious bull shit on their part. They need to respect you and your personal boundaries. You are not a fucking baby vessel. You're a person, too! 

mercury94

Also, in Texas offensive touching is considered assault. It's a class C misdemeanor. I actually used to prosecute it. Mostly, you would see these cases when someone grabbed boobs or butts, but I did see a case or two where someone was charged with touching someone else after being told not to. I might bring this up to people who touch me without permission. 

maddisonwallace

mrsmarygs said:

No one has touched me yet except family and I don't really mind that. I'm planning on doing the belly rub back if someone does touch me, or just step back if I anticipate. I've already thought up some savage come backs for the, "OMG you're getting so big" lines. "OMG so are you!" is my favorite. Or a polite, "Thanks, you too" is my back up.

My granddad had the nerve to tell me I was gaining "too much weight" and that i was "getting a gut" on me.... I've NEVER been disrespectful to him in my LIFE and I blurted out "My GUT is a human. What's your excuse?" My husband's jaw was on the floor. 
He walked away and I felt terrible but also really amazing. My husband high fived me. Lol. 

DPandMB

bridge-and-wall said:

Also, in Texas offensive touching is considered assault. It's a class C misdemeanor. I actually used to prosecute it. Mostly, you would see these cases when someone grabbed boobs or butts, but I did see a case or two where someone was charged with touching someone else after being told not to. I might bring this up to people who touch me without permission. 

That would be amazing. Could you hand them your business card too.

wyomama0427

DPandMB said:

bridge-and-wall said:

Also, in Texas offensive touching is considered assault. It's a class C misdemeanor. I actually used to prosecute it. Mostly, you would see these cases when someone grabbed boobs or butts, but I did see a case or two where someone was charged with touching someone else after being told not to. I might bring this up to people who touch me without permission. 

That would be amazing. Could you hand them your business card too.

Yaasssssss

HollyGolightly09

So far no one has touched me but family, and I'm okay with that. I'm anticipating this to be a problem when I am "big pregnant", though, for two reasons: 

I live in the south where everyone is SUPER friendly. And, I apparently have the opposite of RBF... strangers love to randomly ask me to help them with things, tell me every thing about their life, ask me how my day is going... DH says I look "too friendly" lol. 

mrs_tacos

1: I dare someone to tell my I'm too hormonal. I will logically and calmly hand them their ass on a platter. People who try to use a woman's hormones to invalidate her feelings, words, or actions deserve a special little corner in purgatory.

2: @HollyGolightly09 I also have the opposite of RBF. DH calls it Resting Nice Face. Strangers approach me all the time, and I end up having the weirdest interactions because of it. The funny thing is, I am actually pretty sarcastic and direct the moment anything seems weird, the opposite of how many people with RBF are actually super nice. It's made being pregnant...interesting.

2: I have perfected the karate chop hands. You touch my belly without asking, and I will karate chop you in the wrist. (Similar to the Heisman move someone mentioned upthread.) I've done the belly touch thing with a few people- a few older women at the grocery store, and one acquaintance, but in general I don't like touching people I don't know, especially men. I just really hate crossing the touching threshold with men I don't know, even if they're older. So far belly touching has mostly been an issue with women, but I did tell a guy last week that touching a woman he doesn't know, even a pregnant one, comes across as pervy. It was an effective line, and I'll use it again if I need to.   

Souptin

Honestly, it didn't happen much to me last pregnancy- I mean people touched my belly but usually it was older lady coworkers or family/friends so it was kinda NBD. Usually I can tell when someone is going to reach out for a touch so I would just back away enough to not make a deal about it but still get the point across that you don't wish to be fondled.  More often than not I noticed people just noticing my belly- I got a lot of extra smiles and random conversations of "congrats, when are you due?"  I think the sight of a pregnant woman just makes people feel happy and comfortable approaching you because we  come off as  naturally "less threatening"

labby18

i have a severe resting bitch face, and i may actually be one when provoked. so i really feel bad for the individual who tries this with me. I'm a person who is very aware of my own personal space and does not like it to be intruded upon without warning (DH gets pure joy out of this). 

stephy_p

I am one of those people that doesn't like to be touched, and I have never, ever in my life felt the urge to touch a pregnant woman's belly. I can't understand wanting to touch a person's belly, so it especially creeps me out thinking people might do this to me. My SIL is the only one that has done it so far, and it didn't bother me too much, but I didn't like it. I am going to start practicing my RBF, lol!!

Regarding people telling you to not be so hormonal....1) Does anyone actually have a choice on how their hormones affect them? And 2) I honestly don't think I'm any more crazy than I was pre-pregnant, lol!

LynnBrown4

Wish I could love this 100x

ohheyitskristine

well...it finally happened!

usually, i'm totally ok with close friends and family and my dance family touching my belly. anyone outside of those parameters needs to keep their hands to themselves.

but JUST now the accounting lady at my job who already has no concept of personal space, creepily got next to me and started to caress my belly as i made (1/2 caff) coffee. i moved to the side and had to PHYSICALLY remove her hands...TWICE! i said "please don't touch me." and she was seriously butthurt and said "why????" 

like really????

i told her, "because it's rude to invade my personal space. i dont like being touched without being asked. please do not touch my belly." 

i have never been so mad. it seems irrational. but it just sparked some sort of outrage in me. 

MyNamesTaken

@ohheyitskristine TWICE? Wow that lady overstepped by a mile. I'd be livid! If she's hurt, too f'ing bad. Good for you for putting her in her place.

Only one person other than DH and DS has touched me and it was my aunt so I didn't care. I also suffer/am blessed with resting bitch face so maybe that helps!

wyomama0427

@ohheyitskristine um WHAT? You're saying after you took her hand off one time she put it BACK ON? Wtf?!?!? That's insane!!! 

ohheyitskristine

@MyNamesTaken @wyomama0427 yes! twice! i don't know if it's a cultural/language barrier or what. she seriously has NO concept of personal space. when she comes to my desk to show me something on the computer - NO JOKE - she puts her face soooo close to mine we could be cheek to cheek. the last time it happened, i kept slowing moving away...AND SHE WOULD MOVE WITH ME. 
she's older. so i dunno.

i swear if she does it again...i will lose it. also doesn't help that i dont like her. ::shrug::

wyomama0427

@ohheyitskristine language barrier or not, when someone has to physically remove your hand from their body, you shouldn't put it back... that's just crazy!